Ghost
by Bluenet13
Summary: NCIS is known to be a family, but when the past comes back for Deeks, and he decides to fight alone, will his team be able to save him, or will his old demons overtake him completely? *Now Complete*
1. Chapter 1: How Monsters are Born

_This idea has existed in my head for a long time, long before I even started to consider writing fanfiction. I decided to finally turn it into words but I've been going back and forth about actually posting it. I almost backed down again but I might have sorta promised myself on New Year's Eve that I would post it today, so here I am. I already have at least half of the story completed and as long as there's interest, I will keep updating regularly. *Spoiler alert: Everything up to the last aired episode is fair game and may pop up at some point. Disclaimer: Anything you recognize is not mine.*_

* * *

 **Chapter 1: How Monsters are Born**

The man had been waiting for this moment for the past years and finally all the pieces to the puzzle had come together. It had been a really long road, full of suffering, regret and hate; but over anything, it had been years in the making for his ultimate revenge plan.

The only thing he had desired since the day he had been sent to jail was at his hands at last and he was ready to enjoy every moment of it. His heart beat faster and he smiled to himself just thinking of what would happen in the upcoming days.

Some people had to pay, but not all people had to pay in the same way. He had researched and studied his target, understanding his weaknesses, and strengths, in order to develop the best possible strategy. One destined to succeed, because he hadn't waited so long just to fall so close to the end line.

-x-x-x-

The man reviewed the pictures he, along with his accomplices, had been collecting over the last few years. The majority of them showed the same team of 3 men and 1 woman during various aspects of their lives: In the field, at their houses, at restaurants, at random places … Everywhere.

He had noticed how the team had changed over the years just by looking at the pictures. And through those changes he had studied his target, noticing every aspect of his relationship with his team, determined not to allow any of them to mess up with his perfect plan.

People often tried to hide themselves, to wear a mask, and only show the world what they wanted them to see. But that mask disappeared when you didn't even know you were being watched. These agents all wore the perfect masks, but only when they knew something was at stake, or when they were surrounded by enemies. However, on the company of their teammates, on their homes and on the times they thought they were alone, they had revealed their true selves… the deepest desires of their souls, and the greatest fears of their hearts. And he was determined to use all that knowledge to his advantage, after all this was the perfect plan and it wasn't going to fail.

-x-x-x-

Today the man watched his target from a diner across the street. He was sitting at a picnic table eating tacos with his team; he felt save, and just the thought made his heart jump in excitement. When you knew danger was coming you had time to prepare, and the opportunity to plan a counterattack, but the man he had his sights on had no way of knowing what was coming, and that would only make his ultimate victory that much sweeter.

The following day he sent some of his disciples to follow the team during a chase. After all he had to make sure they knew their tactics. How they breached a building, the way the partnerships worked, their possible blind spots, and any other small detail that would continue to give them an advantage over this team of overqualified agents, and who were supposed to be better than the small team he had managed to build over the years. He had been lucky that today's chase had occurred in the middle of a busy street, giving his men ample coverage and the perfect setting to spy on the team, while remaining undetected. It was a small victory, but he gladly took it, because all those seemingly insignificant successes, would ultimately come together to win him the war…

A war that the unsuspecting law enforcement team wasn't even aware had already begun…

-x-x-x-

It had been a week since he had moved the plan to a more active setting. For years he silently waited on the background, accumulating information, gathering his forces and each day re-fulling his anger and hate for the man he now looked to destroy.

Now he was in the final days of the planning stage and his people were making the final preparations and getting ready to make their first move.

At first he thought he would need to fulfill his revenge alone, but during his research he had been ecstatic to learn that the man he so badly despised was also hated by a big group of equally violent men and whom gladly agreed to help. Ultimately they were just minions and his victim would be his alone, but for the time being, he still needed them. Later when the target was acquired he could dispose of them easily.

-x-x-x-

Over the years a lot of people had told him that he was taking this too far, and that the other man had been right in his actions. But, he knew all the truths and only he knew what that other man had cost him. He took everything from him, and now he would take everything back.

Ever since he was a young child he had enjoyed authority and the sensation of feeling supreme. He had grown up in a crime-filled area where only the strong survived, and he had learned at an early age that only through power and control one was destined for greatness. But, still even in the dark world that he had lived in, following the example of his family, he had managed to put a lid to his dark desires and carve his way to the top without ever compromising his morals or forfeiting his innocence. He took to books instead of guns, friends instead of enemies, a sport team instead of a gang and ultimately lightness instead of darkness. Through hard work he had been able to leave his past behind and start a new life in a better part of the city, he got a college education, a good job and eventually formed a family of his own. By that time, his parents had already died, but he took their example and treated his family with the upmost respect, working hard every day to give them every small thing his young self hadn't been able to enjoy.

But life had an amusing way of working and after years of hard work, and less years of enjoying the rewards of said hard work, everything started going downhill. The economy was bad, and he was laid off from his job, a while later his wife also lost hers. Costs of life kept getting higher and he was left feeling powerless again, something he hadn't felt since growing up in the slums. He first tried to stay positive, follow his family's example and keep looking for a job. But after many fails attempts the shadows of his past started to invade his thoughts, and at that time, he turned into the dark road he had avoided his whole life, but which maybe wasn't in his destiny to escape. He first started taking small odd jobs for people he knew in the old neighborhood, and then he started gambling, hoping for an easy way to make some money. Eventually one thing led to the other and he soon started spending most of his nights at the local bar, drinking his heartbreak away and blaming other people for his misfortunes. By that time his life had been completely turned upside down, and he sometimes didn't recognize the man staring back at him in the mirror.

Ever since he was a child the positive attitude of his family and the love they provided to him was able to keep his darkness at bay, and as an adult his wife and son did the same thing. But now he was losing all that, the shadows were stronger and he was failing in his battle to remain true to his previous self.

That road of destruction eventually led him to the situation that landed him in jail. He never regretted what he did because for that one moment in his life, he really felt like his true self. Not the man who followed his family example, the one that took walks in the park with his father or the one who accompanied his mother to the grocery store, not the one who was given a train set on Christmas or the one that used to go to bed in the middle of his parents' embrace. But, the one who was beat up by older kids, the one who got his only money stolen, the one who was attacked for not joining the local gang, the one that lost his job and that eventually also lost his family.

From that day on, he relinquished all the good instilled in him by his loving family and allowed himself to be fully taken by his darkness. Not one that was with him since birth, because from his family he only inherited love, hard work and respect; but one that got into him just by the mere act of living, one that was beat into him by the misfortunes of life and by the fists of those who were stronger than him.

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 _Thanks for reading and giving this a chance :)_


	2. Chapter 2: When the Walls Have Eyes

_Thanks to everyone who read, reviewed, favorited or followed the first chapter, it means more to me than my words could ever express. I apologize in advance this chapter, as the first one, is kinda short, but the next one is longer and already completed so I hope to post it soon._

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 **Chapter 2: When the Walls Have Eyes**

For the third time this week the NCIS man felt like he was being watched. And not for the first time he had the feeling that something big was about to happen. In life everything could be going great, until it was not. And you could be alive until your flesh was torn by a rain of bullets or your body ripped apart by the force of an explosion. All those possibilities, even though final, were at least quick, but there were other ways in which a man's life could be taken apart, ways that started deep inside of you, and which began years in the past.

He didn't know who was coming for him, but he was sure someone was. It had started this past week when he was eating at the boardwalk with his team, with that familiar feeling of being watched. He had looked around, expecting to find a familiar face or even maybe a familiar foe, but he had only seen strangers in the crowd. Still, he was sure that for at least one person in this crowd he wasn't a stranger and that someone had his sights on him. He eventually left the picnic table still feeling unsettled, but seemingly, his team hadn't noticed so he brushed it as the typical paranoia that came with their jobs.

The same feeling had repeated the next day, while he, along with his NCIS team, had been chasing a suspect in the middle of downtown LA. He felt eyes on him, and again looked for the stranger watching him, but just as the previous day, no one seemed to be there. Still the feeling wouldn't leave him and he was close to asking his team about it, but given they were in a busy area it could be anyone that had just gotten distracted looking at the odd group dressed in tactical gear and chasing two men at high speed. He doubted it was really someone settled on him and thought his team would only laugh at the idea.

The third time was just happening now. He was getting coffee before driving into the mission and as he stood in line, he again had the feeling of someone watching him. This time it was so strong that he was close to calling Eric and had him run facial recognition on everyone in the shop, but again he thought he was being paranoid and decided to just brush it off. He bought coffee for himself and his team and started walking to the car, finding himself wildly staring at everyone he passed, still trying to find whoever was targeting him.

-x-x-x-

When nightfall came, he laid in bed wide awake reviewing the last day's events and wondering who could be gunning for him. His lengthy career in law enforcement had left him with a lot of enemies and he wasn't sure who could be coming for him now. Then again, maybe he was really being paranoid and it could very well be attributed to the demands and stress of the job.

He tried to sleep, but found himself turning and turning not able to turn his mind off. He eventually got out of bed and went into the kitchen to drink some cold water and hopefully clear his head with the short walk. He had always trusted his gut, and this time it told him that someone had really been watching him all those times.

After much debate he decided to mention it to his team the next morning at work. It wouldn't hurt to be careful, and maybe if they took on the offensive, they could avoid whatever disaster was about to happen and stop whoever was lurking in the shadows. After making that decision he was finally able to fall into a restless sleep, one that was filled with nightmares and all his old demons surfacing again.

-x-x-x-

That night, the man who had been watching couldn't sleep; not knowing that at another part of town, his target couldn't either. This was the final night of waiting and starting tomorrow there would be no looking back and the plan would have been set into motion. He stood in his balcony, overlooking from a distance the LA skyline and wondered if maybe he was taking this too far, and using his time for the wrong reasons. But then, he remembered the pain the man had caused him, and all that he had been forced to lose. He shook off his indecisiveness, attributing it to the usual fear that accompanied any new and risky action, as deep down, he knew this was the way to go. He allowed the darkness to take over and started mentally going over what the next few days would entail. That eagerness that always started in his stomach, eventually spreading to his whole body, came again, and he relished the feeling of control.

"The time is right, is finally right… the time is right, is finally right," he murmured to himself, repeating the words over and over again; allowing his whole body to be overtaken by his desire for revenge and ultimately silencing that weak voice that was always present at the back of his head. The voice that told him to stop, the one that said this was wrong, and the one that sometimes belonged to his mother, but other times to his father, and at the weirdest times, to his own son…

Eventually, he managed to go to bed but laid awake thinking about the past. At first he hadn't been sure of when to start his plan but in the last few months all the pieces had finally come into place. He had known of the little guardian angel the team had, but since some months ago she had disappeared from the picture. He couldn't be sure if she was dead or maybe had just decided to move on, but the important thing was she wasn't there to protect his future victim anymore. The other old man who had also worked with the team had also disappeared, again he wasn't sure why, but he took it as the universe telling him the time was finally right.

The night had started with the man not able to sleep, and had ended with him not even trying anymore, and just deciding to enjoy the excitement he was feeling. Tomorrow the first part of the plan would begin and he couldn't wait any longer; after all, he had already waited too long. But this was the perfect opportunity to strike, and tomorrow the war would began. He would go on the offensive, not really strong, not physically, not causing pain… For now, just letting his presence known…

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 _I understand now that the fear that comes with posting something will probably never go away, so the only thing I can say is thank you so, very much for giving my little attempt at playing writer a chance._


	3. Ch 3: How a Man's Peace is Stolen Away

_Thanks so much to everyone that has showed their support for this fic, it means the world to me, and makes me want to continue trying to write the best possible story I could give you. As I mentioned before I already have the next chapters written so my plan is to continue updating regularly. I hope you all keep following this journey I'm putting our favorite team through._

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 **Chapter 3: How a Man's Peace is Stolen Away**

Morning came quicker than expected and the blonde man felt even more tired than the day before. He got out of bed and walked into the kitchen, preparing some coffee and eating a pastry he had gotten the night before when driving back from work.

Taking a shower normally helped when he was feeling this way, but today he felt as if the water was only drowning him and the fog from the heat was only blurring his thoughts even more. He got dressed still feeling unsettled and couldn't shake the bad feeling away. He decided to head to the car and wait until his other half was ready to leave, so they could make their way into work together.

Opening the door he frowned as he noticed an envelope sitting in the front steps. He picked it up and turned it around looking for any kind of postal information, but finding none; only the word Martin written on the back. At first he was confused by why the envelope had been left there and not in the mailbox as it usually was, but he quickly realized someone else, and clearly not the mailman, had put it there.

His feeling of uneasiness only increased and he was tempted to walk back to the house and barricade himself inside. If no one could reach him, they also couldn't hurt him, or so he thought.

Eventually deciding to get this over with, Deeks opened the envelope and took its contents out. His breath caught in his throat and he stumbled when the only thing that came out was a picture of his younger self. He appeared to be around 7 or 8, his blonde curls already long and partially obscuring his blue eyes, but not enough to cover the black eye present on his face. He was wearing a blue stripped shirt that evidently was meant for a smaller kid as it didn't go all the way down. His shorts were ripped on the sides and his flip flops had also seen better days.

A million questions invaded his mind and he didn't have the answer for any.

How had that picture gotten there?

Who had send it?

Why had (he, she they?) send it?

What was he supposed to do now?

He knew he should have been more careful when opening the envelope and should have use gloves to prevent his fingerprints from getting mixed with those of whoever put it there. But deep down he knew that if this was the same person who had managed to spy on him undetected by is team, no prints would be anywhere in the envelope or picture.

The rational part of his brain told him to put the picture back in the envelope and take it to the Wonder Twins to analyze and hopefully point him towards who was behind it. But the emotional and still insecure part of him, mostly governed by his heart, told him he wasn't yet ready to let his team into that part of his past.

Hearing the door open behind him, he quickly put the picture back where it came from and stuck it in his messenger bag.

"What are you doing standing there baby? I thought you were gonna start the car while I finished getting ready…" Kensi's tone of voice indicated that she hadn't seen what had just happened so he was safe for now.

"Sorry princess, I thought I had forgotten something and was walking back to get it, when I realized I had it in my bag all along." He gave her his best fake smile and prayed that she couldn't see the lie in his always expressive blue eyes.

The junior agent narrowed her eyes at her boyfriend, but having no real reason to doubt him, she eventually just smiled and grabbed his hand, pulling him along with her towards the car and another day chasing bad guys.

-x-x-x-

After a full day of thinking about the envelope and trying to hide his uneasiness from his team, the following morning the detective woke up startled from a dream, finding his breathing coming out in small gasps. He turned around and was thankful that Kensi was still asleep at his side. Looking at the nightstand and his watch he found out it was still early to start getting ready for work and his body still needed the sleep. Unfortunately, his mind wouldn't agree and decided instead to go back to the previous morning.

A sudden thought occurred to him and nervously he got out of bed, careful not to wake up his girlfriend and, after putting on some shoes and disarming the alarm, walked towards the front door. He put his hand on the handle and took in a couple of deep breaths, gathering his courage and setting his racing heart back to normal. As soon as he finally opened the door, he noticed another white envelope sitting on the front steps. That small piece of paper seemed to have control over him and his heart, again, spiraled out of control.

Shaking slightly Deeks walked outside and grabbed the envelope, stepping back inside and closing the door behind him. He allowed his body to fall back against the door and he rested his head on its surface. He opened the envelope and as soon as he saw its content, he slid down the door and onto the floor, pulling his knees to him and letting his head rest there.

This time the picture was of his young mother. It had been taken one really bad night when the neighbors had called the police and they had then taken it as evidence of what everyone knew was happening at the house, but sadly no one could legally proof. Again a million questions came to his mind and he couldn't answer any. The most prominent being, how had this person, whoever it was, gotten their hands on that picture? And why had it been sent to him?

Lifting his head from his knees, he looked at the picture and was not surprise to feel the moisture of tears on his eyes. His mother was wearing a beautiful blue dress that accentuated her hair and eyes, but sadly his attention was drawn to the blood smeared across it, to the bruises on her face and the heartbreak in her stare.

Worried that Kensi could wake up and come looking for him, he stood up and again stuck the picture back into the envelope and into his messenger bag, along with the one he had received the previous day. Even though he was sure he wouldn't be able to fall asleep again, he still went to bed and got inside beside the love of his life. For once, her presence not able to comfort him, as now he was sure, somehow, his past was resurfacing and one unknown monster from said past was coming for him.

-x-x-x-

The previous day went like any other, as the detective made his best effort to hide his true feelings and be the lovable and funny detective his team was used to working with. He was surprised none of them noticed that his heart wasn't really in it, but then again, maybe they did and were just giving him the time and space to clear his head on his own. If only he could do that again this time…

It took him one hour to fall asleep that night, and he was not surprised when he woke up 3 hours later from a terrible nightmare. This time, sure he had woken Kensi up, but turning around to find her contently sleeping, doing the snort-snores that, at any other time, would have put a smile on his face. He knew it was too early to go look for another envelope, because he was sure one would be waiting for him there. But still, the fear of Kensi waking up before him and finding it, prevented him from really finding rest.

At one point he eventually fell back into a nightmare-plagued sleep and woke up to find the side of the bed empty and Kensi nowhere in sight. He ran out of bed, looking for her in the bathroom but also not finding her there. He tried to slow his breathing but the fear that gripped his heart was too strong and he couldn't think clearly. He ran outside, stopping suddenly as he saw Kensi in the kitchen making coffee for both of them.

"Wow, what's up baby?" She had been startled when he had practically come running into the kitchen and she was surprised by the look on his face.

"Nothing princess, sorry to scare you…" He sounded uncertain, setting off warning bells inside her heart.

"Don't lie to me Shaggy, I know you better than that, what's wrong?" She moved to him and took hold of his hand, pulling it towards her lips and kissing their tangled fingers sweetly.

Deeks should have known he would never be able to fool her with such a simple response, and even though he felt guilty for using the past against her, he said the one lie she would always believe… "I had a bad dream and just had to make sure you were still okay…" He looked down and she mistook the gesture for embarrassment instead of the clear sign that he was trying to hide his eyes from her. Knowing that she would realize it was a lie if she looked at them.

"What was the nightmare about?" Kensi knew he hated to talk about these things, but even if it was hard, they both knew talking helped and she wanted to make sure he was alright.

He again felt guilty for lying to the most important person in his life, but he had no other choice. And he found a small comfort in the fact it wasn't a total lie, considering he did woke up from a nightmare, just lying on what it was about. "You know Kens, the usual… Something bad happened, and I lost you."

She was still not totally convinced that was really what had caused him to burst into the kitchen running, but she understood, and she also had experienced that nightmares sometimes, so she decided not to push him for now.

"I'm going to check the mail, be back in a second…" he moved fast towards the door, but she caught his wrist, stopping him before he was able to even leave the kitchen.

"Since when do you check the mail as soon as you wake up?" She asked with raised eyebrows, and with each passing second her suspicions increased.

"Just waiting for something Kensalina, nothing to worry about." The sweetness in his words and usual smile on his face prompted her to move backwards and allow him to go look for whatever it was he was waiting for. She almost went with him, or at least moved to the window to check that was really was he was doing, but they had been together for 3 years, and now hoped to get married soon, and that relationship had to be built on trust, so she went back to the kitchen and kept working on their breakfast, which consisted on heating up some pastries as her cooking ability wouldn't allow for much else.

-x-x-x-

Deeks wasn't sure how had he managed to save himself this morning, it had been too close and he feared Kensi was already suspecting something was wrong. Still his nerves for the possibility of another envelope, and even more for what would be inside, didn't allow him to really think rationally and he walked out, opened the door and closed it quickly behind him.

With the familiarity that came with repetition he leaned down and picked up the new envelope. Again white, with no postal information, just the word Martin written in the back. Scared that Kensi would come looking for him, he went to the mail to pick up the real letters and walked back into the house, hoping to go straight into their bedroom, but being stopped by Kensi as he passed the kitchen.

"Coffee's ready…" Her singsong voice almost made him smile, always happy of the simple domestic moments with his princess, those in which the world wasn't in danger and no one was trying to kill them. Sadly, today, as in the previous week, the uncertainty of whatever was happening to him, didn't allow him to fully enjoy the moment and he just resigned himself to the anguish he was feeling.

"I'll be back in a second, let me put this in the room."

"What is it, did you find what you were looking for?" The sweet concern in her voice, made his heart ache, and not for the first time, he felt terrible for hiding this from her. But until he was certain of who was behind the envelopes that was the only way to protect her… Or maybe he was just trying to protect himself.

"Yeah baby, thank you." He again tried to move into the bedroom, but she again stopped his progress.

"And..?" Her concern was turning into worry and it was evident in her tone. Girlfriend Kensi was retracting and Agent Blye was coming forward.

"I haven't opened it yet Kens."

"Then what're you waiting for, open it." Her tone was not leaving much room for refusal and Deeks wasn't sure how to proceed. Knowing Kensi wouldn't let this go, he took a chance an opened the envelope, peeking inside, and seeing another picture waiting for him.

Kensi saw his face blanch as soon as he saw what was inside and her worry quickly escalated. She moved towards him but he quickly closed the envelope and walked towards their room. She had wanted to run towards him, but knowing the oven was on, she reluctantly went to the kitchen to turn all appliances off before going to look for Deeks.

She found him sitting on the bed, and looking uncertain. The envelope was nowhere in sight and that only intensified the bad feeling that she couldn't ignore anymore. Moving towards him she noticed the faraway look in his eyes and wondered where his head was at.

"Deeks…" But no response was given. "Baby…" Still no response. "Marty…" That seem to draw him out of his head but not in a good way as his eyes took on a scared look and he looked wildly around, before really seeing her. "Deeks what's wrong? What was in that envelope?"

"Nothing baby, nothing worth worrying about…"

"Don't give me that, I know you, I saw your face as you opened it, and know it's not nothing…"

Finding himself between a rock and a hard place and knowing he had messed up this morning, allowing her to realize that something was not okay, he decided to surrender completely to his morals and lie all the way through. "It's just an old case for the LAPD I worked in before NCIS."

She look at him with that look that would scare anyone, the one to which one day he said she looked cute when homicidally angry. But today, he didn't dare make that joke again.

"Are you lying to me?" She knew if allowed Deeks would just joke his way out of a serious conversation and for once decided to be direct and ask the question that was most prominent on her mind.

He swallowed hard, something he would later realize was another mistake and a clear tale that he was in fact, not telling the whole truth. "No Kens, it's just a bad case. I did things I regretted when I was undercover in it, and now the man who I arrested is asking for parole and the envelope I just opened said that they're considering giving it to him."

Kensi took a moment to think about what he had just said before responding. It made sense but still, there was something that didn't felt right; but maybe, hopefully, she was just being paranoid. This was Deeks, her friend, her partner, her best friend, her boyfriend and her fiancé, and he had never lied to her. Quick memories came to her mind, and she realized he had in fact lied to her in the past, but always when there wasn't another option, and when he was trying to… protect her. That thought somehow worried her even more, and she was determined to really discover what was going on, but for now she needed to continue being his supportive partner, both at work and in life, and not an inquisitive agent.

"Can I help in any way?" She wasn't totally convinced, and she was certain he had avoided saying something, but she would accept that explanation for now.

"Not now baby, it's still in the talking stages, when I know more, I'll let you know… I promise." Every word he said hurt, and he wondered if he was doing the right thing. He was almost certain he wasn't but he had already started down this road and it was too late to back down now.

The couple eventually moved in to hug each other, both feeling unsure, but neither of them wanting to discuss it further this morning. They drank their now cold coffee and ate their pastries before taking a shower together and leaving for work hand-in-hand. Both silently wondering what the other was thinking and for how much longer they would be able to live in their current peace.

-x-x-x-

That day the man couldn't control his excitement. His minions had already delivered three of the envelopes, so surely his future victim had to be aware of his presence now. He wished he could have seen his face as he opened his gifts and looked at the pictures he had so carefully selected. The NCIS man couldn't yet know who he was, and surely that would only be adding to the torment he must be feeling. That uncertainty only added to his happiness and he couldn't wait until the day when he would fully reveal himself to the hateful detective that had destroyed his life. Two more envelopes would follow this week, completing the first phase of his plan and hopefully setting the stage for what came next…


	4. Chapter 4: Fight-or-Flight

_I think it's an understatement that I'm slightly worried about this chapter but here it is. As usual, thanks a lot to everyone that continues to support this story, it will never stop meaning the world to me._

* * *

 **Chapter 4: Fight-or-Flight**

The previous day Deeks had felt worse than any other, not because someone was clearly targeting him, but because he was lying to Kensi about it. He had spent most of the day silently bargaining within himself, trying to decide what to do and if he should tell her. His girlfriend had only been supportive since they went all in, and he was sure that wouldn't change this time, but he wanted to protect her and he thought not knowing might be the best way to do that, at least for now.

Still on the moments when he allowed his mind to go to its dark places, he wondered if he was protecting her or himself. Was he being selfish? He hated the feeling that he was somehow betraying Kensi and deep down he knew how he would feel if the roles were reversed. After much debate and deliberation he decided to share what was happening with her. They always reminded each other that all in means all in, and this was his time to prove it; also to follow the promise of no more secrets that he made two years ago during the holidays.

Being honest with himself, he was scared. Scared that this would be the final reason to make Kensi realize that she couldn't keep carrying with her own demons and also his. The moment when she realized she had never signed up for this, and decided to finally leave. But then his mind went back to the last seven years and their love story. How they had moved from strangers, to partners, friends and best friends, to a couple, and now an engaged couple, and the warm feeling in his heart told him that she would never leave him. It was time for him to return the loyalty she had always presented to him.

-x-x-x-

That morning as soon as he opened his eyes the image of the envelope sitting on the porch came to the forefront on his mind… The envelope sitting there, waiting and teasing him with the demons that it contained. He silently got out of bed and followed his new-found routine: get dress, put shoes on, put off the alarm, open the door, kneel down, pick up the envelope, close the door, and open it to see what nightmare would resurface that day.

This time before opening the envelope he remembered his promise to himself that he would tell Kensi what was going on. He had decided to wait until the weekend, hopefully they wouldn't have a case and they could go to the beach and talk about it. He knew she would be angry for waiting so long to tell him, but she would be even angrier if he waited more.

He took a deep breath and again stood with his back on the door as he opened the envelope to see what was inside. As soon as he took this day's picture out and stared at it, all his plans flew out the window and he wasn't as certain about telling Kensi. In fact, he shouldn't even be close to her.

This day the picture showed Kensi, and from the background it appeared to have been taken one morning she had gone to her favorite coffee shop to pick up some pastries while he went surfing before work. She had a perfect smile and he vowed to himself to never allow whoever was targeting him to wipe that look from her face… He just wasn't sure how.

-x-x-x-

After receiving that picture his day turned into the worst for him in a long while. Whoever was sending him the pictures was no longer targeting him, but he had now included Kensi in the situation and that didn't sit well with him, not at all. He felt like a sitting duck and didn't know how to turn the tables on whoever his unknown enemy was.

He was still considering telling Kensi or maybe one of the guys, probably Sam, but they would want to turn this into an NCIS case and he didn't want his private life, especially his past, to be displayed on the big screen and for it to be turned into another battle for them to conquer. He knew he was being selfish, but he just couldn't share that part of his past, at least before he knew who was behind it.

His father was dead, so he couldn't be. He wondered if he had any uncle or other family member that he wasn't aware existed. Or maybe someone his father had met in prison. Or maybe, what would be his preferred option, and this person had nothing to do with his past and was just using that information to get his head off the game. But, if that was the case, how had he or she even gotten the pictures?

The Wonder Twins could help him so much right now, and he highly considered sharing what was happening with them, but Beale would freak out not being able to keep the secret, and Nell wouldn't approve hiding it from the rest of the team. He wasn't worried about himself, but of Kensi and his team, he wouldn't allow his own past to destroy their future and he was determined to find a way to make sure of that, even at his own expense if necessary… Sadly, for this he was on his own…

-x-x-x-

Kensi couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong with Deeks. That morning for the third time this week she found him already awake before her. Normally that wouldn't be strange given Deeks was a surfer used to waking up early in order to enjoy the morning in the ocean. But, that week he hadn't surfed at all. She thought maybe the waves weren't good but she had checked the reports and they all talked about a crazy swell on the bay, increasing her uneasiness about the whole situation.

She wanted to ask him, and almost did on many occasions. But, having no way to know how bad of a decision it would turn out to be, she chose to wait until the upcoming weekend not to affect their relationship and bring up tensions that could proof costly at work. She also considered talking it over with the boys but thought that Deeks wouldn't like her going behind his back.

Driving into work that morning, Kensi couldn't stop analyzing every little comment her boyfriend made and each action he performed. For anyone he would appear the same, but for someone that knew him more than she knew herself all the signs were there… He wasn't joking, never called her Fern, stared silently at the passing city most of the time, and most notably of all, avoided looking at her straight in the eyes, full knowing those were the window into his soul.

She had a feeling it had something to do with the envelope from the previous day and she silently regretted not having pushed harder for him to reveal what was in it. She considered recruiting the Wonder Twins, but Beale wouldn't be able to keep the secret and Nell probably wouldn't feel comfortable with spying on Deeks, as he was also her friend. Still she was determined to find out what was going on and help him. She would make sure of that, even if she eventually had to go behind his back… Sadly, for now she was on her own…

-x-x-x-

Great minds really do think alike, as that day the man with the blue eyes and the woman with the mismatched ones silently wondered how to proceed moving forward. Neither of them knowing how in sync their minds were nor how close they had both come to taking the exact same actions. And eventually both deciding for the same solution, wait for the weekend to talk to the other. Unfortunately, unknown to the couple, fate had other plans, and the universe was conspiring against them.

-x-x-x-

Friday morning came and the previous day's routine repeated for the detective. This day the picture was similar to the one of the previous one, just this time it didn't show Kensi, but Sam and Callen sharing a beer on Sam's boat after a day of work. Neither of them seemed to notice the person watching and they both had happy looks on their faces… Callen a teasing grin and Sam a resigned one.

Deeks looked at the picture for around five minutes before his mind caught up to his body and he started moving again. The previous day he had thought about what to do for a long time, eventually settling for the only option that seemed appropriate. It was one of the hardest decisions he had been forced to make, but it was the only solution he could find and the picture he had just received only served to prove that point.

He moved back into the room and silently kissed Kensi on the forehead, lingering on top of her for and extra second and taking in her image and scent, never wanting to forget either of them. He grabbed some clothes from their closet and moved into the living room to pack it in one of his go bags, not wanting to wake up Kensi at such an early time. He then went to pick his surf board and left the house, turning around at the last second wondering if he would ever see that sight again…

-x-x-x-

Fight-or-flight was a person's physiological reaction to a perceived harmful event, be it a physical attack or any kind of threat to their survival. For some, fight would be the brave option and fight the cowardly one, but sometimes bravery was choosing to do the hard thing in order to protect and save the people you love from pain. Even if that bravery came in the form of flight…

-x-x-x-

Deeks drove to the beach like any other morning, only this time he wondered if he would ever get to make this drive again. His future looked uncertain and with each passing mile he drove away from his home he questioned if he was making the right choice.

His mind went back to his earlier days at NCIS, when Sam had been annoyed at him sitting in the sit next to his, and when Kensi couldn't believe he was the best LAPD had to offer. At that time he was sure the three agents would be glad to see him gone. But things had changed a lot, mainly thanks to share traumas and getting through them together, and he knew his team would be angry at him and Kensi especially might never forgive him. But if this decision proved to be the difference between them getting involved or staying safe, he would gladly make it over and over again.

He sat on his truck and looked at the waves, itching to get out and ride some of them, but knowing this was not the time for that, and that he had important problems to address. He got out of the truck and leaned against the hood, his mind flashing back to that afternoon after the first full case he had worked with Kensi and the OSP team. Things had unquestionably improved since that day, but maybe the life he was living had been stolen from someone else, because certainly someone like him couldn't be destined for such happiness. He had committed a lot of mistakes in the past, and he was certain one of them was catching up to him now, he just wasn't sure which one. The only thing he was sure was that his mistakes were his to pay and he would never allow the family that the world had given him to suffer because of him.

Deeks closed his eyes and breathed in the ocean, allowing the saltiness of the air to calm him a little and give him the courage to proceed with his plan. He grabbed a notebook and a pen from his truck and went back to sit on the hood. He wrote four letters and just minutes into the first one started tearing up and questioning his decision all over again. He managed to push through and finish writing everything he needed to say, folding them in half and putting them inside four envelopes already addressed to his desired recipients. He went back to his truck and with a sigh stuck one of the envelopes in the glove box, and the other three in the pocket of the hoodie he was currently wearing.

With every action that he took his mind kept going backwards to his decision process, and he knew a part of him didn't want to follow with the current plan. He wanted to rip up the envelopes and throw the pieces in the Pacific never to be seen again, wanted to go back to his home and his girlfriend, to his team and his work, and eventually to not abandon his life. He went to the backseat to grab the go bag containing some of his clothes and the envelopes that had started this whole thing, tearing his life apart, but hesitated at the last second. Ultimately, time was running out and he knew work would soon begin, and if he was going to proceed with this plan, it had to be now or never… He looked at the sky asking whoever was willing to listen for guidance, and eventually made the decision that had the potential of changing the rest of his life forever.

-x-x-x-

The watcher looked at his target from the parking lot across the street. He appeared to be so lost in thought that for the first time since he had started watching more closely, the young man didn't seem to feel the eyes on him. During the past week he had noticed the detective looking around, making it obvious that he had realized he was being watched, but never finding anything as he didn't even know who he was looking for.

He had to force himself not to move towards the man and introduced himself at that very second. Deciding for caution and planning instead of giving in to his current desire and rushing something that wasn't meant to be rushed. Taking out his camera he took a couple of pictures of the man, thinking they could come in handy at some later time and wondering what was the man writing and to whom. He couldn't know that he was behind this, at least not yet, so he decided that he was most likely addressing his team or someone else that might be close to him.

The man looking from across the street kept watching as the NCIS liaison stood next to his car looking at the sky and again wondered what the young man was doing. He hadn't been close to the detective in a long time, but from what he remembered the man wasn't a worshiper, but maybe things had changed or maybe he was just desperate. He definitely hoped it was the latter. It was obvious the man was struggling with what to do next, and his body was overtaken with excitement at being the source of such anguish. It was good he knew the bastard very well, making it easy for him to decide what pictures to send to rattle him the most and that made him feel confident that the rest of his plan was the very best way to go. After watching the clearly distressed man for five more minutes, and not wanting to push his luck, the watcher decided to stand up and leave. He had wanted to wait until the blonde man made a decision, as he was almost sure he knew what the man was debating about; after all, it was the same decision he had been forced to make years ago, when he was just a kid struggling at home: Fight-or-flight?

* * *

 _For anyone wondering about the rest of the team they will appear really soon and the story will also start moving at a faster pace, I just needed some chapters to set everything up :) Thanks again for reading and know that your reviews are always appreciated._


	5. Chapter 5: Asking the Questions

_Sorry for taking longer than usual to update, life got in between, but here it is. Also, I think it's evident that Deeks is my favorite character and the one I feel most comfortable writing, but I love the whole team, so I hope I was able to do them justice in this chapter. As usual, your reviews are always welcomed and appreciated and thank you so much to everyone that keeps reading and supporting this story._

* * *

 **Chapter 5: Asking the Questions**

When Kensi woke up that morning the first thing she noticed was the empty space on the bed next to her. She wasn't surprised as this had been occurring more often in the last week but she still felt a strange sensation in the pit of her stomach. Getting out of bed, she first checked in the bathroom, then the kitchen and eventually the yard, not finding her boyfriend anywhere. Following her instincts, she decided to look for his surfboard and when she didn't find it in its usual spot, she breathe a sigh of relief and went ahead to start getting ready for work.

After preparing coffee, taking a shower, getting dressed and seeing that it was close to the time they had to leave to get on time, she started getting nervous and decided to call him. "This is Deeks… Why don't you just text me, like a normal human being?" The voicemail that usually brought a laugh to her, only irritated her now, and she tried calling three more times, only to end up listening to the same stupid message over and over again.

Trying not to panic, she decided to go over every rational explanation in her head… He was taking longer than usual in his morning surf, he was running late and had decided to go straight into the mission, he dropped his cellphone in the water and it was not working… It wasn't as if those things hadn't happened before, so they were completely possible, but somehow, she knew this time none of them were the truth.

The female agent had been pacing for the last 10 minutes when she looked at her phone and realized she was already late, deciding that she was panicking for nothing, she grabbed her bag and made her way to her car, intent in making it to the mission quick so she could chastise her boyfriend for scaring her.

-x-x-x-

As Kensi walked into the bullpen she found the senior partners in the middle of a discussion about the football game they had watched together the previous night.

"Come on man! That totally should have been a catch… You know it, I know it, the refs know it… The whole damn world knows it." Sam was clearly frustrated with whatever had happened in the game, but Kensi couldn't care less about the current argument. At any other time, she would at least know of what play they were talking about, but things at home had been silently tense so no football had been watched the night before.

"Calm down big man, if the NFL itself has no idea what a catch is anymore, how do you expect the whole world to know it? Hell, most of the world doesn't even know what football or the NFL are." Callen had a smirk present on his face when he finished, and even though he agreed with his partner, he just enjoyed rattling the man.

Sam's glare would have stopped any prudent man from trying to irritate it. But not his partner, who knew all the best ways to annoy the big man; and was only bested by their detective, when he was on one of his annoying phases or his mind had gone in one of its weird tangents. "You're just messing with me man, you know I'm right, that should have been a catch and that play costed me my fantasy league."

Callen openly laugh at the last comment and raised his eyebrows as he asked his partner since when did he even play fantasy football.

"Since I have too much damn free time on my hands and my lazy partner is always finding excuses not to help me finish the last details of the boat," Sam's last words were accentuated by the strong sound of his laptop's lid being closed down. At that point he noticed the female partner for the first time, and instantly started looking around for her shaggy partner, surprised not to see them together.

"Good morning Kensi" Sam said with a smile, "Where's Deeks?"

"Hi Sam, nice to see that I'm finally being noticed," Kensi's words held no malice, just pure amusement and joy at the familiarity of the partner's argument and the feeling it brought her. It had been a hard few months and the bullpen conversations had become less common, so they were a welcomed occurrence when they did happen again. But then her happiness turned to worry as she processed the second part of Sam's greeting. "Is he not here?"

"What do you mean is he not here? Aren't you the one that lives with the man?" Sam didn't know what to think of Kensi's comment and decided not to think anything at all.

"Trouble in paradise Kens? Another argument about grilled cheese?" Callen's happy grin betrayed the possible harshness of the comment and Kensi took it for what it was, just a man who was like her brother taking the opportunity to tease her and her partner. This morning really felt good, like the old days, if only Deeks were here to take that bad feeling away from her gut…

"Kensi?" Sam's question brought her out her thoughts and she looked around widely for a second, before remembering what they had been talking about.

"No trouble in paradise… Just a morning of taking separate cars…" She tried to sound nonchalant about it, but the senior agents knew her well and they easily picked on the slight hesitation in her voice.

"Is everything okay?" There was no smirk on Callen's face now, just the pure concern of a team leader, a friend, and a brother.

"Mmm…"

"Kensi?"

"Kens what's going on? Where's Deeks?"

The senior partners looked at each other and then back at their female teammate, not sure of what was happening or where their detective was.

"Earth to Kensi? Come back to us…" Sam was moving towards her as he said the words, his worry increasing with each second she failed to reply to them. When he was a few steps away from the desk the female agent shared with their team leader she seemed to break out from whatever world she had been in.

"I don't know…" She wanted to say more, but she had no words… or explanation… just a bad feeling that was hard to explain.

"What do you mean you don't know? Come on Kens, I'm not joking anymore, you guys share a house, how can you not know?" Sam didn't want to sound judgmental but that was certainly not the response he had been expecting.

"I didn't meant it like that Sam, he just left early to surf and didn't return home in time for us to leave together, it's not the first time this happens." The words sounded better in her head, but coming out of her lips, she realized they didn't hide the truth… She had no clue where her partner and fiancé was at that very moment.

"But where is he now? Have you tried calling him?" Sam knew he was coming off a bit persistent and borderline neurotic but after what happened with his wife, he valued even more the family he had left. And yeah, still a bit surprising even to him, that family included the shaggy detective.

"Of course I did Sam, he's not picking up, which is normal if he's surfing…" That would settle the concern if only for the fact he shouldn't still be surfing now and unless his phone had really taken a swim, he should be picking up.

Callen, focused on stopping the discussion before it had the chance to escalate, but also wanting to find out where his young teammate was, took out his phone and dialed the number from his favorite's list, frowning when it only got to voicemail.

"Voicemail?" Kensi's voice sounded worried, betraying the normalcy and calmness she was trying to portray.

"It's too early to panic, let's wait 15 more minutes and we will try again." Callen's tone of voice left no room for argument and all three agents settled down on their desks to wait. All three lost in thought and silently not being able to shake off the feeling that their seemingly perfect and normal morning was about to take a turn for the worse… for the much worse.

-x-x-x-

Sam was taking out his cellphone and already pressing #4 on speed dial when his partner glared at him and cleared his throat loudly, signaling to the man that the 15 minutes were not up. But, deciding for caution he continued with his call, only getting more frustrated when it went to voicemail again.

Seeing Sam's call get nowhere, Kensi decided to write a text instead, hoping he would see it soon and realize how worried they all were. As she wrote the message her mind flashed back to various points in the past week, eventually settling in the memory of Deeks the previous night, when her boyfriend had declined to watch the game with her and instead opted to go to bed early. That memory was enough to push her forward and finally do what needed to be done, so she stood up rapidly and started walking towards the stairs that led to ops and the wonder twins.

"Kensi, where are you going?" Callen already knew, but he had to somehow maintain everyone calm.

"I'm asking Eric and Nell to track his phone and his car GPS."

"Kensi wait!" She stopped dead in her tracks at the hard words from her team leader and turned around to face him.

"Sorry… It's just… Let's wait a bit more. There can still be a rational explanation for this."

"Callen I know him, and there's not. I have had this feeling with me since I woke up, and he wasn't anywhere in the house, and now I can't ignore it any longer." She started walking, but again got stopped by the senior agent's voice.

"Do you feel it too?" His voice sounded incredulous and worried at the same time.

"I do, too." Sam stood up and started walking towards ops, prompting Kensi to continue on her path and Callen to join in as well. It was normal for Kensi to have a deep connection to her partner, after all they shared not only their work lives but the personal one as well, making them as close as anyone could get. But when Callen and Sam also felt something was off, it activated warning bells in all the agents' minds.

-x-x-x-

When the door to ops opened and three clearly stressed and anxious agents walked in, Nell and Eric looked at each other in concern.

"We have no current case guys, we haven't called."

"Good Eric, we might need some free time." The team leader's voice and demeanor started warning bells in the two tech geniuses as well.

"What's going on guys?" This time it was Nell who decided to join the conversation, wanting to get started as soon as possible on whatever the agents needed and hoping she could help.

"We need you to track Deeks' phone and car GPS." Eric and Nell looked at each other again, now with a bit more confusion than before. "Now!" Callen's unusually angry tone towards his teammates broke the wonder twins out of their trance and they quickly turned their chairs towards their computers and started typing quickly and activating various search engines.

It took them 5 minutes to come up with the two locations that had been requested, but neither of them wanted to give them the results, both silently figuring out those were not the news any of the agents wanted to hear.

Eventually it was Nell who took control of her emotions and saved her partner in crime from making a fool of his nervous self. Putting up a picture on the screen, she started to explain, "they're both on the parking lot of the beach close to your house," she said signaling to Kensi, "their points appear really close to each other, so most likely his car is parked there and his cellphone is inside."

All three agents looked at each other, as their uneasiness only increased and they wondered what to do now. "Send me the exact location to my phone, I'm going to check it out now." Kensi started walking towards the door, with both Callen and Sam hard on her heels.

Before reaching the door and already knowing they might not find anything useful on the car, Callen decided to cover all based as soon as possible. "Start looking to the cameras around the beach and see if something happened to him when he was surfing."

Beale swallowed hardly, realizing he had been the only one to notice a small fact and thus, he would need to be the one to share it. "I don't think he ever went surfing…"

Kensi turned around quicker than seemingly normal, mouth open, eyes wide… "What are you talking about?"

Eric looked around wildly and keep swallowing nervously, regretting that he had even started talking, but seeing the female agent's face, he decided to quickly continue. "His surfboard is still tied to his car, and it doesn't look like it's been used this morning."

The agents walked back towards the center table in ops and stared more closely at the picture on the screen, in their worry and rush to find Deeks, they had all failed to really look at said picture.

Moving back towards the door, Callen quickly spoke, "even more so Eric, look at the cameras and find out what happened to Deeks after he parked there. Call us with any information you are able to find out and keep this on the down low, we don't need Mosley finding out what we're up to."

Just as the last words were leaving the team leader's mouth, the doors to ops opened and the recently mentioned woman walked in, Hidoko next to her. "What don't you want me to find out, agent Callen?"

All 5 members of the original OSP team silently sighed, knowing this was not the distraction they needed right now.

Callen, knowing that Kensi and Sam were far nearer the edge than him, decided to respond and save his team from a bigger argument. His first instinct was lying, but if something was really wrong and Deeks was in trouble, he was sure they would need their new boss' help, so he decided honesty was the safest bet. "We can't find Deeks, and Eric and Nell tracked his car's GPS to a parking lot near his home, we're going there now to see if we can find anything."

"Why are you using NCIS's resources to look for a problem that belongs to LAPD?" The smugness of her tone quickly angered all the other people present in the room, even Hidoko, who had known the detective for the shortest time.

"He's a member of our team so he's our problem." Callen couldn't believe the words spoken by the woman, who clearly had no leadership capabilities or ability for human understanding.

"But he's LAPD not NCIS, call his lieutenant and have him look for the detective." The woman didn't know where to stop, or when she was beaten, because she should have known by now that there was no way this team would stop looking for their detective, or any other member that went missing.

This time it was Sam who decided to respond, and after taking a calming breath and closing his eyes for a second, he started trying to make the woman see straight. "Unfortunately, I'm guilty of that mistake in the past, and I advise you not to do the same, Assistant Director…" He said her title with slight disgust instead of admiration. "No matter the title, Deeks is as much NCIS as any of us. And as Hetty said a long time ago, but not being any less true, he's our liaison, making him as close to one of us as it gets."

Mosley wasn't entirely happy with the reference to their old boss, knowing the team still missed her and resented her for taking the place of their two previous, and loved leaders. But still she was able to admire loyalty, not only for Hetty but for the detective as well, and a united front was what she wanted from her elite team so she decided to support the team in their search. "I can accept that, Agent Hanna…" She said his title with a special emphasis, making it obvious she had noticed the way in which he had said hers. "I can't totally understand what any of you see in the detective but as you say, for better or worse, he's a part of this team, and somehow it works… Go look for him and keep me appraised of any discoveries…" With that she turned around and left the room as quickly and randomly as she had first arrived, Hidoko again following her.

Sam words struck a chord with all original members of the team, all remembering the old days, their still missing operations manager and that first case in which Deeks had gone missing after just starting working with them. Things were much different then, definitely simpler, but also more complicated. They hadn't lived through so many of the disasters and tragedies that the next years brought, but they were also not as close as they were now. No matter the pain, and sadness, none of them would change the past seven years for anything in the world, because all those moments made them who they were today, and had led them to the family they currently had, one that was currently missing a member, but one they all swear they would soon find.

All three agents left the room in a rush, eager to get to their cars and to the parking lot on the beach, leaving their ops teammates to look on their computers for any sign of the missing man.

-x-x-x-

Any other day, Sam and Callen would have taken the Challenger, while the junior partners took their SUV; but, considering one member of said partnership was missing, leaving Kensi on her own, they all decided to drive together in Sam's car. Or at least that's the excuse the senior partners told the female agent, in reality, they just wanted to keep an eye on her and prevent any rash decisions.

Reaching the beach, and spotting Deeks' truck parked on a corner on its own, the three agents quickly made their way to it and Kensi made quick work on picking the lock.

"Kens, you search the car, I will go with Sam to look around for anything unusual, we will be back in a few." Callen's tone was equal part authoritative and concerned, showing that in this moment he was acting not only as agent, but also as friend. "Let's go Sam."

Sam wasn't too eager to leave their teammate on her own, but he also understood that Kensi was the best one to search the truck, as she knew it better than anyone. And silently, both senior agents felt as if they were invading their friends' privacy is they just stood around.

-x-x-x-

While Kensi searched around in every little part of the truck, her mind kept flashing back to another parking lot some months in the past where she had searched this same truck, and with her fiancé also missing. She questioned to herself if these things would finally stop happening if she followed Deeks' suggestion and left the world of law enforcement altogether.

Her search of the main cabin yielded nothing of importance, same with the back seat and the bed of the truck. Discouraged she started thinking back to the last week, looking for any signs that this was coming or that she could have somehow prevented it.

She remembered her bad feeling trough the last week, the strange conversation that one morning, and his silence at nights and wanted to kick herself for not noticing sooner that something was clearly wrong. Or she had noticed it, she just had foolishly decided to ignore it until she could talk to him that weekend.

Just when the female agent was about to turn around in search of her two teammates, she realized that in her urgency and desperation she had completely forgotten to thoughtfully search the truck's glove box...

-x-x-x-

"What do you think is going on?" Sam eventually asked after 10 minutes of walking around the beach and not finding anything wrong or any sign that something had happened to Deeks here.

"I don't know man… We have worked with Deeks for seven years now, and nothing like this has ever happened." Callen didn't like not knowing, and especially it irritated him not knowing something was wrong with one of his teammates in time to stop it. He was the leader and it was his job to keep them safe.

Sam sighed and continued looking around for any sign of foul play or what would be even better, the sight of their missing friend.

"Do you think something happened to him? That someone got to him?"

"Sam, I don't know, I just have no idea…" Callen's voice sounded defeated and it was a clear indication of how the team leader was feeling.

"Sorry man, I'm just worried…"

"Me too big guy, me too. Let's go back to the parking lot, hopefully Kensi found something that will give us a clue of where or what to look for."

The two senior partners started their walk back to the parking lot in an uncomfortable silence, both of their minds going to worst case scenarios and hating that neither of them had realized something was wrong before it all went to hell.

Reaching the parking lot, both of them could see Kensi standing next to the truck's opened door and with her back to them. But even with the distance they could see her shoulders shaking, in a clear indication that she was crying and their minds returned to all those previously thought worst case scenarios. They stopped walking for a second and looked at each other, having a silent conversation with their eyes and promising the other to stay strong for the team and for their little sister in case whatever she had found was really wrong.

They purposely made a lot of noise when walking behind Kensi, not wanting to startle her and wishing to give her time to compose herself. It was an understatement to say both agents were totally surprised when Kensi made no indication that she had even heard them or that she planned to stop whatever she was doing or come back from wherever her mind had gone to.

"Kens…" Sam's whispered words carried all the worry, concern and desperation he was also feeling. The last year had brought a lot of heartbreak for the NCIS team, but they had all been certain the New Year would put an end to it and things would get better soon. It was easy to say, none of them had been expecting something like this to happen now.

"Kensi!" Callen's voice was stronger than that of his partner, but not in a threatening or annoyed way, just that of a man tired of seeing his team suffering and in pain.

Sam's hand on Kensi's shoulder is what finally rescued the female agent from the movie of possible bad outcomes playing on her head; and she silently turned around to look at them, with tears running down her face, and a piece of paper clutched between her hands and pressed into her chest.

Kensi wasn't the type of person to display her emotions on her sleeve, so her current state surprised both men, leaving them speechless for a second, and not knowing what to say or do.

As usual on this occasions, Sam was the first one to come back and take upon himself to carry the moment and conversation back to the present and something useful for them to act on. Choosing to ignore the tears and paper and preferring to give his teammate the time to calm down and share whatever had happened in her own time, he moved towards Kensi and enveloped her in a hug with his strong arms.

The female agent burrowed into the embrace and started crying even more. Sam just stood there holding his little sister and providing the support she needed, while Callen, uncomfortable with all the emotions and needing to feel like he was doing something, decided to call the Wonder Twins and ask for an update.

"Kens, Sam…" It had been 5 minutes and after finishing his call, Callen knew it was time to move again and not allow despair to dictate their actions. "I called the Wonder Twins, they found a video of Deeks leaving the car and they think we should see it." For the team leader, focusing on the information about the case seemed like the best option. The word case sounding inadequate and wrong on his lips but the more time that kept passing, the more this kept turning into a case. "Did you find anything on the truck?"

After pushing away from Sam, Kensi turned away to wipe her face clean and gather her thoughts. She wasn't sure what was going on, just that somehow Deeks was in trouble, and she needed to help him. Standing around and crying wouldn't help any of them so he pushed her feelings down and got back to work. "I didn't find much on the truck… His cellphone was inside, but I couldn't find anything on it. I just found this letter hidden in the glove box…" She raised the offending piece of paper for the agents to see and her eyes started filling up again as she fought to keep the tears from falling.

"What was on the letter Kens?" Callen's tone was gentle, not wanting to pry but also needing to know if they were to find their teammate soon.

"Deeks is gone…"

"What do you mean gone?"

Breathing in deeply and blowing the air out slowly, Kensi gathered all her courage so she could say what needed to be said without turning into a sobbing mess again. "He's gone… he left. Something is wrong; he didn't say what, just that he had to fix it. That he loved me, well not just me, all of us… That he would be back after he figured things out, but that he couldn't put us in danger, and to take care of each other…" Her heart broke again as her mind completed Deeks' sentence with the same words as when she read the letter for the first time… But who's gonna take care of you? That was supposed to be her job and she had failed.

Both senior agents knew that was probably not all that was said in the letter but remembering Kensi's demeanor when they got to her, they didn't want to ask more questions, and that would have to be enough to go on for now. "Okay Kens, we will find him, we promise. Whatever it is, he doesn't have to go through it alone… Let's get back to ops."

As Sam and Kensi started walking back to the Challenger, Callen grabbed Sam's wrist and pulled him to the side. "Ride with Kens on the Challenger, I will drive Deeks' truck to the motor pool so we can have more people look at it in case Kensi missed anything or there are any hidden clues… I will meet you both back in ops soon, and please, don't leave her out of your sight."

Sam looked at his partner and nodded through all the first part, eventually stopping his approval and just glaring at G with the last part. Did he really think he needed to be told to look out for Kensi? After all she was his little sister too.

Parting ways with his teammates, Callen went to work on starting Deeks' truck, while Sam kept walking towards his car and the dejected female agent. All three just wishing they could turn back time and get back to yesterday, when no one was missing and the world had seemed full of hope.


	6. Chapter 6: Getting some Answers

_Thanks so much to everyone that keeps supporting this story, it makes me happy, and inspires me to continue writing the best story I can possibly give you. I'm really excited to share the upcoming chapters and I'm eager to see the reaction to them._

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 **Chapter 6: Getting some Answers**

Sam and Kensi got to the mission 15 minutes before their team leader and decided to wait in the bullpen before making their way together into ops.

"Okay guys, tell me you have some good news for us," Callen was all-business as soon as the sliding doors opened, knowing as team leader it was his job to keep them all positive and with their heads clear enough to work out the clues and keep moving forward.

"Sure, we got news, but we're not sure if we should call them good…" Eric pushed a key on his computer and a video of the beach's parking lot started playing on the big screen.

All three teammates stopped everything they were doing and just concentrated on the video, while Eric and Nell kept typing on their keyboards as they had already seen the video at least five times.

They saw Deeks getting into the parking lot, and remain in the truck for some time, until eventually, getting out and walking towards the hood. Having work with the guy for seven years they could all see the difference in his demeanor and the anguish in his blue eyes. All three agents were surprised when he went back inside to look for something and returned to the hood to start writing in a notebook. None of them were ready for the tears that then started rolling down his face, clearly not used to seeing their usually upbeat and happy-go-lucky teammate looking so distraught.

"Kens how many letters did you find? He clearly wrote more than one."

"Just keep watching…" Nell provided the response to the team leader's question without even lifting her eyes from the keyboard.

As they kept watching they saw their missing man finish whatever he had been writing, rip the pages from the notebook, bend them in half and stuck them in four envelopes; of which only one was left for them to find, the other three going into his hoodie's pocket. The video eventually finished with the blonde man grabbing his go bag, then looking up at the sky and blowing out his breath, before putting on sunglasses and the hood of his sweater and walking gingerly into the street, disappearing from the camera only some seconds later.

"Eric track his movements after he's out of this frame."

"Come on Callen, do you think you have to tell me to do that? I, _we_ know better than that." Eric's sounded annoyed as he pointed at himself and his partner in crime.

Ignoring the comment and only wanting to have all the details, the team leader proceeded with his questioning. "Did you find him?"

"No man, he just disappeared." Eric's usually cheerful voice sounded unusually dejected, only serving to add to the gloomy feeling in all of their hearts.

"I'm not surprised about that… After all, he's extremely skilled in undercover… I just don't understand why…" Sam's tone was also missing his usual spark, as he, the ultimate team man, failed to understand why their teammate and friend had decided to run and fight on his own, instead of asking for their help and support.

-x-x-x-

They all fell into silence and the darkness of their own minds, until Kensi, who had been extremely quiet since arriving into the mission, jumped from where she was standing in her usual corner of the table, just missing her usual companion next to her. "The envelope…"

At Kensi's comment, Sam and Callen stopped their pacing, and Eric and Nell their typing, they all look at each other and then nearly at the same time turned their sights towards the female agent. "What envelope Kens?" It was Nell who asked the question that was in all of their minds.

"Two days ago, I woke up before Deeks and went to make some coffee… A bit later, he came practically running into the kitchen and then went out to look for something in the mail."

"Is that a regular occurrence for Shaggy?" Sam's tone was teasing but it still carried with it the worry they were all feeling.

"No and that's what worried me at the time… He came back with an envelope but didn't want to open it, until I insisted. He… His face blanched when he saw what was inside and he was obviously rattled by whatever it was."

"Did you see what he got?" Callen, always the agent, was eager to keep hearing about the envelope, finally getting some clues they could follow and a better idea of how to proceed.

"No, he went into our bedroom and when I was able to follow after turning off everything in the kitchen, the envelope was nowhere in sight… He said it was an old LAPD case he worked in before coming to NCIS, and that whoever he put away was up for parole consideration…"

"Did you believe him?" Callen hesitated before asking the question, not wanting to give the idea that he didn't trust the younger man, but also needing to have all the facts.

Kensi stopped to think for a moment, and eventually settled for the truth. "Not really… But he didn't have a reason to lie to me, so I just thought we all had done bad things or been involved in bad cases while undercover, and maybe that was one of those for him." She looked ashamed at what she was saying, and none of her teammates were sure of what she was ashamed of. Was it the fact she had just admitted to not believing her fiancé, or that she had not questioned him further?

"Eric do everything you need, just find out everything you can on that envelope, hack the USPS servers if you have to."

Eric and Nell looked at each other and then at their leader who had just basically directed them to commit a crime, but this not being the first time they hacked something they shouldn't have, they ignore the law and proceeded to work.

"Kensi how long ago was this?"

"Wednesday."

"Okay, aaand I'm in. Let's see what we find." Eric's words had regained some of his usual exuberance, now clearly in his element and happy to have something to do.

"We should call Bates." Callen said after finally being able to put into words the nagging idea that he had been feeling ever since Kensi first mentioned the envelope. "He's the only one that can tell us if the envelope is really related to an old LAPD case. I see no reason to doubt Deeks, but his lieutenant is the one that can assure that to us."

Sam and Kensi both wanted to berate themselves at not thinking of that sooner, but it was eventually the female agent who got into action, "Nell call Bates' direct number and put in on speakerphone, I'll talk to him."

The phone kept ringing and ringing and when they all thought it would just go into voicemail, the voice of their teammate's LAPD boss finally responded in his usual serious and stoic way, "Bates."

"Lieutenant Bates, this is Agent Blye from NCIS."

"Oh no, no, no; hell no. Every time I get involved with NCIS, part of my world is turned upside down." If this conversation had been happening in person and not over the phone, the NCIS people would have seen the grim look that had befallen the LAPD man when he had heard who was on the other end. He then sighed in resignation, knowing he didn't have much choice, "what has my boy done know?"

"Deeks didn't do anything wrong lieutenant, we just want to ask some questions." Kensi's statement wasn't totally true, but she was not ready yet to tell her partner's other boss that they currently had no idea of where his man was. All of them knowing that while Bates liked mocking and scolding Deeks, he felt real affection and somewhat of a fatherly concern for his detective.

"Then ask away Agent Blye." Bates not really trusting the woman's words was certain his day had just took a turn for the worse.

"We assume you have access to all of Deeks' old cases while undercover for LAPD, and that you still receive updates about them…" Bates silently wondered where this was going, but allowed the NCIS woman the time to finish asking. "Do you know about anyone that Deeks helped put away while undercover who might be coming out of prison now?"

This line of questioning was definitely not what the lieutenant had been expecting and he kept wondering what was going on, and why was NCIS asking about old LAPD cases. "Yes, I have all the information and I still receive updates, and no, I don't have any knowledge of anyone coming out of prison… Deeks put away a lot of really bad people and none of them are up for parole any time soon, if at all… And I would have been the first to know if they were."

"Are you completely sure lieutenant? Any way they could have failed to inform you, could you check in your server just in case?"

"What's going on Agent Blye? Why are you and not Deeks asking me these questions, where's my man?" Even as the man spoke, they could hear him typing so he was at least looking the information they had requested.

Kensi took in a deep breath before finally revealing the main reason for the call, "we don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?" Bates voice had gone higher, and all agents were surprised to only sense some irritation in his tone, most of it being concern.

"He left this morning, only leaving a letter behind… He said he needed to fix something and would then come back." It was again evident to all men and woman listening that the female agent was leaving information behind, but they all chose to believe it was personal details for her and not things pertinent to the case or that could help locate the missing man.

"And why do you think it has to do with LAPD? He hasn't been undercover for us in seven years… Wouldn't it be more logical to think that it has to do with NCIS?" Bates didn't like the implication that it was LAPD who had somehow screwed up.

"Sorry if that was the impression I gave you lieutenant, we're not blaming you or LAPD. It's just Deeks received an envelope two days ago and told me it was information about an old criminal he put away in a bad case, and who was being considered for parole…" Kensi decided to share what they knew with Bates, trusting that he would be interested in helping locate Deeks as well.

"That's the first I'm hearing of that Kensi, and I'm checking right now all our databases and no one that Deeks was even involved with is currently close to getting paroled". Bates' use of her first name instead of the more formal _Agent Blye_ betrayed the concern he was feeling and worried all agents even more.

"Thank you Bates…" Not comfortable with calling the man by first name, she at least decided to use only his surname and not title this time. "We will keep you updated as we continue to search, and please call me directly if you think of anything that could help or find any useful information." She was sure the LAPD boss still had her number from that case years ago in which Deeks had supposedly shot an unarmed man.

"Wait Kensi… Deeks worked with me for many years before he got taken away by you people, and if I learned something of the man, is that he's really private and he carried a lot of baggage, but he's loyal to a fault." Bates tone was full of the affection he felt for his young cop, one that he rarely allowed the man himself to see, but one that he nonetheless always felt. "If he really thought he needed to run away, I would think whatever is happening is personal, not law enforcement related, and that he felt that was the only way he could protect you and your other teammates… He wouldn't have left otherwise."

"Thank you Bates, I appreciate all your help…" Kensi wasn't sure what else to say, she just wanted to continue with their search and start thinking of what Deeks' LAPD boss had said. But just as she was about to finish the call, she remembered the parts of the letter she had failed to mention to the rest, and now she had the perfect excuse to act on one of those things without raising suspicions. "And just one more favor lieutenant, if you're right and this is personal, Deeks might not be the only target. Could you put a protection detail on his mother? Just don't tell her for now, she is… emotional, and I can only imagine her reaction if she learned what was going on… especially now, when we still don't have many answers."

"You got it, Agent Blye. I will assign some of my most trusted men and will take care of that. You concentrate on finding our boy and what's going on with him." For a man who supposedly disliked the shaggy detective, he sure was acting really concerned and willing to help, a fact which all agents noticed and appreciated. "Good luck, Kensi… And remember to keep me informed of everything, I'll see what I can do from my end and contact you if I find anything useful."

"Wait, don't tell anyone Deeks' missing. Not until we know what's going on…" Callen felt the need to get in the conversation and protect his absent friend.

"Hello to you as well, Agent Callen if I remember correctly. I wasn't going to share that information but thanks for pointing it out."

"Sorry… we just need to cover all angles. We will be in touch lieutenant and thanks again for your help."

"Good luck agents, and find our man soon…" With that Roger Bates hanged out the phone and the agents returned to their search.

-x-x-x-

While the agents concentrated on the phone call, the tech operator and analyst had kept silently typing on their computers looking for the information on the envelope and still trying to locate the man on camera. For their part, the agents were now lost in thought, trying to remember anything from the past that could help.

"Bates is right…" When both agents, analyst, and operator turned to look at him in confusion, Sam decided to elaborate. "It's personal… Think about it, every time any of us had decided to go rogue in the past, it was personal."

"Sam's right… Callen you're the ultimate lone wolf, but still every time you did it, it was to look into your past… Kensi you did it to uncover information of your father's murder, and Sam you…" Nell suddenly stopped not wanting to continue as she was about to say that what prompted the ex-Navy Seal, and ultimate team man, to finally go rogue, had also been personal, as it involved his murdered wife.

"Exactly…" Sam also knew what Nell was about to say and appreciated that she had stopped herself, but at the same time wanted things to finally return to normal and hated that his team still occasionally seemed to walk on eggshells around him.

"Eric anything on the envelope?" Callen completely agreed with Bates and Sam's assessment but that information was useless until they got more facts about the offending object.

"I have looked into all databases, and servers and I can't find anything. I ended up hacking UPS, FedEx and even DHL as well, and still found nothing… That envelope wasn't delivered through any official means…" Eric's tone left no room for argument, he was the best at his job and he had searched all possible options and was sure of his response.

"Then maybe Bates is right, and whatever this is, really is personal…" Kensi sounded defeated again, and it worried all the agents, as right now, they needed Bad-Ass Blye more than ever before.

"Kensi, we will find Shaggy, whatever is happening we will figure it out, and we will get to him." Nell words would have meant nothing without the conviction and certainty in them, and they ultimately made Kensi smile and regain her strength and determination.

"Thanks Velma…" The use of Deeks' nickname for Nell was not lost on any of them, and it reminded the NCIS team of their missing man and how much he meant to them. "Eric access the camera in our front door and try to find out who left the envelope… It must have been delivered sometime before Wednesday at seven in the morning."

"On it…" Eric didn't even wait a second after responding and instantly went back to his computer to start the new search. It took him only three minutes to find what they were looking for, as they had legal access to the cameras it was a quicker search than if he had needed to hack.

A video went on in the big screen and all of them stopped what they were doing and concentrated on watching. The image showed a man similar in height to Callen walking into their porch and dropping the envelope in the front steps. He then turned around and walked back the same way he had come. The image was dark as it was still early in the morning and the man was wearing sunglasses and a hoodie making identifying him almost impossible. The video was then fast forwarded until Deeks came out of the house and grabbed the envelope.

"Eric I know it's a long shot but try facial recognition on the man…" Callen wasn't too hopeful that the search would get anything at all but he still wanted to try.

"Nell, look back during the week, starting Monday around the same time, and check all days…" Kensi had a bad feeling and she was scared it would proof to be true in the next couple of minutes.

"What are you thinking Kens?" After seeing the video and the certain and somewhat resigned way in which Deeks had opened the door and leaned down to grab the envelope, Sam had also been thinking that wasn't the first one he got, but wanted the female agent to elaborate.

"Deeks had been acting sort of strange all week, but it wasn't until Wednesday and the envelope that I started suspecting something might be wrong. But I decided to wait until the weekend to confront him…" She looked down at the end, and couldn't believe she had missed the chance to avoid all that was happening now.

"Don't blame yourself Kensi, that won't help anyone. We're going to find him…" Callen was also prominent to feel guilt, and he knew where her mind was at, and wanted to stop it before she ended up in a real dark place. Secretly, he still couldn't forgive himself for some of the events of the past… Sam, and Deeks' torture, Kensi's injury and almost ending paralyzed, and Michelle's death. As team leader he would always feel he could have done more…

"Got it…" Nell's voice drew all the agents back to the screen where another video from Monday started playing and it showed the same looking man delivering an envelope to their front door. The video kept playing until it got to the point when Deeks opened the front door and suddenly stopped after seeing the envelope on the floor. The surprise on his face was evident and they all looked as he turned the envelope around a couple of times probably looking for a postal address. Then he opened it and took a small paper out, his reaction not good at all as they all saw him stumble and almost fall down.

"I knew something was wrong, I knew it, I knew it, I knew it… But why wouldn't he tell me?" Kensi's dejected voice at the end broke all of their hearts and they collectively wished they had the power to fix this.

"Kens what did I just said about guilt? He's a skilled undercover, and he clearly knows how to hide himself, as for why he didn't tell you, you know he was most likely trying to protect you." Callen knew he had to remain the voice of reason, and with emotions already running high, he needed to keep thinking with his brain.

Nell stopped the video after it showed the conversation between Kensi and Deeks and them driving away together. "Nell, move to Tuesday. I think that was the first envelope he received, you can easily see the surprise on his face when he found it."

A second video started playing and again the same looking man dropped an envelope, and again Deeks came out some hours later to pick it up. A bit of surprise was still evident on his face as he opened the door, but unlike the previous day, some resignation was also clear in his stance. He then quickly got back into the house and they couldn't see anymore.

"Nell get into the other camera associated with our account, that one faces the front door from the inside." A couple years ago there wouldn't have been so many cameras in their house but after the whole rogue CIA agents' debacle they had all decided to protect themselves and their families, so they had added cameras to the front and back door.

The new video started playing and the team saw Deeks open the envelope and instantly slide down the door. They saw him hide his face on his pulled up knees and were surprised to see tears when he lifted it up again. After a short while he stood up again and walked back in the direction of their room.

"It is personal… He wouldn't cry for anything else." The certainty in Kensi's voice echoed what all of them were feeling and they all silently scolded themselves for missing the signs and failing to help their hurting teammate. "I can't believe I missed all this…" The female agent's eyes had filled with tears and she felt she somehow had failed her partner and fiancé.

Putting a hand on her shoulder and pulling her into a hug, Sam did his best to reassure the woman he saw as a little sister. "Kensi, we all missed it. We work with him at least 8 hours per day, and we didn't notice something was wrong. We have to give credit where it is due, and this is not our failure, but his victory. He wanted to hide it from us and he did it well…"

"Thanks Sam," Kensi cleared her tears and went back to look at the screen which was now showing the video for Thursday, one which went almost the same as the previous three days.

Next came Friday and the routine repeated itself, a man who they couldn't identify delivered the envelope and some hours later Deeks came out and grabbed it before going back inside. By Friday, Deeks didn't seem surprise anymore, only defeated and sad. This time the video then showed Deeks coming out of the house with a go bag and his surfboard and getting into his truck, 20 minutes before he got to the beach's parking lot, according to the first video Eric had found.

"Okay, I think this is everything we're going to find on these videos… Eric keep facial recognition running for the man delivering the envelopes, and every software available looking for Deeks himself. Nell, I know you won't like this, but start looking into Deeks' past and make note of anything that could be coming back to haunt him. Kens you know him better than anyone, try thinking back to your conversations and anything that could give us a clue of what's going on. Sam, you and me, will look back into old cases for NCIS and LAPD to see if any could relate to this, we think it's personal, but we should look into every angle." Callen was all about the case now, and they still had a couple hours before the workday was over. Although he was sure none of them would want to go home anytime soon.

"Anything specific I should look for?" Nell's wasn't comfortable at all looking into her friend's private life and would appreciate some direction into where to start her search.

They all looked at Kensi as she was the one closest to him, not only as work partner, but also as friend, girlfriend and fiancé. "Look for the records and any irregularities in them for Folsom State Prison between 1990 and 1998, for a man named Gordon John Brandel and everyone that was in contact with him while he was there." Kensi didn't say anything else, just left ops and went to the rooftop to grab some air, leaving all three men completely confused, only Nell having ever heard of Brandel's name before…

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 _Thanks a lot for reading, and to everyone that reviews this story, I really appreciate it. I very much enjoy reading your comments and it's something I always look forward to after posting ;)_


	7. Chapter 7: South of the Border

_Thanks a lot to everyone that keeps reading and supporting this story. I didn't expect the reaction to the last chapter, and it got me really happy… Thank you so very much to everyone that reviewed it, I always love reading your comments and hope you keep enjoying this story._

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 **Chapter 7: South of the Border**

Closing the door to his truck and walking away had been one of the hardest decisions he had been forced to make in his life, and even now, when he had already walked 2 miles away from the beach, Deeks still questioned if it had been the right one or if he was just choosing to run. He pictured the moment his teammates got to his envelope and predictably asked the Wonder Twins to track him, only to find he was nowhere in sight and realized he was gone.

They were going to be pissed.

But then his mind went back to the envelopes in his bag, to the pictures of Kensi, and Callen and Sam. Whoever was behind this already knew they were close to him, and he couldn't risk anyone getting to them in order to reach him. He measured his decisions based on what had the potential to be regretted more, and he was certain there was nothing in the world he could regret more than any of his NCIS teammates getting hurt by someone who wanted _him_. So, really there was nothing to decide and he had to get away from NCIS and just hope that his team would get to his truck and letter soon, so they knew to be careful and protect themselves, while he figured this out.

Deeks knew all the ways in which Eric and Nell could track him, and as long as there were cameras around he could be found, so he stuck to darkened corners and shady streets. Knowing they could also track him through his credit card use, his first stop was the bank closest to the beach, where he withdrew enough cash to last him a week. Then he went to a store he had frequented a lot in his early years in law enforcement, but one he hadn't visited since he stopped doing undercover ops for the LAPD. Reaching this part of town, and the desired store, he adjusted his appearance and went in.

"My, my! Max, haven't seen you in a long time… Was certain you had ended up in jail by now." The old man behind the counter welcomed him as soon as he opened the door and walked inside the rundown store.

"Franco, my man, it's been a while. I knew I could find you here." He went in to stretch the man's hand and was pulled in for an awkward hug instead. Max could be a son of a bitch to many, but as he had told Kensi once, he could be incredibly charming when he wanted. And this man had saved his ass more times than he cared to admit.

"I take it you're not coming in for a hello and to check on the family," Franco's easy grin spoke of familiarity, and for anyone watching from a distance, it would be obvious that the two men had a long history together. "But really, when you stopped coming I thought the law had finally caught up to you or maybe a bullet had done the work instead…"

Franco was an old man with a lot of street knowledge, and wiser than many others in his same position. He was not a criminal but he couldn't be considered an upstanding citizen either. But, fortunately for Deeks, or Max, he was loyal to a fault. "There were some close calls and I decided to head north until the coast was clear. Got involved with a different crew up there, met a girl, but ended up getting badly hurt in a deal gone wrong. Took me a while to get back, but here I am." His story wasn't a complete lie, just a slightly altered version of the last few years of his life.

"Glad to see you're okay son, part of me had also hoped you had followed my advice and gotten your act together but I see now that's not the case." A slight disappointment was obvious on the old man's voice and it was evident he felt a lot of affection for the younger man.

"Don't give me that crap again Franc, I already told you I didn't chose this live, it chose me and I just have to survive it." It had been a long time since Deeks last became Max, and every time he did, he thought back to how close he had come to this really being his life, instead of the one he had, or maybe used to have.

"So, what do you need this time?" Franco's voice had taken an edge of resignation as he knew no matter how much he wished to help Max get out of that life, he would still never deny him help.

"Thanks man, I knew you would come through… I need a burner phone, a gun that can't be traced, and a passport for going south of the border."

"South of the border? What have you gotten yourself into now?" A frown had appeared on the man's face, showing that even if this type of meeting used to be a regular occurrence, the current request was still odd.

"You know how this works, I pay, you give the things, no questions asked, no explanations given." Pulling out a pack of cash, Deeks put in on the countertop and looked at Franco with raised eye-brows.

Blowing out a shaky breath, Franco grabbed the money and without counting stuck it in his pocket and walked to the back of the store, coming out minutes later with the requested items. "Phone, simple, you can call, text and not much else, but it can't be traced. Gun, like the ones you used before, impossible to trace back to you, _or me._ " He stopped before taking out the last item and looked pointedly at the young man standing in front of him.

"Come on Max, if you're in trouble I can help you. Start somewhere new, get out of that life. Think about the future boy, soon enough you're gonna end up behind bars or inside a coffin." Franco had seen a lot of bad things throughout his life, but also stories of miracles and young men who had made it out. And he has always dream for Max to be one of those stories.

"Just give me the passport Franc, you know there's no out for someone like me." Deeks had always felt awful having to lie to the old man who had strangely become like a father figure to Max. But it was the cost of the job and he couldn't just tell him the truth right now.

Pushing the passport, along with a separate piece of paper, and two other IDs into the waiting hands of the younger man, Franco felt like a part of him was being ripped apart. He really liked Max, no matter what the stories told or the things he had himself seen. The last time he had seen the younger man 9 years ago, he had been covered in blood and bruises and Franc had been convinced he was gone forever, but when he saw him walking inside his store 30 minutes ago, a part of him had felt hopeful. "Here you have Max… or should I rather say Samuel?" The irony of the name was not lost on Deeks and he wondered what the big man was doing right now, and how pissed he was gonna be at him when he figured out what he had done.

Deeks grabbed the passport and IDs and skimmed through the basic information, it all looked believable enough and he embraced the new him, at least for the time being. Grabbing the paper Franco had given him, he found some basic information of Samuel Grier… 38, only-child, no college education, and some other things he had to learn to fully gain possession of the man. Not for the first time Deeks felt gratitude and appreciation for Franc and hoped to someday be able to share with him his real story and introduce him to the man behind the mask.

"Thanks man, I owe you another one…" Deeks' words were short, but the sincerity and emotion in them, spoke again of their long history and mutual affection and concern.

"You don't owe me anything Max, you pay all your debts when you saved my life and more importantly, my son…" Franco's eyes had taken a faraway look as he remembered the first meeting with the young man now standing in front of him as a grown up adult, but still with the same unkempt look and smug attitude.

"That was a long time ago, and how many times have you helped me since." Deeks grabbed the cellphone, gun and passport and stuck them in the various pockets of his jeans and hoodie, before starting to walk out of the store, when he had a sudden thought and stopped. "Do you know anyone that could give me access to a cheap car, something that can't be tracked and can be paid in cash?"

Franco was not easily surprised but Max kept surprising him over and over again with each new meeting the two shared. "Paid in cash and can't be tracked? Who're you running from boy, as far as I know criminals and cartels don't track cars and credit cards…"

"Remember the rule Franc, do you know someone or not?"

"Are you running from the feds?" Franco had been sure Max was caught in between another problem with a gang or cartel, but the last questions the young man asked gave the idea that he was instead running from something much more official.

"Something like that…" The sadness of the words struck Franco as uncharacteristic and he wondered not for the first time what was the real story behind the blue-eyed man. "Anyhow, I'm out of your hair for good now, thank you for everything."

"Wait, I do have someone," Franco's words made Deeks stop again and turn around with a hopeful look on his eyes. "I wish you would tell me what's going on, you disappear for 9 years and then come here looking better than ever but still asking for a burner, gun and passport, and now also a car…" After seeing the slight irritation on the young man's face, he knew he would lose him soon as Max wasn't known to be a patient man. "Go to this address, I'll call in advance. Ask for Rico when you get there, tell him Franc send you and remind him of the favor he owes me, he will have something ready in under an hour."

Grabbing the offered paper, Deeks put it in his pocket, along with the burner and took the stretched hand of the old man, again being pulled into a hug. "Take care son, and remember no matter what's going on or what you got yourself into, you will always have a friend in me." Franc's whispered words followed Deeks as he pulled away from the hug and walked out of the store.

-x-x-x-

Franc's contact had come through and under an hour, as promised, Deeks was in his _new_ 2005 Toyota Corolla and on his way south of the border. The car had some questionable stains on the backseat that looked a lot like blood, and a certain dent on one side that seemed like it had been grazed by a bullet, but Deeks had decided to ask no questions and just take the offered vehicle for the $800 it had _cost_ him. Thinking that Rico must had owed one hell of a favor to Franco, Deeks took the keys and got ready to leave the City of Angels, the State of California and the United States of America, thinking that he hoped to be back soon.

Just after reaching the southernmost suburb of LA, Deeks decided to stop and make a quick check that he had everything he needed and had gotten rid of everything he didn't need. Hiding the letters he wrote and his real documents in the car and putting Samuel's ones on his wallet, he decided he was as ready as he would ever be and got back into the highway to continue his journey south.

This was not his first time going into Mexico, but it was still one of his few times leaving LA. Before he had ended up in NCIS he had only left his hometown for a couple of surfing trips into their neighbor to the south. The new job had brought him the opportunity to see new continents and countries, unfortunately, most of those trips had been for work and had seemed to bring only heartbreak.

It took him a little over two hours to reach the US Customs and Border Protection entry port in San Ysidro and by that point Deeks was somewhere forgotten in his head and he was Samuel Grier, who just like Franc was not a criminal, neither an upstanding citizen, just a man who had been dealt a bad hand and had done anything required to survive.

The Border Patrol Agent hadn't asked much questions and he knew the toughest test would be looking believable for their Mexican counterparts. Reaching the building, which according to its sign was named _Garita El Chaparral,_ Deeks or rather Samuel, got rid of his sunglasses and hat, not wanting to raise any red flags, and knowing even if Eric tried to search for him here, he would be more likely to hack the North American side of the border control, instead of the Central American one.

"Catire, que lo trae a Mexico?" The border patrol officer asked with raised eyebrows.

Deeks' face must have betrayed that he had no clue how to speak Spanish because the man looked at his partner and both started laughing. "Este no habla Español."

"What brings you to Mexico, catire?" The man had a smirk on his face now as he translated his first question, and it was evident he was enjoying rattling the American man.

"Just a small trip for the weekend, coming back on Monday." Deeks tried to reply as simply as possible, not wanting to give more details than necessary, and risk messing up.

"Where are you staying?"

"Ensenada, not sure the place yet, anywhere I can find." Deeks hoped his smile added to his easy-going attitude and gave confidence to the government employees.

"Ok Catire, enjoy your stay." He stamped Samuel's passport and returned it to the man, but not before deciding to add, "catire means blonde btw, it will serve you to know while you're in Mexico." Then both officers started laughing again and Deeks just wanted to be on his way.

As soon as he was away from the control point he put his sunglasses and cap back on and kept driving south. His first idea had been to drive to the city of _Ensenada_ in Baja California, Mexico. After all he had already been there a couple of times. The city didn't offer as much tourism as other Mexican towns but for a surfer like him it offered enough. He had left his board on his truck in LA, but he could always rent one and take some time to enjoy the Mexican waves. But, as he drove down Highway 1, he saw signs for a village called _La Mision_ , and as the superstitious man he was, decided to take it as a sign and go there.

As he was getting more and more into the road that would take him to the village he started regretting not having stopped at a grocery store or gas station when he had been closer to civilization. Finally seeing a rundown building who based on the words painted on its side was a Mini Market called _Los Arenales_ , he decided to stop and get some basic stuff for his stay.

Los Arenales was not your typical high-end market, not even the low-end grocery store you visited from time to time. It was a brick building that had evidently seen better days, it was located on a paved road but surrounded by sandy streets on every side, all which led to mostly abandoned streets and just a few houses in between. Deeks was surprised to see cable antennas even in the worst looking buildings and thought to himself that everyone had their own different priorities.

Getting into the store and hoping not to call attention on himself, he made quick work of gathering the things he needed… Some bottles of water, a six-pack of Corona, a package of fajitas, some chicken, cereal and milk, and some extra items, he then walked towards the cashier and sighed as he saw the young looking woman eyeing him hungrily.

"Tu no eres de por aqui, sweetheart." Deeks' ability to speak Spanish was spotty at best and his understanding of the language also left a lot to be desired. He thought the woman was asking if he was from around the area, but the comment sounded more like a fact than a question so he decided not to embarrass himself and just positioned his items on the counter and got some dollars out from his pocket.

"Are you looking for a place to stay, catire… Yo te puedo ofrecer uno." _Catire_ , that meant blonde, he knew that after his brief encounter with the Mexican Border Patrol officers. And now the woman was mixing both languages and he couldn't understand how people could do that. He thought back to her words and when he realized her insinuation and that she was offering a place to stay, he blushed and looked down.

Laughing the young woman started ringing in his items and packing them in a couple of bags. The cute blonde in front of her was evidently not from Mexico, his looks giving away the first impression but his lost expression every time she spoke Spanish settling the deal. "Are you paying in pesos or dollars?" Trying to put the man out of his misery she decided to stick to English before the man bolted out of her store.

"Dollars."

So _he speaks, and with an adorable voice,_ the woman thought to herself and not for the first time wished that she could keep him.

Deeks finished paying and practically ran out of the store, not wanting to make a fool of himself any further. Getting back inside his car, he went back to the main road and finished the last few miles before reaching La Mision.

La Mision was a small beach village located somewhere in between Tijuana and Ensenada and it didn't offer much for commercial activity, just various _posadas_ or hotels and a few stores located in the main street along the ocean. After driving five minutes he found a small hotel that looked nice enough and got inside, hoping for a better experience than his recent trip to the mini market.

The first thing he noticed when entering the little hotel named _Casa de la Misión_ or House of the Mission, is that an old man was working the main desk and he silently thanked all his gods and angels.

"Buenas tardes, I'm looking for a room for 3 nights." Good afternoon, one of the few things he knew how to say in Spanish, but he hoped it would get the man to trust him.

"Got all the way down here just for 3 nights, mi amigo?" The man seemed friendly enough and at least he was speaking mostly English.

"Just here for a weekend of surf, not wanting to stay for long." Deeks had thought to stay for longer, but he knew he couldn't run forever, so the weekend would do. He was just here to gather his thoughts and get away from his team, hopefully to draw whoever was targeting him, away from them.

"Where's the surfboard then?" The man's voice had taken an edge of distrust and Deeks scolded himself for not remembering that he hadn't actually brought his surfboard.

"Left in a rush and I was hoping I could rent one in here… I was driving to Ensenada and I know a surf shop there, but decided to check out a new place," hopefully showing some knowledge of the area would decrease the man's obvious uneasiness.

The man stayed quiet for a second, pondering his options and studying the younger man in front of him. Not knowing how close he really was to the assumption, he thought that the blonde man seemed friendly and honest enough, and was probably just a man looking for a weekend _escape_ , thus coming unprepared. "Esta bien amigo, I can give you an ocean view room for 3 nights and I know a place near the beach where you can rent a board."

Deeks smiled at the man, and payed for his room, getting some keys in exchange and walking back to his car to gather his things.

As soon as Deeks opened the door and took in the sight in front of him, he wished Kensi was with him. He missed her terribly, but he could not allow himself to think of her or he would start breaking down. This was not a vacation, or a romantic getaway, it was a business trip. It was the same reason why he had decided for this little village instead of the bigger Ensenada. He didn't need distractions, but the time to think and figure out who could be behind the envelopes and what were the best steps to take next.

Grateful for the idea to stop at the mini market, he cooked some chicken in the small kitchen and along with the fajitas and a beer, completed his dinner and ate in silence. He couldn't stop his mind from going back to LA and the princess he had left behind. He wondered what she could be doing right now… Probably desperately looking for him. He hated the feeling in his gut, and he knew he had let her down. But he really could not think of any other option to keep her safe. He couldn't explain how he knew, but he was certain that whoever was aiming for him, meant really bad news.

After dinner, he drank another beer and settled down in the lounge chair in the balcony, looking at the Pacific and waiting for its calming effect to take place and slow down his running thoughts and aching heart. Sadly, this time, the peace never came…

* * *

 _I'm slightly worried about posting this chapter, but it was a lot of fun to write, and I couldn't not mix a little of my native Spanish in it. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it. I'm loving writing this story, and hope you all continue on this journey with me… More answers coming soon ;)_


	8. Chapter 8: A Gamble

_Thanks to everyone that continues to follow and support this story, enjoy!_

* * *

 **Chapter 8: A Gamble**

As soon as Kensi was alone in the rooftop she couldn't stop the tears that came. _You're my world_. The words kept being repeated in her head, echoed of another time, another rooftop visit and the love she shared with Deeks. She remembered the conversation they shared that night and a part of her couldn't stop thinking that this was all her fault, she was always too focused on the job so she had failed to notice that the most important person in her life had needed her. Maybe if she had considered his comments about leaving NCIS and had decided to take that next step, this wouldn't be happening now, and they could be together in a beach somewhere, enjoying each other's company and with no one trying to hurt either of them.

Even with all the sadness and regret she was feeling, she knew those thoughts were her emotions taking control. Even if she had tried, she couldn't have predicted or stopped this, in life some things are just meant to happen and you just have to let them run their course. She just had to hope that said course wouldn't take Deeks away from her.

The old Kensi would have been pissed with her boyfriend, but the new one, understood. The past is messy and sometimes you feel you need to make peace with it on your own. After all, she had done the same thing in the past. _But we are an engaged couple now, a_ nother part of her brain responded. Still she couldn't be angry at him, she was just disappointed, but more than anything she was scared. She had an idea of what could be the current problem, and if her idea proved to be right, this could turn out really, really bad. She just wanted, _needed_ , to be there for him and she wouldn't rest until they were together again.

-x-x-x-

"Hey G, what are you thinking?" Sam had been staring at his partner for the past 5 minutes and the man hadn't even noticed, he seemed to be completely lost in thought.

"You know Sam, what would I be thinking about?" The team leader sounded, and _looked_ tired, the current situation evidently taking its toll on all team members.

"Sorry…" Blowing out a breath, Sam decided to push forward, "maybe if we talked we could help each other figure this out?"

Callen was looking exasperated now, and even though he knew Sam's questioning came from a good place, he just wanted to be left alone. "There's nothing to figure out Sam, at least not yet… We need more information."

Silence followed the quick conversation until Sam finally gathered the courage to say what was really on his mind. "It's not our fault, you know that, right?"

"I know Sam," the team leader sounded like a recently reprimanded child and he again regretted that his partner knew him so well, because he just wanted what he saw as his right to feel guilty and responsible. "I just…"

"You just..?" Sam knew how hard it was to get his partner to open up, but he needed to know what was on the man's head. They had already lost one team member, and the ones remaining had to stick together, now, even more than ever.

"I just didn't see it coming… After the last year, I wasn't expecting this…" Callen looked down and close his eyes for a second, trying to gather his thoughts and keep his emotions under control.

"I feel the same way, but not even Kensi saw it coming, and they live together…" Sam was trying to help his partner feel better, but after the words came out, he realized he sounded insensitive against the female agent, and he was glad she was not here to listen. Trying to change the subject from his small slip up, he decided to continue, "I just don't understand why he left… Doesn't he trust us?" That was the main issue bothering Sam, he thought they all had come a long way with their liaison officer and he couldn't accept that all those feelings had just been wishful thinking. But, maybe things had never really improved and he had just been fooling himself…

Callen thought of Sam words before responding. That same issue had bothered him at first, but then he realized he could relate to his younger teammate. He had done the same thing in the past countless of times, and he would probably do again sometime in the future. "I felt the same way big guy, but… just try to see it from his perspective?"

"What does that even mean G? We're family… we just don't run away when things get hard, we stick together and figure it out!" Sam was getting angry now, not only Deeks had disappeared but now his own partner agreed with that decision.

"It's different for us, Sam…" Callen didn't know much of the younger's man life, but he had always felt they came from the same life… cut from the same cloth. "We were both lone wolves and loners before we came to NCIS, sometimes it's hard to remember we have a family now, especially when the past decides to come back…" The words made Callen wonder what could be so bad in his teammate's past, that he felt he had to hide it from them and run away. As he had said to Sam he could relate, so he didn't judge… He just wished he knew so he could better help.

Sam didn't respond and just thought over what his partner had said. His mind went back to the Sidorov case and a chess game beside the beach. He closed his eyes, his mind assaulted by all the emotions that came flooding back to him. He had misjudged his younger teammate on that occasion, and he had never understood how the man forgave him so easily, especially after everything he went through for Sam and his family. He couldn't do the same mistake again, so he would just keep looking and be there for Deeks whenever they found him, because he was sure they would.

"I found him!" Eric joyful scream brought back both senior agents from their own thoughts and they all stared at the man expectantly.

"…And I lost him again…" Eric's voice sounded dejected now and all team members currently present in the room sighed at the rollercoaster of emotions.

"What happened Eric?" Callen tried to keep down the irritation in his voice, knowing he had to be supportive and that their tech operator was doing all he could.

"I finally got a hit from his credit card, so I checked the cameras and was able to follow him from the bank, and then as he entered a store in Southwest LA, but then completely lost him again and haven't been able to find him since…" Eric looked down, clearly disappointed, and hating the feeling of failure he couldn't shake off. This was his job, he was supposed to be good at it, great even, and he couldn't believe his jokester team member was getting the best of him. Then his mind went back to his occasional morning surfing sessions with the blonde detective and how everything for the man seemed to be a game. _Game_. He would treat this as a game and just try to best his friend as they constantly tried doing in the ocean.

"Don't worry Eric, just keep looking. Sent us the address and any information you can find of the store. We'll go check it out and see if we can find anything useful. Then we will head home for the night and continue our search on Monday…" Callen signaled for Sam to follow as he made his way out of the ops room and towards the rooftop where he knew the female agent was probably waiting.

"Monday?" Nell's voice sounded higher than usual. "We don't know where Deeks is, _Kensi_ doesn't know where Deeks is, and you're just saying to go home and have a normal weekend?" She couldn't believe it and she needed to make her disappointment known.

"That's not what I meant Nell, but Mosley is not Hetty… We can keep looking on our own, and you and Eric can keep all the programs running and follow them from your handheld devices…" He had no intention to stop the search, he just knew he had to manage it carefully with their new boss. Not for the first time, and certainly not for the last, the team leader wished Hetty was here and not… wherever she was.

"Okay…" Nell looked apologetic now, and she just turned around and went back to typing on her keyboard.

-x-x-x-

As predicted, the team leader found their female teammate standing in the rooftop, a new tradition born after the almost nuclear missile incident.

"Hey Kens, let's go, we've got a lead" Sam's tone was gentle as he was pretty sure Kensi was crying again and he didn't want to startled her.

The hopeful look on Kensi's face when she turned around broke the two senior agents' hearts and both silently wished they could make this right for both their younger teammates. "Come on, let's go!" Not even asking about the lead, the female agent just started walking towards the door and what she hoped would be the clue that would break the _case_ for them.

Just 5 minutes later all three agents were in the Challenger and ready to go. 15 minutes later they were pulling into the parking lot of a rundown store. 20 minutes later they were entering said store, full of hope but also a lot of questions.

"Hello?" The store seemed empty when the 3 agents walked in, so Sam asked the obvious. "Anyone here?"

As soon as the agent spoke, an older looking man walked from the back and stared at the three newcomers in his store warily. Callen, Sam and Kensi all looked at each other, and silently wondered what relationship Deeks could possibly have with this man. The store owner, or so they presumed, didn't look like a bad man. But his store was a mess, located in a shady part of the city, and associated with countless of past criminal investigations as Eric had found out.

"Anything I could help you with?" The old man was well-spoken, a lot better than they would have expected from an area like this. And as he moved away from the counter, the agents could see he was dressed in beige trousers and a bright bottom down shirt, reminding them of a past Marty Deeks from his earlier days at NCIS. He had dark hair and tired-looking green eyes.

"Are you the owner of the store?" Not really knowing who the man was, or his relationship with Deeks, if any at all, Callen decided for caution, not wanting to create more trouble for his missing friend.

"Yes, who do I have the pleasure of speaking with?" The man's words said one thing, but his demeanor the complete opposite, and the current encounter didn't seem to be a pleasure at all.

"Name's Christopher, and who do I have the pleasure of speaking with?" Callen again decided for caution.

The man looked at Callen cautiously and raised his eye-brows, thinking that the man in front of him didn't look like a Christopher to him. Deciding to ignore the question, he decided for all-business and went ahead in his questioning. "What brings you to my store this fine morning?"

"So, no name, okay…" Callen was not getting a good vibe from this situation and he looked at his teammates silently judging their feeling and asking for their opinion.

Seeing Callen's look, Sam decided to take his chance and follow his gut. "Name's Switch… Looking for my buddy who's missing and thought you could help a homie out."

The man took a step back and in a quick motion grabbed a weapon from behind the counter and pointed it at the man in front of him. He had a bad feeling when the two men and woman had come in, and now that he had an idea of who they were after, he wasn't about to be caught unprepared.

"Federal Agents, get your weapon down!" The man supposedly named Christopher spoke, as all tree in unison pulled out their weapons.

This was certainly not what the store owner had been expecting and he had no choice but to drop his weapon and lift his hands in the universal sign of surrender. He saw the female agent move towards him with handcuffs and his mind started quickly thinking of a possible way out.

The huge guy, who probably wasn't called Switch, put a big hand on the female's shoulder, stopping her progress and giving her a look that spoke of family and understanding, whoever this people were had to be close and probably more than just coworkers.

"You look like a nice business owner, and we don't want to cause you any trouble." The big guy's voice completely changed from a street guy to what clearly was a federal agent. "We're looking for a man that came into your store… tall, blonde, long hair, blue eyes, do you know where we can find him?" Not knowing how this man knew Deeks and having the feeling it probably wasn't by the name Deeks, he decided to leave his name out of the conversation.

"I have a lot of regulars, and you just described any surfer in LA." The man was sure these people were looking for Max but he had to make sure. "If you could give me a name, I would be able to help you better."

All three agents narrowed their eyes, whoever this man was and whatever his relationship with their friend was, he seemed intelligent enough for them to be careful. "I think you know who we're talking about, and we want a location _now_." The female agent's voice chilled the man to his core and he stumbled a little.

"Kens, let me handle this." Sam was getting an odd feel from the man. He didn't seem hostile, just _loyal_. "Give me a first name, and I'll give you a last." Thinking compromise might be the better option he decided to follow his gut again and try a different tactic.

"Max."

"Gentry."

All three agents looked at each other and their eyes became wide for just a second, as they saw recognition in the old man's eyes. Deeks had come to this man as Max Gentry, but why? Maybe whatever he was caught in had to do with police business and they were mistaken on their assumption that it was personal.

No one spoke for the next couple of minutes, each man and woman, silently thinking about the current situation and the man they all knew in common.

"So now you know… So where can we find Max?" Sam kept a gentle tone, trying to be the good cop in this little scenario… Knowing Kensi wouldn't need much push to become the bad cop, the _really_ bad and pissed cop.

"I don't know, never heard of the man before." The man's tone was smug, all three agents instantly knowing he was lying and he very well knew who Max Gentry was.

"Come on man, I saw the recognition in your eyes… We're giving you a chance here, just tell us where to find him, we don't want to hurt him." Callen's patience was running out so he decided to interfere.

"Yeah agent, I can totally believe you three fine looking federal agents just want to grab a cup with Max and no handcuffs will get in the middle of your little tea party…" The man's smartass remark reminded the agents of their missing friend once again, and they once more questioned their connection. "Arrest me if you want to, but you won't get a word from me."

Knowing they wouldn't get anywhere with the man and that they didn't have the time to arrest him and just needed whatever information he knew quickly, Sam decided to fully ignore the rules, and just keep following his gut. "Look man, my name is Sam Hanna, this here is my partner G Callen, and that is our teammate Kensi Blye. What's your name?"

"Franco."

Sam looked at Callen and Kensi with an apologetic look for what he was about to do next, he just hoped his gamble wouldn't backfire. "Nice to properly meet you Franco, now the deal is… The man you know as Max Gentry is really one Marty Deeks, and I don't really know how you know him, but the truth is… he's a cop." Sam wasn't one to break the rules, but he was done losing family members, and to save a friend, he would do that and much more. He just hoped the loyalty he felt from the man was real and not a fragment of his hopeful imagination.

-x-x-x-

Franco's eyes widened at the agent's words and his face blanched. _Max a cop_. It couldn't be.

Callen wasn't sure of his partner's decision, but they were a team so he would back him up. Taking out his cell phone he looked for a picture and showed it to the man. "Here, this is the three of us and Deeks… he works with us." The picture showed all four team members having tacos at their favorite food truck after a long day of work, all looking exhausted but content in each other's company.

Franco couldn't believe what he was seeing. He took in every person in the picture and studied their expression… They all looked like friends, close and trusted friends. He concentrated then on the female agent currently in his store, and when he saw the joined hands she shared with his _former_ friend he understood. "You're together," he simply said in her direction.

"Deeks is my partner. He's in trouble, not from us, not from the law, but from someone bad who wants to hurt him. You seem to like him, so please help us, help him." Kensi was pleading now, she just wanted her partner back and she was willing to do almost anything to make that happen.

"I used to like him." Franco's voice didn't sound angry, just sad and _numb._

"Look Franco, I don't know your story with Deeks, but I sure hope to one day learn it, because it seems like quite the tale. We are all agents and we all had been forced to lie in the past, but that doesn't mean our emotions were any less real. I know you like Max, you're loyal to him, and were willing to get arrested to protect him. We're trying to do the same thing, so please help us." They were getting out of options and Sam just decided to speak from experience and hoped that appealing to the emotions the man seemed to feel for their friend would be enough to open him up.

Franco was lost in thought. He remembered all that Max had done for him, all they had shared, and how they had practically saved each other. And that was enough to realize he loved that young man whatever his name was. "Sam, you can call me Franc, I assume Deeks as you call him, is an undercover cop… why else would I have met him as Max." Sensing the worry in the agents, he decided to set their minds at ease. "Max… Or Deeks. He's a friend. I met him while he was undercover a long time ago, around 13 years. A little after that he saved my life, and that of my son, I've been in his debt ever since… His secret is safe with me."

"Nice to meet you Franc." Sam extended his hand, shaking it with the man, prompting Callen and Kensi to follow his action. "I'm not surprised Deeks did that. He's a good man." Sam's words sent all four individuals presently in the store to the past and the man they all now knew was a common friend. All of them thinking of one point or another in which the blonde, goofy man had saved someone or sacrificed himself for the common good.

"He is…" Franc's eyes had a faraway look, evidently caught in memories of his friend. "If you don't mind me asking… What's going on with him? He came asking for help, as he often did, until he stopped around 8 years ago. I thought he was caught up with another gang, but you tell me now he's a cop and works with you, so…"

Kensi decided it was time for her to speak. "Deeks started working with us 7 years ago, I imagine that's around the time he disappeared. He was an undercover cop for the LAPD before then, I know he didn't used to have lots of official backup, and from what I'm sensing and you're telling me, you seemed to have been that backup."

"I guess I was, I did have to save the boy a lot of times… but he did the same for me." Franc's words made all three agents wonder again of the relationship he shared with Deeks and they were curious and wanted to ask but had no time for that now.

"I'm sorry to pressure you Franc, but we're really worried for him. We can't tell you everything, and honestly, it's because we don't know. But someone is targeting him, and he's in danger. That's why he ran away." Kensi's desperation was evident in her tone, and with each passing minute she felt her worry increase. "Do you know anything that could help us find him?"

Franc couldn't believe all the information he was hearing. But when he really thought about it, it made sense. After all he had always thought Max had a lengthier story than he shared. And he was glad to know the young man had a good life and people around him that seemed to love and worry for him. "He came to me for help, he asked for a burner phone, untraceable gun, passport and car… I don't know where he went, but he mentioned crossing the border."

"Do you know the car he's driving? The name he's using? Phone number?" Callen bombarded the man with questions, feeling better and uplifted as they were finally getting somewhere.

"The car is an old Corolla, I'm not sure of the color, and it had no license plates last time I saw it. My relationship with the man that gave it to him is not on good terms, and I was just cashing in a favor. The name he's using is Samuel Grier, and I can give you the number of the phone I gave him." After moving to the back and rummaging in a box hidden below the counter, he came back outside and gave the female agent a paper with a number written on it.

All three agents looked at each other and smirked at the name Deeks was using, the irony of it, not lost in any of them.

"Thank you Franc, we really appreciate it. And I promise you once we find him, he will come back and clarify everything to you…" Kensi was sure Deeks would want to explain personally to the man that obviously felt a lot of affection for him. "I know it must be hard to understand why he had to do what he did, but Deeks is a good cop and a good man. And remember everything he did was still him, regardless of the name, Max or Marty, doesn't matter, just the things he did." Knowing Deeks would probably feel guilty when he learned of this small encounter, she tried setting the man's mind at ease, until Deeks could personally explain.

"Thank you Kensi." Franc didn't know what else to say. The last hour had turned his world upside down and he wasn't feeling really chatty at the moment. He just had to remember that Marty Deeks was still the man he knew, and the things they had shared weren't taken away by a name change.

As Kensi was walking out the door, she turned around to look at Franc one last time, and before exiting the store she muttered the words that were on her mind. "It would also be my honor if you would have a beer with us and share some of your stories, I'm sure you have a lot and they're worth hearing." Kensi smiled warmly at the man and stretched her hand for a final handshake.

Franc pulled her in for a hug instead, surprising her for a moment, until she responded with a warm embrace. When he pulled away the man's eyes were shining with unshed tears. "Bring the boy back home and I will gladly share that beer and stories with you."

"I will hold you to that, Franc, I really will, and I promise we'll find Deeks soon." Kensi whispered the words as she walked out of the store, followed by Callen and Sam. All three agents left the store looking forward to meeting Franc again, glad to have learned another part of their friend's mysterious past and feeling a little bit closer to getting him back.

* * *

 _This chapter was challenging to write in terms of the agents making decisions that would lead them to more information about Deeks' whereabouts, but not seeming out of character. I hope I did an okay job and would love to hear what you thought of it. Next two chapters are ready and will come this week, along with some important answers ;)_


	9. Chapter 9: Hello Darkness, My Old Friend

_Title of the chapter comes from "The Sound of Silence" by Simon & Garfunkel. Obviously not mine, just paying tribute to a song I like very much. Enjoy!_

* * *

 **Chapter 9: Hello Darkness, My Old Friend**

The watcher had been surprised when one of his followers informed him his target had left LA. When he had watched Deeks next to his car the day before, looking so desperate and lost, he had been sure the man was deciding between staying and leaving LA. And knowing what he did now, he had been right in his assumption. But he had been sure that the man would choose the same option he did as a young boy, to stay and fight, instead, this time he had decided to run. Maybe the years had turned the boy soft?

He was angry, really annoyed and irritated, and that wasn't a good thing for anyone close to him, and much less for his enemies. All the time spent following the team and studying their actions, just for the detective to run away and turn all that information useless. He had wanted to grab him during one of the team's cases but now that wouldn't be possible and this was just another reason he would have to make the man pay for. He hadn't taken all that time for research and waited so long to put his plan in motion, for all his ideas to be thrown out the window in the last stages.

The watcher couldn't be sure if Deeks was choosing to leave permanently or come back soon. His instincts told him he wouldn't abandon his team and the woman he spent all his time with, but still he couldn't be completely sure. He had to contact the hated detective and let him know he existed. Making the decision to slightly alter his plans, the man sent a group of his minions to the store his target had been followed to the day before, hoping to find out where the detective had gone or how to contact him.

-x-x-x-

Huey, Dewey, and Louie, as the watcher called his main three subjects, left their house early Saturday morning after receiving a call from their boss with the next steps of the plan. They were to make their way into a rundown store in a shady part of town and through whatever means find out where their target could be located. Entering the store, they saw an old man working the register and approached him from three different sides.

Franco looked warily at the three man, who appeared to be triplets, and as inconspicuously as possible moved his hand to the gun he always kept hidden below the counter. "What can I do for you this fine morning?"

"For how long it remains a fine morning depends entirely on you old man…" The first man said. "Tells us what we want to know and we leave peacefully…" The second continued. "Or not, and I can assure this will stop being a fine morning really soon…" The third one finished as he took out a gun from his back, while his brothers followed with similar actions.

"No need to get violent, and no need to pull out three guns against one old man. What do you want to know?" Franc had a bad feeling and he thought what the man would want to know, or rather who would they ask about. And if he was certain, this will surely end badly, because he would never betray his friend.

"Yesterday a man came to your store," again the first man started talking and Franc closed his eyes as his worst fears were becoming a living nightmare. "Tall, blonde, blue eyes…" The second continued just as they had done before. "How do we contact him?" The third one, who evidently was the leader, finished, again lifting his gun for emphasis.

 _Max what did you get yourself into?_ Franc thought to himself as he tried looking for a way out. This was not the first time undesirable men came to his store looking for the young man he secretly loved as a son, but this was the first time he saw no way out. Deeks which now he knew was Max's real name was nowhere around, neither his federal agents' friends… He was alone and outnumbered against three armed and clearly unstable men. Protecting that young man had costed him a lot in the past, stabbed once, almost shot another time, and his store trashed a third time... Still, he would take any of those things again if it meant keeping him save.

When he had first met him, he had already heard of all the stories of the supposedly violent and crazy Max. And even then, he had believed there was more to the man, and had just seen him as a survivor like himself, and a young man that had instantly reminded him of his younger brother gunned down by a rival gang at just 30… And now, after the meeting with the federal agents the night before, he knew his feelings had been true, and even though his friend had lied, he understood and was still willing to protect him with his life. As the agent had said, the name didn't matter, just what he had done, _and what they had shared_ , he silently added in his head.

"Hey, old man, we're not playing here." The third man and leader spoke, signaling for his companions to move to either side of Franco while he kept approaching from the front.

"I get many customers daily, I'm sorry but I can't help you." The first hit caught him near his left eye and he stumbled against the counter. The second and third punches went into his stomach, knocking the air out of his lungs. The fourth, and last one, sent him to the floor with blood running down his face.

Staring up at the three man from his position laying on the ground, Franc wondered if this was the end, because there was no way he would betray Max… Or Deeks, he corrected himself. Many would argue his actions were foolish but if there was one value to which he had abided his whole life, it was loyalty, and he didn't want to stop now. He remembered their first meeting, and the way the young man had sacrificed himself to save him and his son. He remembered the friendship that followed and felt clarity in his heart that regardless of the lies, that part had been all true. He also felt peace within himself that he finally knew the truth, and the innocent part of his heart still hoped he would live long enough to someday meet the real Marty Deeks without the mask. A kick to his back brought his mind back to the present, and after seeing the guns pointed at him, he started to pray.

"Last chance old man, how do we contact him?"

-x-x-x-

Saturday came and with it a whole new level of sorrow, Deeks was missing Kensi more than he thought possible and he couldn't stop thinking about her. It was Saturday morning and they would usually be together at home, cooking breakfast together and ready to leave for the beach or whatever other plans they had. Instead, he was alone, on a little hotel in Mexico, and with an unknown bad guy still behind him.

More than anything, he hated the indecisiveness he still felt and the doubts that plagued his mind. A voice at the back of his head told him he had made a mistake, had allowed the envelopes to rattle him, taking away his ability to think rationally and rushing him into the decision to run away. But the other voice in his head said that this had been the only choice, and the best way to protect his family back in LA.

After eating some cereal and milk, and changing into shorts and a t-shirt, he decided to walk towards the beach, hoping to find the peace he so desperately needed.

Following the directions from the owner of the hotel, he made his way into the beach and the surf shop where he could rent a board. At any other time, he would have been totally excited to be surfing in Mexico but now he just felt numb and miserable. He wanted Kensi to be with him, and even more he wanted to be home with Kensi. The years together with her had settled him down, and he didn't enjoy going out and traveling so much; he much preferred their domestic bliss and the comfortable way in which they lived.

He surfed for some time but wasn't feeling it, and ended up wiping out more times than the ones he remained standing. Settling back on the sand, he again went back to the last week and the envelopes. The first three pictures had been completely personal and dealing with his childhood, making him think it was someone from his past. But his father was dead, and he had no other family. So it left a family member he wasn't aware existed, or maybe an old friend or cellmate of his father. Lastly, he thought whoever was behind the pictures might have been trying to set him up, making him think of the distant past, when maybe the enemy was much more recent.

After 2 hours of sitting on the sand, and being no close to figuring out who was behind the envelopes, he started thinking instead of what to do next. Contacting his team was the choice that made the most sense, but now he would need to not only explain the envelopes but why he had run away. He thought that would be easier if he returned sooner rather than later, but that still left open having to explain the worst part of all… the pictures of his battered young self and mother.

Feeling hungry, he decided to return the board and walk back to the hotel. He thought to cook the rest of the chicken as he didn't feel like going out, but his plans were changed as soon as he entered the main area of the building and sniffed the deliciousness coming from what he imagined was the kitchen.

"Mijo, aqui estas! My husband told me we had a nice, young American guest, so I decided to cook something local for you and the other few guests we have." A nice looking old woman dressed in typical Mexican attire walked out of the kitchen wiping her hands on a towel, before moving towards Deeks and grabbing one of his cheeks. "Now come boy, I cooked some delicious Mole that I'm sure will send you to heaven."

Deeks felt a little uncomfortable at the woman's attention but seeing no other option he decided to follow, while thanking her for the meal she had cooked. He had to admit it was really delicious, but that only made his heart hurt even more, as he thought of Kensi and how much she would have loved it. Finishing his food and thanking the woman again he went back into his room and settled back down on the balcony.

The rest of the day was spent in between watching some bad Mexican shows and again wondering how much better they would be if he could be with his Kensi, hanging by the small pool of the hotel and sitting on the balcony trying to gather his thoughts. It was still early when he decided to go to bed, not having anything to do, and feeling like his thoughts were not getting any better, only darker and more frantic.

-x-x-x-

As soon as Deeks opened his eyes on Sunday morning, he stretched out his hand looking for Kensi's and his heart broke a little more when he remembered where he was and that Kensi was back in LA. Not by her choice, but by his stupid mistake. _Not a mistake_ , he reminded himself; after all, keeping Kensi safe was always his main job and concern.

While he was eating another simple cereal breakfast, he remembered that he had been keeping his burner phone off, and decided to turn it on and check for any messages from Franc. Finding none, he started getting ready so he could go to the beach again. There wasn't a lot to do on the tiny village and honestly he didn't felt he deserved any fun. He was certain this was the way the world was charging him for his mistakes and he had no choice but to pay and keep trying to figure out who was behind this, so he could hopefully move forward with his life.

Just as he was about to leave the room his cellphone rang and after seeing the area code for LA, he was sure his team had somehow found him.

"Hi?" Not wanting to answer as Deeks, Max or Samuel, he decided to go for a plain old greeting that wouldn't incriminate any of his identities.

"Hello Martin..." He would recognize that voice anywhere and anytime.

Deeks heart began beating erratically, his breath caught in his throat and his body started shaking uncontrollably.

It couldn't be. The bastard was supposed to be dead…

* * *

 _So, I'm really curious to know what everyone thinks… Thanks as usual for reading and know your reviews always make me happy and I love reading what you have to say._


	10. Chapter 10: From Brandel to Deeks

_Warning: This chapter contains references to and short descriptions of spousal and child abuse, it isn't too graphic, but I just wanted to give a heads-up._

* * *

 **Chapter 10: From Brandel to Deeks**

"Martin boy, I remember you were such a talker when you were a kid, don't you wanna talk to your father after so long?" A slight chuckle followed the words, as Gordon Brandel was clearly enjoying the obvious surprise and speechlessness of his son.

Deeks hanged out the phone, threw it on the bed and ran from the room. _It couldn't be, it couldn't be, it couldn't be…_

He didn't stop when the old man from the hotel called his name, or when his wife asked him about lunch, he just keep running until he reached the beach and fell to the sand, his knees weak and his body still shaking.

He flashed back to seating in a similar position in the sand, but on a different beach back in LA. It was just after his encounter with Sidorov when he was feeling like his life was about to end. His feeling now was similar to that and his mind started being invaded by all the nightmares and demons from the past.

-x-x-x-

 _He was running as fast as he could, he never remembered ever feeling this alive…_

 _And he kept running, and running… running for his life…_

 _He didn't stop running until he found his favorite depth. The blue depths of the ocean. The freedom of the beach. The steadiness of the sand. The warmth of the sun. And the cold of the water._

 _He let his body fall on the sand, and for the first time in the last hour he allowed himself to breathe, not the physiological process you only did to merely survive, but to really breathe. To feel alive more than just be alive._

 _He started remembering the last five months of his life, and again tried to understand the moment it all had gone so wrong... When his father turned from a caring and loving man, into a monster who enjoyed beating his wife and son. He was constantly told it was his fault, but he couldn't understand why._

 _He remembered the blood, the screams and the smell of alcohol in the air. And for the first time in those five months, he fully let himself cry._

 _How could he be the one to blame when he was only eight?_

-x-x-x-

Sitting on the sand, Deeks stared at the water as he remembered that first night in which he had ran away from home. Not being able to take any more hits and just needing to escape. _This couldn't be happening…_

As that time nearly 30 years ago, he allowed himself to cry, just this time the tears were just tears, water and salt, there was no blood mix in between. Blood brought upon by the fists of his own father.

After five minutes he couldn't see clear anymore, his sight obscured by the tears that just kept coming, and coming, seemingly never wanting to stop.

A lot of time had passed since that night when he was eight, and the following three years that had only brought more pain and misery, only stopping with a bullet from the gun given to him by his best friend…

-x-x-x-

 _He looked at the boy sitting across from him in the bus and noticed how similar they looked._

 _But it wasn't really their look… One was dark-haired, the other one blonde. One had brown eyes, the other one blue. One was tall and strong, the other one short and scrawny._

 _Still they were the same. Marked by the black eye that stood out in both of their faces, the bruises on their arms, and the sadness in their eyes._

 _That day a deep friendship was born. One that had its roots on shared traumas, fears and dreams. One that turned just Ray and just Marty, into Marty and Ray._

-x-x-x-

He smiled as he remembered that first meeting. How after staring at each other for the majority of the bus ride, and then realizing they both shared the same stop, the older boy had decided to introduce himself. Surprised when he ask for a name and just got a whispered Marty, and then a "just Marty" when he asked for a last name, he decided to reply with a "just Ray" in return. Looking back at it, that day saved his life. It gave him the first real friend he ever got, his first taste of loyalty, and the safe haven both boys had desperately needed.

Before he had time to stop them, tears starting coming up again. He missed his friend and he felt no shame. He was an adult now, but even grown up men needed a friend. He understood what witsec meant, but he still wished against his better judgement that he could go and see him again. He would take a bus, a plane, a boat, whatever he needed to take him there, but deep down he knew that possibility wasn't available to him.

Life was not static and nothing was eternal, not even those perfect things people wished to keep forever. Friends changed, some died, others left, and some were just taken away.

-x-x-x-

 _It had been three months since their first meeting, Ray was ten and Marty was eight. They were hanging out after school, both wanting to delay going back home as much as they could. Both knowing what could be waiting for them there, and neither of them wanting to face it._

 _After talking for another hour and seeing it was getting late, they said their goodbyes and started down the different streets that would take them to their respective houses. After all, they weren't the only victims and the anger of their fathers could very well be directed at their mothers if they were not home._

 _That night the blonde boy was already in bed, when his drunk father got home and marched towards his room. His team lost the game, and he had lost a lot of money. So someone needed to pay… not the friend that got him into gambling, or the boss that took his job away, not himself for his mistakes, but his son. The man wasn't sure why, he just knew he needed an outlet for his anger and young Marty was the perfect choice, he was small, vulnerable and a little brat, who was just meant to be another casualty._

 _The first hit struck him in the face, forcing him awake. The second one went to his gut. The third one never came as he pushed his drunk father away and got out of bed. He ran downstairs and towards the door, never looking back, just running for his life._

 _Panting he got to his safe place, he went around the back and threw a rock against the right side window. After just two minutes it opened, and the wide-eyed face of his best friend appeared from above the window frame. He helped the younger boy climb into his room, not even bothering to ask why he was there, as the answer would be the same one of all the other times this same thing had happened in the last few months._

 _They had turned into each other's salvation. When one father was in rampage, the boy ran to his friend, and to the place where he was always welcomed. This worked perfectly fine, until the unfortunate nights in which both fathers were in a rampage at the same time._

-x-x-x-

Peace could be found in the unlikeliest of sources and for young Deeks it had come in the form of a boy with a similar background to his and a heart full of love that was being wasted.

He remembered all the nights he ran to Ray's house to escape from his father's fists, and the times Ray ran to his to escape his own father's attacks.

That arrangement worked perfectly until one of the worst nights of his life. Almost 30 years in the future and the memory still hurt, but it also carried with it the discovery of the first thing that ever brought him pure joy.

-x-x-x-

 _Another night, and another moment of jolting awake by the fist on his face._

 _Another night, and another marathon and run for his life._

 _Another night, and another climb through the window and eventual peace. Or so he thought._

 _Ray as any other night opened his window and helped the smaller kid climb up to his room. He wouldn't deny his friend the help, but he was aware his father was home, and the night might not end in the best way._

 _It took them both boys about half an hour to realize peace wasn't in store for everybody, and the door swinging open with a bang proved to them that more pain was the only thing in their future._

 _This was one of those nights in which both fathers were in a rampage and both boys knew what to do. They ran._

 _Ray being bigger was able to quickly make his way to the door of his room and to the stairs leading to the front door, he ran and ran and, when he finally felt safe, decided to turn around to check out for the younger boy, not finding him there._

 _Marty had managed to get to the stairs and almost the front door, but a hand on his wrist stopped his progress and kept him in the house when Ray kept moving forward._

 _The beating took only about ten minutes until he was able to find an opening and got out the door. Again he ran, and ran, and ran, stopping only three blocks away from the house when he couldn't keep going anymore. He took some minutes to catch his breath and started the painful walk towards his second safe haven, not at all surprised to find a worried Ray already waiting for him there._

 _The night at the beach felt colder than in the city, and between apologies from Ray and pain from within themselves, both boys fell asleep, side by side, below a palm tree and protected only by the glow of the moon._

-x-x-x-

Deeks looked up and couldn't stop staring at the moon, not being able to comprehend the complexity of the universe and the fact that this moon was the same one that 30 years prior had accompanied him during his darkest nights. Ones that started that night after the encounter with Ray's father but that didn't end until much later.

After the beating he took that day he never again dared go to Ray's house to escape from his father. He was a young boy, but taking a beating was always a hit to a man's pride. It was embarrassing enough to be hit by his own father but that was his punishment to bare, and he wouldn't take it from anyone else.

That's when the beach turned into his savior.

-x-x-x-

 _Martin, Martin, Martin… The words resonated on his head, pushed against his skull and invaded his every sense. It was his name, but one he currently despised, as the mocking way in which his father said it was usually the precursor to the beating he would be forced to endure._

 _He thought he was dreaming, a recurrent nightmare that never let him go. His father three feet tall chasing him around the city… Martin, Martin, Martin, resonating against every wall… His mother's screams… And eventually the blood that made him slip… Bringing an end to the nightmare in his head but a welcome to the one currently in his room._

 _Again a fist to the face is what really jolted him awake. He already expected the one that would follow to his gut, but this time it never came. His father instead grabbed him by the collar of his pajama and threw him against the wall. Then came the repetitive screams… How he was to blame, how he was worthless, how he was a little brat that needed to be taught a lesson…_

 _He couldn't take it anymore so he pushed himself from the floor, shoved his father away from him and ran towards the door and freedom._

 _Not being able to go to Ray's anymore, he ran to the beach. His newfound escape since that night with Ray's father._

 _For the third night in the last two weeks he slept under the stars, with the sand as his only support, the moon as his protector and the saltiness in the air as his friend._

 _Morning came and he opened his eyes to find what looked like an older version of himself looking down at him. The man had dirty blonde hair that was long enough to reach his mid-back and covered most of his eyes. He had a surfboard in one hand and the other one reached down at the young boy._

 _He asked what he was doing there and mentioning how this was not the first time he had seen him there, a fact young Marty knew very well as his greatest pleasure of sleeping in the beach was to wake up in the morning to stare at the early risers riding the big LA waves. The man who introduced himself as Bill, offered some breakfast and kept inquiring for a story, but then, realizing he wouldn't get any, invited the young boy to join him in the water._

 _With every night that his father's fists pushed him into the beach, he got closer to Bill and his family of surfers. They taught him the art of the board, the meaning of the ocean and the life of the surfer._

-x-x-x-

He hadn't seen the old man in a long time, the last day being around 15 years ago, when he had gone to that same beach to tell his friend he had passed the California Bar and was now a lawyer. The man had cried and the pride Deeks saw in his eyes had filled his heart with joy. After that day, life changed and the innocence that his father hadn't been able to take from him, was ultimately stolen by the realities of his job.

His dreams of saving the world, or at least some people in it, died when he realized as a lawyer you were usually too late. The crime had already been committed and the only thing you could do was fight for punishment. But many times that never came. Too many technicalities, too many mistakes, and too many bad guys walking away.

That's when he decided to become a cop, if he couldn't punish all the bad guys he could at least try to stop the senseless acts from being committed in the first place. Then came the undercover life, and the many nights in which he didn't recognized the man in the mirror.

Bill had also been a savior, and one who with time, provided a lot more than surfing advice and turned into the first positive male role model in his life. He didn't want him to see the man he had become so he had stopped going to the beach as his life on LAPD got darker and darker. The next time he decided to visit his friend was years later, when he was already working in NCIS, and was again proud of the man he had turned out to be. He had been told the man had moved away and he realized then he had missed his chance.

People usually thought they had all the time in the world. Why say what you mean today if you still have tomorrow? By visit tomorrow if you still have next week? But sometimes, tomorrow and next week never came, and the last opportunity you could have had was forfeited without you even realizing it.

Other times it didn't, you took the opportunity and ran with it…

-x-x-x-

 _He held the gun in between his small hands and marveled at his weight._

 _He held a bullet in between his small fingers and wondered how such a tiny thing could cause so much damage?_

 _He held his life and future in between that gun and bullet, but still he prayed that he would never have to use them._

 _Ray had just given him the gun, he was 10 now and it had been two years since he had met the boy that turned into his best friend and who had just given him a way for his protection. The older boy was 12 now, and had already started running around some tough crowds. He had matured quicker than the blonde boy, and had already seen some of the worst the world had to offer. And in his determination not to let a bad fate befall his little brother, he was now teaching said brother how to use said gun._

-x-x-x-

When he held a gun for the first time at the mere age of 10 he despised the weapon, not even wanting to learn, and hating himself for eventually taking it to his house, to his room, and under his bed.

At that time he would never have guessed his future would end up being such highly tied to guns. After all, for the past 12 years or so, he had shot one at least three days per week.

As a kid, a gun had scared him, it held too much power, and he saw it as a little object that held the line between life and death. But as an adult, he saw it as a mandatory evil. One that could be used for awful things, but one that could also be used to put an end to those awful things, just as he had done at 11.

-x-x-x-

 _Young Marty had been woken up by the screams of his mother. He could hear the familiar sound of fists striking a foreign body, the sobs of his mother, and the screams of his father. The sounds made his skin crawl and he couldn't take it anymore._

 _He opened the door and silently made his way downstairs. The sight that welcomed him was the most frightening image he had seen in his short life, and sadly, he had seen a lot of it._

 _His mother laid on the floor, wearing a blue dress smeared with blood, and she looked dead. His father stood above her, with his back against his son, and appeared to just be deep in thought. Marty's breathing caught in his throat and he thought he was about to die too._

 _He then focused on the body of the woman that made his misery of a life worth leaving and the silent and slight rise and fall of her chest which proved that she was at least still breathing._

 _Gathering all his courage he made his way into the room and confronted his father. Brandel turned around in surprise and pointed the loaded shotgun that he had been pointing at Roberta towards his young son._

 _Eyes wide, Marty wondered if he was about to die. He didn't want to die. He was only 11. And young boys weren't meant to die at 11._

 _Brandel walked towards young Marty and after putting the shotgun on the living room table, grabbed him by the throat and hurled his small body against the door. He went back to his son and again took hold of his throat, this time lifting his body and pushing him against the wall, blocking his airway and bringing darkness into the young boy's world._

 _Sensing that his son was about to pass out he released his hold allowing for the air to flow back into his small lungs but still keeping him pressed against the wall. Then the familiar fists came, until Marty could only see red. Not from anger, but from the blood running down his face._

 _Mother unconscious on the ground, and son almost in the same state next to her, the father walked back towards the table and reclaimed his gun._

 _It was a game for him, as he waved the gun between woman and boy, trying to decide shooting whom would bring him more pleasure._

 _Taking advantage of his father's distraction, young Marty silently stood up and gingerly walked to his room. The echo of the screams, the pulsing of his own blood, and the tears running down his face providing all the fuel he needed to make the painful walk. He lifted his mattress and took hold of his gun. He cocked it and, with one hand on the gun and the other holding his injured ribs, walked back into the living room._

 _He found his father screaming for him, calling for Martin-boy, the little brat that needed to be taught a lesson, and he appreciated the surprise on Brandel's face when he saw the gun. But then his father laughed, and taunted him as he had been doing for the past three years. After all, Marty was just a weak boy, one that would never be able to shot his own father._

 _Brandel pointed the loaded weapon and shoot at his son, in his alcohol-induced daze missing him and only gracing his arm. The young boy's arm stung, but if something good had come from his living hell, was that he had been hardened against the pain._

 _Before Gordon Brandel was able to load the shotgun again, young Marty lifted his gun, pointed as his friend had taught him and pulled the trigger with trembling hands._

 _Brandel screamed and fell against the living room table as Martin Brandel, gun still held in his small hand, collapsed on top of his mother's still unconscious form. The family, none of them having any strength to continue, remained in the same position until the police found them when they got to the house 15 minutes later._

-x-x-x-

Marty Deeks remembered the day Martin Brandel had died. Not by a bullet from his father but from a decision from his own young self. He had legally changed his name after the trial and when his mother had won full custody of him.

Brandel was dead forever, and Deeks would rise from the ashes.

And he had.

At least until one week ago, when his world had been torn apart by that first envelope, and one hour ago when he realized Brandel was not at all dead. He then thought back to that day, and the way the police had found the family, and his mind instantly went back to the third envelope his father had sent and the one Kensi almost saw: the crime scene photo of the night that changed his life…

The blonde man brushed the tears from his face, cleared his throat and stood up. He looked at the sand, the ocean, the sun and the seagulls. And eventually he looked inside into his mind and heart, finding a smiling Kensi, determined Callen, serious Sam, mysterious Hetty, powerful Granger, funny Eric, sweet Nell, loving Roberta, teasing Bates, faithful Ray, loyal Franc, and carefree Bill, all staring back at him. He closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath, releasing it slowly as he allowed for his new found clarity to spread around his body.

He knew what he needed to do.

And this time, it might cost him his life.

But he wouldn't wait as long as he did as a kid.

And this time, it would end completely on his terms.

* * *

 _This chapter is very special to me, and the prospect of posting it, kept me going when I doubted myself. It didn't even start as a Ghost chapter, just as something I wrote one bad night when I needed to unwind. I have been nervous to post it, but today I'm happy to finally share it with you. Thanks as usual for reading and reviewing, and I hope you all continue to enjoy the rest of this story._


	11. Chapter 11: Partners Don't Keep Secrets

_Thanks so much for the response to the last chapter. As I said, it's very special to me, and all your thoughtful comments made me really happy and honestly, filled my heart. Also, sorry about the chapter not updating yesterday, I tried but it never went through. Hopefully this time it will work, enjoy!_

* * *

 **Chapter 11: Partners Don't Keep Secrets**

Kensi was sitting in the couch at home, it was Saturday morning, and she felt more alone than ever. Monty was lying next to her, but he seemed to be sensing the mood and that something was wrong, because he was uncharacteristically still and hadn't even asked to go out as he usually did.

The previous night after leaving Franc's store, the female agent had felt on top of the world, and with a renewed sense of purpose and hope. But then, they had arrived to ops, eager to call Deeks and hopefully make him see reason, only to be met by the constant voicemail of his burner phone. They had tried calling 5 times, until Callen decided it was time to go home, and instructed them all on getting some rest, while still trying to think of anything that could help. Nell and Eric were to keep their search on their handheld devices and contact the field agents immediately if they got any new information. Kensi had tried calling 5 more times since, but was again, over and over again, met by the impersonal greeting and disappointment of said voicemail.

She still couldn't believe this was happening. Saturday was supposed to be her free day with Deeks, to go to the beach, have a nice lunch or dinner together, drive down the coast, whatever they wanted. Not for them to be separated, with her alone in their house, and he god-knows-where. After the meeting with Franc, Eric had tried to find him in Mexico with no success. Deeks was really good, and apparently he really knew how to disappear.

Deciding moping around the house and lying on the couch all day wasn't helping anyone, Kensi stood up and went to grab Monty's leash. The shaggy dog eagerly got down from the couch and walked towards their bedroom. Following her favorite mutt, she saw the dog walked around the bed, then into the bathroom, and eventually get back out to the living room. He stared at his human with a questioning look, and Kensi just shrugged her shoulders as if to say she also missed Deeks and wasn't sure where he was. Seemingly content with that response, Monty walked to Kensi and then together towards the door.

Leash in hand and still feeling lonely and sad, Kensi started towards the beach, with their fateful companion at her side.

-x-x-x-

The rest of Kensi's Saturday passed in a blur, as she realized her life lost a lot of color when Deeks wasn't in it. She wondered how she had even gotten there… She was always so independent but now found herself relying on someone else to even feel alive. The thought would have angered her in the past, but now it just made her feel like she had finally matured enough to understand that life is better when shared with someone else… Not necessarily a boyfriend, just even a friend, and luckily Deeks was both, and so much more.

She spent the night looking at the ocean from a lounge chair at the beach, wondering where Deeks could be at the time and what he was doing. Not thinking that he was doing exactly the same thing, both thinking of each other, while overlooking the same Pacific waves from two different points along the shared coast… Some people were linked in ways they couldn't even understand, and Kensi and Deeks' connection ran deeper than most.

-x-x-x-

Sunday morning came and Kensi got out of bed eager to walk into the kitchen, hoping to find her boyfriend already in there with coffee and fresh pastries, and her heart ached when she realized where she was and that he wasn't there. She eventually ended up again in the couch and decided to try calling him one more time. Finally the call didn't go straight to voicemail, and Kensi felt her hopes rise, only for them to crumble again when the undesirable voicemail eventually came. But still the phone was on now, and that meant there was a chance.

After calling 3 more times, only to get the same voicemail after some seconds of hopeful ringing, she decided to go out with Monty and eat some lunch at the beach. She wished Deeks was there, but he wasn't and she just had to find a way to keep living while she got back her other half.

-x-x-x-

Deeks got back to his apartment from the beach feeling better than when he had left, but still totally unsettled from the previous call. He stared at the offending object on the bed, mocking him and daring him to pick it up again. He almost crushed the phone, but some part of his head told him that was not a good idea.

After much debate he went to the bed and picked it up, finding around 20 missed calls and 3 text messages. Checking his log, he recognized most of the numbers instantly… OSP, Kensi, Sam, Callen, even Eric and Nell. So they had found him after all. He smiled at the thought, partly feeling awful for abandoning them all, but also loved and full as they hadn't given up on him. Then he saw the other number and his heart went cold again.

Checking the 3 text messages he found a really long one from Kensi, and two from the number that was synonym to all his nightmares. He went to sit at the lounge chair in the balcony and after blowing out various slow breaths, opened the first message. It was a text from Brandel, the Ghost that had decided to come back to torment him, and he was pissed because Deeks had hanged out their call and then disappeared. The other message had a video attachment and the blonde man started inadvertently trembling as soon as he realized what it was.

He couldn't remember feeling this much fear, for himself, in a long time, and it angered him that his father could still have so much power over him. Gathering all his courage he decided to open the video and get it over with, thinking he would see the monster of his father, but not prepared at all for the sight that followed…

-x-x-x-

Kensi got home after a lunch at the beach feeling better than before but still missing Deeks like crazy. She took a shower and went back to the couch to try distracting herself with some TV. She was happy that tomorrow was Monday so they could go back to work and hopefully find Deeks soon. Hopefully they wouldn't have any cases to distract them and they could keep focusing on figuring out the whereabouts of her partner. She was infinitely grateful that the senior partners and Wonder Twins were in this as much as she was. Deeks was good but surely he couldn't be better than all of them working together. She decided to finish watching her current movie before trying to call Deeks' number one more time…

-x-x-x-

Deeks' eyes went wide as soon as he recognized the setting of the video. It was Franc's store. And he had a sinking feeling of what would follow.

 _Someone was clearly filming from the shadows as three man approached the counter from three sides. Franc was at his usual spot and as he eyed the men warily, Deeks saw the slight movement of his arm, and knowing his friend, he was sure he had moved it towards the gun he always kept hidden behind the counter. The three men, who seemed familiar but with the low quality of the screen he couldn't really place, started questioning Franc about a certain tall blonde with blue eyes, and he knew they were asking about him. About Max, about Samuel and in reality about Marty Deeks. He was thankful the men didn't thought useful to say his real name, not wanting Franc to know of his lies. He knew his friend well, and he knew that he was deep in thought. But then the beating started and each hit that Franc took was like a punch to his own gut._

 _Deeks saw the blood and it reminded him of past beatings, both to him and to people he loved. He couldn't stop staring at Fran lying helplessly on the floor of his own store, with 3 armed men pointing their guns at him._

" _Last chance old man, how do we contact him?"_

" _I don't know."_

 _Deeks closed his eyes and hoped that Franc would betray him, tell the three men what they wanted to know and save his own life. He thought his father had somehow found out his number, so maybe Franc had in fact decided for self-preservation over loyalty. His eyes remained closed, too scared to look at what was happening on the screen, the silence closing on his heart and sending him into a near panic attack. Then came the sound of the gun, and he opened his eyes to look at Franc's bleeding form in the floor of the store that had been his safe haven many times._

 _He rewound the video, after all, he owed it to his friend to see the moment his life had been taken away. One of the three men had lifted his gun and without even a moment of hesitation had shot Franc near the heart. The blood started coming out quickly, while his friend gasped and, with a pained expression, looked down at the wound. Mercifully it didn't last long, and seconds later the life bled out of Franco, leaving his body like an empty shell and with the usual vibrant look of his green eyes gone forever._

 _The video ended with a zoom in into the now dead body of Deeks' old friend, while the words "this is all your fault" were whispered by the unnamed man who had recorded the whole thing._

Deeks stood up and ran to the bathroom as soon as the video ended, he managed to get there just in time to throw up in the toilet. After he was done, his knees gave out and he slid onto the floor… Back against the door, knees drawn into his chest and angry tears streaming down his face.

Franc was gone and it was all his fault. He had killed one of the few men that had ever been loyal to him. _He was weak and useless, he was to blame, it was all his fault and he deserved to be taught a lesson._ All the things his father had told to his young self were becoming true and the reality of it was crushing his spirit.

The phone that was still pressed tightly against his palm then started ringing and vibrating, he fought the urged to slam it against the bathroom wall and decided to take a peek at the screen. His heart jumped as he saw the number that he would always recognize, but he couldn't pick up. He had decided to run away to protect Kensi, and he couldn't be selfish and answer that call, no matter how much he missed her or how much he wanted her sweet voice to tell him that everything would be okay.

-x-x-x-

Kensi stared at the window as the phone kept ringing and ringing. She was losing hope again. Maybe this wasn't really Deeks' number. Maybe they hadn't gotten through to Franc and the man had lied… but he had seemed so honest in his caring and loyalty for her partner.

Then the call was picked and silence followed, until muffled sobs could be heard from the other end. "Hello." A tired voice said. She would recognize that voice anywhere, even when it currently sounded dark and crushingly devoid of life.

"Deeks." She whispered as tears started to form in her mismatched eyes.

-x-x-x-

"Deeks… I know you're there." Kensi didn't know what to make of the silence on the other end. He had taken her call but now wasn't saying anything… anything at all, and for Deeks, that raised all the red flags. She couldn't stop pacing around their living room, wishing with all her heart that they could be together cuddling in their couch instead of who knew how many miles apart.

"How did you get this number?" His voice sounded uncharacteristically flat and it only added to Kensi's uneasiness.

"What's going on Deeks? You disappear without telling anyone and now the one thing you have to say is where did I get the number?" Kensi's tone kept raising as she kept going. She loved Deeks and wanted him safe and with her at home, but for the life of her, she couldn't understand his mind some times.

Another long silence followed and Kensi was really at a loss on what to do. She had been waiting for Deeks to pick up the damn phone for so long and now that he had finally done so, he appeared as if he didn't care to talk to her at all.

"Come on baby… What happened with _partners don't keep secrets_?" All the fight was gone from Kensi's voice now and the only thing left was desperation and sadness. Not only for the present, but also for the tough memories the phrase had brought to the forefront of her mind.

-x-x-x-

Back in La Mision, on a tiny bathroom on a tiny Mexican hotel, Kensi's voice was his final undoing as Deeks lost his internal fight and the tears he had been managing to hold back, since he picked up the call, started rolling down his face. He tried but wasn't able to stop the sobs that came with them and he thought about hanging up the phone, but he needed Kensi's reassurance more than anything right now.

 _Partners don't keep secrets…_ Her question had been the final nail in his coffin and a heartbreaking movie started playing in his head. _Meeting Kensi in an MMA gym, the fight with Sam and meeting the team… Joining NCIS as their liaison… The first cases… Romania… The kiss on the hilltop, the torture with Sam… Their frozen lake, Afghanistan… That question in the boatshed… All in and another frozen lake… Internal affairs… Syria… Michelle…_ All the memories kept being repeated over and over again on his mind and no matter how much he tried he couldn't stop the never-ending loop. All those moments had somehow led him to the here and now… Defeated and alone as he cried his heart out in a Mexican hotel…

"Deeks? Baby, please trust me." Kensi's voice is what finally brought Deeks out of his head and away from the nightmarish cycle.

"I'm sorry Kens, I'm really sorry." The tears were coming more rapidly now and the sobs could clearly be heard on the other end of the phone back in the City of Angels. "But, I really need to know, how did you get this number?" As much as he tried, he couldn't escape the fact that his old friend was now dead.

-x-x-x-

Kensi couldn't understand Deeks' insistence with the phone number, but if he was so desperate, she would set his mind at ease so she could hopefully start getting the answers she needed. "Eric found you leaving the bank, and then was able to follow you into a store in Southwest LA… We met Franc…" Kensi's comment was interrupted by Deeks sobs getting louder and she really wished she could hug him right now.

After a small silence in which it was evident Deeks was trying to regain his composure and gather his thoughts, he finally felt in control enough to continue the conversation. "When was this Kens?"

"Friday night, and we have been trying to contact you ever since…" The conversation finally seemed to be getting somewhere and Kensi was eager to learn what was really going on.

-x-x-x-

Back in Mexico, Deeks was again lost in thought. Not understanding how the team had managed to get his phone number from Frank. He had a slight idea but it scared him too much to delve on it now.

"We had to tell him your real name…" His sharp intake of air was heard all the way back in LA, "I'm sorry, but we had no other way, he was loyal to Max and wouldn't have betrayed him… We even threaten to arrest him." Deeks could feel the shame in her voice and knew he should reassure her but at the time he couldn't think straight.

"You should have arrested him Kens, then things wouldn't be such a big mess…" He wanted to sound angry, even though he knew he had no reason to be angry at anyone but himself, but managed to only sound heartbroken.

-x-x-x-

Kensi, who was now sitting in their couch, head resting against the back pillows, feet on the table and Monty at her side, was more confused than ever. "What the hell are you talking about baby? Franc wasn't angry, he loves you and was glad to help. He's not loyal to Max, he is loyal to _you_ , to Marty Deeks…" Thinking her words were helping alleviate his mind, she kept going not knowing the damage she was inadvertently causing, "he even agreed to meet us for a drink when this, whatever _this_ is, is over."

"That will never happen Kensalina. Franc is dead… And it's all my fault." Deeks' broken voice pulled at her heartstrings and the tears she had so valiantly held back started to flow down her face. Then his own sobs came again and Kensi was getting a better picture of what had her boyfriend so distressed, but she couldn't understand, after all they had just met the man.

"What do you mean dead? How do you know? What's going on Deeks?" She knew she should be angry but she couldn't find that emotion in her heart… she was only scared and worried for her partner, boyfriend and best friend.

-x-x-x-

Deeks couldn't stop the shaking in his body and the fog that was starting to cloud his mind. He wanted this to be over with, he wanted to run, to regain his footing and his life.

"Deeks!" Kensi's voice again brought him back to the present, and he took in a deep breath trying to calm himself down enough to finish this conversation.

"He was killed by someone who wanted to know where I was… They sent me a video. He's dead Kens, Franc is dead and I'm the only one to blame." The more he kept repeating the words the more real they became, but also the more they lose their power of bringing him down. It was the truth, and he had to use it as an armor and a weapon, both meant to be used against the bastard of Brandel. "I'm sorry Kens, but I can't tell you anything else. I already caused Franc's death and I would never forgive myself if anything happened to you or anyone else at NCIS."

-x-x-x-

Knowing what he was about to do, Kensi had to try with everything in her power to stop it… "Deeks wait, please, don't hang up. Whatever it is I can help, we can help, I promise we're on your side."

At his silence, she thought she had him and that he would agree to take their help as he should have done when this whole thing started. But then came the words and actions that chilled her blood and broke her heart. "I'm sorry princess, I love you… I will always love you, but I need to put an end to this on my own, without any of you getting hurt because of me… Please, stay close to the boys, the team… our family. Protect each other and whatever happens remember that I would never leave you willingly…"

"Deeks, stop." She interrupted before he had time to finish and, in between quiet sobs, said the words she herself wanted to believe for both their sakes. "You're not leaving me, you're not going anywhere." Tears kept rolling down her cheeks as she struggled with her emotions and fears.

Deeks quietly sniffled through his sobbing and steeled his resolve for what needed to be said. "Fern, you're the greatest thing to ever happen to me… You're my everything. And I promise I will try my best to get back to you, but whatever happens, never forget how much I love you." As soon as the last words were whispered the sound of the phone being hanged up immediately followed and it was the worst sound the female agent ever remember hearing.

She instantly started calling Deeks again, and couldn't say she was surprised when it went to voicemail over and over again. His last words started replaying in her head and she couldn't stop the dark thoughts that started creeping in. _I will try my best… I will try… Try… Try… Try…_ The usually confident way in which he always promised to be back was gone, leaving her only with a promise to _try_. That change scared her more than anything and she wondered what could have caused such a switch in her boyfriend. Who the hell was after her partner to prompt him to act that way? She had had an inkling of an idea since this whole thing started and experiencing his anguish now, she thought her initial thought had been right… It was time to get Nell into really looking into those old records. And whatever happened, she would continue fighting for both of them individually and to safe the future they hoped to live together.

As soon as Kensi realized he had probably taken the battery out and wouldn't be picking up the phone at all, her tears started coming again and she impulsively threw the phone against the living room wall. At the action, her mind went back to another good bye call when she thought she could die trying to prevent a nuclear war, and it made her silently wonder if this is how she had made Deeks feel at the time. That thought brought her anguish, but also peace. This was just another hurdle in their careers, another setback in their love story and ultimately, one they were both meant to overcome. She had to believe that, as it was the only way she could keep moving forward. She was tempted to call the boys now to let them know of her call with Deeks, but it was already late Sunday afternoon so she decided to wait until Monday morning to resume their search and hopefully put an end to this new disaster.

-x-x-x-

As soon as Deeks whispered the words to Kensi and hanged out the phone, he took out the battery, knowing that she would call again and doubting he would be able to resist picking it up once more. He then started crying again, the tears were not sad, but completely angry, and all that anger was directed at one man… Gordon John Brandel. The monster of his past and now apparently also of his present.

He had spent all his life running from the darkness that he thought he had inherited from that man, but right now, he embraced it. He allowed for all the shadows to break lose, and invade his mind and body. Every beating, every insult, every drop of blood that he and his mom had been forced to shed because of his so call father, and now also the image of the way Franc had been murdered. All those memories gave him the conviction and certainty that he wouldn't fall prey to Brandel again. Even if he had to become the man himself, he was determined to finally put a stop to his father, without anyone he loved getting hurt by him ever again. But even as he thought those words, he inwardly wondered if, when the time came, he could really find the strength within himself to do just that…

-x-x-x-

That night, both blonde detective and brunette agent, went to bed thinking of the other. Both wishing they were together in the same bed, brushing each other's tears away, and providing warmth, comfort and the much needed believe that everything would be alright.

The reality is neither of them knew if things would ever be alright again but they sure as hell knew they would fight to make that happen. They hadn't come all this way just to lose now, and they believed their love story wasn't meant to end in heartbreak. But in a beach wedding and the arrival of a Little Ninja Assassin, both events, signaling the beginning of their joined futures and the family they both dreamed of sharing one day.

-x-x-x-

At both Los Angeles and Mexico, Kensi and Deeks, fell asleep determined to fight for the other and to stop the man trying to put an end to their peace and the life together they so highly desired.

But at another part of the City of Angels, Gordon John Brandel, promised he would make his son pay. He remembered the times almost 30 years ago, when he had tried to be a good father and teach his son valuable lessons but the little brat had never understood, instead preferring to shelter behind his equally weak mother. Martin Brandel had thought that love, a smile and a joke could conquer all, and apparently Marty Deeks shared the same foolish ideas… It was due time someone taught the boy a lesson and beat the innocence out of him. After all, that was the only way to survive in an unfair and cruel world. He had failed in the past, but now he wouldn't even consider that idea, he would finally break down the boy and make him realize that he was just like him…

Gordon Brandel had spent the last 29 years thinking of how he would achieve his purpose, and now he knew the time for just lessons was past due, and revenge was part of what he desired too. His own son had taken everything and sent him to hell, and now he would take everything back. Little Marty had taken his wife away from him so maybe now he would take from Old Marty the brunette woman he seemed to love so much. All those dreams were finally his to turn into reality, and he couldn't wait… He just needed to decide which one to pursue first.

* * *

 _I'm sorry for Franc's fate, making that decision was really hard and I thought about it a lot, but eventually realized it was the way to go. Also, for anyone feeling frustrated about Deeks' actions, just know that he will soon realize that strength is in the pack ;) Thanks for reading and for your reviews, it will always mean the world to me._


	12. Chapter 12: Please, not Kensi

_So here it is, sorry for taking longer than usual to update. I've been having a bit of self-doubts about this whole writing fanfic thing, so I needed a little break. The next few chapters are ready and I expect to continue posting regularly. Hope you all continue to enjoy this story._

* * *

 **Chapter 12: Please, not Kensi**

Kensi was getting home from a long day at work trying to locate her missing partner when two men rounded on her as she was opening the front door. She tried getting to her gun but it was too late and the men, who had come quickly out of the darkness at either side of the front porch, grabbed her arms and painfully pulled them behind her back. They turned her around just as a third man, who looked just like the first two, stepped out from the shadows pointing a gun at her.

The third man sneered at her as he kept pointing a loaded gun with one hand and making a phone call with the other. "We have her," he said to whoever was on the other end of the call before he hanged up and stuck the phone in his front pocket. "Tied her up." He said to his brothers as he started walking back towards their car that was parked a block from the house.

The female agent struggled as the two men tried to tie her down and was able to hit one in the stomach before the second smacked her across the face, drawing blood and blurring her mind enough to allow the second guy to tie her arms tightly behind her back. The first one tied a loose gag around her mouth as they together started pushing her towards the car which was now waiting in the driveway.

Kensi was pushed into the trunk as all three men got inside and started driving towards their boss. The darkness was deafening and it gripped at Kensi's heart as her mind struggled to make sense of what had just happened. It all had gone down so quick and now she was left to fear what would welcome her on the other side of this trunk. She whispered Deeks' name, and her mismatched eyes started to mist, as she wondered if she would ever see him again. At any other time, the female agent would have been sure that her partner could save her, but how now if he was nowhere around? That realization is what eventually prompted the tears to fall and she silently sobbed as the rocking of the car and the darkness of the trunk sent her into unconsciousness.

The trunk being opened and the brightness of the lights woke Kensi from her dace and she couldn't believe who stared down at her. It was an older version of Deeks… Long blonde hair, blue eyes and a smartass smirk. Only this time the hair was not fluffy and adorable but dirty and untidy, the eyes were not peaceful and pale blue but angry and dark, and the smirk wasn't teasing or cheerful but heartless and frightening.

An arm reached down to grab her as the man spoke for the first time, with a voice that was chillingly familiar. "Agent Blye, please allow me to introduce myself, Gordon Brandel, pleasure to meet you…"

-x-x-x-

Deeks jerked awake, barely able to breathe and covered in sweat. He turned around wildly and couldn't remember where he was. The combination of the nightmare and his current confusion sending him into a near panic attack; his body beginning to shake uncontrollably as angry tears started coming again, and his breathing became even more erratic.

 _It was a nightmare… just a nightmare… Kensi is okay… Not Kensi… Please, not Kensi… Just a nightmare…_

He couldn't stop saying the words over and over again as his biggest fear had just become reality in the darkness and cruelty of his own head… _But, it had all felt so real…_

Still feeling unsettled, Deeks got out of bed and walked straight into the shower. Hoping the cold water would calm his heart and rescue his mind from the shadows that currently shrouded it. Last night, after learning of Franc's death, he had already decided it was time to return to LA, having had time to understand what was happening and gather his courage for the difficult times that surely lay ahead. The previous night he hadn't been sure between confronting Brandel on his own or turning to his team for help, but his nightmare had given him all the answers he needed. And now, more than ever, he knew he would never forgive himself if something happened to Kensi because he decided to run and keep her on the dark, or if anything happened to _him_ without the chance to see her one last time and say good bye. He was strong enough on his own, but he was stronger with his family… and it was time to make that right.

As he stood out of the shower and into the room to get dressed, he made up his mind and started mentally preparing for his drive back home and for the call he needed to make in order to meet his team as soon as he got there. He knew he had a lot of explaining to do but he hoped his family would understand. This whole disaster was his fault and it was also his to make right, but that didn't mean he couldn't ask his friends for help.

Gathering his bag and the devilish envelopes Deeks made his way into the hotel common room to check himself out and thank the owners for their hospitality. In just 20 minutes he found himself sitting in his car and staring at the Pacific waves across from the hotel parking lot. Thinking back to the day he left LA just the previous Friday, he grabbed his notebook again and wrote three new letters with updated information, as he now knew the identity of who was behind him. When he finished, he reached below the dashboard of the car and loosened the two screws that held the piece together, and after carefully opening the envelopes, substituted the letters, making sure to destroy the old ones. Taking a deep breath, the detective turned the ignition on and started driving towards the US border, but quickly started feeling the drive was taking longer than on the way down, as he was filled with dread and worry for what was to come. Gordon Brandel, his supposedly deceased father, was actually alive, and his mind still had trouble making peace with those words. Even more with the fact he would have to confront him soon, if he wanted to reclaim his life.

-x-x-x-

The weekend and transition into Monday hadn't only been terrible for the junior partnership as their teammates were also feeling the strain the current events were putting on them, both personally and as a team.

Callen was used to getting less sleep than the regular person but this last weekend had ended up being foolish even for him. No matter how much he had tried, his mind couldn't stop thinking and trying to uncover everything that was happening on his own. He kept remembering his partner's words on Friday and deep down he accepted that the current disaster wasn't his fault. Still he couldn't completely shake off the guilty feelings and the idea that, as team leader, he should have, somehow, been able to prevent it.

It was Monday morning now and as he stared at his reflection in the mirror he started recalling all the catastrophes his team had been forced to deal with in the last years. He still felt partly responsible for many of them, but still they hadn't affected him as this was getting to him now. He knew no one blamed him for any of them, the events of the past or this new heartbreak, but still he blamed himself. Ever since he was a child he was used to being responsible for his actions and to some extent for those around him. He had taken upon himself to protect younger kids when he was in the foster care system and that need of protectiveness had resulted in him becoming an agent and subsequently a team leader.

As a child he had failed to protect some of his younger foster brothers and sisters from abusive parents and the system itself, and every single time it happened, he took it hard, putting all the blame on his young shoulders. Now his younger teammate was in trouble, and all those old feelings of worthlessness were coming to the forefront of his mind. He had failed to protect him, just as he sometimes had failed to protect those younger kids and, as it had happened when he was just a child, he couldn't stop feeling he was, at least, partly to blame.

When he finished getting ready for another day of work he stared at his reflection for a second longer and laughed drily at the never ending innocence and even purity of his mind. He was not a super hero, just a man playing at being hero, and he sometimes felt like he could save the world, even when deep down he knew he was just one person trying to fight a world of evil. Taking a deep breath, he grabbed his bag and made his way out of the house, ready to be picked up by his partner and drive together to the office. He was determined not to fail anymore, and whatever was happening, he and his teammates would uncover it and find their missing man.

-x-x-x-

Sam had spent the whole weekend thinking of the past seven years and how his life had changed throughout them. When he had lost his wife last year he would never have believed that, so close to that heartbreak, they would all face the possibility of losing another member of their makeshift family. Michelle had been the love of his life and she had been taken from him cruelly and unfairly, but still he preferred to focus on all that he had been able to live and enjoy with her, instead of all that would be missed. Every time his mind went there, it eventually led to his younger teammate and currently missing friend. If not for their sacrifice in the Sidorov case, Michelle would probably have been gone for the past four years and all the memories they had been able to create during that time, and which helped sustain him at this time, wouldn't exist in the first place. Sadly, he doubted he would ever really forgive himself for that and for the way he had treated Deeks during his first three years in the team, but at least, he could try to help him now.

Some nights when we was alone and his nightmares came back, he could still hear Deeks' screams when he had been tortured, other times he remembered the last time he saw Michelle through the camera in the room as the life slowly left her, other nights it was the five bullets that had almost taken out his partner, or the subsequent times in which he had been injured, and on the last occasions, it was a helicopter and his little sister trapped under it. There were so many past disasters for his mind to pick from, but what all of them showed him, is that these people were his family and as important to him as anyone he had ever met. They had been there for him when Michelle was stolen from him, and now he had to be there for them, and he _needed_ to prevent anything happening to their missing detective because he was sure his team wouldn't be able to take another loss.

Steeling his nerves, calming his thoughts and letting the feeling of determination take over, he got ready for work on Monday morning and left his boat, walking towards his Challenger and driving to his partner's house. He was sure Callen was taking the current events hard, and he was ready to help his brother share the guilt and together solve this mystery before it turned into the final heartbreak they would all be able to withstand.

-x-x-x-

Nell and Eric had left work late on Friday night. Later than any of their teammates and still had done so reluctantly. Both of them wanting to stay at the office the whole weekend if that's what it would take to find their missing detective, but they somewhat understood Callen's worry about Mosley and had decided to play it safe and keep working from home. They had spent the majority of the weekend lazing around Eric's apartment, while never going too far from the handheld devices that kept trying to locate their shaggy friend.

Monday morning came and both tech geniuses woke up together, ready to end their frustrations and finally uncover something useful. All their searches had, so far, turned out empty and only Nell's discovery late the previous night, was giving them hope that today would turn out to be a better day. They left the apartment a little while later, both eager to share the information with their teammates, as hopefully it would be the lead they needed and the piece that would solve the puzzle.

-x-x-x-

After the previous night's conversation Kensi's morning wasn't going particularly well. She felt emotionally drained, as if she, somehow, had failed in her job as she hadn't been able to convince Deeks to accept their help. Still dwelling on those feelings helped no one, so after taking Monty for a short walk and leaving him at the care of their neighbors, she took a lonely shower and breakfast, and left their house for the Mission, ready to face the new day.

She left their home earlier than usual and that helped make the drive even shorter as rush traffic hadn't begun yet. Parking and walking into the bullpen she expected to be the first one there but was surprised to see Callen and Sam's stuff already on their desks, but them nowhere in sight. After checking the gym and not finding them there, she made her way into ops and was taken by surprise at the sight of the Wonder Twins and senior agents already hard at work. Apparently she wasn't the only one feeling anxious about Deeks' absence and wanting to do everything in their power to help him, and, at that very moment, more than ever before, she felt incredibly grateful for her team and family.

"Kens, you're finally here, we've been waiting for you." Nell jumped from her chair as soon as the sliding doors opened and the female agent walked in. She had decided to wait until everyone was there to share their discovery and now was finally the time. "Eric and I checked the records you mentioned, and last night, we came across something that we think can be useful." Not even allowing the agent to say good morning, Nell rushed straight to the point so they could start figuring what it all meant. For her part, after Kensi's moment of clarity the previous night, she now breathe a sigh of relieve that the analyst had kept looking into the records she had requested… At least they had a head start now.

"Nell calm down, first good morning, now what did you discover?" Kensi didn't want to feel too hopeful, after all, all their previous leads had ended up in nothing, but the analyst's clear enthusiasm was still filling her with some hope.

Taking a deep breath Nell decided to continue, not being able to keep it in any longer. "We kept the searches up all weekend but they were not getting anywhere, so Eric and I decided to focus together on that information you wanted." If the current situation had been less dire, the way Nell always talked about her and Eric together would have prompted the agents to ask some questions, but right now they just wanted to know what they had found out, so they let her continue. "Gordon John Brandel went to prison in 1991, and was paroled on 1996, then according to his records, died in a car accident in 1998."

"Wait, who's Gordon Brandel and why are we still focusing on him?" The question had been eating at Callen ever since Kensi mentioned the name on Friday, he had decided not to pressure her, but now he needed to know.

Kensi face slightly blanched at the inquiry, which only increased Callen and Sam's interest in the man in question. "I will tell you later, now let's allow Nell to continue." Her response was an obvious diversion and they all wondered what was so secret about that name.

"Okay, the problem is, the car Brandel was supposedly driving caught fire, and the body was too burned for a proper identification. So the police just went by the records of the car in determining who died in the accident… They never suspected foul play, so a proper investigation was never conducted." Nell left the implication of her words hang in the air, knowing that Kensi would understand what this could mean.

If Kensi's face had lost color before, it was practically transparent now. She had decided to tell Nell to investigate that part as a way of covering all angles, but she didn't actually believed it could be true. Now, the female agent tried remembering everything she knew about Brandel and all the memories that came of past conversations with her partner were not good. The man had been the monster of his past and had destroyed his childhood, and she couldn't believe he was really back from the grave to torment his son even more. "Nell what else did you guys discover?" She was sure there had to be more and she needed that information now.

Eric decided to take over now and help his partner out. "His first cellmate was a man named Carlos Gutierrez, Central American immigrant who had ended up in jail after robbing a store at gunpoint. The man was just desperate and according to the reports only stole some cash and food…" Eric had seen a lot of bad things in his years working for NCIS, not in person as the agents, but through the screen which made it just as powerful, and events like this always got him sad. Some criminals were just pure evil, other like this man, had just been dealt a bad hand and had decided to do a bad action for good reasons. "They were together for almost two years before the man was moved to another cell block, although we don't know why, there's no reason specified on the records."

"Eric go on, what does this Gutierrez man have to do with what's happening now?" Sam didn't want to sound annoyed, but he knew Eric had a tendency to ramble so he had to push the tech operator into focusing on what was important.

"Sorry, okay… Gutierrez was paroled on 1997, and he went back home to his family. But I noticed all his records stopped on 1998 so we checked police reports and the man disappeared on 1998, he just banished and no one ever heard from him again." Eric stopped for a second and Nell took the opportunity to finish the idea. "He disappeared on May 1998, the same month Gordon John Brandel supposedly died on that car accident…"

All three agents looked at each other, in their lives they had seen a lot of things, worked a lot of crimes and solved a lot of cases, and, the main thing all of that had taught them, is that events like this were rarely a coincidence. The news had left them temporarily speechless as they all tried to gather their thoughts enough to keep the conversation going.

"So you're saying you think Brandel is alive?" Kensi's tone of voice worried all the men and woman present in the room, it sounded edgy and frightened. Only Nell understood the possible repercussions this information could have on Deeks, as the three men were still clueless to who Brandel was.

"I'm sorry Kens, but it's a possibility…" Nell looked down, she had felt pride at her discovery but now hated to be the bearer of such bad news and even worse possibilities.

"Okay this has been going on for too long… Who the hell is Brandel?" Sam's voice had taken a harsher tone and it was clear he wasn't enjoying being in the dark about the information.

Understanding that this case had just, most likely, taken a darker and dangerous turn, Kensi accepted the rest of the team needed to know who they were probably going against and what that meant for her partner. She took a deep breath and close her eyes for a second. "Gordon John Brandel is… Deeks' father."

Sam and Callen looked at each other completely at a loss, while Eric turned a confused stare at Nell. They had all met Deeks' mother and given his father was never talked about, they had assumed the man had probably passed away, and now they couldn't understand what was happening. Not that the man was in fact alive, but that he had apparently faked his death and was now being talked in a conversation of a man who was targeting his own son. As the silence stretched in the room, all three men silently wondered just who the hell is Gordon John Brandel..?

* * *

 _I'm a bit uncertain of this chapter, partly because I'm sure it's evident I love getting inside Deeks' head but for this one, I tried doing it with the rest of the team, I hope it was enjoyable and not a total fail. Thanks so, so much for reading, reviewing and just generally supporting this story._

 _Also… Sorry for that dream..?_


	13. Chapter 13: Uncovering Brandel

_I think this is probably unnecessary and is just paranoid me taking control but just wanted to make sure everyone read the previous two chapters as the website gave me trouble when updating them. Hope you all continue to enjoy this story and thanks so, very much for joining me in this journey._

* * *

 **Chapter 13: Uncovering Brandel**

As soon as Kensi said that Gordon Brandel was Deeks' father, a sick feeling started in Callen's stomach, as he started imagining what could be hidden in his younger teammate's past. From his own childhood he knew how monstrous some parents and foster parents could be, and with the little information he already had, he was worried some of that could have been part of his friend's childhood. Still it was too soon and he damn hoped none of that had anything to do with the current situation.

"Kens, I understand this is a delicate matter but, what do you mean Deeks' father? And why would he fake his own death and come back now to… look for Deeks?" Not sure of what word to use to describe what was happening now, and wanting to be respectful, Sam phrased his question the best possible way, even though he knew that if this situation turned out to be what he was imagining, there would be no good way to deal with it.

At the female agent's silence all eyes turned to stare at her. The look on her face was hard to describe, she seemed to be lost in memories of the past, but she also seemed to be painfully aware of where she was and of all the eyes on her. She lowered her gaze and drew in a long breath. They all thought she was preparing to speak but then she just remained silent, while evidently trying very hard to ignore their stares and questioning looks.

"Eric, check out Brandel records… What was he arrested for?" Knowing Kensi was in a semi state of shock and that she clearly didn't want to be the one to reveal the information, Callen knew that as team leader he needed to keep them moving.

Both Eric and Nell looked extremely uncomfortable at the request but neither wanted to disobey their team leader and knew the information requested would help them in the case. Unlike Eric, Nell having been the first one to ever research the man, was slightly prepared for the information that came up after their search. "Oh…" Eric's face paled as he struggled to find words.

"What did you get?" Callen somehow already knew what they had discovered but he was still begging to whoever was willing to listen that his suspicions would prove to be untrue.

The Wonder Twins looked at each other, as if silently begging the other to answer, ultimately it was Nell the one that took charge and shared the painful news. "Brandel was arrested for… spousal and child abuse…" The words sounded twisted as they came out of her lips, and she hated that the man who was the victim of that crime was their friend and teammate. "There are a lot of reports and police visits going back three years from the day he was eventually arrested. And… there are pictures too." As the last words came out, her eyes started to fill and she tried really hard not to let any tears fall.

All team members were at a loss, they had all heard the words and deep down knew what they meant, but none of them could really connect the image of their cheerful and cheeky teammate with that of an abused child.

"Don't look at any of that… yet. Let us figure out first if Brandel is really the one behind this. Then if we need to, we can… look at that. But let's leave it as it is for now…" Callen knew that if this was his past he wouldn't want anyone to study, analyze or even look at it, and he felt he owed it to his teammate to protect his privacy as much as he could.

"Okay… And umm, we found an address for Gutierrez's wife, she still lives in LA." Nell shared the last piece of information they had uncovered, but wishing they hadn't discovered anything at all.

"Send it to our phones, we will check it out. Keep looking for any other inconsistencies or any information about Brandel and Gutierrez… And don't stop searching for Deeks." At that, Callen left the ops center, instinctively knowing that Sam and Kensi would follow without a request needing to be made.

Just before walking out of the sliding doors, the female agent turned around, having remembered an important piece of information she had completely forgotten until now. "Nell, call Bates, tell him to send someone to Franc's shop. He's dead… Have him call me to my cellphone as soon as his people check the store."

Both senior agents stopped and turned around to look at Kensi, while Eric and Nell almost fell from their chairs. "What are you taking about Kensi? How do you know?" Callen asked, not understanding how she knew and why she hadn't mentioned it as soon as she got to the office.

"Sorry guys, with Nell's news I forgot… I spoke with Deeks last night. But it didn't get anywhere. He said the men looking for him murdered Franc to get to him… They sent him the video. He was distraught but wouldn't accept any help. He blames himself for Franc's death and is terrified something will happen to us if he gets close…" Kensi didn't stop for even a single second, knowing it was best to get it all out of the way fast so she wouldn't have to relive the painful conversation for too long.

"Kens, did he tell you who's behind this?" Callen wouldn't think she would not tell them that but he still needed to ask and be completely sure, knowing partners had the tendency to hide secrets between them.

"Of course not, or I wouldn't have forgotten to share that part… And we wouldn't be chasing this new lead… Now let's go. Nell, remember to call Bates and have him contact me." The female agent knew she needed to force her mind away from the dark place of the phone call conversation and the fear that still invaded her heart every time she thought of Deeks' sobs the previous night. So, after saying her last words, she resumed her walk to the Challenger before anyone could ask her any more questions.

-x-x-x-

While his team were set in uncovering the truth about his father and the possibility of him being alive, Deeks continued on his journey back to LA. In just over an hour after leaving _La Mision_ , he was talking to the border control officer and making his way back into his home country. This time he had decided not to wear sunglasses or a hoodie, hoping that the Wonder Twins would actually find him so that would prepare them for his upcoming call. When he was less than an hour from the City of Angels he decided to gather his courage and make the damn call.

"Deeks is that you?" The call was picked up just after the first ring, and he smiled at Beale's concerned voice.

"Hello brother, how are you?" Deeks tried to keep the conversation casual, glad that Kensi wasn't there to rip him a new one or she surely would have already picked up the phone.

"How are we? How are you?! Come on Shaggy, you disappear on us and force us to chase you around two countries and now you call as if nothing is wrong." Kensi might not have been there, but another angry NCIS woman picked up the phone instead.

"Hi Velma, I'm sorry, but I'm back now…" Even if Nell was notably pissed at him, Deeks still smiled at her voice and clear worry for him.

"We know… We saw you crossing the border…"

"I had hoped for…" Deeks was starting to doubt this had been a good idea, what if his team was too angry at him to forgive him.

"Are you in LA? We're calling Callen now, we have all been so worried and just want to help." Nell's tone had softened, returning to her usual cheerful and loving self and making Deeks smile and silently chastise himself for doubting his team's support for even a second.

"Not yet, almost. Can you…" His nerves were still keeping him on edge and he wasn't able to finish his question.

"Can we? Come up Deeks, speak up… We can never shut you up, don't decide now to become silent." Nell was trying to reassure her friend in their typical teasing way, hoping to show him that they were all really on his side.

"Can you tell them to meet me? I might need help…"

"We kinda already figured that out Shaggy, where?"

"The beach, Kensi will know which one. And thank you… I know you probably haven't stopped searching…" He decided to keep his words short, knowing nothing else was needed.

"We didn't man, and we're glad to have you back." Eric spoke again as Nell proceeded to call Callen and share the news with him. "See you soon brother, and take care."

Deeks hanged out the phone feeling better than all the previous week. He wasn't sure if his decision to run to Mexico had been the right one, and it had costed Franc's his life, but at least he had been able to calm himself and learn who was behind everything. Even if the result had been what he least wanted, if nothing else, he was now better prepared to deal with his own team and fight the bastard of his father

As the blonde man kept making his way into the city he had always known as home, the worry started coming again and he went back to questioning all his decisions. He was at least sure the last had been the right one, as he looked forward to meeting his team again and hopefully fighting together against the monster of his past who seemed determined of robbing him of his future.

-x-x-x-

The drive to Gutierrez house was made in complete silence, both senior agents completely lost inside their own heads, as they tried to process the new information and somehow connect it to their missing man. For her part, the female agent was not surprised as she already knew of her partner's past, but she was still lost in thought as she failed to comprehend how the man could be alive and why would he be back to torment his son. Her heart hurt for her boyfriend as she thought back to their conversations about his father and how much his childhood had shaped the man Deeks was today, in both good ways and not so good ones.

For Callen the recent discovery was hitting a little too close to home and certainly too close for comfort. He had experienced abuse first hand as a foster child, but for him, it was always temporary as he changed houses repeatedly. The occasions in which it did happen were some of his worst childhood memories but at least they were quick and now he couldn't imagine having to live with your abuser for three years. As someone who had spent the majority of his life looking for his birth family, he couldn't comprehend how a man could abuse his own son. It felt inconceivable and unfair, but sadly he knew that the world was anything but fair.

It had taken the agents 20 minutes to get to their destination, and during the time no one said a single word. They had just learned their missing teammate had been abused as a child by his own father, but as much as they tried, none of them could understand why the man would now be back to target his son.

"Come on G, we're here!" Callen rapidly came back from his thoughts to stare at the slightly annoyed face of his partner, who apparently had been calling him for the past minute.

"Sorry man, let's go… And let me take the lead on this one." Knowing the situation was turning more complicated than originally expected, he decided to stay in charge and make sure they dealt with it in the most respectful and helpful manner.

"Callen, I think I should…" Kensi's words were cut by the look on her team leader's face and she knew her request would be denied.

"Kens, you know you're too emotionally attached to this, let me take the lead but feel free to interfere if your instincts tell you, just try to stay calm." Callen understood her need to be in charge but he also knew how the junior partners were prominent to losing their heads when the other was in danger, and he had to avoid that at all costs.

Kensi nodded, and just followed the boys towards the house. Reaching the porch and front door, all three agents looked at each other, promising with their eyes to do anything necessary to figure this out and have each other's backs.

Their knock on the door was followed by immediate silence and their hopes fell at thinking no one was home, but at the third try, an exhausted looking woman opened the door with a young girl at her side. "Hi sorry, I was putting my granddaughter to sleep. How can I help you?" Her eyes looked extremely tired, but her grin was contagious and all three agents smiled in return.

"Hello, sorry to disturb you, Mrs. Gutierrez?"

"Hi, yes… That's me, how can I help you?" Callen's questioning tone and the way all three visitors stood worried the woman a little bit but having nothing to hide, she decided to remain friendly, at least for now.

"My name is Callen and these are my partners Kensi and Sam, we're federal agents and we would like to ask you some questions?"

"What is this about if you don't mind me asking?" The woman's tone had changed from friendly to warry and all three agents knew they had to keep her on the friendly one if this conversation was to get anywhere.

"Could we step inside? We would feel more comfortable talking more calmly… You're not in any trouble." Thinking reassuring her might come a long way, the team leader decided to get that part out of the way fast.

The woman seemed to think it over for some time before eventually nodding and signaling the agents inside and towards the living room, where they all took a seat and waited for the woman to accommodate the little girl in a bedroom.

"Sorry, I just preferred for her to not have to listen to whatever this is." This was not the first law enforcement visit the woman had needed to sit through, and knowing how they could turn out, she decided to keep her granddaughter as far from it as possible. "So, I ask again, how can I help you today?"

"We wanted to ask you some questions about your husband…" At Callen's question the woman's friendliness turned into resignation, as if she had completely been expecting this line of questioning.

"Agents, I don't mean to sound disrespectful but, there's nothing I can tell you that I haven't told all the other police officers that have questioned me over the years. I don't know what happened to my husband." At her last words, she looked down as tears were starting to gather in her eyes, making it evident that even though it had been almost 20 years, the pain was still fresh on her mind. "And why are you here right now? Did you find him? No one had come asking for him in at least 15 years."

Callen wanted to be as clear as possible about the purpose of their visit, not wanting to raise the woman's expectations but also needing her help to figure this out. "We're not here for your husband's disappearance… not exactly. His name came up as a possible connection to another crime."

Mrs. Gutierrez eyes took a harsher look at the team leader's words, and she straightened in her seat. "So you're telling me no one has been able to figure out what happened with my husband and now you're coming here to accuse him of another crime?"

"Sorry if my partner wasn't clear enough, we're not talking about your husband as the perpetrator but… the possible victim" Sam knew the words would be extremely hard to hear, and that they had the potential to crush any remaining hopes the woman might have of finding him, but they didn't want to hide anything from her.

"You're saying Carlos is dead?" As hard as she tried to keep the tears from falling, it was impossible to hold on any longer and she started quietly sobbing. After nearly 20 years of faith, and dreaming for a miracle, it was all being crushed down in one short minute.

"We're not sure, Mrs. Gutierrez but there's a possibility. Could you tell us what happened the day he disappeared? We promise we're only trying to help solve our case and hopefully bring you some answers in the process." Sam's voice was serious but amiable, trying to show the unsettled woman they were on her side.

"Call me Marta, please…" At the name all three agents looked at each other and smiled, accepting it as sign of the universe letting them know they were on the right track. "Carlos was arrested in 1994, and given it was his first offense and no one was injured, he was sentenced to five years, but was paroled in 1997. At the time of his arrest we had a son and I was pregnant with our girl. When he came home our boy was already seven and our little girl three. He worked really hard to make up for the lost time, found a job and on the particular day he disappeared he had been looking at apartments as we were looking to move." Retelling the story was definitely talking its toll on the woman, who sighted sadly as she brushed the tears that kept streaming down her face.

"We're sorry for asking you to share all that again but…"

"It is okay agent, I have waited for answers for a long time and even if they're not the ones I was hoping for, finally getting closure is all I can ask for." Marta cut Sam's words off, as she didn't want any more apologies, just answers. "Not knowing is worst that having to say goodbye…"

Her last words struck Kensi like a physical punch and she felt even more desperate to find out where Deeks was and have him close to her again. She couldn't imagine how this woman had lived for nearly 20 years not knowing what happened to her husband.

"Do you know anything of the people your husband met during his time in prison?" Callen's question brought everyone back to the present and the current conversation.

"A little…" Marta looked down, clearly debating between the desire to not talk about this ever again and her need to get some closure. "He had three different cellmates when he was there, and never made any friends… or enemies as far as I know."

"Do you remember the names of those cellmates?

"Is that what this is about? Did one of those bastards did something to Carlos?" The rollercoaster of emotions the woman was experiencing was displayed easily as her tone of voice rose, only to turn into a low whisper again. "The police always insinuated Carlos might have banished to get back into a life of crime, and no one believed me when I say he wouldn't. He loved this family and that was the reason why he even committed the robbery in the first place… I know he wouldn't have done something else to jeopardize our life together."

"We think his disappearance might be related to one of his old cellmates, who's the man we're investigating now…" Callen didn't want to reveal too much information as they were here to get answers before anything else.

After thinking for some time, the woman's features turned icily cold as she remembered the names and what she knew about the men. "Was it Brandel, Johnson or Miller?"

"Could you tell us what you know of these men?" Callen would have wanted to go straight to Brandel, but preferred to keep his cards hidden for now.

Again the woman's mind was evidently somewhere in the past, lost in old conversations and painful memories. "Brandel and Johnson were Carlos' first cellmates until he was moved to another block at his request and that's when he got Miller."

"Do you remember anything else of either of them? Please anything helps…" Kensi hated to sound begging but she couldn't stay silent anymore and she desperately needed to know if Brandel was really alive.

"Carlos always spoke with a certain fear of both Brandel and Johnson, that's why he requested the change. Miller was a young man in a similar situation than him, and they always spoke about returning back to their families and remorse for what they did."

"And Brandel and Johnson?"

Marta clenched her jaw as her stare became dark and angry. "He spoke of them as two vengeful men… Never showing regret and only wanting to get back at the people that got them there."

"Do you know who sent them there?" Kensi couldn't not ask the question as she felt they were finally getting close to what she wanted to know.

"No… sorry, I think Johnson had assaulted his boss, but Brandel rarely spoke about anything personal as far as I'm able to remember. I wish I could tell you more."

"No need to apologize, you have been very helpful, and…" Sam was interrupted by the ringing of Callen's phone and they all stopped talking as he stepped into the kitchen to pick up the call.

He came back after around three minutes looking energized and uncharacteristically cheerful. "I'm sorry Marta, we have to go. Thank you very much for all your help. We will get back to you as soon as we can confirm or deny our theory." At that the agent started moving towards the door, followed by a confused Sam and Kensi.

"Wait, you come here speaking of Carlos as a possible victim, I answer all your questions and now you want to leave. What's going on?"

Kensi knew the woman deserved the truth so she decided to give it to her. "My partner is missing and a man is targeting him. We think he's one of your husband's old cellmates, but he was supposedly dead. Killed in a car accident on May 1998…" Kensi let her words dance in the air and waited until their meaning registered to Marta.

"Are you saying that...?" The woman looked heartbroken now as her tears started coming again.

"We're really sorry, but yes. We have reasons to believe he faked his own death and the body in the car was actually your husband. As soon as we know for sure we will let you know and hopefully bring you the closure you have been looking for."

"He did say he was meeting and old friend but I never thought…" The puzzle was starting to come together in her mind, and Marta could almost see the whole picture now.

"What do you mean?"

Drawing in a long breath, she decided to share the one piece of knowledge she had always kept to herself. "Carlos was acting strangely that morning, skittish and worried. I offered to go with him but he declined saying he was meeting an old friend from prison before the meeting. I'm thinking now, he was meeting whoever ended up killing him…"

"Have you told this to anyone else?" The picture that was coming together in Marta's head was also forming on the female agent's mind, as both of them shared the same suspicions.

"No…" Looking ashamed Marta looked down, not wanting to see the judgmental stares on the agents' faces. "I'm sorry, but the police already believed Carlos was a criminal and if I had shared that, they would have thought he just ran away with whoever he was meeting."

"We understand Marta, thank you for sharing it with us, and we will do our best to get you the answers you deserve, now we really need to get going." Callen hated to sound insensitive and rush out of the house, but it's what needed to be done.

"Thank you agents, I hope to hear from you again…" The woman's words were barely heard as Callen quickly made his way out of the house, followed by Sam and Kensi as they shared a questioning look.

Once in the car, Sam decided to ask what had happened back there. One moment they were all calmly getting the answers they wanted, the next Callen received a call and wanted to bolt from the house. "What was that G? What's going on?"

Callen took a second to respond as a smile spread all across his face and ended in a triumphant grin. "They found him… The Wonder Twins found Deeks…"

-x-x-x-

Unfortunately, and unbeknown to the NCIS team, the Wonder Twins hadn't been the only ones to find Deeks, and Brandel, the devil himself, was gathering his forces to finally make his grand entrance.

* * *

 _I feel these end-of-the-chapter apologies are becoming the norm, but sorry for that ending. Just know that the team WILL reconnect in the next chapter. And thank you for continuing to support this fic, honestly, a lot of days, it's the only thing that keeps me going._


	14. Chapter 14: The Truth About the Past

_I completely forgot to acknowledge in the last chapter that, somehow, this thing got to a 100 reviews… If you haven't noticed from these comments, I'm very insecure and easy to fall into self-doubts, and it still surprises me that I'm really writing and posting this online. When I wrote my first fic back in November I truly intended for it to be a one-time deal, and I can honestly say the only reason why I haven't stopped is because of the support you all give to me and, now, especially to this story. I always thank you in these notes, but today, I wanted to try to really show how much it means to me. I still think it's unbelievable that someone actually cares about something I'm writing and the only thing I can really say is… Thank you, so very much! "Ghost" exists thanks to all the readers that support it, and I hope you all continue to enjoy this story._

 _All the best,_

 _Jess._

 _*Warning: this chapter contains mentions and brief descriptions of spousal and child abuse, not too graphic but just a heads-up.*_

* * *

 **Chapter 14: The Truth About the Past**

The three agents had just gotten into the car when Kensi finally gathered her courage and enough control of her emotions to ask the hard question. "Everything okay, Callen? What exactly does it mean they found him?"

Callen turned around to look at Kensi, the smile never leaving his face, and slowly spoke the words that he knew she desperately needed to hear. "He's fine, the Twins got a hit from him crossing the border… But then, he called."

"He called? They actually spoke to him?" Kensi hadn't felt this optimistic in the last week and she couldn't hide her hope and excitement at the prospect of finally seeing Deeks again.

Both senior partners smiled and looked at each other as Kensi's question reminded them of the time she had used exactly the same words when Deeks had gone missing in his trafficking LAPD case seven years ago. "Yes Kens, both Eric and Nell spoke to him. He wants to meet us… at the beach. He said you would know where?"

Kensi didn't even need a second to think about it as she eagerly responded. "Dockweiler Beach."

"You sure?" Sam found the location a strange place to meet so he preferred to make sure before making the drive there.

"Yes Sam, I'm sure…" Kensi glared at her teammate, but even then, her newfound joy was clear on her face.

"Why there?" Neither of the senior partners could calm their curiosity and their ever-present need to know everything, but it was eventually Sam the one who asked the question.

"We will tell you later…" At the not so happy groans that came from both agents, Kensi considered telling them now, but then she was literally saved by the bell, when her phone started ringing.

"Agent Blye." Callen and Sam could only wait as they heard Kensi's side of the conversation which was evidently with Deeks' LAPD lieutenant. "Thanks… Yes… I'm sorry… Keep looking… Yes, meeting him now… We will let you know… Yes, I will tell him you're not pleased…"

The conversation took less than five minutes and if Kensi's face was any indication, it hadn't brought any good news. Still the senior agents waited expectantly for her to share what had been discussed.

Knowing both Callen and Sam weren't known to be patient for too long, Kensi decided to get it out of the way and just share the not so good news. "Bates sent five of his most trusted guys, but they weren't able to find anything. Franc's store was trashed as if they were looking for something, but no body was found. He's sending some tech and forensic people to process the scene but they seemed to have cleaned up and he doesn't expect anything significant to turn up. But he will call if he has news."

"Well, that's to be expected… For now let's just concentrate on Deeks." Sam was trying to keep the hopes up, given they were finally on the way to meet with the teammate they had been looking for the past days, and knowing it wasn't going to help if they allowed for those bad news to distract them from the task at hand.

Callen shifted uncomfortably in his seat as he struggled with the best way to ask his next question, eventually deciding not to play games and just shoot straight. "So, what's our game plan here?"

"What do you mean?" Kensi's raised eyebrows showed her displeasure at the team leader's inquiry.

"Come on Kens, he disappeared on us without saying a word, are we just gonna walk and hug him as if nothing is wrong?" Callen still seemed uncomfortable as he spoke the words.

"He's still Deeks, and he's probably still in danger. Let's make sure he's alright and safe and then we can berate him for scaring us and running away."

"Deal." Callen just smiled, not wanting to fight, just to make it clear that even though he understood, he hadn't totally accepted Deeks' actions and they couldn't become the norm.

"Let's just focus on fixing this issue, whatever it is and then I will make sure to have a long chat with our detective friend and brush up what it means to be part of a team." Sam's words, unlike they would have years ago, held no malice or animosity, just respect for the team and worry for his friend.

The rest of the ride transpired in silence, all three agents lost inside their heads, between memories of past times and expectations for the future.

-x-x-x-

Deeks felt as if he was losing his mind and couldn't remember being this nervous in a long time. After his successful call with the Wonder Twins his nerves had settled down for some time but now that he was sitting in his car in the parking lot of the beach, waiting to meet his teammates, he couldn't control his breathing and felt physically sick.

If he was honest with himself, he was scared… Of their reaction, of having to share his past, of something happening to them because he had decided to come back. As more terrible ideas started crawling into his head, the darker his thoughts became and the more he wished for all of this to finally be over. Now that his team would, hopefully, help, he hoped that ending might come sooner rather than later.

He had yet to make peace with the idea that Brandel was really alive and back from the grave to keep tormenting him. It felt like a sick joke from the universe and one he couldn't understand. He knew he had made mistakes in the past, but he had spent most of his life fighting for the good side and helping people. Unfortunately, those good deeds didn't seem to balance the scale, and somehow destiny was still intent in making him pay.

An engine sound from the distance drew his thoughts back to the present and away from the dark corners of his mind. And the sight of the Challenger coming forward and closing the distance between them, sent his mind into a vicious cycle of possible bad outcomes and caused his heart to start beating wildly once more.

 _Come on Deeks, it's just your team, if you're this nervous to face them, how do you expect to confront the devil himself?_ Deeks silently said the words to himself as he took in a few deeps breaths and stepped out of the car, just as the Challenger parked on a faraway spot, and his senior teammates started making their way to him, his partner deciding to hang back for a second, presumably, so she could first gather her emotions.

The look on the agents' faces was unreadable and the detective swallowed tightly as his nerves only increased. The fact that Kensi was not coming with them, was certainly not helping the situation as his mind couldn't comprehend the possibility of losing the love of his life.

"Deeks." Sam's said drily as he looked the detective up and down, making sure he was physically okay.

"Guys…" The words came out as a whisper and Deeks looked down, not knowing what to do or how angry his teammates really were.

"Are you okay?"

At the team leader's question, he raised his head again so he could look him straight in the eyes as he nodded and thanked them for coming.

"You know we would always come brother, we're a team, and family… Why did you run?" Sam's previous dry tone was gone, replaced only by worry and the still remaining sadness at not understanding why he had not trusted them.

"I'm sorr…" Deeks' response was cut short by Kensi's quick approach as she reached the place where her three teammates were standing. She looked firmly at Deeks as he turned around to face her and lifted his eyebrows as if asking for permission. Kensi's response was to close the space between them in a second and go straight into his arms.

When Deeks was finally able to embrace his other half again and breathe in the scent he loved so much, _sunshine and gunpowder_ , his world started making sense again. And he remembered why he got up from bed every morning and why he always fought the monsters… The ones they met at work, the ones that lived inside his own head, the ones from the nightmares, and now also the ones from his own long lost past. As long as he had this woman in his arms he would never stop fighting.

"I missed you…" Kensi's comment wasn't more than a low whisper and just after the words came out, he started feeling her shaking in his arms, and knew the tears had finally come.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I love you princess." They were both crying now and neither of them wanted to step away from the other, just content of being together again.

"I love you too baby, but please never do this again." In another life Kensi Blye would have been angry, right now she was just happy and grateful that the man that gave meaning to her life was back where he belonged. They would need to have a long talk when this was over, but for now they first needed to make sure it ended.

The senior partners feeling uncomfortable had decided to step to the side, giving their junior teammates some privacy and time to reconnect and enjoy being together again.

Neither Kensi nor Deeks had moved in the last five minutes, both just needing the proximity to the other, and allowing the feeling of peace to spread through their bodies. Callen loudly scratching his throat is what eventually prompted them to break up the embrace and after brushing the tears from each other's faces, to make their way towards their teammates hand in hand.

For a second no one spoke, all four teammates just looking at each other and silently thanking the gods because they were still four, how each of them liked it, and as it was always meant to be.

"What happened Deeks? Time to let us in." Callen's question left no room for argument, and Deeks again swallowed tightly as his nerves increased again.

"Wait, first why are we meeting here? You're not flying somewhere, are you?" The location of the meeting had been nagging at Sam ever since Kensi mentioned it, and the proximity to the LA airport was making him uncomfortable.

"No big man, I'm here to stay. I just needed to figure things out…" Deeks had the decency to look embarrassed and somewhat ashamed of his past actions. But deep down he was just grateful his teammates had come and were as supportive as ever.

"Why here?"

Deeks' face blanched a little, as he knew the time for the dreaded conversation was getting closer. Kensi's tight grip on his hand and gentle squeeze finally giving him the courage to talk again. "That's a complicated question, and one with a long story."

"Start from the beginning then…" Sam said as he directed his teammates to an empty picnic table at one solitary corner of the park.

When they were all sitting down all three agents noticed Deeks totally lost inside his head as he stared at the ocean and the rolling waves. And now that they really looked at him, they could see the clear signs of tiredness and anguish in his pale blue eyes, which were becoming more dark and stormy as the minutes ticked by.

Again Kensi's gentle squeeze to his hand and kiss on his forehead is what rescued him from the dark thoughts, as he wildly stared at his teammates, looking as if he had just woken from a nightmare. Which in hindsight, he probably had.

Deeks took in a deep breath as he debated within himself how to proceed. "I don't even know where to start…" He closed his eyes after muttering the words, just wishing he was anywhere but here.

Deciding that he needed to push his teammate forward, Callen said the words no one had dared speak. "We know about Brandel…"

The blonde man winced as if physically punched as his eyes opened widely, as he stared at his teammates with a panicked look. He started taking slow deep breaths as he tried to calm his racing heart.

"Breathe man, breathe…" Deeks' reaction had surprised Sam as he tried to coach his friend into recovering from the unexpected comment. The more he really studied Deeks demeanor, the more his worry increased about the man he now knew was Deeks' father and the possible demons their past would uncover.

"Start from the beginning man, we know about the envelopes and Brandel, nothing more…" After seeing the way Deeks reacted to the name, Callen wanted to reassure him of how little they actually knew.

"How..? Did he contact you?" The fear in his voice chilled the three agents as they individually questioned who they were really up against.

"No baby, listen to me, we need to be on the same page. I share, then you share." Kensi's words were gentle, as if spoken to a scared child. Knowing Deeks dubious nod was the best she would get, she decided to continue. "After you failed to show up to work we had the Wonder Twins track your phone and car, that's how we got to the beach and there I found your letter. I then remembered the envelope you got the previous morning and we checked the cameras in the house and saw the man leaving them every morning and you picking them up some hours later… Why didn't you tell me?" The sadness in her words broke his heart and he regretted, not for the first time, not having shared what was happening with her as soon as he received the first envelope.

"I'm sorry princess." Deeks' looked down as his eyes misted with tears, "I panicked and had to run to figure things out, I couldn't risk staying here and having something happen to any of you."

"But Deeks, you put us all at risk when you decided to run without telling us what was going on…" Callen didn't want to get the man feeling worse than he was, but he had to point the obvious.

"Don't you think I know that? Franc's dead because of that decision." The tears that he had so valiantly fought until now, started to fall, as the still fresh pain of Franc's murder crushed his spirit a little more.

"We're sorry about that baby, the man was loyal to you until the end, and he really loved you." Kensi's heart broke for her boyfriend and she wished she could take his pain away.

"I wish he hadn't been loyal Kensi, he didn't deserve to die… not for me…"

"Don't say that man, you know it's not true. And each of us would also… gladly… die for each other… Just tell us what's going on and we will help you fix it, we can't bring Franc back but we can make sure no one else is hurt." Sam understood the guilt Deeks was feeling, after all, he had felt the same way a lot of times, with Dom, Moe and Michelle specifically…

"You haven't told me how you got to Brandel?"

Knowing Deeks was stuck on that piece of information and knowing he wouldn't continue until he got it, Callen decided to tell the rest of the story. "We spoke with Bates to check what you told Kensi about an old LAPD case. He said no one was being paroled and after learning of what was going on, he told us he thought it was personal. It made sense so we decided to follow that path… We eventually got to Brandel and to some discrepancies in his records… We think he faked his death and the one killed was one of his old cellmates instead…" Thinking that was enough information for now the team leader stopped, hoping this would prompt their detective to start sharing his part of the story.

"What else?" Deeks' voice scared all his teammates as it was completely devoid of its usual spark, sounding haunted and dull instead.

"Nothing else man, we promise." Sam's worry continued to increase as Deeks' reaction to any information about Brandel kept getting worse.

"Kens?" He looked at her pleadingly, silently begging her not to lie to him.

"They don't know anything baby… I haven't told them anything… But it's time you do…" Her words were reinforced with a squeeze to both his hands and another kiss to his forehead.

Deeks stood up from the table and silently made his way into the water, not even worrying about getting his shoes wet, he stepped inside the familiar Pacific waves and allowed for the cold of the water and familiar saltiness in the air to calm his thoughts and clear his heart. This was the moment of truth and he needed to be strong. Making up his mind he walked back to the table and after taking a deep breath decided he couldn't keep stalling anymore.

"Do you know why Brandel was in jail?" The question was meant to figure out a starting point but also as a way to know if they had been lying to him regarding how much they knew.

"We had to look it up… Spousal and child abuse… Eric and Nell found a lot of police reports and old pictures, but none of us looked at any of that." At the team leader's response, Deeks' face paled even more, as he again just wanted to run.

"Baby, I was with them all the time, I promise no one saw anything. No one knows anything, so tell the story the way you want it." Kensi hated to push him, but she also needed to know what had happened to him in the last week and more of his childhood, so she could protect, both him and their relationship.

Deeks ran his hand through his messy blonde curls as he kept taking slow deep breaths. "I never talk about this, so I'm only going to tell this story one time… Call the Wonder Twins so they can hear over the phone…" After waiting for his team leader to do as requested, he closed his eyes and started recounting what had happened the last week, from the first to the last envelope, his decision to leave, his trip to Mexico, the phone call, Franc's video, his call to Kensi and eventually his return home. He felt emotionally drained when he was done, and he knew this was only the beginning.

"Okay…" All three agents looked at him expectantly, wanting to hear from him the stories about the past.

Again closing his eyes and trying to keep his breathing under control and heart at normal rate, Deeks gathered all the courage he could find and started on the story of his life. "As you already know Gordon John Brandel is my father… I was born Martin Brandel but legally changed my name when he went to jail." He opened his eyes for a second and only found compassion in his friends' eyes, so he steeled his nerves and continued. "We lived together not far from here, north of Santa Monica. Brandel was never the best father, but he always provided for us and I do have some early nice memories with him… Ocassionally talking sports together and him sharing his love for 60s music with me."

Knowing this were the happy memories but expecting for things to turn much worse, all three agents stayed silent when he stopped, knowing that this was not an easy conversation and understanding Deeks' need to feel in control.

"We didn't have much family so it was always just the three of us, and for the most part it was good. I don't remember my grandparents but I know they were both loving and great parents to him, but his father died two years before I was born, and his mother when I was three. Even with that he was a good husband and father. But everything changed when I was eight…" Deeks closed his eyes again as the painful memories assaulted his mind, threatening to choke him. Deciding to be stronger than his father's ghost, he decided to push through and continue with the story. "He was laid up from his job, started getting involved with people from his old neighborhood, then got into gambling and that eventually ended in him spending every night at the bar… and then, somehow, he became a violent drunk."

When Deeks opened his eyes, tears started falling again and Kensi brushed them off before giving him a hug and whispering comforting nothings and promises of love just for him to hear. That was enough to draw him back to the present and he was able to continue once again.

"He started beating my mom every time he lost a bet, or when the debts started piling up, then he turned to me when I tried to defend her. He was a really mean bastard, and a violent drunk who got a kick from beating the hell out of us. At first it happened irregularly but as things got worse he started doing it more often, until it got to the point that some weeks, it happened almost every night… And it was not just the physical abuse, but the screams, the insults and the blame, which was always ours and never his." He couldn't control his tears now, but he felt no shame for letting them fall. He had survived his childhood and the monster of his father, so he deserved to cry now. "As things got even worse, I started running away from home when he was in a drunken rage and sleeping on the beach, then one day I met Ray… His father was just like Brandel so we understood and turned into each other's safe haven…"

Kensi had already heard most parts of this story but for Callen and Sam it was all news and they couldn't control their anger at the words they heard. Suddenly they realized they were actually grateful that Brandel was somehow still alive and they both silently hoped they could get their hands on him to make him pay for making their friend's childhood hell.

"The police came a lot of times as you saw from the number of reports, but no one could do anything, it was just an accident or a misunderstanding every time… Until it finally stopped when I was 11 and he was arrested for good… After a legal battle and when my mom was able to get full custody, I legally changed my name to her maiden name, and left Brandel behind forever. We then moved to Reseda and decided to start over…"

Deeks' tone of voice indicated this was the end of the story, but knowing him well and as experienced investigators both senior partners knew there was more to the story. "What caused him to finally get arrested?" After so many failed police visits they both knew only a major event would have caused for the man to finally end up in jail.

"That's not important…" Kensi jumped in as soon as the question left Sam's lips, knowing how much that specific topic affected her partner and deciding he had already suffered enough for one day.

Looking at the senior partners' raised eyebrows and confused looks, Deeks decided to get it all out now, so it wouldn't have to be talked about again.

A few minutes passed, and after closing his eyes and blowing out a breath, the blonde man said the words that had haunted him his whole life. "I shot him…"

Callen and Sam looked at each other, eyes wide and totally surprised, as Kensi closed her eyes trying to stop her own tears from falling. Not for the first time, the female agent cursed the universe for having been so unfair with a young boy who hadn't deserved it.

"He came drunk from the bar and went straight for my mom, usually on those nights, he came to my room and would wake me up with a fist to the face before beating the crap out of me… But that time he was stuck on mama… Her sobs and screams woke me up and I went downstairs to find her unconscious on the ground and Brandel pointing a shotgun at her. I thought she was dead…" His tears had turned into full sobs, as he recounted the worst night of his life. "I was so scared, but I had to save her, so I confronted him and he came at me and sent me flying against the wall, then the punches started until he decided to try to choke me. After eventually stopping, he went to grab his shotgun and started pointing it between us… it… it was just a game to him. Like a twisted _Russian Roulette,_ but one in which chance and luck didn't decided the outcome… he… he was the only game master…" Deeks eyes had darkened as he recounted the events of that night and he took a second to shake off the shadows that were starting to cloud his thoughts.

After some minutes and feeling in control again, the detective continued as he stared vacantly at the LA waves, "I took advantage of his drunkenness to walk to my room… Oh that was a painful walk… But I grabbed a gun that Ray had given me for protection and which I kept hidden under the bed and walked back into the living room. He was surprised, the bastard was surprised but he still taunted me, and shot at me, just gracing my arm thanks to his inebriated state. Before he had a chance to shot again, I lifted the gun and shot him in the left arm…"

As soon his last words left his lips, his head felt onto the table as the painful memories kept invading his mind and silencing his every sense. Kensi's hug from behind, and Sam's comforting hand on his shoulder grounded him and gave him the strength to look back up, expecting to find disgust on their faces, but finding only sadness and anger. Sadness directed at him, and anger at the monster who had forced him to endure all that.

"You were only 11…" Sam's words weren't a question, just an incredulous statement.

Deeks just nodded as no more words wanted to come out.

"No child should be forced to shoot their own father, much less at 11…" Sam kept staring blankly at nothing in particular as his statement wasn't directed at anyone either, they were just the haunted words of a man who couldn't comprehend what he had just heard.

"The world isn't fair big man, and I was forced to learn that at a young age…" The strength in Deeks' voice betrayed how tired he was feeling and the hollow look in his usually vibrant blue eyes showed how emotionally drained the conversation had left him.

"I'm sorry… you had to live through that." Those were the first words Callen had spoken after hearing the story, and they carried with them a baggage of empathy and understanding, one that became evident when the younger man looked at the eyes of the experienced agent with an equally broken past. Deeks just nodded and that was enough for both of them to know they understood each other, and for a new bond to be born between two men who had both been reborn from the ashes of their wrecked childhoods.

"Why here?" Sam, not knowing that in Deeks' life everything was closely tied together, asked the question hoping it would bring better memories.

"On the worst nights I used to run to the beach and sleep there… That's how I eventually learned how to surf." Deeks actually smiled at the memory, as he remembered Bill and his family of surfers. "On really bad days I used to grab the bus and come here. I liked being close to the ocean but also enjoyed looking at the airplanes and just dreaming I could escape in one… Fly away from the torment at home… But I could never leave mama behind." The smile no longer there, replaced by a sad stare and haunted look in his eyes.

"When we became a couple we decided to make this our meeting place in case one day we were in danger and needed to separate, run or meet again. It's an important place for Deeks, and the proximity to the airport and highways made it also good for our own purpose if we were ever forced to get away." Kensi decided to complete the story, not wanting to force Deeks to keep reopening old wounds.

"Okay… Now let's go brother, we will figure this out, and we promise your fath… Brandel won't hurt you ever again…" Remembering Deeks didn't call the man his father, Sam backtracked and used his name instead. "Let's go grab something to eat, then we can go to ops so you can say hello to the Twins and we can start searching again."

"Wait, I have one more question… What was on the envelopes?" Kensi knew Deeks was already near his breaking point, but she needed to know what had been so bad that he decided to run alone, instead of trusting her with what was going on.

Deeks just stood from the table and walked to his car, grabbing the offending objects before dropping them on the table, and sitting back down, back against them and turned instead towards the ocean.

Kensi hesitantly reached for the envelopes and started taking the pictures out in order. All three agents gasped and felt their anger increase at the images looking back at them.

 _A young boy hurt by his own father… A broken woman… A heartbreaking family portrait… And themselves…_

Without turning around, and with a dull and even voice, the blonde man started to explain. "The first one I don't even remember when it was taken, but I must have been 8 so the nightmare had just begun… The second one, was mama during one really bad night when the cops came to the house… The third is the night I shot him and when the nightmare finally ended…" _For now_ , he completed silently on this head. "That's how the police found us…"

As the agents stood up and started their walk into the Challenger, neither of them could take that third image out from their minds.

 _Brandel bleeding from a gunshot wound to his left shoulder, shotgun next to him and beer bottles littering the floor. Roberta covered in blood and unconscious on the ground. And young Marty, injured, hurt and broken, gun still in his small hands, and having just collapsed on top of his nearly beaten to death mother. An eternally still portrait of the sins and horrors that happened on that house…_

-x-x-x-

Having convinced Deeks to drive in the Challenger with them, promising someone from ops was already on the way to pick up his car, the NCIS team started their drive together to Venice Beach so they could grab some food at their favorite food truck and replenish their strength so they could continue working the case.

No one spoke as all four team members were lost inside their own heads and personal demons. Callen thinking of his own past and how unaware he had been of how similar it was to that of his younger teammate. Sam still failing to comprehend how the man he once saw as weak and lacking in character had been forced to survive so much at such a young age. And Kensi and Deeks, in the backseat, tangled in each other's arms, while silently comforting each other.

Everything was messed up now but it had also been in the past. All three agents and detective at least found security and peace in the fact they had just been reunited, as it was always meant to be. And as long as they stayed together and fought as one, they believed they could go against anyone and there was no way they would fail… again.

-x-x-x-

Dinner went like any other day, with the team joking among themselves and enjoying each other's company, while they talked about anything other than the last week, Brandel and what would come next. They knew they needed to find Brandel and make a plan before he had a chance to hurt someone else, but for now, they also needed a small release and the short time to unwind.

Following their original idea, the team ate dinner and headed back to the Mission to keep working with the Wonder Twins on locating the man. They worked tirelessly for hours, but unfortunately, weren't able to get any new leads or uncover any new information. Eventually around 12 PM, seeing Deeks' eyes closing and all of them feeling physically and emotionally exhausted, they decided to head home for the night and get back to work really early in the morning. Not wanting for anyone to be on their own, they agreed for Eric and Nell to stay together (as if they wouldn't have if not previously discussed), Sam would spend the night on Callen's house, and Kensi and Deeks already lived together.

After much persistence by the senior partners, their younger teammates eventually agreed to be dropped off at home and picked up in the morning, leaving Kensi's SUV parked in the Mission and having Deeks' truck back at the house in case they needed a getaway vehicle. They had insisted they were okay on their own and could protect each other if need be, but had also understood Callen and Sam's need to feel more secured and in control.

At one in the morning the Challenger parked in front of Kensi and Deeks' house and Callen got out to allow the partners the space to exit the car's backseat. After saying their goodbyes and promising to call if anything became suspicious, the couple started walking towards their door hand in hand. When they were halfway through, and just as in Deeks' nightmare, two men, whom had been hidden by the shadows, stepped out from each side of the house pointing semi-automatic rifles at them. Just at the same time, two cars came rushing down the street blocking the Challenger and their occupants who had decided to wait until their teammates were safely inside. Two other men, also carrying rifles, exited each vehicle and ushered the senior partners outside and towards their younger teammates.

Just when the four NCIS teammates were standing back to back and in the middle of the house's front lawn, with eight armed men surrounding them from all sides, a black SUV came slowly driving down the street and parked inside their driveway, in the spot left vacated by Kensi's SUV and next to Deeks' truck. As slowly as the car had come, the front door opened and a tall man with dirty blonde hair and blue eyes stepped outside.

"Hello Martin, it's good to see you my dear boy…" The man slowly said with a somewhat familiar smirk while he pointedly looked at his son, who was rooted to the spot and had completely blanched as if he had just seen a Ghost…

* * *

… _For anyone wondering, this time I can 100% guarantee this is not a dream. And please don't hate me for ending it there, the next chapter is ready, so the wait shouldn't be long. Thanks as usual for reading, reviewing and just supporting this fic._


	15. Chapter 15: His Majesty's Grand Entrance

_First things first, this site has been acting strange again and I'm pretty sure email notifications didn't work for the last chapter so please make sure you read the one I posted last Sunday or this won't make a lot of sense. I also posted a Densi Valentine's Day fic that you could check out if that's your thing and you didn't see it. And now, enjoy!_

* * *

 **Chapter 15: His Majesty's Grand Entrance**

The blonde detective thought he had been ready, but now he knew nothing could have prepared him for seeing his supposedly dead father for the first time since he was 11. He could feel himself starting to tremble and the eyes of his teammates as they slowly turned between him and the man who had just exited the car, and who kept looking pointedly at him.

For their part, the three agents couldn't comprehend the sight in front of them. They had just learned on the last days that Deeks had a father, and in the last hours that said father had been his childhood abuser and tormentor. And now the man was standing right in front of them, looking smug and like an older version of their teammate. They could all feel Deeks slightly shaking next to them, and could hear him starting to hyperventilate.

"Boy, I'm talking to you… I've waited for this moment for 30 years and now I don't even get a hug?" Brandel's smirk betrayed the sweetness of his words, and revealed the irony they really were. "Haven't you missed your father, Martin?"

Deeks was speechless as he focused all his energy on controlling his breathing, slowing his heart and forcing his body to stop quivering. He wasn't a little kid anymore, he was a grown up man and an LAPD detective, and he wouldn't allow Brandel to control his life again. "I could have lived another 30 years without ever seeing you again…" His words were still shaky but he had at least found the strength to get them out.

"Oh Martin, you wound me, and here I was thinking you were going to be excited to see your dear old dad…" Brandel never took his eyes from his son as he spoke the words, after all, this was the first time in nearly 30 years he was able to see him up close.

"What do you want?" Deeks could already imagine exactly what he wanted but he needed to keep stalling for time until his team figured an out or a neighbor realized what was going on, unfortunately, the late hour would make that second option nearly impossible.

"What do I want? I want _you_ of course…" Brandel's smile made Deeks' blood turn to ice as he slowly swallowed and started preparing for the worse.

"He's not going anywhere." Callen's voice was strong and perfectly steady, as there was no way he would allow for his teammate to be taken right in front of him.

"And what do you expect to do, agent?" Brandel laughed as he motioned for his men to take a step closer to the NCIS teammates and to load their weapons. "Don't think I missed you and your agent friends, _discreetly,_ grabbing your guns? Do you wanna take that bet, nine against four? Are you that confident agent, or don't you care if we take out one or two of you as collateral damage?"

"He's right…" Deeks' whispered as silently as possible, hoping only his team would hear him.

"The boy's right agent, I'm not here for any of you, let me just take what's mine and we will be on our way… And let me tell you, the brat is not worth the effort it would take to protect him." Brandel's statement was full of loathing, and spoken in the tone reserved for an enemy and not a family member, much less your own son.

"Deeks doesn't have an owner, he doesn't belong to anyone… and much less a bastard like you. He's not going anywhere, and he's worth a lot more than just the effort to protect him." Kensi felt all the determination that Deeks' lacked, and as soon as the words were out, she lifted her gun and pointed it at Brandel's head.

At the same time Kensi lifted her gun, Brandel signaled for his men to take another step closer and two of them turned their rifles directly at her, prompting Deeks to take a step forward, pushing Kensi behind him. In the distraction caused by the current stalemate, no one noticed the two other gunmen coming from the other side until it was too late.

The first took advantage of the team leader's focus being on his younger teammates and rammed the end of his riffle into his side, causing Callen to groan and hunch over in pain. The second one tried to get to Sam, but his partner's grunt had made him turn around just in time to stop the hit that was coming and use his own gun to pistol whip the man who felt unconscious to the ground. Unfortunately, Sam's actions left time for the first man to hit Callen again with his weapon, forcing him to cry out in pain and instantly move his hands to protect his already aching ribs.

"G, are you okay?" Sam's attention was completely on his partner's wellbeing now as he continued to breathe hardly, while still holding his injured side.

"I'm okay." Callen muttered, making it obvious that he was in pain.

The short moment in which the senior partner's attention was drawn away from their junior partners, and with Deeks focus on Brandel in front of him, was enough for two other men to reach Kensi from the back and hold her in a headlock with a gun to her head. She tried to get away but the men were too fast and strong and she couldn't defend herself in time.

Deeks turned around as soon as he heard Kensi's struggling against someone, only to find her already restrained by two men. "I'll go with you, just… just leave them alone, please… You want me not them." His voice sounded unsteady and he cursed himself for the power his father still held over him.

"That's my boy, I knew you would see reason… Now, tell your agent friends to drop their weapons… you do the same, and turn backwards and walk slowly towards us…" It was clear Brandel had everything planned and he knew his son would easily sacrifice himself to safe his team… After all, as a little kid he had done the same thing to protect his mother.

"Deeks… no." Kensi could barely get the words out as the man intensified the pressure on her throat.

"We can fight." Even as Callen continued to hold his ribs, there was no hesitation, and he was ready to go down swinging.

"Fight, agent? Are you sure about that? Your lady friend is not faring too well right now, you're already hurt and your partner is not enough to take on so many men." Brandel ever present smirk was so similar to Deeks', but unlike his son's which was full of love for life and cheerfulness, his was full of hate and self-righteousness. "Oh, and I forgot your detective, but he surely is the weak link, so I wouldn't put a lot of trust on him." Brandel's smirk and arrogant tone angered all the agents but, deep down they knew the odds were greatly against them.

"He's not the weak link." Sam had already heard someone call Deeks weak before, and that time he had stayed silent, but now, he was determined to make it clear to his younger teammate of how big a lie that statement was. "He's as strong as any of us, and easily stronger than you." Sam's hatred for the man was evident and he couldn't wait to get his hands on him.

"How can you defend a little criminal like him? Aren't you agents supposed to uphold the law? How can you stand for someone who shot his own father…?" As soon as the words came, Brandel suddenly stopped and covered his mouth as he continued to smirk behind his hands. "Oh sorry, maybe the boy hadn't shared that tidbit of information."

"We know, and we don't care. We also know what you did…" Callen couldn't stand the man anymore, the pain in his ribs was getting worse, and he just wanted to put a bullet in his head. Unfortunately, they were still being surrounded by seven armed men, and they would soon be eight as the previously unconscious one seemed to be waking up.

"I'm surprised boy, didn't expect you to share that. Did you also told them how you use to cry and cower while begging me to go away?" Brandel's comment had been spoken to humiliate his son, but unbeknown to him, it was only making Deeks' teammates feel more respect and understanding, especially from his team leader who could easily identify with him.

Brandel's remark caused Deeks to start shaking again as he stared dejectedly to each side, sensing how dire the situation was and seeing no other out than turning himself in. He locked eyes with Kensi and saw only love in her stare and a silent pleading to keep fighting. But he could also see her eyes starting to close and he knew he had to get the men away from her fast.

Putting his gun on the ground, he ignored everything going on around him and decided to focus solely on his father. "I will go, just get your men away from her, and don't hurt any of them again, please. You just want me, I won't fight, I will go…" Deeks hated to beg but for his team he would do anything, so he started turning around and moving towards his waiting father.

"Deeks no."

"Please."

"Let us fight."

The words from his teammates almost made his stop, and if the situation had been a little more in their favor he would have. But with eight guns and Brandel against just the four of them, he couldn't risk something happening to his teammates because he had refused to go with the man who only wanted _him_.

As Kensi saw her boyfriend and partner surrendering his gun and walking towards the man that evidently only meant him harm, she started to struggle again but was only rewarded with a hit to her stomach and the pressure on her throat increasing even more. She suppressed a grunt and eventually stopped fighting.

"Don't hurt her please." Deeks had moved towards Kensi as soon as the man hit her, but before he could reach her, he was grabbed from behind by two other men, who pulled his arms behind his back and started dragging him towards the waiting SUV.

Kensi started fighting once more, deciding that self-preservation was far less important than Deeks' wellbeing and she was determined not to lose him again just hours after finally getting him back. While they saw Kensi continue to wrestle, Callen and Sam looked at each other and silently communicated as only partners can do. They calculated their odds, and with grim appearances shook their heads at the same time, knowing there was no way for them to get out of this without at least some major injuries or even casualty to their group. The risk just wasn't worth it and they both knew Deeks would never forgive himself if Brandel hurt any of them.

Deeks saw the moment the senior partners reached their conclusion and the coordinated shake of their heads, and knew they had agreed with his assessment and had decided to allow what he was doing. He could feel the fear starting to grow inside of him, and the anxiousness for what would come next. But as much as he didn't want to go with his father, he would also never sacrifice his team for his escape. Franc was already dead, and he had promised no one else would get hurt because for him. He wasn't worth it.

Brandel looked at everything going on around him and his smile grew only wider. His son was finally his again and he could soon start to make him pay for everything that he had costed him. The woman he clearly loved was fighting a losing battle against her assailants and the two senior partners could only watch helplessly as their teammate was taken away.

Before Deeks' world was suddenly turned into black, he locked teary eyes with Kensi and muttered a silent _I love you_. Just then a hood was place over his head and his hands tied tightly behind his back. The last thing he remembered was Kensi almost losing consciousness as the man continued to hold her in a chokehold, Callen still holding his ribs, and Sam looking as angry as he hadn't seen him in a long time. He remembered the sight of his house, the dark night, and the ocean breeze on his face and hair. Now he could only see darkness, sense the lack of air, feel the tears running down his face, and the panic starting to rise in his chest. With no much time to comprehend what was happening or say goodbye to his teammates, he heard the door of the SUV opening and felt his body being pushed inside. As the door was closed behind him, he could hear the muffled words of his friends for the last time.

"Hold on, Deeks. No matter what happens, hold on brother." Sam's tone was full of desperation. A _no matter what they do to you_ was left unspoken as his mind went back to an old auto body shop.

"We will get you back man, we promise." Callen's voice was full of hate and guilt. A _we won't fail this time_ was left unspoken as he remembered Michelle and how they had been late to save her.

"I love you baby, please, just wait for us." Kensi pained words were full of anguish and sadness. But nothing was left unspoken as the love in her tone said everything that her words couldn't.

All the agents could only stand and watch as the SUV left the driveway and drove away with Deeks, his father and three armed men with them. They had wanted to move, fight and stop it from happening, but with two men still holding Kensi, and three pointing weapons at the senior partners, any attempt would have been futile.

The remaining men waited ten minutes to give the main car enough time to escape and then forced the agents to surrender their weapons while they moved towards the two cars that were still blocking the Challenger. Before any agent had time to react or do anything the five men got in the cars and quickly drove away. But not before shooting the front tires of Sam's car, successfully leaving the agents stranded, hurt and with absolutely no hope of quickly rescuing their teammate.

As soon as the men stopped holding her, Kensi fell on her knees, gasping for air and not able to stop the tears that came at the memory of Deeks being taken away right in front of their own house. Sam instantly went to his little sister and started checking on her, while whispering low promises and reassurances. And Callen quickly grabbed his phone and called the Wonder Twins so they could start searching for their no longer missing, but now kidnapped friend.

-x-x-x-

Deeks was seated in the backseat in between two men that continued to point guns at him. He could feel the muzzle of the weapons near his ribs and thought it was the definition of overkill. What were they expecting he would do when his arms were tied behind his back and he couldn't see anything?

He couldn't stop thinking of his teammates, especially Kensi, and all that had been left unsaid and undone. At least they now knew his real story and if this ended up as the end of his journey, he felt comfort in the most important people in his life knowing the real him. He remembered a conversation he had shared with Sam earlier that day in the Mission, and, the knowledge that his team would find the envelopes if he didn't make it, gave him some peace.

The rocking of the car lulled his thoughts and he tried to calm his heart and start preparing himself for whatever would come next. He was certain pain was in his future, as his father wouldn't have gone through all this trouble just to have a peaceful chat with him and rekindle his lost childhood. His mind went back to being beaten by Lazik, shot by Vakar's guys, tortured by Sidorov, and all the other times in which he had been hurt before. He remembered each time, the pain, the fear, the desperation and allowed for all the feelings to mix inside of him and harden his nerves. He had survived those times, and he could survive this one too. But still he was scared, oh... he was so scared…

-x-x-x-

It had taken the team just a couple of minutes to compose themselves and get down to business. While the Challenger was picked up by someone from the motor pool and the tires repaired, they took Deeks' truck and started driving to the Mission. Reaching the building, Sam had insisted on checking Kensi and Callen, but both had predictably refused, saying they were fine and going straight to ops to start working with the Twins. They had been looking for one hour and hadn't been able to pick up Brandel's car at all. The man had known what he was doing and the head start he gained on them was enough for the car to disappear.

"We're not gonna find them… Most likely they already have him somewhere and I don't want to imagine what they could be doing to him at this very moment." Kensi was struggling to keep her emotions under control and just focus on the _case_ , but no matter how much she tried, this wasn't a case, but her life and future.

"Come on Kens, we can't think like that. The man's still his father, we need to assume that he won't hurt him." Sam's knew the probability of his words being the truth, were really low, but he couldn't allow Kensi to fall into despair when they had work to do.

"Sam are we talking about the same father that used to beat him and his mother to hell when he was only a kid? You heard the stories… you know what's coming." Kensi spoke dejectedly as she had already accepted their failure and was resigned to the pain that her boyfriend would most likely be forced to endure. She wouldn't fool herself, Deeks had spoken to her enough of Brandel to imagine what the man could do. She just had to hope to get her partner away from that monster as soon as possible and for him to be strong enough while they searched.

"What do you propose we do, Kens? We don't know where to look, we can only try to find them somewhere." Callen couldn't believe this was happening. They had gotten him back and everything was going to be fine, but now it could end up being much worse.

"We have to speak with someone who knows Brandel, someone that might know where he took Deeks."

"And you know that someone?"

"Roberta… Ray…"

"Kens, neither of them had seen Brandel in 30 years, we don't even know what he did in the last 20… And we can't contact Ray…" The team leader wished it was that easy, but in their lives and careers, things rarely were.

"Come on, Callen. You know we could if we wanted. Ray and Deeks are like brothers, you know now he's the one that gave him the gun that ended up saving his and Roberta's life. Ray would never forgive us if something happens to Deeks and we didn't even tried to contact him."

"Kens, it's been 6 years since they last saw each other…"

"What are you saying? That if we stopped talking for 6 years all loyalty would be gone?" Kensi was unrelenting in her pursuit and she just kept the retorts coming.

"You know that's not what I meant… Ray is off limits now, we will go to Mrs. Deeks' house tomorrow and see if we get somewhere from there. Now we should rest. We have the couch downstairs and mattresses in the gym. Pick whatever place you want but try to sleep." He himself didn't want to, but they had been working nonstop most of the day. " _Now_." He emphasized as none of his teammates moved after his first command.

Like reprimanded children who didn't want to take a nap, all agents, analyst and tech operator, marched out of ops and towards their desired destination. None of them wanting to sleep while their teammate and friend could be living a nightmare, but knowing they needed the rest if they were to get him back tomorrow as they hoped to do.

Sam, Callen, Nell and Eric went to the gym, leaving the more comfortable couch for Kensi, even though they didn't want to leave her alone. They had insisted on her coming with them but she had ignored them and walked towards the bullpen on her own.

Sleep didn't come easy, but it eventually came. Callen while mentally practicing his Romanian, Sam thinking of his children, and Nell and Eric hugging and comforting each other. For Kensi it was much harder, but eventually, in between sad sobs, angry tears, and smiles at the memories of Deeks, sleep was also able to claim her.

-x-x-x-

The drive had taken somewhere around 45 minutes, and had included a car switch in between. At first he had been paying more attention to the passage of time and his surroundings, but he soon gave up and just concentrated on thinking about Kensi and that he had to survive for her.

Eventually the car stopped, and Deeks was pulled out of the backseat and pushed forward through what he imagined was a long outside hallway. It took some time to get inside whatever place they had entered and he thought it must be a house with a big yard or some sort of warehouse. _How original, torture the poor guy in the abandoned warehouse_ , he marveled at the thoughts in his head, and would have laugh if he hadn't been trying to avoid drawing more attention to himself. He wasn't walking on grass, so if it was a house it must have a long driveway, but he was almost certain it was a commercial building of some sort.

After walking for so long in the dark, and with the difficulty of breathing under the hood, Deeks started losing his senses and stumbled, almost falling down and bringing the two men with him. A vicious punch to his stomach and one to his side were his reward for his misstep, and he concentrated on trying not to slip again. The walk eventually stopped as he felt himself being pushed inside a room and towards a wall. His uneasiness kept increasing as time continue to pass and he still couldn't see his surroundings, and now pressed against a wall and held in place by men at both his sides, he was defenseless to stop whatever they wanted to do to him.

A punch to the stomach made him double over in pain and his breathing started coming in small gasps. He was pulled upright as two more cruel hits followed to his sides and a final one to his face. Even with the hood he could feel the blood coming from his busted lip and it being mixed with the tears streaming from his eyes. The rapid and unpredictable assault had left him more confused than before, and he cursed his father for having the idea of using a hood. Not being able to watch what was coming certainly made it worse and he only wanted to see the light again.

Thinking of his father, he wondered if he was the one doing the attack or one of his men. Mercifully, the hits stopped and he felt his arms being untied, and the hood starting to be released. His heart began beating rapidly at the prospect of being free again, even though he knew he was still their prisoner, but being able to move freely and see, would at least make it somewhat better. However, his hopes sank as soon as he felt a metal cuff being closed around his wrist and the sound of it being fastened against the wall. Just then a second one was place on his ankle and again secured to what he imagined would be a hook on the wall. Finally, the hood was finally lifted and the sight that welcomed him was the hateful smirk of his father, and the eyes that were so similar to his, if only for the darkness present in them. _Of course Brandel was the one doing the attack…_ He thought as his mind flashed back to being beaten by the man as a young child.

"Hello Martin, and welcome to your new life. For however long that might be…" Brandel spoke in his usual smug tone, and with the same insufferable grin on his face, and started walking towards the door, but not before turning to look at his son one more time, "I will see you tomorrow my boy, I have great plans for us…"

If the chains weren't enough, the door closing and a lock being secured ultimately confined Deeks to the captivity of the small room and left him at the complete mercy of his monster of a father and the demons inside his own head.

* * *

 _Sorry I took longer than expected to update, but I have been in a bit of a down/doubtful phase so I might have voluntarily stalled a bit. But I'm really excited to finally post the next two chapters and I expect to post chapter 16 on Sunday._

 _Also,_ _I can honestly say deciding how to write Brandel and how far to take him, has been the biggest challenge of this fic, and I really hope you like him… Or well, not like him, but the way I wrote him ;)_

 _Thanks a lot for continuing to read, review and support this story, I always look forward to seeing what you think._


	16. Chapter 16: The Devil Himself

_So… I finally reached the chapter I've been super nervous to post since I wrote it. It was really hard to try to find the perfect balance for it, and I'm still not sure I did. I can only hope you all like it. Also, I'm not sure if notifications are properly working for everyone again, just in case, please make sure you read the last two chapters I posted. Enjoy ;)_

* * *

 **Chapter 16: The Devil Himself**

History had a bad habit of repeating itself, and just as when he was a little kid, a fist to the face forced him awake, a second one to his gut to try to roll into the corner of the room to protect his ribs, and then came the pressure on his throat as he felt his body lifted from the ground and pushed against the wall behind him. Deeks opened his eyes, feeling more blood coming from his lip and barely able to draw in air, only to find a glowing Brandel staring back at him… with a big, hateful smirk and clearly enjoying being in control. And just when his world was about to be thrown back into darkness, his father eased on the pressure and Deeks' body slowly slid to the ground as he was finally able to breathe again.

"Son, I thought you would have matured by now. But I heard you last night and apparently you're the same weak boy having screaming nightmares every night. You need to toughen up." A kick to his already injured ribs followed the statement as Brandel laughed and signaled for one of his men to set a tray on the ground next to his son. "And don't say I'm a bad father, Martin, I brought you some breakfast." He then turned around and left the room, closing the door behind him and fastening the lock.

Deeks closed his eyes and tried to control his breathing, he untangled himself from the ball he had made in a failed attempt to protect his body and moved towards the tray. He found some juice, a slice of toast and two strips of bacon. Hating himself for his desperation, he made quick work of the food and felt his stomach growl in pleasure at finally being fed. The last meal he ate was lunch with his team the previous day and he desperately needed the strength this small meal provided. After drinking the juice he pushed the tray to the side, and gingerly lifted himself from the ground, pulling on the chains as much as he could but soon realizing it would be impossible to get himself free of them without some help.

Having nothing else to do, he sat back on the ground and for the first time looked at the room he was in. It was a simple space, with one door with no handle on the inside, and a small window that had bars on it and wood boards covering almost its whole surface, only some small cracks letting for natural light to sneak into the room. The chains that were cuffed to his wrist and ankle were fastened against two hooks in the wall behind him, and they only allowed for small movement, not even permitting him to reach the door or window. He blew out a quick breath and bitterly laughed at the sad reality that had become his life.

Then his mind went back again to the previous night and his team. He hated to have looked weak in front of them, but he hoped they understood why he had chosen to sacrifice himself instead of fighting. He had to protect them and he wouldn't ever forgive himself if any of them had been seriously hurt if he had refused to do as Brandel had wanted. He closed his eyes and angry tears started coming again and he scolded himself for showing softness. He had no choice but wait for his team to find him and, in the meantime, do as he had promised Kensi years ago… not get himself killed.

Time seemed to pass slower than ever and he wondered what time it was. He was at least glad to be alone and foolishly hoped to be left that way. Deeks tried shifting his position as the pain on his ribs intensified so he decided to lay on the ground, facing the ceiling. His blood turned to ice and his breathing caught in his throat as soon as he saw the metal hooks staring down at him and he started imagining all the reasons why they must be there. And just as the previous night his mind was invaded by memories of past sufferings and by his fear of whatever Brandel had planned for him, or _them._

Experience told him that fear was highly tied to pain, and he knew that more than facing his father, he was scared of the pain he could cause. He again allowed for his old demons to crawl out and his mind was invaded by images of Lazik, Vakar, and Sidorov… He would never understand how some men felt entitled to make others suffer, be it for information, revenge or just pleasure, it was wrong, and it angered him that he now feared that same fate and possible torture from his own father. Sensing his heart rate spiking and his breath coming in small gasps he forced his mind away from that possibility and concentrated on his team instead. After all, he only needed to hold on and be strong long enough for them to find him…

-x-x-x-

As soon as Kensi opened her eyes that morning she turned around hoping to see the adorably messy blonde curls of her boyfriend, but only found the table and bullpen in front of her. It all came crashing back as she remembered the previous night and what had happened to Deeks. She went to the gym intent on waking up her teammates so they could start working and was surprised to find it empty. Walking back to the bullpen she looked upstairs and the noises and strip of light coming from below the ops door, told the female agent her team was already hard at work.

As soon as the sliding doors opened, she saw Eric and Nell quickly typing on their computers, Callen on the phone and Sam looking at old documents. "Good morning guys, why didn't you wake me up?"

Sam turned around and smiled, "good morning Kens, you needed the rest and we haven't been awake for that long. The Twins are still looking for any sign of Brandel, Callen is speaking with Bates to update him of the situation and I'm looking at old reports having to do with Brandel."

Kensi moved towards the center table and stared at the folders spread around the table. Some looked like old prison files, others like personal documents and a few like police reports. "I should go speak with Roberta…" She wasn't looking forward to that conversation, but she knew it had to happen and she just needed to be strong for it.

"Callen and I will go with you. We were just waiting for you to get up, go take a quick shower and we will meet you by the car in 20 minutes." Sam easy smile and calm tone, set Kensi's mind at ease and she did as she was told without a second thought.

"She seems better than I would have expected." Nell said as soon as the doors closed behind the female agent. Kensi, and Deeks, were more than coworkers and she considered them good friends, and she was really worried for both of them.

"Yeah… I'm pretty sure she's doing worse than she looks, but… she's an agent and knows how to mask it. We just need to be here for her when it all comes crashing down." Sam then turned around and went back to look at the files, just in time for his partner to finish his call and walk slowly towards him.

"Bates will check any information he might have on his LAPD records from the time of Brandel's arrest or any of his cellmates. He might be keeping Deeks in an old property so it's worth the try. Is Kens okay?" Callen's voice sounded tired, and it showed how all of them were feeling, both physically and mentally.

"Yes, I think she's burying most of it, but if that allows her to keep her head straight, it works for me. We're visiting Mrs. Deeks now." Sam grimaced, none of them looking forward to that particular conversation.

"We will be back in about two hours, keep searching and call us immediately if you find anything important." Callen gave his orders as he and his partner walked out in the direction of the bullpen, Nell and Eric only nodding and never taking their eyes off their screens.

-x-x-x-

The car ride was even more silent than the day before, all three agents lost inside their heads and trying to prepare themselves for the tough conversation that would follow. Reaching Roberta's house, they all walked up the stairs together, but just as they were about to reach the door, the senior partners stopped and decided to hang back while Kensi made the introductions.

The door opened and a still sleepy Roberta appeared wearing some sweatpants and a sweatshirt. She seemed to have been exercising and Kensi hoped that Guy was not in the house right now. "Kensi… Good morning, I wasn't expecting you today." Roberta smiled and quickly engulfed her, hopefully, soon to be daughter-in-law in a warm embrace. Looking outside and seeing her son's other two teammates but her boy nowhere in sight, she started getting nervous and shakily asked, "Where's Martin?"

"Can we come in Mrs. Deeks? We would like to speak with you more comfortably." Kensi hated to be treating her soon to be mother-in-law as the mother of any other victim, but right now, more than ever, she needed to be professional and keep her emotions inside.

"Mrs. Deeks? What happened to calling me Bertie? Kensi, what's going on? Where's my boy? Is he dead?" Roberta's mind was moving quickly in all angles and directions, and with each new question her voice became more frantic and her eyes started to fill with unshed tears.

"He's alive." _For now, I hope…_ Kensi silently completed in her head before continuing aloud. "But in trouble and we need your help. Please let's speak inside." The female agent wanted to move forward and hug Deeks' mother but she needed to be professional or her carefully constructed walls would shatter and all the buried emotions would come running out. And this was not the time for that.

"Okay." Roberta sighed and motioned for all three agents to go inside and towards the living room, where they all sat around the center table and uncomfortably stared at each other. The tension in the room was palpable and no one wanted to be the first to speak.

Drawing in a long breath, Kensi steeled her nerves and took control of the situation. "I'm sorry to tell you this, but last night… Deeks was abducted by someone who's been targeting him for the past week. We thought it had to do with a law enforcement case, but… it's personal… and we think you could help."

Roberta listened attentively to everything Kensi said and was even more confused when she was done. "Abducted? But why? And how can I help… I don't know a lot of Marty's personal relationships… We only rekindled our own relationship a couple of years ago." She looked down ashamed at the admittance that she still didn't know a lot about her son's adult life.

"That's the problem… It's… It's someone from the past." At Roberta's puzzled expression, Kensi knew she had to be strong and just say it. "The thing is that… he's… he was taken by…" No matter how hard she tried the words wouldn't come out, and she looked pleadingly at her teammates.

Callen had been giving Kensi the main role in this conversation but seeing her struggling to say what they all knew would rip Mrs. Deeks world apart, he took in a deep breath and acted as the team leader he was. "What Kensi is trying to say is that Deeks was kidnapped by someone from the past… someone you know, that's why we think you could help."

"Who?"

"Gordon John Brandel." Callen said the name fast, like ripping a bandaid, and then turned to stare at the ground as he waited for the avalanche to come.

Roberta's faced had lost all color at the name, and she could only muster a slow whisper. "Gordon? But, Martin told me he was dead…" Her mind flashed back to a conversation she shared with her son after he had been released from jail a couple years before and she never had a reason to doubt what he had said.

"That's what we all thought. But unfortunately, it appears he faked his own death in a car accident and now he's back and he has Deeks now…" Sam decided to join the conversation and use his strong but calm voice to try to set Roberta's mind at ease.

Her face was still white as a ghost and she couldn't process that this was really happening. "But why..? We haven't heard of him in almost 30 years… I'm not sure how much you know but… he destroyed my boy's childhood, so why is he back now?"

"We know enough… Deeks told us yesterday. We can't tell you why he's back, just that he wanted Deeks and now he's got him… We need to know if you can think of any place where he might be keeping him. Please, anything could help." Callen couldn't still believe that the teammate he had worked alongside for the last seven years had been abused as a child, and that he was at the mercy of that same tormentor again. But knowing now that they shared a similar past, he was only more determined to save him.

"I… I don't know. I could give you all the old addresses I know, but I doubt he still owns any of those properties. We sold the house when he was sent to prison and moved to Reseda, and other than that I don't think he owned anything." Even as Roberta dejectedly spoke, she started writing addresses on a piece of paper. "The first's one is our old house, the second the house we lived in when we first met and before Martin was born, the other his childhood home, and the last three some of his old work addresses that I can remember. I don't remember all the numbers but you at least have some names and streets to look into."

"Thank you Bertie, I promise we will find him…" Kensi sent caution and professionalism out the window, and moved to hug her soon to be mother-in-law. The two women embraced and finally allowed for the tears they had both been valiantly keeping at bay to stream down their faces. Both joined in their love and worry for the shaggy detective who held both of their hearts.

"Please Kensi, I already told you this once, but… don't let Martin down like I did. I wasn't able to protect him, please, don't allow Brandel to destroy his life again." Roberta's tears had evolved into silent sobs as she remembered the nightmares of the past and what her son could be forced to endure again at the hands of the man she had decided to start a family with and from whom she had never managed to get away until it had been too late.

"We will Mrs. Deeks, but we need you to stay safe as well. We have two agents coming over to take you to a safe house where you will have NCIS protection while we get Deeks back and take out Brandel. We are not sure if he's planning anything against you, but we can't take any risks." Sam talked slowly and evenly, making his best effort to reinforce the mother of his missing friend.

"But… If Brandel wants me, we could use that to find out where he's keeping Martin." Roberta's resilience and conviction surprised all three agents, and they understood now part of where their teammate has gotten his attitude from.

"No way… Deeks would never forgive us if something happens to you. You're going to a safe house and we will find him. One of us will accompany you there to make sure everything's set up properly and securely." Callen left no room for argument as using Roberta as bait wasn't even something they wanted to consider.

"Okay… But if you can't locate him… I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get my son back." Roberta's eyes had glazed, and it was clear she was lost in memories of the past. "And if you won't allow me to help now, please don't use your time on me. I will go with the agents you mentioned, you three go and find our boy."

All three agents looked at each other, silently questioning their opinion, and eventually nodding and agreeing to leave Roberta in the capable hands of the two NCIS agents they had personally selected. She also still had the detectives Bates had sent to shadow her, and that also helped set their minds at ease. As soon as the two chosen men got to the house, the three agents hugged Roberta one last time, and left the house, promising to find Deeks soon and begging her not to drive herself crazy… or do anything crazy. After all, she was safe and they were going to get their boy back.

-x-x-x-

Deeks calculated it had been a couple of hours since his sweet father woke him up, and he had spent the time dozing off and jerking awake after each new nightmare. Some were of past times, other of his teammates in danger, and others of future possible heartbreaks he hoped to never experience in real life. Just when he had woken up from another bout of restless sleep, he heard the sound of footsteps and the lock being released. As the door opened, he got up from the corner he had been previously lying in, and after crossing his arms over his chest, sat straighter with his back against the wall. No matter what his father did, he was determined to stay strong and not give Brandel the satisfaction of seeing him suffer.

When the door finally swung open, Brandel came in with three of his men. Deeks recognized them as the ones from the video of Franc's store, and he stared with a murderous gaze at the last one, remembering him as the one to pull the trigger. They again looked familiar but he couldn't identify how he knew them.

"Hello Martin, now it's time to start on the fun. But, I'm sure you have lots of questions first, so in the spirit of cooperation and mutual understanding I will allow you to ask three." Brandel's singsong voice angered Deeks even more and he wanted nothing more than to wipe that grin off his face. "But do it quick son, before I change my mind and decide to start on the things I'm sure won't be too pleasant for you."

Deeks swallowed slowly as his mind was again invaded by a chilling fear and he felt himself starting to shake slightly. He closed his eyes and thought back to his team, and that gave him the strength to calm down his body and concentrate on Brandel. "Why are you doing this?"

"Oh, is that your first question Martin, I thought a supposedly decorated detective like you would at least be able to figure that out. Clearly I'm expecting too much of a weak and worthless boy. But of course, I want to make you pay… And before you spend your next question on asking why… Because you took everything away from me and destroyed my life." The hatred in Brandel's voice increased with every new sentence he spoke and his eyes started darkening just as his son's did when he was losing control of his own emotions.

"Make me pay? For protecting myself and mama, for stopping a monster like you?" As much as Deeks didn't want to increase his father's anger and push him into one of his rages, he couldn't keep the truth hidden.

"You took everything from me Martin. I was just a father trying to teach his son a lesson and prepare him for the toughness of life and the real world."

"Is that what you tell yourself so you can sleep at night? You were and still are a crazy bastard who liked feeling in control. And what better way, than beating the crap out of your eight year old son and defenseless wife." Deeks had meet a lot of bad guys in his life, and he knew all the types of villains. He had also learned that the worst type where the ones that felt their actions were perfectly justified.

"No boy, you were and still are an ungrateful brat, always a mama's boy, running and cowering behind her, instead of becoming a man."

"I was eight years old!" Deeks yelled as his anger was getting out of control and he tried to strike his father but the chains didn't allow it and only caused more discomfort to his injured ribs. He fell back gasping as the pain was becoming too much for him to handle.

"You're the same as me boy, an angry Brandel who relishes violence and feeling in control. Don't you think I'm doing that lady agent a favor? It's only a matter of time before you fully turn into me and start enjoying beating her up." Brandel looked down at Marty as he spoke and smiled at the desperation and anguish that he saw on his son's pale blue eyes. "It's in your DNA son, you can't escape from it, and you shouldn't want to. Only the strong survive and a worthless shit like you should know that. I know some of the things you have done as Max, my boy… and I know you're a Brandel as much as you want to mask yourself a Deeks…"

Brandel then left the room, leaving a distraught Deeks completely caught in an infinite loop of darkness, old demons and new nightmares in his head. He started shivering as his breath stopped and he felt as if he was drowning. _He wasn't his father. He wasn't a Brandel. He would never hurt Kensi. No, No, NO…_ He screamed and covered his ears with his hands, trying to silence the echo of his father's voice, the clinging of the chains reminding him he was still a prisoner, and one destined to be, and die, alone.

-x-x-x-

After meeting with Roberta, the team made their way back to ops, and started researching all the addressed she had shared with them. The residential ones were a dead end, as new families occupied them now and it wouldn't be likely for Brandel to take Deeks anywhere near those areas. Of the three commercial ones, two were still active, but one had been closed down 15 years ago. Checking the history of the building, they made quick math and realized that had been the business to fire Brandel when Deeks had been eight, potentially being the reason why he ended up an alcoholic and why Brandel's family life had been turned upside down. Eric had tried checking cameras in the area, but most of the streets didn't have them, and the ones who did, had stopped working years ago. Feeling real optimism for the first time since the previous night, the team left the Mission in the direction of that building, hoping to find their missing friend and put an end to this nightmare.

-x-x-x-

Deeks was still caught inside his head, when the door to his prison opened again and Brandel walked back inside with the three men following him. "Time for the second question son."

"Why now? What happened in the last 20 years? You were supposed to be dead." Deeks had been thinking of what to ask since he had managed to calm down after his father had left the room last time, and if this was meant to be the end of his life, he at least wanted to leave this world knowing the truth.

"Because you destroyed my life Martin. You took everything from me back then and you did again now." Seeing the perplexed look on his son's face, he decided to explain. "No one would have given a chance to an ex-convict accused of spousal and child abuse, so I decided to fake my own death and start over. I sacrificed that good for nothing ex-cellmate of mine, and no one gave a second thought to the burned body inside _my_ car. I still knew good men from the old neighborhood and they were eager to help in exchange for some favors. I was able to start over, and found a woman, who made me the happiest man for the last 17 years. We didn't have kids as I didn't want to risk bringing another brat like you into the world, but we loved each other. Until one year ago when she somehow discovered my real past and left me. It was again you who destroyed my life and took everything away…"

"I haven't known anything about you since I was 11, how can I be the one to be held accountable for that? It was your own mistake to lie to her, stop blaming others for your own downfalls as you did back them." Deeks knew trying to rationalize with a sociopath was not a good idea, but he still had to try.

"I never should have been convicted and it was all your fault, you sentenced my future when you testified in court and filled the juries mind's with all your lies." He moved to hit his son but stopped at the last second, knowing this was the time for sharing information but that soon enough he would get that satisfaction.

"Lies? I only told the truth of what you did. The truth mama and I should have told the first police officer that ever questioned us about you." Deeks' couldn't believe the fantasy world in which his father seemed to be living in, and he was certain now that he would never be able to make him understand… His father was simply always right.

"Now, third question son. And I suggest you ask a long one because what's coming next won't be enjoyable for you." The old man clearly relished toying with his son's state of mind, and his body shivered in anticipation.

Deeks thought for a second, but he was completely resigned and knew there was no way for him to stop what was coming or change his father's mind. He just wanted to use this last question to get more answers so he could take in peace whatever crazy punishment Brandel had planned for him. "Who are they? How do you know them?" He eventually asked using his unshackled hand to motion to the three men standing expectantly behind Brandel.

The three men who were clearly triplets smiled. They had seen the recognition in their captive's eyes when he first saw them and they had been patiently waiting for their time to come. The one who was clearly the leader of the three, looked at Brandel who silently nodded his acceptance.

"Hello Max." The man sneered as he was finally allowed to start talking. "We have been waiting for you to ask that question since we got you. Do you remember a man named Jackson Harris?" They all saw Deeks' eyes widened in understanding and how he swallowed hard, before closing his eyes for a second and drawing in a slow breath. "By your reaction I think you do. He was our father, and he was sent to jail and then killed there, because of you." The hatred in the man's voice made Deeks fear for his safety even more, and wonder how his father had even joined forces with them, but that was still a mystery to him.

"Enough." Brandel lifted his hand before continuing himself. "When I first faked my death 20 years ago, I got help from some guys from the old neighborhood. But one year ago when I lost everything again I had to change identities once more, that's how I found them. Their father had once been a _renowned_ human trafficker in LA and it was known that an undercover cop had somehow bested him and sent him to prison. His sons had taken over part of the business, never able to get into trafficking again but forming one of the best _trades_ for anyone that wanted to disappear. Our first meeting didn't go well, but we eventually discovered our common enemy and here we are." Brandel signaled at the four of them and smiled widely. "Now, time's up, time to start on the fun, my boy." Nodding to his men, the three of them started moving towards Deeks as Brandel left the room with a promise to be back soon.

Deeks still had more questions but for now he had the feeling he would only have strength to focus on surviving. He wished he could fight, but he was already hurt and the chains limited his movement even more. He saw the three men walking towards him and felt his blood starting to chill again. He closed his eyes and just waited…

-x-x-x-

The team reached the address Eric had sent to their phones and waited anxiously for the small backup team to arrive. They would have usually breached on their own, but given Deeks was in danger, they didn't want to risk anything going wrong; and they all knew that when things could go wrong, they usually did.

It took 15 minutes for the backup to arrive and five more to get ready. Having checked their vests, main weapons, and all the others strapped around their bodies, they made quick work on breaching the building. But as soon as they were inside all their hopes turned to disappointment as it became obvious that no one had been in the building in some years. Dust covered every surface, and broken pieces of concrete and old equipment littered the floor.

After checking every area, room and even closet, the team met back outside, frustration evident in all their faces at their failed attempt at finding Deeks. Still all three believed this business had something to do with it, so they strengthened their resolve and drove back to the Mission, so they could look back through all records and hopefully discover some other possible locations.

-x-x-x-

Deeks felt the men unlock the chain from his arm, but didn't have the time to enjoy the newfound freedom as his wrists were again tightly tied behind his back. Then the chain from his ankle was unlocked as well and he was pushed towards the door. Not forced to wear a hood this time, he could see a little more of the building he was in. It looked like an abandoned office space that must have been vacated for some time, if the dirt and grime around was any indication. His opportunity to study the building was short-lived as he was pushed towards a new room, three doors from the one he had been imprisoned in before.

As soon as he turned towards the door and saw what was inside, he tried with all his might to stop his forward progress. The two men holding him only tightened their hold and the third punched him in his stomach, making him lose his grip on the floor and end up stumbling inside the room.

He was pushed to the ground and bound to a chain hanging from the wall, but this time without his hands being untied, making the positon even more uncomfortable and restricting his ability to move even more. The loud noise of the door being close and a bolt put in place drew his attention back to the current room and his heart started beating rapidly at everything he saw: A set of metal hooks were visible on the ceiling, just like the ones in his previous room, but unlike those, a long chain was hanging from these ones. Four other hooks where in the wall in front of him, and by their spot, he assumed they were meant to hold someone in place in a sort of spread-eagle position. The third wall had a metal bar positioned horizontally from side to side, and different chains, hooks and collars hanged from it. In the middle of the room he could see a table but given he was lying on the ground he couldn't see what was on it. A chair was situated in the corner of the room of the final wall, and he could see old blood spots on the ground below it.

His eyes widened at every new aspect of the room he studied, and he wondered where his father had brought him. This looked like the worst torture room imaginable and he couldn't comprehend how he had ended up here. It was his own father after all… His mind then flashed back to his time and _session_ with Isaak Sidorov and he really started to panic…

Deeks remembered the call last week that had ripped his life apart, and from that point, he had known his father wanted revenge. But he could never have imagined the man wanted to take it this far. How could he still accused him for the things that happened when he had been a little kid? Losing all his control and resolve he started trying to get up and pulling with all his strength at the cuffs chaining him to the wall, but was only rewarded with the feeling of fresh blood running down his arms. Still he wouldn't think clearly and continued to pull until the pain was too much and he crumpled to the ground.

The blonde and, now almost broken man, remained in the same position for the next few minutes, slightly trembling and pushing himself as far away from the door and against a corner of the room. His mind was completely caught on worst possible scenarios, and on Sam's words the day before, _hold on_. When he first noticed footsteps getting closer and could hear the key moving in the lock, he sat straighter and pulled his knees up to his chest, unwilling to allow Brandel to see him cowering in fear.

When the door opened Brandel came into the room and motioned for his men towards Deeks. He had known just being in this room would extinguish any tenacity his son had, and he enjoyed, just as when he had been a kid, the chance to mess with his head and mental state. "Hello son, how are you liking your new accommodations?" He laughed at Marty's glare and moved towards the table in the middle of the room.

After the man unchained him from the wall and pulled him into a standing position, Deeks was able to get his first look at the table and his insides turned to ice… _Knives, guns, needles, different color liquids… and much more_. He again wondered how he had managed to get himself in this situation, and his only response was that this has been his destiny all along. He cheated death in the past but maybe dying at the hands of his own father was always meant to be his end.

Still, Deeks struggled and tried to free himself but was easily overpowered by the three men and pushed against the wall he had been facing before and his arms chained to the wall. Luckily his legs were left free and he hoped that would be enough to defend himself.

Brandel signaled for his men to leave the room, and only smiled at their clear displeasure. He knew they also hated his son, and would enjoy being present, but this was meant to be a family affair. "Cheer up my boy, don't think all this is for you" Brandel said while gesturing to the room. "This is just the space I found available. Some of my friends use it for other… _activities_." He then smirked once more and continued talking in a self-assured tone. "And remember Martin, I'm not a monster, but a fair and just man, and I only believe in the law of retaliation, or as some would say, an eye for an eye."

The confidence and certainty in Brandel's voice scared Deeks more than anything in the room. A man that found morality and a supposedly ethical explanation for his actions was the worst type of villain, and Brandel clearly thought he was right and reasonable in what he was doing. Deeks saw his father smile as he went to the table and grabbed a gun and a knife.

"First of, my son, that night 29 years ago… You shot your own father and were never punished for it. Luckily, I'm here to complete that deed." Without a moment of hesitation or giving his son any time to prepare, Brandel grabbed the knife and thrust it into Deeks' left shoulder. "You shot me in the left shoulder Martin, but I know a gun is more unpredictable, so I prefer the knife to make sure I don't accidentally kill you before your time is up." He slowly spoke the words as he calmly twisted the knife inside his son's shoulder.

Deeks had never expected the attack to come that quickly and as soon as the knife perforated his skin and went into his muscle, he could feel an electric and blinding pain expanding from his shoulder up and down the rest of his arm and body. As his father slowly spoke and kept moving the knife inside of him, he closed his eyes and bit his lip to stop himself from crying in pain. He was determined not to give his father that satisfaction.

"I must say boy, I would have expected for you to be crying and whining by now." After a final twist, he quickly pulled the knife from Deeks' shoulder and let it drop to the ground. He stood silently as he watched the blood flowing down his son's arm and remembered his own blood running down his arm after he had been shot that night. "That day, you left me bleeding on the ground Martin, but see boy, I'm not the same as you and I would never do that to my own kin." He grabbed a bottle from the table and poured the alcohol into his son's fresh wound, making him wriggle in the chains and scream in agonizing pain no matter how much he had tried to avoid it.

Deeks hated himself for showing weakness but he couldn't stop his body from shaking or block the pain coming from his arm that was making him almost black out. His father stood with an unreadable expression on his face and Deeks wasn't sure if the man could really be thinking he was doing the right thing and finding some moral ground for his actions. Who did Brandel thought he was, an angel of punishment sent to come back from the grave to deliver retribution to those who had wronged him? Even with the pain he was in, Deeks laughed drily at the foolishness of his thoughts, Brandel was no angel… he was the devil himself.

* * *

 _Thanks for reading and I hope to hear your thoughts about this chapter. Know that your support always means the world to me, and as I've said before, it's what keeps me going. So thank you so, so much._


	17. Chapter 17: California Dreaming

_I've been having some doubts about this story lately and decided to move forward with writing and posting "Adrift" to help clear my thoughts. I'm still a bit uncertain, but this chapter is my second favorite after number 10, and I'm happy to finally share it. I also hope it feels lighter after the last one, and I apologize if anyone got upset with that last scene and for forgetting to put a warning for it._

* * *

 **Chapter 17: California Dreaming**

After their failed attempt at finding Deeks and not having any other place to search, the disappointed NCIS team returned to the Mission to continue their efforts along with the Wonder Twins in ops. They looked for hours but still couldn't find a connection between the places Brandel had worked in and buildings that could be available to him now. His residential addresses had also been a bust and they were running out of ideas. Remembering his connection with his previous cellmates they decided to investigate them and any property they owned, but that idea ended in another dead end and by midnight the three agents, analyst and tech operator were sitting in the bullpen feeling physically tired, emotionally drained and with a sorrowful sensation of loss they all desperately wanted to erase. Accepting that they had failed on that particular day, they all decided to again spend the night at the Mission and get back to work early the next morning, hoping for a better day and the moment in which they finally found their missing man.

-x-x-x-

As Sam was lying alone, and awake on an uncomfortable mattress on the gym floor, his mind went back to an exchange he had with Deeks the previous day, before he had been taken and when they had both hoped to put an end to the nightmare soon.

 _Deeks had been preparing some coffee when Sam approached him from behind and rested his strong hand on his shoulder. "Are you okay, brother?"_

 _The detective had tensed and turned around with a wild look on his face but Sam's strong hand and question grounded him and brought his mind back to the present. Still, he just nodded and remained silent as Sam looked him up and down._

" _You know you can count on us, right? We're a family and by now you should be aware of that." A slight sadness and disappointment was present in the senior agent's voice, but ultimately he didn't want to fight or scold his teammate, just to express what he saw as obvious._

" _I know Sam…" Deeks looked down, as he ran his fingers through his messy blond curls. "It was a complicated situation… And I know I might not have handled it the best way, but… the past is… complex, and none of you knew about it. I didn't know what to do, just that I had to make sure you were all okay, but… I do know we're a family, and I might regret running away." He blew out a breath after he was done, and lifted his head to look back at his senior teammate._

" _I hope you do, man, because sometimes it seems like you still see yourself as the loner detective who could only rely on himself… We have come a long way Deeks, and you're not alone anymore, so trust us and together we can figure anything out." Sam spoke strongly and with no hesitation, hoping Deeks would really believe him._

" _Thanks big guy… I know, and appreciate it." Deeks again stopped and ran his hand through his hair, a clear tale that he was nervous or uncomfortable. He again looked down as he tried to find the conviction to say what he knew would bring him peace. "Can I ask a favor Sam?"_

 _The senior agent looked at his younger teammate warily and slightly concerned for what could be coming, but still said the only words he knew with certainty. "Anything."_

" _If… If this ends badly…" Deeks started but was interrupted by Sam a second later._

" _Deeks, don't… Don't even go there."_

" _Please Sam, just let me finish. I need to say this, and I trust you to be the one." Seeing Sam nod, he continued. "In case this ends badly, if… if Brandel gets to me, and I don't make it, or you guys can't get to me on time… Please don't blame yourselves and look for the letters I wrote." Deeks drew in a deep breath and released it slowly as he tried to compose his emotions. "I wrote four of them, but you guys only found one. If need be, the rest are behind the piece that's below the dashboard of the car I drove to Mexico. You will know where if you look for the two loose screws… One's for Kensi, one for mama, and the other for the four of you. I wish I had time to write one for each but I was in a rush…"_

" _Deeks that won't be necessary." Sam was leaving no room for argument as his mind couldn't process the possibility of losing the man he first hadn't been able to stand, but one he now couldn't imagine the team or himself without._

" _Sam… You know there's always the chance of things ending badly. I just need to know that if this situation ends that way, someone knows about the letters and where to find them. And just one more thing… Please, if anything goes wrong… Please take care of Kensi, and remind her I would never leave her by choice, and… that I'll always love her." His eyes had misted with tears as he spoke, but he refused to let them fall._

" _Deeks…"_

" _Please Sam, I just need to be in peace and know you will do that for me if the time comes… Please." He was begging now, but he didn't care, he just needed to know that everything was taken care of if things took a turn for the worse._

 _Sam hesitated for a second but eventually gave the young man what he needed, "I promise, brother…"_

The senior agent continued to stare at the ceiling as the conversation replayed in his head. He would do what Deeks had wanted if they couldn't get to him on time, but he was determined not to get to that point. Losing Deeks would destroy their team, and he was sure their personal lives as well, and he couldn't allow for that fate to befall his family or the younger man himself.

-x-x-x-

Kensi again tried to sleep on the couch in the bullpen, but just as the previous night sleep kept eluding her. Tired of shifting and turning around in the small sofa, she decided to go to the rooftop to gather some air. She stood overlooking the sleeping city below, as her thoughts went back to Deeks and to what could be happening to him now. Her mind eventually ended up recalling a conversation they had shared the previous night in this very same spot.

 _Like they had done many months ago after a near nuclear disaster destroyed everything they had managed to build together, and like Kensi had done after discovering her boyfriend was gone, Kensi and Deeks, now, stood together in the Mission's rooftop. Her head resting on his shoulder and their hands tangled together, they silently overlooked the city both called home. It had been 15 minutes and neither of them had spoken a single word, instead they just concentrated on the moon and the starry night._

 _Time kept passing and the couple just enjoyed the proximity and finally being together again. Each of them lost inside their own heads and the still present fear for the immediate future. Eventually it was Kensi who decided to break the silence, "I missed you." The statement was simple, spoken in a whisper and barely audible among the whistling oceanic winds, but it carried a baggage of love and concern for the man that stood beside her._

 _Deeks closed his eyes for a second and allowed himself a moment to thank the universe for the amazing woman at his side, and for the fact she was still here next to him, even after what had happened the last week. "I missed you, too… Every single day. And I love you, princess." He punctuated his words with a kiss to the side of her head and lingered there for an extra second._

" _Everything will be alright soon, I promise baby. We're going to figure this one out, put a stop to Brandel once and for all and go back to our life and dreams." The female agent needed the reassurance as much as him, so the words were said strongly for both of them to hear._

" _Yeah…" The detective replied lightly and without too much inflection, making it clear he didn't believe her promise._

 _Kensi raised her head and turned around, tugging at Deeks' hand, forcing him to turn around too, so they could face each other. She abandoned his hand for a second and cupped his face while she raised his head forcing him to look her straight in the eyes. "You have to believe everything will be alright, if not there's no point in fighting. You survived your father once, and you were almost alone, you have a whole family now, and we will make this right."_

" _Okay" He still sounded uncertain and his girlfriend's raised eyebrows prompted him to say more. "Brandel won't rest until he gets to me. I accepted the help and we can fight together, but I won't risk anyone getting hurt because of me… There's no guarantees princess, and we both know it." A lone tear streamed down his face and he drew in a slow breath to help ground himself._

" _There's never guarantees baby, but together we can overcome anything. And when this is over, we will go back home together and think about the future. We will be okay and get our happily ever after." The conviction in her voice was admirable and her eyes sparkled as she allowed her mind to dream of that happily ever after… a wedding, little mutant ninja assassins, and eventually growing old together._

" _Kens…" Deeks words weren't more than a whisper, but they carried an undeniable message behind them. "We know how these things work… and we both know this might not end well… Please, just always remember…" His remark was cut short as Kensi silenced him with a long passionate kiss, successfully breaking the conversation and sending them into another bout of silence._

 _There was so much anguish and heartbreak in his voice, that Kensi decided she didn't want to listen anymore, didn't want for him to say goodbye, to say that he would always love her as he had done over the phone… She didn't want to let their minds wander to all the ways in which this situation could end; of the ever-present possibility, in this case and every other, that one or all of them wouldn't make it out alive… She didn't want to think beyond this starry night, Deeks hand strongly held in hers, and bodies close together. She didn't want to think at all, or for him to torture himself further, so she kissed him, passionately and like there was no tomorrow, successfully silencing him and making whatever he was going to say die on his lips._

When Kensi's mind returned to the present, silent tears were streaming down her face as she wondered if that could have been the last _moment_ she would ever share with Deeks. She now wished she hadn't stopped what he was saying, as she realized she might have inadvertently silenced his final goodbye. Feeling worse than when she had come up, the female agent walked back inside and into the bullpen. Getting back in the couch and covering herself with a blanket, she grabbed Deeks' sweatshirt and hugged it close, letting its familiar scent, and the promises it carried, lull her into sleep.

-x-x-x-

Callen who was still sitting on his desk, had heard Kensi walking away and was certain she was going to the rooftop. He had almost followed, but decided he was in no mood to help her feel better and would most likely only make it worse. His mind still couldn't comprehend everything that was happening now and, as much as he tried, he couldn't shake the feeling that he had failed and this was partly his fault. Deeks had been taken right in front of him and he hadn't been able to stop it. On the contrary, he had been the first one to end up getting hurt. His ribs were still achy and he was sure they were really bruised but he wouldn't stop until his teammate was save and back where he belonged. The senior agent had just wanted to be alone and calm down before going back to the gym and the rest of his team, but his treacherous mind was determined to pull him somewhere else… He couldn't do anything as the last talk he shared with Deeks the previous day replayed on his head.

" _I can't say I'm pleased with what you did, but… I understand." Callen had come to the bullpen to find Deeks siting alone on his desk. They had just come from their lunch and Sam and Kensi were in ops talking with the Twins._

 _Deeks swallowed forcibly as he tried to prepare himself for the dressing-down that would follow. But, it never came, as the senior agent just walked around the desk until he came to stand in front of Deeks, he cocked his head to the side as he asked a silent question. The younger man just shrugged in response and both men wryly laughed at how awkward they could be at communicating._

 _However, as team leader, Callen knew it was up to him to make sure his teammate was really okay. "I won't force you talk about your feelings or whatever, you all know how much I hate it. Just know that I understand… I never knew what you went through, but I can relate… And if you ever need to speak about it, you know you can count with me."_

 _Deeks was dumbstruck at Callen's statement, not having expected all that to come pouring out of him. "Thanks Callen." He rarely talked this way with his team leader and the man had usually avoided him when he had tried to get close, so he wasn't sure what more to say now._

" _I know we aren't really close, but we're still part of the same team and well… we're family. When this is over, I would like to… you know… hang out more, get to really know each other." The admission sounded odd even to him, but knowing what he did now, Callen regretted not having gotten to know his teammate sooner. He had been okay just knowing what the young man wanted to show, and never pushed to see behind the mask, but he was determined to change that now._

" _Thanks Calle… G… Thanks G. I would like that as well." The detective still felt uncertain, but this seemed like a good place to start and he just hoped the agent had spoken the truth and not what he thought was needed._

" _Okay… And one last thing… I get where you're coming from, and I guess, I would have done the same thing you did. But… I just want to make it clear that you didn't have to. You don't ever need to run and can always count on us… We will figure it out, and we will protect you…"_

He had then seen as the younger man nodded, his emotions clearly overtaking him and not having expected the sincerity that came from his team leader. So he had decided to leave him alone and walked to ops to join the rest of his team. Now, the words echoed in his head over and over again, _we will protect you_ … But they hadn't and now who knew where Deeks was or what could be happening to him. Callen tried to calm his racing thoughts, but ended up failing and slamming his fist into his desk as he stood up and went to release his frustration in the shooting range, where he emptied magazine after magazine, until his aching muscles told him he was finally tired enough to sleep…

-x-x-x-

That night, wanting to be close to the ops center and their computers, Eric and Nell had decided to sleep on the small lounge area on the top floor of the Mission. It only had two small couches and a center table, but that was enough, both needing more the proximity to the other than space or independence.

"Are you okay?" Eric asked worriedly, as he stared lovingly into Nell's eyes and pushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"I'm just worried." Nell whispered and closed her eyes, willing her body not to let any tears fall.

"Everything will be okay…" The tech operator wasn't usually good with words, so he just said what he thought his partner in crime needed to hear.

"Yeah…" Nell blew out a breath before continuing. "But… what if we don't find him?"

Eric looked uncertain for a second, before grabbing both of Nell's hands in his and squeezing slightly. "We will, and we will bring him home."

The certainty the usually nervous tech operator displayed surprised Nell, and she wanted nothing more than to believe him. "But, what if we fail again?" No more was needed, both of them instantly knowing what event she was referring to.

"Come on Nellosaurus, where's my tough girl? Don't let despair cloud your mind… I trust in our team, and I'm sure we will get to him on time." Eric smiled and pulled Nell into his arms.

The previously distraught intelligence analyst laughed at the nickname Eric had decided to use and remembered all the fond memories with her shaggy friend. She eventually borrowed into Eric's embrace and silent sniffles could be heard coming from her.

"You can cry if you need to… You're save with me Nell." Eric's heart broke at seeing her so sad, and he vowed to himself that he would find Deeks soon… for all of them.

"Not yet…" At Eric puzzled look, she decided to explain. "When we were looking for Michelle, Kensi said that we get to cry when the job is done, when the bad guys are dead… And, right now, there's still work to be done…"

Nell brushed the few tears that had managed to escape and after hugging Eric tightly one last time, lifted herself from him and moved to her own couch, but not before giving him a quick peck on the lips and whispering a sweet good night close to his ear.

-x-x-x

Apparently Deeks had eventually lost consciousness from the pain, and he woke up slumped against a wall of the first room he had been thrown into. His right wrist and ankle were again chained to the wall and he could feel a bandage covering his left shoulder. He wondered what had happened and how had he gotten back here, but the answers eluded him as he was too tired and in pain to think clearly.

Sitting alone in the dark room, chained to the wall and not able to sleep, his only option was to think. He had tried to force his mind to go to Kensi, and his NCIS team, to the ocean and his surfboard, the excitement and pride of closing a case, the food truck meals with his teammates and every other happy memory he could think of. But his brain seemed to have a power of its own, and it keep carrying him deeper and deeper into despair.

As a child, he had hated being alone, and he was just discovering that feeling and fear hadn't left him as an adult. At least when we was a young boy the choice had been his: Stay in his room to avoid seeing his father, not go out with friends to prevent the jokes about his bruises, and any other way he had found to protect his young and fragile mind. But now all his power had been taken away: By his father, the walls and the chains keeping him physically captive in this room, but also his own memories and demons keeping him as captive in his own mind.

His eyes had been close for the past who knew how many minutes, as he tried to escape the misery he was currently forced to live, but not able to stay in the dark and twisted place that was his head anymore, he decided to open his blue eyes, hoping to find some light among the darkness, and some hope among so much despair. His breathing caught in his throat and his heart started beating wildly at the darkness that surrounded him even when his eyes were open. Sometime in the last hour as he had kept his eyes closed it had become dark outside, eliminating the small light that had been able to creep in from the tiny cracks in the boarded window. Now there was no escaping the shadows.

At first he had wanted to escape the darkness of his mind and now he tried to escape the one in the room, but no matter what he did he was surrounded only by blackness, along with all the monsters, demons and nightmares that it carried with it. He remembered his fear of the dark as a young boy, when he had needed to hide in the closet, under the bed and anywhere possible to escape the drunken rages of his father and the fists and angry words of the man who was meant to protect him. Now there was nowhere to hide, and he was totally at the mercy of the evil bastard who had destroyed his childhood and was now set in destroying his present and future as well.

-x-x-x-

 _The shadow started growing bigger and bigger, and it kept getting closer and closer. The young boy tried to run but walls kept appearing in front of him. He tried to avoid or jump them, but for each barrier he was able to clear, two others appeared in its place. He started shaking then, as sad tears streamed down his young face, clouding his pale blue eyes and fogging his thoughts even more._

 _He could smell the alcohol all around him, hear the poker chips falling, the screams of fury, the sobs of anguish, his own heart beating in his chest, the ringing in his ears, and ultimately his father's voice calling his name. Martin, Martin, Martin…_

 _Too scared to turn around he decided to keep running, just moving forward until hopefully he could escape the monster chasing him. When his body couldn't carry him any longer and his breathing was completely out of control, he stopped and gathering all his courage, decided to turn around and face the monster. The shadow was just in front of him, and it got closer and closer until its face morphed into that of Brandel, laughing and teasing, calling him weak, worthless and a mistake…_

-x-x-x-

Deeks woke up suddenly and tried to get up but was unable to, as the chain wouldn't go any further and the sound of metal against metal reminded him of where he was.

Running, running and running… He had spent so much of his life running. Just one week ago he had run again, and if his fears would turn out to be correct, that would be the last time he would ever be able to run. He wanted to run now, from the memories, the pain, the nightmares, his father, this room and his life…

Looking to all sides he couldn't see anything at all, the room was almost completely enclosed in black and his heart started beating erratically again. He needed to escape this torture and he needed to do it now. He kneeled down and yanked at the chain with all his strength, but his efforts were only rewarded with more pain in his injured ribs and shoulder, and more blood in his raw wrist. He lowered himself back onto the ground and decided to breathe. Not the act to just survive but the one to feel alive. He remembered telling himself that mantra when he was a kid. Trying to convince himself that everything he was forced to live was at least making him feel alive.

Not having anything else to do, his mind eventually went to his nightmare and what it all meant. But he probably already knew that, after all the shadow monster was not knew and he had dreamed with it before. Always ending in the hated face of Brandel. The only difference is that in his old nightmares the face had been the one he last remembered seeing 29 years ago, but now was the face he had just seen today after believing it to be gone forever. Not being able to deal with the darkness and solitude anymore he decided to close his eyes and force his mind away from the demons and towards his friends. He again remembered Kensi, Callen, Sam, Nell, Eric, Hetty, Owen, Bates, Roberta, Franc and Bill and allowed for the comfort that their faces provided to lull him into sleep.

-x-x-x-

 _The shadow kept getting closer and again he tried to run. This time the road was clear and no barriers or walls appeared in front of him. The blonde detective could hear himself laughing thinking that he was finally able to escape the shadow monster._

 _When he thought he was in the clear, he stopped and turned around, only to be welcomed by the sight of Kensi, Sam and Callen trapped inside the dusty body of the monster that always tried to get him. He screamed, and cried, and begged but not matter what he did the monster didn't release them. He could hear their voices, not coming from their bodies, but inside his head._

" _Why us?"_

" _You killed us."_

" _This was your monster, not ours."_

 _He closed his eyes and shook his head, trying to rid his mind from the voices and his eyes from the image. He felt peace spread around his body and felt as if he was flying. The monster could attack him but it wasn't doing so. He allowed for the feeling of calmness to spread further inside of him before he eventually opened his eyes, hoping to be back in his own room and bed. But was only welcomed by the bleeding form of Franc on the ground where the monster had been, a gunshot wound on his chest and his eyelids closed. Just when he thought the situation couldn't get any worse, Franc opened his eyes and turned his head to stare vacantly at him, then his lips moved and out came the biggest truth of all._

" _Your fault."_

-x-x-x-

For the second time that night, Deeks startled awake as the unrelenting nightmares kept coming. This time tears had also decided to make an appearance and no matter how much he tried they wouldn't stop. He silently sobbed, and screamed, and begged, but nothing changed. The room didn't disappear, and he was still its prisoner.

He felt as if he was losing his mind and he remembered again how much he really hated being alone. There was no worse feeling that being surrounded by people but still feeling like you're the only living soul in the world. He had felt like that as a kid… Misunderstood, angry, sad and on his own… And tonight for the first time since he was 11, he felt like that again. His sad tears quickly became angry as he cursed his father for deciding to use his freedom and time to get revenge on his own son for having put a stop to his abuse nearly 30 years ago.

As a young boy, he couldn't understand why his father blamed him, but now as an adult he had more experience and could see a better picture. Not everyone was happy, and some blamed themselves, but others, like his father, decided to attribute their misfortunes to others. Deeks had always been that for his father, first little Marty was the brat that needed to be taught a lesson and then forced to pay for the lost job, the gambling debts and every bad thing that happened in his father's life. And now adult Deeks, apparently, needed to pay for Brandel's years in jail and every hardship that he had faced in life. For some people it was easier to blame others than take a long look at themselves and not like what they saw there. Deeks understood that now and for the first time in his life, he didn't blame himself… At least not for what has happened to his father, he still did for plenty of other things.

-x-x-x-

 _A soft violin tune was playing as the man was walking along a deserted street, the ocean to one side, and a forest to the other. He was cold and felt his body shiver. He wasn't wearing a shirt and wondered where he had left it. He was also barefoot and couldn't remember if he had been wearing any when he had started this walk._

 _After walking for what felt like forever, he started getting tired and decided to stop and look around for the first time. He had no recollection of this place, so it was probably the first time he visited. He questioned why he was alone, after all, he hated being alone._

 _Looking to one side he saw a beautiful ocean, the waves crashing silently and the smell of salt invading his senses. To the other side he saw a dark forest, a lot of tall trees that reached so high he couldn't figure out where they ended. To the front he saw an old Spanish-looking building, yellowish in color and with a big door in the front, it looked close by, but he had a feeling it was a lot farther than that. To the back he saw his childhood home, broken windows and trash littering the front yard, this one looked far away but he felt it was closer than that._

 _He tried figuring out what it all meant, it seemed to be a crossroad and he wondered if this was the moment that would define his life. He decided to take another look at each of the sides and noticed some changes._

 _The ocean was not just an ocean anymore, but it had a sandy beach with kids running around and surfers riding the waves. The forest looked brighter and he could now see the trees went all the way into the sky. The building in the front, had its door open and a cold breeze came from within. The house also had it door open and a smell of blood and booze came from its confines._

 _Deciding to take a third and final look, he turned to each side again, this time paying even more attention. In the ocean he recognized Bill, Ray and Roberta riding a wave, strange he thought as his mother and best friend were not surfers… In the forest he could see Jess Traynor, Michelle and Franc sitting on different branches of the tall trees and stretching their hands at him. In the yellow building he could see his NCIS family standing in the front and motioning him inside. And in the house at his back he saw his father, calling his name, and waiting by the front door._

 _Just when he took his last look at the house and was turning back around, the music suddenly stopped and a loud crash sounded from the sky and he thought it was about to rain. But the water never came, instead everything was quickly surrounded by fog and when he finally steeled his nerves enough to look up, he saw the shadow monster reaching down at him. He knew he had to make a decision now, but he wasn't sure which of the four options to run to…_

-x-x-x-

This time he didn't jerk awake, just peacefully opened his eyes, feeling lighter than before and calmer somehow. This dream had confused him more than the others as he struggled to comprehend what it meant, and what relation it had to the previous two.

He remembered being a kid in the first one, and his adult self in the second, but he couldn't recall a real body in the third. He wished he had looked closer, not around, but to himself.

His mind then went to the song that had been playing in the background, and he gasped as he realized which tune it was. It was the first song that had been taught to him as a kid when his mother had suggested learning the violin to find some peace and escape the torment at home.

 _Ode To Joy_ … Most commonly known as part of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, less commonly as a piece written by German poet Friedrich Schiller, and even less commonly as a song by Spanish composer Miguel Rios.

Deeks felt lucky enough to know all three, and remembering the tune and the comfort it had brought him as a kid, was able to calm him now. He thought of the three pieces and his mind was stuck on the Spanish one. Ironic enough as it was a language he didn't know well, as he had just been reminded in Mexico a couple of days ago. But his music professor had been an old Hispanic woman who had taught him not only the basic tune on the violin but the lyrics to that interpretation of the piece as well. He had loved it from the start, and especially the feeling of pure joy it was able to bring him.

 _If you do not find joy here on earth, look for it, brother, even beyond the stars_ … Those lyrics always stuck to him and they danced on his head now.

Deeks had never felt particularly happy on this earth, at least not until he joined NCIS. Before then he had just been an angry and sad kid, then a frustrated lawyer, and then a lonely cop. Only with OSP came the true joy, company and feeling of fulfillment he had been searching his whole life. Still, it had always been easy for him to appear happy and cheerful on the outside, taking upon himself to make other's day a little bit brighter, not wanting anyone to feel as dark and heartbroken as he usually did. It was also the best way to protect himself from even more misery, after all, if he wore a constant mask no one would know the real him, thus not able to hurt him, or so he had always thought. But, no matter his outer facade, the feelings that ran deeper were always the truest. Now he thought, maybe all this was happening for a reason and his life was meant to end as it should have 29 years ago, at the hands of his own father. He thought of the lyrics again, _look for it beyond the stars_ … Maybe that had been his destiny all along..?

-x-x-x-

Deeks wasn't sure when he had fallen asleep again and was surprised that this time he couldn't remember having a nightmare. Or at least it hadn't woken him up. He again tried to think of what it all meant, and discover the link with the previous three dreams, but just as those times, the answer kept avoiding him.

Maybe he should stop paying so much attention to nightmares and dreams and live in the present. He laughed bitterly at the thought, remembering his present was nothing worth living.

As a little boy, Marty had learned that there was a fine line and just a small step between heaven and hell, and for his young self it had come at one more drink from his father. Right now, Deeks wondered where that line was, was he still in heaven or already in hell? After some time, the blonde man finally drifted off to sleep once more, while asking himself that same question, over and over again…

* * *

 _As a heads-up: The genres of this fic are angst and family because, even though, I've always known it would eventually need to crossover into hurt/comfort, it has never been my intention for that to become its main focus. That being said, there's gonna be a bit more hurt, and subsequent comfort later. I love Deeks, and would never leave our favorite detective in a bad place._

 _Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing, your support means everything to me, and I hope you all continue to join me in this journey._

 _All the best, Jess._


	18. Chapter 18: The Beginning of the End

**Chapter 18: The Beginning of the End**

Deeks had been able to continue sleeping for the rest of the night, no more nightmares, dreams or minutes of silent thinking and questioning. Still the next morning came a lot sooner than he had wanted, and the sound of the door being unlocked woke him up. He quickly lifted himself from the corner of the room where he had previously been curled in on himself and sat with his back against the wall and eyes looking directly at the door.

"Good morning Martin… I hope you had a good night, although given your screams and whimpers I somehow doubt it." Brandel chuckled as he walked into the room accompanied by the triplets and a new older looking man, dressed in doctor scrubs. "I brought a friend to check on your shoulder, after all, we don't want you dying just yet."

As soon as the men entered the room Deeks straightened and as inadvertently as possible pushed himself even farther into the corner of the room. When his father mentioned the new man was supposedly a doctor his eyes grew wide and he silently began to prepare for the worse, sure whatever was coming next, wouldn't be fun for him at all.

"Lie down, boy." Brandel ordered as the "doctor" began pulling on gloves and taking instruments out from his bag.

"No." Deeks hated how shaky his voice sounded but, regardless of how much he tried, it was impossible to hide his nerves and skepticism.

Brandel motioned for his three men and they quickly began to approach the detective who was still trying to make himself disappear against the wall, and not having any more room to move, began trying to fight them with his still shackled wrist and injured arm.

"Stop struggling Martin, or you will only end up with more wounds that the good doctor will have to check…"

Deeks was still trying to fight the men, but in his exhausted and injured state, was eventually overpowered and quickly found himself lying on the floor completely unable to move thanks to the chains and the three men holding him tightly against the ground. He saw the doctor coming closer and gave one last attempt to break free but gave up as soon as his father approached and kicked him hard in his already injured side.

"Hello Martin, your father here requested I take a look at your shoulder…" The doctor calmly said as he began unwrapping Deeks' wound.

"And I suggest you don't struggle boy, or this will only get worse for you… I also don't want to hear a sound, I don't need everyone thinking I raised a wimp." Brandel directed, as if his words were the normal thing any father said to his son, and Deeks still couldn't believe the man seemed to find a reasonable justification to his actions.

The detective could only lay still as the doctor began poking and prodding his wound, hating to feel so defenseless but knowing he was in no state to fight five men on his own. The pain in his shoulder was getting worse and he just wanted to pass out to escape from it all.

"That alcohol you used certainly helped, if not an infection would already be setting in…" The doctor muttered partly to himself, and partly to Brandel as he grabbed a similar bottle to the one Brandel had used the previous night and began taking off the lid.

As soon as Deeks noticed what the man was doing, he began fighting again but couldn't push the three men off him and could only hold still as the doctor began pouring another large amount of alcohol in his open wound. The pain came quickly and he again felt as his whole arm was on fire. As the liquid kept coming, he started trying to break free again and was only rewarded by another kick and glare from his father.

"I think with this we fought off any possibility of infection… If we close the wound now, it should be good for some time…" The man then started preparing a needle and thread as Deeks' pale blue eyes grew wider and darker as he noticed what was on the doctor's hand. His heart began beating rapidly as his body started shaking in anticipation of the pain he now knew he would be forced to endure.

No matter how much he hated the situation or the shame he felt at feeling powerless, the blonde detective could only lay wordlessly and unmoving as the man began stitching the wound. He felt every pinch of the needle and movement of the thread inside his flesh, and had no other choice but turning his head to stare at the wall as the silent and angry tears started coming again. Even with the pain he was in, he never muttered a single sound, not because his father had said so, but because he was determined not to give the man the satisfaction of knowing he was succeeding in making him suffer.

-x-x-x-

Sam was the first one to wake up the next morning and without even asking his team decided to head out and grab some coffee and pastries for them. When he got back he found everyone sitting in the bullpen, already discussing the plan for the day.

"Good morning all." Sam said with a sad smile as he came to stand in front of the desk he shared with his missing teammate. "I got us some breakfast." After distributing the items around, he went to sit down and started taking small bites of his own food.

"Thanks Sam, we appreciate it." Kensi mirrored his sad and tired smile as she reluctantly began eating her donut. She wasn't hungry and just wanted Deeks with her, but she understood the need for energy and didn't want to make Sam feel bad for his efforts.

The team ate in silence as each of them was lost inside their heads and the demons that inhabited their minds. They all partly blamed themselves for what was happening now and they all wanted to be the one to make it better. Eventually when all food was consumed and the trash thrown away, the team dispersed to take showers, change clothes, or whatever else they needed to do before converging back in ops and continuing their search.

-x-x-x-

Deeks figured he eventually passed out from the pain as he regained consciousness sometime later and found himself still lying in the same position and with his shoulder again wrapped in a fresh bandage. A tray was sitting on the floor next to him and he gingerly sat down and proceeded to eat his breakfast. His stomach was in knots from the _medical treatment_ he had been forced to undergo but knowing he needed to keep his strengths and not knowing when he would be allowed to eat again, he forced himself to start taking small bites.

When he was done, the detective again lowered himself to the ground and curled in on himself as his body started to shiver. His mind couldn't comprehend why he was trembling in the first place… He shouldn't have a fever or infection given the wound had been _taken care of_ , and he wasn't cold. So he figured it was the way his body picked to show its displeasure at the current state he was in. Or maybe it was his emotions catching up to him, or the fear that didn't seem to leave his heart. Or just a combination of it all.

As he had done when he was tortured by Sidorov, his mind went back to Kensi… He again remembered her laugh, her smile and everything he associated with her. But this time, he also thought of all the things left unsaid and dreams that would remain unlived, if he failed to survive his father.

He pictured Kensi in a beautiful white dress as he waited for her in the beach and his mouth dropped as she started walking down the aisle…

And a little girl with blonde curls and mismatched eyes, or a little boy with dark hair and pale blue eyes, or just any combination of the two of them.

He pictured his team surrounding them during all those experiences, Sam acting as his best man, Eric officiating the weeding, Nell as maid of honor, Callen walking Kensi down the aisle and Hetty, Julia and Roberta with happy tears as they watched…

And that same people acting as grandmothers, aunts and uncles to their children, and all of them together giving them the love and big family he hadn't been able to have.

Deeks eventually fell asleep doing his best to focus on those pictures. And even as his body continued to shiver, and the pain in his shoulder wouldn't subside, and when he felt more alone than ever before in his life, he still was able to feel in peace and loved, thanks to the images of his family dancing on his mind…

-x-x-x-

Kensi had just finished a call with Roberta when she walked to ops and back to her teammates, who were already wide awake and working hard on their search. "Hey guys, I just spoke with Roberta… She's really worried and continues to offer being used as bait… I told her we're not there yet, and that we promise to find Deeks soon." Her voice sounded dejected and she looked down as she finished talking.

"We will Kens, you know we will. We just need to keep searching and I'm sure we will soon catch the break we need." Sam spoke calmly as he smiled and moved to hug his little sister. After a quick embrace, however, he was all back to business again, "come on, help me search these old documents for anything that might be useful."

Kensi moved to the table where Sam and Callen had been working on, and silently started flipping through all folders of the businesses Brandel had worked in, while Sam searched through prison records and Callen the personal files. While the agents did the physical search, Eric and Nell were glued to their screens and quickly typing as they tried to find the piece that would help them solve the puzzle.

After what felt like hours with no other noises than the flipping of pages and typing of the keys, Callen finally broke the monotony with the first promising lead of the day. "Hey Eric, check out what you can find of an old business called _Torrance Automotive…_ We have no records of Brandel working there, but for a couple of months he received payments from them… It might be nothing, but I think it's worth looking into."

"On it."

It took the tech operator 10 minutes to have some information. "Callen I think you might be up to something… _Torrance Automotive_ was a subsidiary of _Pacific Auto Parts,_ the business that supposedly fired Brandel… But I'm seeing here that Pacific AP never actually went out of business around that time… In 1986 they sent a bunch of their employees to work at their daughter company in an effort to reduce costs and safe their company… But Torrance Automotive, did went out of business two months after that move, leaving a lot of employees with no jobs…" Eric said the last part slowly, letting the implications of the new discovery set in. "What if that's the reason Brandel was laid off and that's who he blamed for what happened?"

"Could be Eric, look for any buildings that were owned by Torrance Automotive and keep checking for any we might have missed from Pacific AP… The warehouse we visited yesterday was not it, but I still think this is all connected…" Callen instructed his tech operator on what to do, as he kept trying to connect the pieces on his mind.

For the next hour no one spoke until Nell was the one to break the silence the next time. "Got it! Pacific AP directed most of their operations from the warehouse you guys visited yesterday, but they had other small office spaces and industrial warehouses where they divided their operations. One of those, later became Torrance Automotive and by searching their old human resources files I was able to find Brandel in their payroll for the last two months before the time we know he was laid off… Then TA went out of business and Pacific AP continued their operations for two more years until they too filed for bankruptcy."

"Okay check which of those addresses are occupied right now, and what happened to the buildings after Pacific AP and Torrance Automotive couldn't afford them anymore…" Seeing the map that was currently displayed on the big screen, Callen sighed as the obvious became noticeable. "These places are all over town, considering LA traffic it would take us more than one day to visit all of them… Eric, Nell, I need you to figure out everything you can so we can start discarding some of them. Hack anything you have to..."

Eric and Nell looked warily at each other but wanting to find their teammate soon, quickly complied and turned around in their seats so they could start the new searches. At the same time, Kensi and Sam joined Callen in his analysis of all the documents they had about Pacific AP. Energized by the new information and feeling closer than ever to locating their missing friend, the five team members spent the rest of the afternoon and part of the night stuck in ops and hopefully looking for the lead that would take them to wherever Deeks was being held.

As the hours passed, the team kept crossing potential addresses until they were left with only three. At that point Callen, as team leader, convinced Mosley to ask permission for them to use thermal imaging in the same type of drone they had been granted access to in one of their latest cases, when they had successfully stopped the father and son duo of Gavin and Carson from blowing up part of LA. With a lot of effort, manipulation and cashing in of old favors, they had been granted authorization for the next morning. The team had been disappointed that they couldn't do it that night as they all wanted to rescue Deeks as quickly as possible, but understanding that the response to their request could have been worse, they all eventually relented and focused their thoughts on the next morning. For the first time in days, the NCIS team went to sleep that night with real hope and finally believing that on the next day they would bring their shaggy friend back home where he belonged. None of them wanting to even consider the possibility that they could be too late…

-x-x-x-

Deeks had spent the majority of the day drifting in and out of consciousness, and between lying curled in the corner of the room and carefully sitting up when he wanted to alleviate the pressure on his injured shoulder and ribs. He was at least thankful that Brandel had seemingly decided to leave him be for now, and even though he was still nervous for what could be coming next, he still appreciated the calm and solitude he was currently being permitted.

Deeks' peace unfortunately ended that afternoon when he heard footsteps and the door being unlocked. As the previous times, he painfully sat up and did his best to mask his features into not betraying the agony and desperation he was feeling inside. This time, luckily, he was able to breathe a sigh of relief when the door finally opened and only Brandel came in, meaning no more _medical procedures_ or visits to the _fun room_.

"Hello boy, I'm glad to see you awake." Brandel's ever-present and hateful smile made another appearance, as he walked into the room, carrying a folding chair, which he positioned close to his son and slowly sat down. "How are you feeling Martin?"

The detective only glared at his father as he again wished he could wipe that smirk from his face. This was his second full day in captivity and he silently wondered why it was taking so long for his team to find him. They surely couldn't be giving up on him.

"I'm talking to you, Martin… I don't like to be ignored." With no warning whatsoever, Brandel moved towards his son and slap him on the cheek as if trying to wake him up. He then laughed at the murderous glare his son threw at him. "I guess you're not feeling too talkative tonight… I just figured you would have wanted to say some things on your last night on earth…"

At the last part, Deeks eye grew wide and he turned around to look directly at Brandel, who again laughed as he took in his response. "I knew that would grab your attention… And yes, as much as I would love to make you live in hell for a lot longer, as you did to me, I'm not a monster boy, and I also want to live my own life… That will be a lot easier when you're no longer breathing… So yes, tomorrow will finally be the day I've been waiting for 29 years, and all this will end." Brandel then stood and after grabbing the chair with him, started walking towards the door. "Sorry, don't need to leave behind anything that you could use as a weapon."

"Wait…" Deeks' voice sounded hoarse from the hours without use, and he coughed as he tried to ease the pain in his dry throat.

"So, now you want to speak?" Brandel set the chair back on the ground and sat down, looking down at his injured and broken son. "Speak boy, before I change my mind."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Again with the obvious questions? You know I don't like repeating myself… You took everything that night and never even looked back or tried to reach to me while I was in jail… You think you deserve the life you have now, but you don't boy… Deep down you're a Brandel just like me, but you're set in running from your true self, so it's time I rid the earth of a weak and worthless brat like you… And remember, I'm only doing a favor to that lady friend of yours…" Brandel spoke in a patronizing tone, but with the smirk never leaving his face.

The words again struck Deeks like a physical punch, but this time, he was prepared with a response… "No, I'm not… I'm nothing like you and I will never be… It took me a long time to understand and accept it myself but… I didn't destroy your life, not when I was 8, or 11, and certainly not now. You did that on your own, but you prefer to blame other people for your shortcomings and that's the reason why I will always be a better man than you. I own up to my mistakes and try to make myself better… No matter what happens tomorrow I'm proud of who I turned out to be considering the example I grew up with." Deeks took a deep breath as he finished sharing his thoughts. He had lived with them inside of him for a long time, and now he felt pride at finally being courageous enough to share them with the source of most of his demons.

Brandel looked angrily at his son as he kept talking what he saw as lies and was really close to moving towards him and beating the crap of the ungrateful brat, but he needed him conscious enough for tomorrow so he controlled his urges and focused instead on the anticipation he felt. He swallowed tightly as new ideas formulated on his mind. "I tried to give you everything son, but life is not fair and you never understood that. You always remained a weak mama's boy, who cowered behind her when I tried to teach you a lesson."

"A lesson? I was eight years old when you started beating me to hell for the stupidest of things or whatever excuse you could find… How was that teaching me a lesson?"

"Don't interrupt Martin, you know I don't like that either." Brandel said in an angry tone, before continuing in a calmer voice. "When you were born boy, I loved you like nothing I have ever seen before. I tried to give you the world, but life doesn't always work the way we want it. I learned that love only makes us weak, power and control, are the only ways to stay on top. I tried to teach you that, to prepare you for the real world… but, you never understood." He eventually stood up and started pacing the room as he continued to speak. "You shot your own father and was never held accountable for it, while I spent years in prison for trying to do the best for my own family. I gave up on love that night Martin, but luckily I found it again… until you took it from me a second time."

"Both times you lost it on your own accord, and you can't keep blaming me for your mistakes." Deeks sat straighter as he spoke, finding strength and comfort in the truth, but still surprised at really how delusional his father seemed to be.

"No boy, if you hadn't been born none of that would have ever happened… Roberta and I could still be the couple madly in love we once were… She should have stuck with me, but instead abandoned me for you…" Brandel closed his eyes for a second as memories of the past came to the forefront of his mind. "I thought of getting rid of her too and the same with that lady agent… But I think it's better if they live the rest of their life knowing they couldn't help you, and mourning the love that once was… The same way I have lived for 29 years…" Deciding to leave the room and continue his preparations for tomorrow, Brandel turned around one last time to look down at his son. "Sleep well, Martin. Or maybe don't, given it's your last night and you might want to try to enjoy it. And don't think anyone is rescuing you, after all, I'm doing everyone a favor by getting rid of you." Brandel then chuckled at the apparent humor of his own remark.

After the door closed and he heard the lock put in place, Deeks slumped back to the ground and started breathing heavily. Holding that position had taken its toll on him but he felt pride in having been able to confront his father as equals. Or as close to that as he could manage considering he was still shackled to a wall…

Deeks closed his eyes as he allowed for his father's words to spread around his body and mind. Part of him was okay with that knowledge, as he thought his happiness had been stolen and instead it was his destiny to die at the hands on his father like it should have happened 29 years ago, when he had somehow manage to cheat death… But the other part was scared, he felt he still had a lot of dreams and experiences to live and he wasn't ready to die just yet. That same part still hoped that his team was still looking and would find him before the end was upon him. But the first part laughed at that thought, as his father's remark resonated on his head… Why would such an elite team dedicate so much effort for a worthless, ungrateful and weak man like him?

He laughed humorously at his jumbled thoughts and the way they kept jumping from hope to total despair. Remembering his conversation with Sam, he felt grateful that he had written the letters and only regretted not having shared his feelings with his family, in person, one last time. He also wished he had been able to live the life he and Kensi had dreamed, but he at least felt thankful that his princess and mama would be spare from the same fate as him, he only hoped they would not blame themselves for too long and eventually would find happiness somewhere else.

If this was really going to be his last night alive, Deeks didn't want to spend it in the land of nothingness. But as his eyelids began to flutter, and it was evident he was losing his battle against sleep, the blonde detective willingly closed his eyes as he thought of his family, hoping he could see them one last time, even if it was only in his dreams. He was still scared of taking his last breath, and especially of dying alone, but he was now at peace with that possibility, he just foolishly hoped it would be painlessly and quick. After some minutes he drifted into a restless sleep, the last thought on his mind being that the Truth will Set You Free…

* * *

 _I don't really know how many people are still here with me, but if you are, I just want to say a huge thank you. You're the reason why I keep writing, posting, and trying my hardest to give you the best possible story. Thank you, I really hope you keep enjoying it._


	19. Chapter 19: Drowning

_Back here, hopefully someone is still with me. Sorry for the long wait between updates. I hit a major roadblock with this story and couldn't get my head back into it, but I'm finally writing again and expect to return to my weekly updates (maybe more if I can keep at it). Be advised that some more hurt will soon follow but there's light at the end of the tunnel._

 _* Reminder that everything you recognize is not mine, just my crazy ideas ;) *_

* * *

 **Chapter 19: Drowning**

As much as the captive detective had wished for a peaceful night, the subconscious part of his brain kept dragging him deeper into despair. He woke up countless of times during the night, every time coming out for breath from a terrible nightmare, only to be taken down again by the next one over.

During one of the times Deeks woke up that night, he realized that in the two days he had been Brandel's prisoner, he had not a single time smelled alcohol in his breath, or had seen any beer bottles around. Could his father had stopped being a drunk in the 29 years he hadn't seen him? He wondered if maybe it was his time in prison, or the woman he said he had met. Either way, the realization only made Deeks even more scared for his own future and whatever the next day would bring. Alcohol had made the man unpredictable and susceptible to angry bursts but also slower, weaker and less accurate. But now if Brandel was really sober, he was more dangerous than ever… This time he really was in total control, and his actions were truly his and couldn't be attributed to the effects of the beverage on his bloodstream. The blonde man, eventually fell asleep again thinking of his father and what his plans for the next day could be.

One another opportunity, he woke up gasping as he had dreamed of his team abandoning him. Deciding that he really wasn't worth the effort and just going back to their previous life in NCIS before he had joined the team nearly eight years ago. He remembered Sam again questioning his character, Callen if he was the right man for Kensi, and the female agent herself, wondering when he would turn out like his father and start hurting her. Even Eric and Nell had stopped all their searches, instead preferring to move on will their lives. The man with the ocean blue eyes, managed to fall asleep thinking of his family, and wondering if the team had given up on him.

The last time he woke up during that night, he opened his eyes peacefully as he had dreamed of a beach wedding, little ninja assassins, and his team and family there, to share all those moments with the junior partners. He chastised himself for allowing his father to get inside his head, and causing him to doubt his team. Of course they would be looking for him. This time Deeks fell asleep thinking that he just had to hold on for a little while longer…

-x-x-x-

Early the next morning, Deeks woke up with the same feeling of newfound peace and clarity that, even if this really was the day his journey was meant to end, he was somewhat ready. Most important of all being that Sam would find the letters that would bring closure to those he loved the most in the world. He just hoped they wouldn't blame themselves for too long, as he himself knew how guilt could slowly break even the strongest person down. He just wished that they would be able to eventually find happiness again, and remember him as the joyful detective who had always tried to defuse tensions with humor and put a smile on everyone's faces.

As the time ticked by and the possible time of his death drew closer he was also invaded by a new sort of clarity. Brandel had beaten him up, stabbed him, and tried to mentally break him, he had taken him away from his family and friends, and chained him up. He had taken everything from him and the only things he had left were his inner fight, resiliency and determination… Those which had carried him through his miserable childhood, frustrating years as a lawyer, lonely days in LAPD, dark nights undercover, past heartbreaks with NCIS; thus now, he would fight, just as he had done all those previous times. And if this was really meant to be the day he took his last breath, he would go down fighting… the same way he had lived all his life up to this point.

-x-x-x-

Sometime after deciding that the only thing he had left was his inner strength, the detective had fallen asleep again, and the next time he was woken up by the sounds of footsteps and the padlock of the door being unlocked. This time, unlike all the others, he didn't sit straighter, instead he slumped further down and concentrated on his breathing, keeping it even as if he was still sleeping or unconscious once again. Making sure not to make any sounds, he grabbed the chain still locked to his wrist with both his hands and waited…

As the door opened, Deeks didn't move at all, he just kept focusing on his breathing and listening intently. From the footsteps he registered, he decided that it was three men in the room, most likely the triplets and he wondered why his father wasn't there.

"Get up." The man he recognized as the third triplet and the one who had shot Frank said harshly as he signaled to his brothers to get the injured man.

Deeks breathe in deeply, preparing himself for the pain he knew would follow, but still determined to fight and not go down willingly. As soon as the first triplet lingered on top of him and reached down to grab hold of his wrist, Deeks moved quickly and used the chain to put the man in a chokehold. The newly restrained man started fighting the injured detective hoping to break free, but Deeks was unrelenting in his effort as he was able to maintain his hold on the metal and, subsequently, the pressure in the man's neck.

As soon as they realized what was happening, the two brothers joined in the struggle, one of them instantly kicking Deeks in his injured side, while the other tried moving his hands away from the chain. The struggle continued for a few minutes, until the injured and now panting detective couldn't fight any longer and eventually released his hold on the chain as both his hands went to his side in a foolish attempt to protect his ribs from further harm.

Just as one of the punches caught him in the face, the door opened again and Brandel came strutting in. "What the hell is going on here?" He shouted as he took in the sight before him.

At the sound of his boss' angry voice, all three men stopped what they were doing and stood warily, looking at the irritated man in front of them. And as it happened every time, the third triplet was the one to speak. "He tried chocking my brother and we just did what we needed to stop him." He had learned that with Brandel the less he spoke the better, so he just shared the basic information needed to explain the situation.

Brandel looked down at his son, who was lying on the ground breathing irregularly and with his face pale and smeared with blood, both his hands still holding tightly onto his injured side. "Okay… Huey, Dewey get him up and take him to his new accommodation…"

At the words, both brothers looked at each other and then at the man who had just muttered the instructions, not liking the way the man had called them but neither of them having the nerve to complain or stand up to him. Eventually, they just moved towards the prisoner to do as they had been told.

"Louie…" Brandel ordered with a satisfied smirk as he knew how much the third and most violent of the triplets despised being called that way, "come with me and let's get everything ready." He motioned for the man in question to follow and together they left the room.

Huey and Dewey, as their boss called them, looked cautiously at the man lying on the ground, neither of them wanting to repeat the previous experience and be the target of Brandel and Louie's wrath. "Get up…" The first of them tried saying with as much power as possible, but it still sounded like a nervous squeak.

Deeks looked up at the two men standing over him, one with blood flowing from a busted lip and the other with angry red marks around his neck, and bitterly laughed at having to follow the orders of two buffoons like them. But he had no strength left in his body and after hearing Brandel talking about new _accommodations_ and _getting everything ready_ he didn't want to further anger any of the men who currently had control over his destiny. So, even when he still hated feeling powerless and defenseless, he allowed himself to be lifted from the ground as he was unchained from the wall and his wrists again tied tightly behind his back. But as soon as one of the men took the now familiar hood from his hoodie's pocket, Deeks felt the also familiar chill spread from his spine and the dread start at the prospect of, again, not being able to see what would happen to him.

He had decided not to fight for now and concentrate on surviving, but seeing the hood, he began to panic. He tried fighting the men again, but with his hands tied behind his back and his body constantly throbbing with pain, he couldn't really do much, and the hood was eventually pulled over his face, as the two brothers began leading him away from the room. Trying to get his breathing and heart rate under control, he focused on analyzing the distance from the room, and his biggest fears were confirmed as he felt himself being lead to the room three doors over, Brandel's _fun room_ , as he had taken to calling it, and the one that occupied his new nightmares.

The scared detective felt himself being pushed down, and his ankles and wrists tied to the arms and legs of the wooden chair. With the hood obscuring his vision and not allowing him any escape, his mind went back to an old auto body shop and the last time he found himself tied up in a similar way.

After a few minutes, he felt the door open and close again and not sensing another presence in the room, he decided the brothers had left and he was now alone. He wiggled in the chair but the bonds were strong and he couldn't move at all, the effort only hurting his raw flesh even more. Not being able to do anything for his physical wellbeing, he concentrated instead on his mental state, as he began preparing himself to endure even more pain. He went back to Kensi and his team, and again wondered what was taking them so long…

-x-x-x-

The NCIS team woke up bright and early, with renewed hope and the determination to finally locate their kidnapped teammate and friend. Taking a small moment to themselves, they took showers, ate some pastries and drank coffee, fueling their bodies and preparing their minds for the day ahead.

At 8:30am the team had all converged in the ops center as they waited to be granted access to the drones they had requested the previous night.

"What's taking so long?" The anxious female agent asked after they had been waiting for some time, with no sign of their boss or communication from the office in charge of the equipment.

"I'm not sure, Kens. Let's wait a little longer and we can make contact again." The team lead was also worried and ready to start the rescue mission, but he didn't want to anger the people in charge, just yet.

Time felt as if it was passing slower than ever, as the team had nothing to do but wait. Finally after another 45 minutes, Mosley walked into the room, full of her usual self-righteous attitude and in her natural smug way. "Good morning agents, I managed to get us three drones so we can speed up the process, we will be granted access at Eleven hundred hours."

Kensi looked at her watch and saw that it was not even 9:30 and almost lost her mind, but Sam, having sensed her emotions spiking out of control, moved his strong hand to her shoulder to ground her before she said something she could regret. "Thank you for the effort Assistant Director, we do appreciate it, but is there any way to access it sooner? Our _operation_ is time sensitive." Sam said the words respectfully but strongly, hoping to transmit the importance and need for fast access, but not going against Mosley's evident huge ego.

"Don't call it an operation agent, when we all know this is a personal rescue mission. Just feel grateful that I'm allowing use of government property to rescue your missing friend." At the statement, all agents, analyst and tech operator, quickly realized, not for the first time, their new boss wasn't one for empathy, and even if she had agreed to help, she still was a conceited and arrogant woman.

"He's not just our friend, but an employee of NCIS, and we take care of our own." Callen decided to leave behind the personal side of the equation, seeing as Mosley couldn't care less about it, and focus on the professional angle she was conveniently deciding to ignore.

"As I mentioned before Agent Callen, he's property of the LAPD, and as such they should be the ones leading this rescue mission, but I already know none of you will do any _real_ work as long as the detective is missing." After muttering her clear parting argument, she started walking towards the door, but not without turning one last time. "You have access to the drones for 30 minutes at Eleven hundred hours, use them wisely, and I expect an update after your so called operation is over." Mosley then smiled forcibly before exiting the room, leaving all agents perplexed and wondering if the woman really didn't care at all for the team and missing man, or if she was just incapable of displaying natural human emotions and a simple, honest smile. Either way, none of them could accept that she seemed to care only about herself, and acted in a way that went against everything OSP stood for.

Luckily, the small argument had taken some more time off the clock and it was currently 10am. Having nothing to do but wait, the team concentrated on mentally preparing for the rescue mission once they could confirm in which of the three locations their missing teammate was being held. All hoping that they were right and he was, in fact, in one of those. None of them wanting to even entertain the other possibility.

-x-x-x-

Not being able to see anything at all, Deeks was already fidgety and on edge, so when the door quickly opened with a bang he inadvertently jumped slightly in his chair, or as long as his restraints allowed. He tried concentrating on how many men he could feel in the room, but he was incredibly nervous and so honestly scared that he couldn't force his mind to focus.

"Good morning Martin, sorry I couldn't greet you before, but you didn't seem to be doing too well." Brandel said in his familiar and irritating cheerful tone as he remembered his son's pale face as he had laid in the floor of the room. "Are you ready for some fun?"

Deeks visibly tensed at the words and his jaw tightened as he tried steeling his nerves and stop the trembling that was starting to overtake his body, determined not to allow Brandel to see how truly terrified he currently was.

"Remember when I told you I met Huey, Dewey, and Louie after needing a new identity for a second time?" Brandel asked, but didn't wait for a response before continuing. "I also said our first meeting wasn't too pleasant. And that was also your fault, boy. So now you need to pay for one last thing before we move towards the end… I also promised these fine men a moment of your time in return for their assistance, and you know I'm a fair man, so I need to keep my word…"

As his father continued talking, Deeks concentrated on removing himself as far as possible from the present room and situation. And in an attempt to protect himself, if not physically, at least psychologically, he tried thinking of his mother, girlfriend, teammates and friends… Anything to detach his mind from whatever would happen next. He eventually went to his safe haven, as he thought of the ocean, the exhilaration of riding a wave and the feeling of the cold water around him.

"…They had no idea who had betrayed their father, which eventually got him killed in prison, but they had the general description of the man they suspected was to blame…" Brandel continued, as the words began filtering through his son's defenses and threatened to disrupt his mental bliss. "And they also had a name… _Max._ "

Deeks' mind was now a jumbled mess once more… of hope, fear, happiness, and despair. He didn't understand what his father was getting at, and he just wanted whatever would happen to start soon and finish even sooner. He hated Brandel's mental games and he could feel his sanity sleeping farther away.

"…Imagine my surprise when I learned _you_ were Max. But it wasn't that easy, son. They saw me, and thought I was the man who had betrayed their father, and it took us some time to figure the misunderstanding out. It was an uncomfortable process for me boy, as the triplets decided they needed to get their answers and I turned into their victim. Now you need to be taught another lesson, because I suffered because of _you._ " Brandel continued his monologue as he circled his unsuspecting son, whom still sat, blindly and nervously in the chair.

Deeks was getting a clearer picture now, as he understood that the triplets had thought that Brandel was him, or at least related to him. They must have interrogated him for information and now Brandel wanted to do exactly that to him… Another sick game of his twisted revenge, or _lesson_ , as the devil liked to call it.

The bound man chuckled to himself at his final thought and Brandel caught the small sound. "Something funny, boy? I don't think you're gonna have any fun now." He had returned to his patronizing tone, as he started silently folding the sleeves of his button down until they stopped at his elbows.

Even as his father continued to toy with him, the detective continued to do what he was best at, _detecting_ , as he mentally worked to put together the whole puzzle. Brandel's story also explained how he had known of Max Gentry and some of the things he had done… The triplets had probably told him. He cursed himself for his bad luck, or possibly even karma, and he still couldn't understand how the universe could be so cruel for so many of his past demons to converge at once.

A sound next to him brought Deeks out of his thoughts as he felt his father's presence at his back and tensed in anticipation of what would happen next. Brandel had told his story but had kindly left unsaid what exactly the triplets had done to him. As he felt the hood being lifted from his face he quickly closed his eyes and tried to mask his features in his best attempt not to let his inner anguish show.

It took the blonde man a few seconds for his sight to adjust to the light, and the picture that welcomed him was not one he wanted to see at all. In front of him stood the triplets, one holding a towel, and the others, two big buckets of water. His mind was instantly transported back to Afghanistan and what he had done to the blind cleric… Brandel was making him pay for what had happened to him, but Deeks instead saw it as punishment for what he had willingly done in that dry and distant land.

"As you might know Martin, given you're an outstanding member of society, LAPD detective and all, waterboarding is a nice interrogation technique as it doesn't leave marks…" Brandel started talking again, as he enjoyed the distress that was now clear in his son's face and especially his eyes, which were always the window to his soul. "I suffered through it because of you, and now it's your turn, boy… These fine men were also eager to carry this part of the deed when I offered it in exchange for their generous help…"

Deeks felt Brandel tilt the chair back as the first man moved towards him and slowly started placing the towel over his face. Foolishly, he knew, he tried to fight, but given his arms and legs were tied firmly to the chair, he only managed to aggravate his injuries even more. As the towel came in contact with his skin, he felt himself beginning to hyperventilate, and knowing what would happen next, his brain told his body that he needed to preserve air, but his panicky state didn't allow for the rational part of him to take control.

As the water started coming in, his mind was instantly transported to the past…

-x-x-x-

 _The density and coldness of the water knocked the air out of Marty's lungs as soon as his body submerged into the Pacific. He started rolling around as the waves kept crashing and crashing onto his small frame. He gasped as the ocean keep closing on him and the air started to become scarce._

 _Panic tore through him, as his lungs started to ache and a burning sensation began spreading from his throat, prompting the little boy to keep fighting the pull and weight of the water. He tried with all his young determination to fight against the need for air which was drowning his senses and creating small flashes of light that began to flicker in his vision._

 _Just when the last of the young boy's air escaped in a forcible stream, and he felt his body starting to shut down and his sight to blacken, a hand reached down into the water and, after grabbing hold of his unruly blonde hair, pulled him from the ocean and into the surfboard above._

 _Young Marty sputtered as he draw in long, deeps breaths, trying to regain his senses and bring back oxygen into his body. He was still heaving up water when he turned around to look at the concerned face of Bill, who had panicked when he saw his young apprentice and friend go into the water. The man who was Marty's future version smiled as he coached the boy that was his past self, into calming his breathing and heart, as they together, paddled out of the cold water and collapsed on to the warm sand…_

-x-x-x-

Deeks' mind returned from the flashback and the water kept coming onto his face. His lungs were already burning and he felt his body losing its hold on his consciousness. Just when he felt his world turning into black, the water stopped coming, and his father allowed the chair to rest back into the ground.

Brandel walked around to stare at the pale face of his son, as he coughed water and fought to bring air into his aching lungs. "Fun, yeah?" He asked with a wink, even as part of his mind wondered if he was even really enjoying the process himself, but he had promised the triplets this opportunity and couldn't back down now.

The bound detective then tensed as he saw his father walk uncertainly back around the chair, and he prepared for the second round…

-x-x-x-

"… _You're going to torture him?"_

" _I don't do that."_

" _You have morals?"_

" _What, you don't think Americans have morals?"_

" _I've seen what man is capable of. All men, from all sides."_

-x-x-x-

Deeks came back from his mental Afghanistan just as his father stopped pouring more of the dreaded liquid on top of him, he felt the towel removed from his face for the second time as he heaved up water and focused on controlling the shaking in his body.

" _I thought we weren't going to torture him?"_

" _Brother, I know what torture is and this ain't it."_

The bound detective remembered his actions that day, and having experienced sleep and food deprivation the past days, and now also being waterboarded, he beg to differ with his previous statement, and now fully accepted that _all this, was torture_ … He saw his present predicament as the universe making him pay for a decision he would never regret. Even when in the solitude of nights he still questioned whether he had chosen the only option to rescue Kensi or just the easy way out, letting the darkness and propensity for violence Brandel spoke about take over his conscience.

Deeks wondered if he would make the same decision if the same situation was presented to him today, but before his mind was able to come up with an answer, his chair was again pulled backward and the towel place over his face, as the water started coming again and the burning in his lungs only intensified.

This time, unlike the previous two, he wasn't able to get the escape of a memory and was forced to feel every awful and nerve-wracking second the water was poured on top of him. His eyes were tightly closed, his hands holding the arms of the chair until his knuckles turned white, and his legs pressed firmly against the wood his ankles were tied to. As the seconds ticked by, and the dreaded process didn't stop, he felt his desperation increase as he was now drowning and oxygen became scarce around his body. The pain that had started in his chest, had spread through his whole body and he mentally begged to pass out, lose consciousness or just die…

Just when he couldn't take it anymore and had started trashing around with the last bit of his strength and life, the water stopped and the towel was removed from his face and thrown to the ground, along with the now empty and discarded buckets which had previously been filled with the torturous water.

His body shook from the strain and remembered desperation of not being able to draw air into his lungs. He felt his eyes moist, not from the water, but the tears that had silently and desperately streamed down his face through the whole process. His lungs and chest burned as he coughed water and continued to heave.

Deeks continued to take ragged breaths as his father walked around until he came into his field of vision. "Cheer up boy, the end is upon us. Rest up and I'll see you very soon." Brandel's smirk was still present on his face, but his tone was less certain than ever before. He then motioned his men out and together, the four torturers, left the room, closing the door loudly behind them and fastening the lock. Leaving a soaked, and defeated Deeks, shivering, crying and alone.

-x-x-x-

"Eric, Nell, it's time." The team lead urged his analyst and operator as soon as the clock's needles signaled that it was 11:00am.

"One second, we're confirming access." Nell pointed out as she typed quickly on her computer…

The three agents, not being in their element, stood behind the dynamic duo as they waited for their teammates to do what they did best, find people who didn't want to be found. All of them feeling hopeful and confident their combined power would prove to be enough once again…

* * *

 _Thanks to everyone that continues to follow this journey, not sure how many still here, just know that I appreciate each and every one of you, and I keep trying hard to give you the best story I can possible write. Hope you continue to enjoy and I look forward to reading your thoughts._


	20. Chapter 20: The Devil Hesitates?

_When I started writing Ghost, I'm not sure what I was expecting. But I do know, I never thought I would get to 20 chapters. I fell in love with writing about my favorite character and show, and just kept going. Thanks so much to everyone that continues to support this story, even after the long break in posting. I'm back to working on it, and expect to continue to update regularly until we reach the end._

* * *

 **Chapter 20: The Devil Hesitates?**

"Access confirmed, let's start checking the addresses." Eric announced, as the Wonder Twins, not a single time took their eyes from the screen, or their fingers from the keyboard, both happy to finally feel in control.

The first building layout came into the big screen and all the details the drone allowed started loading into the image. When the thermal imaging came up, all five people present in the room deflated as it became obvious that no one was in that location.

"Moving to the next." Nell muttered under her breath, as all her concentration currently was focused on piloting the drones.

The second building came into the screen and again, no heat signature came up, causing the agents to start losing hope and wondering if they had gotten it wrong.

"One more." Eric said this time, as he took control of the third drone, while Nell forfeited access to the first two after returning them to their standby locations.

As the layout of the third building started loading on the big screen, all five NCIS teammates held their breaths as if their life depended on it, and in a big way, it did. As soon as the thermal imaging loaded, all of them breathe a sigh of relief as five spots started shining bright red on the screen, signaling four men together in the big open space of the building and a lone figure in one of the six rooms located in a hall at the back, right side of the warehouse.

"This must be it, guys. Eric, Nell gather all information you have on this location." The team lead took charge of the situation as soon as it was confirmed that this was the place they were looking for… And he didn't allow his mind to even entertain a different possibility.

"Ok… Old warehouse, used by Torrance Automotive as storage space. The big open area was once filled with auto parts and some documents, now I'm guessing is just garbage and leftovers from when they vacated the building. It hasn't been used again since… At the back, there's just the one hall to the right. Six rooms, three were offices, one a closet and two restrooms. The lone figure should be in one of the old offices… No windows on that one, but one in the room three doors over… There's also a back door on the far left side of the main open space…"

Eric finished quickly, not even stopping to draw air into his lungs. As he was about to continue, his partner in crime finished for him. "That's all we got, we looked for cameras but given the rundown area none of them have worked in years… All information is already in your phones, LAPD backup that Bates sent is waiting for your lead, and we will have a couple of ambulances on standby… just in case." Nell added the last part sheepishly, just wanting to have all avenues covered, but hoping they wouldn't be needed, at least not for their missing friend.

"Let's get this show on the road." The team lead said channeling his inner Deeks, as he walked out of the ops center, followed by his equally determined fellow agents.

-x-x-x-

An unknown time had passed, and the defeated man sat slumped in his chair, not able to move, and with his chest still burning. His mind was a mess as he struggled with the pain in his body and the desperation of his thoughts. His face was still smeared by the trace of tears, but no more were coming out as his eyes had seemingly dried out.

All the fight had left from his body as his father had managed to successfully break him. First, he had removed him from his family, then came the physical restraints and now he had destroyed his mental heaven too. The ocean had always been his ultimate escape, and Brandel had just managed to take that away from him too, as he couldn't imagine enjoying the water ever again.

He sagged against his restraints as the reality of his situation came crashing down on him. Deeks was past the point of caring now, and he didn't give a damn about survival anymore, he just wanted this to end.

-x-x-x-

Callen, Sam, and Kensi stood around in the armory, all in different stages of their preparation but equally determined to succeed in the mission that laid ahead.

Grabbing their vests, main and backup guns, along with some extra weapons for extra precaution, the three-person team walked into the bullpen. All of them stopping for an extra second to stare at the empty desk of their missing teammate and silently promising to bring him back to the place where he belonged.

-x-x-x-

When Deeks heard footsteps and the door being unlocked, he didn't even move. He remained in his same slumped position and didn't bother to straighten himself or even school his features. His mask just hadn't fallen, it had shattered completely and there was no fixing it now.

The door opened and Brandel walked into the room followed by the triplets, all three of them wearing equally excited smiles which only increased as they took in the demeanor of their captive detective still tied to the chair.

Not waiting for a signal, the triplets moved to release Deeks, forcing him onto his feet. This time not even bothering to tie his hands, certain he was in no physical or mental shape to fight four men on his own.

-x-x-x-

A few minutes later, the team found themselves in the car, making the silent trip towards the warehouse in which they hoped to rescue their friend. The quiet was deafening as all three agents were completely lost inside their own heads. Callen promising himself to act as the leader his team needed and determined to keep his vow to protect Deeks. Sam not able to forget the conversation he had shared with Deeks and pledging to himself that he would rescue his friend so he wouldn't have to give the letters to their family.

And Kensi missing her other half more than ever before but feeling in her heart that he was still alive, and she was getting closer. Deeks was her everything and their connection ran deeper than most, and she found peace in telling herself that she would, _somehow_ , know or feel, if the most important person in her life had left this world. Their link would be broken, just as her heart, and she was certain she would know if that had already happened. The female agent allowed for her newfound certainty to spread around her body, as she vowed to herself she wouldn't rest until they were together again.

-x-x-x-

As Deeks was led away from the _fun room_ and not towards his previous prison, he had the sinking feeling that this was the end.

 _Expiration date_ … He had dreamed with Thapa the previous night, and as such, his Gurkha friend's words were fresh on his mind. _"We spend our lives trying to do so many things about it, when all we really need to be is ready."_ Remembering that statement, he now wondered if he was ready.

He closed his eyes for a second and saw Kensi, surrendered by the rest of their family. Thapa's words echoed in his head as he focused on her smile and laugh, and on the NCIS friendships he had originally never expected. He kept walking towards wherever they were taking him, but his mind was still on those feelings. And as he arrived into the trashed and dusty open space that he had never seen before, he felt certainty that if he was to really die in this place, he wouldn't do it in a dirty warehouse, but at home. Not the physical place, but the feeling his friend had explained to him. He focused on his own heart, and knew that he was ready and already home.

-x-x-x-

Sam couldn't remember driving this recklessly in a long time, but it was worth it, as the team managed to reach the warehouse in record time. Parking two blocks away from the building, the team got out of the Challenger and started putting on their vests and strapping weapons to different parts of their bodies.

During the drive, the Twins had called to inform them that five new heat signatures had appeared in the building and the lone figure had also been moved away from the room, and was on his way to the open main space of the warehouse. Not being sure what the information meant, it only served to increase the agents' nervousness and sense of urgency.

"This is it boys." The female agent said, staring intently at her two teammates.

"Kens, he might not be here, and if that's the case… we need to stay strong and continue searching." The lead agent didn't want to get his little sister's hopes down, but he needed to be realistic and speak the truth they might not want to hear.

"He is… I can feel it." The certainty of Kensi's words left no room for argument, after all, she was connected to the man in question in ways most wouldn't understand.

"Then, whatever happens, or is waiting for us, we bring Deeks home." Sam vowed, before the team started walking together, side by side, towards the warehouse.

-x-x-x-

As the blonde detective focused on his surroundings for a minute, he noticed five new men in the room, all armed and ready to defend the place if need be. He recognized them as the rest of the group who had ambushed his team at his and Kensi's house. The triplets also stood to the side and behind the family reunion, all three also holding guns and looking at the scene in front of them with guarded interest.

"This is it Martin. Start thinking your goodbyes" Brandel spoke in his patronizing tone, and with the same infuriating smile present on his face. He then pushed his son onto his knees and the boy willingly went down without complain.

Deeks felt the ground scrape against his knees, but he didn't have any fight left in his body. He closed his eyes and summoned Kensi, Callen, Sam, Eric, Nell, Hetty, and Roberta. If he was going to die now, he wanted them to be the last thing present on his mind.

-x-x-x-

Callen, Sam and Kensi joined with the LAPD backup team a block from the warehouse and after deciding that the support men would take the back, while the three of them concentrated on the front, both groups started moving towards their designated spots.

OSP's elite team, minus a kidnapped detective, determinedly walked towards the front of the building and each agent took position at either side of the main doors while they waited for the backup team to confirm they were ready and in place.

-x-x-x-

As Brandel got out his gun and started lifting it towards his son, Deeks suddenly regained his inner fight and voice. He gave his father his trademark smirk and he opened his eyes and confidently asked, "Do you really think you're getting away with this? My team won't ever rest until they get to you, regardless of whether I'm alive or not."

"I guess I should have expected a fool like you to have his mind full of crazy ideas. Sorry to disappoint boy, but as soon as we're done here, I'm taking off and already have a new identity and life plan elsewhere." The words were confident as Brandel truly believed this was the right course of action and the one that would finally give him the release and peace he had been seeking for 29 years. Even as a small part of him, the one that still had a conscience, and which resurfaced as the little voice at the back of his head, kept telling him that his actions were wrong and he needed to stop himself, before it was too late.

"I made peace a long time ago about the high possibility of dying by a bullet… I just never thought it would be from my own father…" Deeks spoke sadly as he called Brandel his father out loud for the first time since this whole debacle started. "We could have been such a great family. I still remember the old days, before everything started. And we could have been so happy. We had so much love." He wasn't even sure why he was saying the words out loud, just that if he was to die, he didn't want to take them with him to the grave.

Brandel seemed to hesitate as his son's words unexpectedly pulled at his heartstrings. His mind went back to the earlier days Martin had mentioned and he found himself missing them and wishing he had never made the decision that took them away. He thought back to his own childhood and remembered his parents, then to the early days in the Brandel-Deeks household, and his heart was overtaken by immense sorrow at the forfeited possibilities. But, just as he started to really consider his actions, he remembered all the pain he had experienced in his life, his son shooting him, the years in jail, finding love again and losing it once more, and felt his own hate and desire for power grow even more. Ultimately, telling himself that there was no place for love in this world, and silencing the weak voice at the back of his head, he continued to lift, a now shaking, hand.

"Meet you back in hell, son." Brandel whispered, not with his usual confident tone but sounding a little unsure of himself. Still he cocked his gun and lifted the weapon, pointing it at his son's temple.

Deeks thought he had gotten through to his father, but as soon as he felt the barrel of the loaded gun touching his skin, he closed his eyes and said a silent goodbye to his family. He then distanced himself from the current warehouse and focused on his team and mother, wanting them to be the last sight he ever saw, even if only on his mind.

-x-x-x-

Both the NCIS agents and the LAPD team stood at either side of the front and back door, respectively, as they waited for the lead agent to signal it was time to breach. They had just received information from Eric that all ten heat signatures had been present together and close to each other in the main open space, the last time they had been able to check the drone before having to return access. As such, they were now also worried that, if Deeks was really in that room, he could be hurt in the crossfire. But having no way to look inside the building, or time, they had to trust their training and hope for the best.

"3, 2, 1… Go, go, go." Callen said over coms for everyone to hear, prompting both groups of law enforcement officers to push open their doors and burst into the building.

The sight that welcomed the NCIS team was in part hopeful and rewarding as Deeks was really there, but equally chillingly frightening as he was on his knees with a gun to his head and eight more armed men surrounding the area.

Not even a second after the two doors had opened, a rain of bullets started flying from and to every direction and all three agents, while still shooting their guns, dodged to the side. But, not having any place to really cover themselves, were at the mercy of the chaos happening around them.

-x-x-x-

The blonde detective waited for the bullet to end his life, but as the time dragged he wondered if maybe he had really gotten through to his father, or if maybe he was dreaming and all this was just a cruel joke from his twisted mind. Just then, Deeks heard a loud bang and with fear grapping at his heart and not wanting to feel hopeful, opened his eyes and nervously smiled as he saw his team… his family, barging into the room. But a second later, a rain of bullets started flying all around him and he felt the sharp pain of a foreign body shredding his skin, and passing through his side. He slumped to the ground as blood started coming and in his shocked and near panic state, couldn't process where the bullet had entered (and exited) or who had even shot him. Was it Brandel, Huey, Dewey and Louie, one of the five other men, or an unfortunate bullet from an ally?

Marty Deeks had been prepared for death, and was content with his team being the last sight he ever saw, even if only on his mind. But seeing them in person, he realized he wasn't ready to die just yet. He had a lot to live for and he had to keep fighting… For his family and team. And for himself, his Kensi, and their future…

* * *

 _Sorry for the cliffhangery ending. I'm planning to post the next one by the end of the week, it's already written and I just need to finish editing. Thanks so much for the support, I hope you all continue to enjoy Deeks' journey. And much appreciation to everyone that reviews, it makes me happy to read your comments and it will always mean the world to me. Thank you!_


	21. Chapter 21: More Than a Name

_Took me a little longer than expected to edit this one, but here it is. Hope you all continue to enjoy._

* * *

 **Chapter 21: More Than a Name**

Time seemed to slow down when the bullets started flying and as Kensi dodged to the side, her heart stopped as she saw Deeks slump to the ground. She tried to find cover and shoot at the bad guys at the same time, while focusing on her boyfriend out of the corner of her eye. At first she had thought he had gone down willingly in an attempt to protect himself, but as the minutes ticked by and he didn't move, she realized he had probably been hit. She concentrated on his unmoving body and quickly noticed the crimson spot for the first time, making her own blood turn to ice as she wondered if he was already dead.

-x-x-x-

Callen felt his arm sting as soon as the bullets started coming in their direction and instantly knew he had been grazed by a bullet. He jumped to the side and found cover behind some old barrels and groaned as his injured ribs protested in pain and the burning in his arm increased even more. Still, he pushed past the discomfort and focused on taking out as many enemies as possible.

-x-x-x-

One moment Sam had focused on Deeks kneeling on the ground with a gun to his head, the other he found himself ducking to the side as a hail of bullets started coming towards them. He felt a couple whistle near his ear and quietly thanked his guardian angel for protecting him and not leaving his children without their second parent. Hearing his partner grunt beside him, Sam turned to see his arm bleeding slightly and felt his concern rising as he thought G had been shot. But as soon as Callen straightened and started shooting at the other men, he realized it was only a graze. Following his brother's lead, he started shooting, first at the men that were closer to Deeks, who was now lying on the ground, and from his spot, the senior agent couldn't know if the position was voluntary or if his younger teammate had been hit.

-x-x-x-

Gordon Brandel was lying on the floor as he remembered the last five minutes of his life. He had been holding the gun to this son's temple and found himself unable to pull the trigger. Somehow Martin's words had filtered into the part of his brain and heart that was still able to process and feel empathy as he had been involuntarily reminded of the past and all that had been lost. He had been trying to decide what to do when the doors had busted open at the front and back of the building and seconds later the gunshots sounded and bullets started flying in every direction. That's how he now found himself cowering on the ground as he desperately tried to avoid being hit while he looked for a way out.

He then focused on his son, who was slumped on the ground in front of him and, from the corner of his eye, saw Louie holding a gun and still pointing it at his boy with a satisfied smirk on his face. Turning back to Martin, he saw the blood for the first time and felt an incomprehensible anger rising inside of him as he realized the third triplet had disobeyed his orders and shot his own son. It wasn't the defiance that caused the strange sensation but the fact that someone _else_ had hurt the son he had brought into the world to love and protect. He had always explained his treatment of Martin as a way to teach him lessons and prepare him for the real world, but, he now realized, no one else was entitled to that and he felt anger at himself as he remembered allowing the triplets to waterboard his own son. Deciding against self-preservation he stretched his hand trying to grab the gun he had dropped when he ducked to the ground but was surprised to find another hand already reaching for the weapon before him…

-x-x-x-

Calming his breathing and heart, Deeks focused on drawing his body and mind back from the verge of a full blown panic attack. He took slow deep breaths as he concentrated on the new pain in his body and tried to decipher where it was coming from. He could feel pain and dampness on his side but also on his back and he quickly came to the conclusion that the bullet had most likely gone through and through. _Good_ , he thought as he prayed that it had missed any important organs and tissue as it passed through his side.

Feeling more in control of his emotions and his body, he moved to get his first look at the chaos around him. He could see his NCIS team still at the front of the building trying to protect themselves and shot at the bad guys who kept returning fire. He then saw the triplets and his sight zeroed on the third one, the one who had killed Franc and who was still pointing a gun to him with a hateful smirk on his face. At that moment, and even with all that had happened in the last week, he felt an inexplicable peace at the realization he had been shot by Louie and he sighed in twisted content at knowing it hadn't been Brandel.

As soon as he thought of his father, he looked for the man and found him cowering on the ground close to him, trying to avoid the bullets. He then saw the abandoned gun and, taking a deep breath, painfully stretched his body trying to reach the weapon. While he moved to the gun, he noticed Brandel also reaching for it and decided to push a little harder to reach the firearm before his father. As soon as his hand closed on the handle of the gun, Deeks gingerly lifted himself off the ground while his other hand held tightly to his side where he now knew he had been shot.

-x-x-x-

Gordon Brandel's eye widened when his son's hand closed on the weapon. And at that moment he was certain his son would shot him as he had done 29 years ago. But unlike that time, he was no longer a young and terrified boy, but an adult man and trained detective. He wouldn't miss this time and the realization that he was about to die startled the man as he closed his eyes and prepared for the pain or nothingness to follow.

-x-x-x-

Callen, Sam and Kensi had finally been able to converge back together when the bullets started to die down and the LAPD support team moved to arrest the men who were still alive. All three agents instantly turning to look for their teammate who they had last seen slumped on the ground.

With wide eyes, hearts racing and their breaths catching in their throats, they saw Deeks lift himself from the ground, while holding to his side with one hand and to a loaded gun with the other. They all thought he was about to shot his father who was on the ground in front of him, and none of them could really fault him for wanting to put the bastard down once and for all. After all, they all had wanted to do just that but had individually decided that the man was still Deeks' father and it wasn't up to them to take him out of the world of the living unless it came to a life or death situation.

They all silently considered stopping their teammate but knew he needed to find closure in his own way, and if that came by shooting the man who had destroyed his childhood and tried to do the same to his adulthood, they were not going to take that away from him, and would gladly do their best to twist it to look as self-defense.

-x-x-x-

After a few seconds passed and no gunshot sounded or pain started, Brandel opened his eyes and found Martin looking down at him while he pointed the loaded gun in his general direction. The pain and anguish in his son's blue eyes were unmistakable, along with his clear struggle trying to decide what to do. Gordon Brandel didn't dare speak as he was aware the wrong words could push his son past the edge and end up with him shot and dead. Seeing his bicep tighten made him realize how close he was to pulling the trigger, but at the last second Martin turned around and pointed the gun at the triplets instead.

-x-x-x-

Kensi wanted to run to her boyfriend but knew he needed to end this on his terms. As much as she wanted to hug him and take his pain away, she forced herself to stay calm and watch, while still holding to her weapon and ready to shoot anyone that meant her partner any harm. She had been wondering what Deeks was waiting for, when he turned around and moved the gun towards the triplets who were now being rounded by some LAPD guys.

She saw his sight zero on the third triplet and realized for the first time, and thanks to the little information she actually knew, that he was probably the man who had shot Franc. Seeing also the way the man in question looked at her boyfriend, she concluded that he was also the one that had just shot him, Brandel's angle making it impossible for him to have been the shooter. If her suspicions were true, she understood why Deeks was pointing the gun at the man but she still considered stopping him from darkening his soul any further or getting himself into more trouble with internal affairs. Eventually, while slowly moving closer to the action, she decided she couldn't fight this battle for him and he had to make his own choice.

-x-x-x-

Deeks tentatively stood up from the ground and pointed the gun at Brandel, the whole world around him disappearing and his reality being reduced to just himself and his father. His ears were ringing and his heart was racing and just as when it preceded one's death, he saw parts of his life flash back behind his eyes. From his earlier memories to his adult days, before this disaster had begun. He felt his eyes mist at the remembered images of his childhood and almost pulled the trigger to end the life of the miserable bastard who had been the source of all his nightmares, the real ones, but also the ones that lived only on his head.

Even with all the darkness the LAPD detective had witnessed and the dark acts, he himself, had committed, he still believed in forgiveness and the goodness of men. But at this moment, he wondered if he could do that with his own father, the man who had terrorized his childhood and came back from the grave to snuff his future before it even had a chance to begin. He thought back to the last three nights and everything his father did to him and the anger he felt almost prompted him to pull the trigger again. But eventually, his mind settled on what he had said that same morning to Brandel and he knew he couldn't shot his own father. Not in cold blood and when it wasn't a matter of life or death as it had been 29 years ago…

Reaching that decision, he then turned the weapon towards the triplets and pointed it straight at the third one, Louie, the man who had shot Franc and, most likely, himself. He remembered the video of the way the man had murdered his old friend without giving it a second thought, and felt a burst of anger at the memory. As he started slowly walking towards the man, his mind again got caught in the past.

-x-x-x-

" _Undercover operation's set to start next month, we need you to come up with a new alias and meet with the tech people for backstopping." Lieutenant Bates said to his young and newest UC detective as they together prepared for what would be the man's third UC op. "Remember this people won't play nice and they don't hesitate beating up… or killing, anyone that stands in their way. They're angry bastards that despise authority and this particular gang is known for their… excesses."_

 _The young detective shifted uncomfortably and grimaced at the reminder of his upcoming operation and the type of man he would need to become. "Yeah… I get it." He eventually said as he looked at his new boss straight in the eyes. The strength and confidence of his words completely betraying the nerves and doubts he felt inside._

" _You sure, boy?" The lieutenant asked as he turned a confused stare at his detective after the man seemingly winced after his question. "This people are not playing, this is not a game." He eventually continued._

 _The young man's thoughts flashed back to his past and the way his long lost father had used to call him "his boy" in a mocking and humiliating manner, but he eventually schooled his features and returned to the present conversation once again. "I know… I've got it, and I already know the alias I'm becoming."_

 _Lieutenant Bates felt his concern rising at the way the young man's blue eyes had darkened and his jaw had tightened when he said the alias was ready but before he could say anything else, detective Marty Deeks turned around and started walking towards LAPD's tech room._

-x-x-x-

" _Okay, we have a driver's license, and some false medical history. We need some personal and work background?" The technical operator of LAPD's undercover unit asked as he sat on his computer and diligently typed on his keyboard._

" _No known family, dropped out freshman year of college, had a juvenile record for shoplifting and underage drinking. Started working as a salesman until he was fired for supposedly drinking on the job." The young man recited the story he knew from personal experience, with a few changes of course. "He was left with a lot of skills and no place to use them, started dealing on the streets and rediscovered a new purpose in life. Eventually decided weapons was much more profitable than dope and wanted to avoid the junkies." He stopped allowing for the young tech to update the information that was needed to create the short backstory._

" _Done. What else?"_

" _Add a formal complaint against his former employer and a defamation claim as he argued he wasn't drunk when he was fired…" His previous law knowledge coming in handy as he continued to build his new life. "Couldn't go further with it as he didn't have money to pay a lawyer and the state didn't want to provide one given his juvy record for underage drinking. That only added to his anger and dislike of the government and any authority figure…"_

 _Lieutenant Bates nodded in content as he heard the detailed story the young man was creating and how he was successfully combining it with the "values" they knew that particular gang upheld. The backstopping took another 30 minutes as the tech operator and detective went back and forth on all the information they needed for the new alias._

" _Okay man, I have everything ready… We just need a name." The techy said looking at the detective as soon as he finished typing the last bit of information he had been told._

 _Taking a deep breath and thinking of the father he hadn't seen in more than 15 years, detective Marty Deeks, finished creating the alias he couldn't at the time foresee would follow him his whole career. "Max Gentry." He eventually said before leaving the room, desperately needing some fresh air._

-x-x-x-

 _His knuckles hurt as he viciously punched the man over and over again. Taking notice of how blood had already started running from the beaten man's broken nose, and how his breathing had turned erratic as a result of his injured ribs, the young man took a second to compose himself, before starting on the attack once again._

 _After 15 minutes he eventually stopped, and the man slumped to the ground in a pool of blood and groans. He cleaned his bleeding knuckles in a napkin that he then dropped on top of his victim, adding insult to injury as he smiled down on the broken man._

 _The blonde man, then drank the last of his whiskey in a single swig and after setting the glass loudly on the counter, pulled on his leather jacket and walked out of the bar. Leaving behind a startled crowd and whispered rumors of the new legend in town._

-x-x-x-

 _The man with the blue eyes and dirty blonde hair threw the bottle across the open space as he prepared to fight the two men approaching him. He had been sent to collect a payment when the debtors had decided to jump him instead._

 _Feeling the alcohol flow freely through his bloodstream and feeling stronger than ever, the blonde man closed the distance with the men in two quick strides and started on the fight. It took him 10 minutes before both men ended up in a pile on the ground._

" _You have two days to come up with the money… or I'll be back." The man ordered in a dark and angry tone, as he straightened his leather jacket and walked away from the alley. Leaving behind two broken men and a myth in the making._

-x-x-x-

 _The undercover operation had just ended and detective Marty Deeks laid on his couch as he absently switch between channels in his small TV. Seeing the empty glass and bottle of whiskey next to him on the living room table, the young man sighed as he wondered what was becoming of his life._

 _He eventually turned off the TV and walked into his bedroom, where he picked up the leather jacket that was on his bed and hanged it at the back of his closest. He then grabbed Max's driver license and other documents and secured them in his safe._

 _Taking a deep breath, he walked back into the living room where he picked the whiskey bottle and dumped its contents in the sink, but not before taking one last, long swig and letting it burn down his throat, hoping it would burn along the memories of the man he had just become._

-x-x-x-

Deeks returned to the present, his thoughts darker and the world that had previously disappeared around him turning dim and shadowy. At this moment, he wasn't Marty Deeks anymore, but Max Gentry, as he imagined himself beating the guy to hell and ultimately putting a bullet in the middle of his forehead and ridding the world of the bastard forever. His pale blue eyes turned a darker shade and the familiar smirk vanished from his face, leaving only an angry scowl as he stopped a few feet away from the third triplet.

Among the fog in his mind, the ringing in his ears and the slight grasp he still had on reality, he was able to hear the muttered words of his teammates who spoke loudly to him from what felt like a million miles away… _It's not worth it, man… You're not like that, brother… Please Deeks, think of our future…_ Still, his focus was only on himself and the man in front of him… This was his life and the choice, finally, was his.

Countless undercover operations in which he had been Max Gentry kept flashing in his mind, and he let the memories mix with the pain of his childhood and anger for Franc. The rage he felt was close to overpowering his remaining inner light and he wanted to shoot the man with all of his heart. He remembered the night he had killed Francis Boyle, and thought that if he had done it once, he could easily do it again. Just then, his mental recount of the past landed on a different undercover operation around 13 years ago and the repercussions of said op.

-x-x-x-

 _The blonde man ran through back alleys and darkened streets as the men kept closing in on him. He felt weak, and could sense the blood pouring down his recently acquired stab wound. As his eyes began to close, he saw a store in the street in front of him and, praying for the best, decided to take his chances and go in._

 _An older looking man stepped from behind the counter and stared in clear surprise at the injured young man who had just stumbled into his store. From years living in the neighborhood he imagined he belonged to one of the local gangs, and knew very well what could be the consequences of getting involved. Still, as he focused on the man's pain-stricken gaze, he could see goodness and an unfamiliar depth in his ocean blue eyes. One which was not common in gang bangers like he had first assumed he was, so throwing self-preservation out the window, he moved to the young man and ushered him towards the back of the store._

 _Just after passing the threshold of what was considered the public area of the store and feeling strangely safe in the presence of the new man, the blonde man collapsed as he had no more strength and the pain of his wound became too much._

 _Hours later, the injured man woke up sprawled on the floor of the store, with a fresh bandage covering his wound. He looked up at the old man who had seemingly taken care of him and smiled before muttering an honest thank you._

" _You're welcome, son." The old man responded with a somewhat warry, but sincere and concerned tone. "Name's Franco. Pleasure to meet you." He smirked at the current situation he found himself in._

" _Max. Max Gentry." The blonde man in the leader jacket said as he stretched his hand at his new… friend, and was surprised when he was drawn into a quick hug instead._

-x-x-x-

 _His phone rang as he was leaving his precinct one Friday night and he frowned when he recognized the number that was calling. "Max." He said after picking up the call when he was far enough from the building._

" _Max. Thank god you responded, I need help. Please." Franc's scared and rushed voice sounded from the other end, instantly setting his nerves on edge and forcing him into action._

" _Franc, what's wrong?"_

" _Come to the store, please." The call was then ended and the young man was left with no choice but to go to the store that had already been his safe haven more times than he cared to admit in the six months he had known the man that had saved his life on that first meeting._

 _Reaching the store 30 minutes later he found a frantic Franc bleeding from his forehead and with a black eye already forming on his face. Still, he had brushed any concern, explaining only that his son was in danger. He had been caught in a gang dispute and was now being forced to shot another man who had been witness to a crime, if he wanted to safe his own life._

 _The young man had asked for all the information he could get and had then headed out to confront the gang in question. After taking a bad beating and a lot of rambling on his part, he had managed to convince the gang to let him do the kill instead, and eventually had been able to safe both their lives by telling one man to leave LA for good and the latter by making it look as if he had killed the former._

 _That night, inadvertently, he had made Max Gentry's legend and myth grow even larger, and, against his better judgement, had also made a friend for life._

-x-x-x-

As Deeks remembered the night he met Franc and the day he had help save his son's life, instead of being overtaken by anger for the loss of a man who had meant so much to him, he felt only shame at what he was about to do. He remembered that Franc had died knowing the real him, maybe not from his own explanation, but from what his team had told the old man about him, and he couldn't darken his soul even further.

Wondering where Marty ended and Max began, he felt his hand start to shake as part of him still wanted to shoot the man but the other repeatedly told him that we was not Max Gentry, Martin Brandel or any other man he had played undercover. He was Marty Deeks, and he had his future in his own hands. He closed his eyes, still debating between the goodness and values instilled in him by his mother or giving in to the darkness inherited from his father.

Opening his eyes back again, he turned around for a second to look at his team, who were now closer to the action and staring worriedly at him. He realized then, they were giving him the choice to do whatever he wanted and to end this on his terms. The gratitude he felt as his friends in this moment was like nothing else he had experienced, because for once in his life, he was truly in control of his own destiny.

Ultimately, realizing that he was a lot more than just a name, and thinking back to his family and friends, he made up his mind and lowered the weapon and uncocked the hammer of the gun. He opened the chamber and took out the bullets, discarding both the weapon and ammunition to the side, at the same time as his body lost all his remaining strength and he collapsed onto the ground.

-x-x-x-

Kensi saw Deeks slump to the dusty floor of the old warehouse and knowing that Callen and Sam were already moving to handcuff Brandel and the third of the triplets, she instantly closed the space between them and fell to her knees at her partner's side. As soon as she saw the bruises on his face and his dirty shirt covered in crimson, she started tearing up as she hugged the broken body of the man who meant the most to her in the world.

For the next few minutes the female agent only hugged her boyfriend while rocking their bodies back and forth, so enclosed in the moment that she never heard the weak voice coming from deep within the embrace until her name was whispered for the third time.

"Deeks…" Kensi breathed out, pulling away and instantly getting lost in the depth of his pain-stricken blue eyes. She had wanted nothing more than to see them open again, and hear his familiar voice, so now she couldn't stop the happy tears that streamed down her sparkling mismatched eyes.

"Kens? Is that really you?" Deeks asked groggily as he snuggled in closer and lifted a bloody hand to hers, squeezing tightly, or as much as his weakened state allowed.

Tears still rolling down her face, Kensi responded by leaning in closer and kissing him as if the world was about the end, when in reality it was the opposite, her world having just started spinning again. "Yes, baby. I'm here, and I'm never letting go." She eventually responded as one of her hands was glued to his and the other drew comforting patterns on his shaggy curls.

The reunited couple remained in the same position, closely pressed together, and whispering comforting nothings only for the other to hear, until a siren echoed on the open space, and a minute later a couple of paramedics came into the building. Reluctantly, Kensi released Deeks' body and moved to the side as they started working on the man she couldn't imagine losing.

Kensi held her breath for the next few minutes as her boyfriend was stabilized and her heart continued to break as he flinched every time one of the paramedics touched him and at the way his eyes closed tightly as the IV needle was inserted on his hand. It didn't take long for Deeks to be lifted and securely strapped to a stretcher and she only needed to share a look with her senior partners to know she was meant to go with him to the hospital and they would meet them there as soon as possible.

Holding tight to his hand, the female agent moved quickly, staying close to the stretcher carrying her partner as they walked out of the warehouse, towards the waiting ambulance. "Kens?" Deeks' voice came again, sounding equally tired and uncertain.

"Still here, Deeks. And not going anywhere." Kensi repeated, wanting to keep the moment simple and to avoid confusing him any further, and then clasped his hand in a gentle reminder that she was really there.

"I know… know you're here." He whispered in between partly muttered groans. "Just wanted to say… I love you, and thank you, princess." He then squeezed her hand, more tightly than before, and closed his eyes, allowing his body, and mind, the rest they needed.

Kensi squeezed back and whispered a silent _I love you_ , as she looked up at the blue sky of the LA day and used her other hand to brush her tears away, not wanting to think past this moment, and just content in enjoying the closeness to the person that brought peace to her soul and joy to her previously fragmented heart. Tomorrow would still come, and they would be ready to fight, but today was just theirs.

* * *

 _I'm really curious to know how everyone feels about this chapter. Just know, that Brandel staying alive was my intention all along. His purpose in this story is not over yet, and I'm excited to share with you the rest of this journey. Infinite thanks to everyone that continues to read and for all your comments, they always make my day._


	22. Chapter 22: Everyone Needs Saving

_200 reviews… THANK YOU! I never expected that little first chapter I wrote one night back in November to turn into this, but it's been one of the greatest journeys ever. Infinite thanks to everyone that continues to follow, both the silent readers, the ones that openly show support, and all the guests I'm never able to thank personally. It truly means the world to me._

* * *

 **Chapter 22: Everyone Needs Saving**

Gordon John Brandel held his breath as his son was treated by the paramedics and his world seemed to slow down. He had thought he wanted the brat dead, but now when the deed was almost completed, he found himself not as certain anymore. His son's words still echoed on his mind, and for a short moment he realized he was the only one to blame for everything that had happened to him. But then he flashed back to the memory of his own young son pointing a shaking gun at him and firing, then his own boy testifying against him, and Roberta and Martin walking away from court to a new life and never looking back at what was left of him. Gordon Brandel never thought he needed saving but now he realized he wished someone had cared enough to try to save him. But that train had left the station, and he was now alone as he had been for the past 29 years of his life.

-x-x-x-

Seeing the ambulance carrying their injured detective and partner speed away, Callen and Sam only wanted to follow and be there with their family, but they knew there was still work to be done, and they had to make sure everyone involved paid for what they had done. Sucking it up, they moved towards Brandel as they took their handcuffs from their back pockets, while always pointing their guns in his direction.

"Get up." Callen ordered when he reached the downed man.

Brandel smirked at the lead agent in front of him as he debated his options. He could fight and ensure himself a quick death instead of more years in jail. Or he could comply and guarantee himself a life, even if his future was nothing worth looking for.

"Get up." Callen repeated his order as he grabbed the handcuffs so strongly that his knuckles had started turning white. "I won't say it again."

"Calm down, agent. Not even a good morning? I thought you would be more polite with the father of your teammate." Having decided for self-preservation, Brandel started lifting himself from the ground and raising his arms in the universal sign of surrender, but being a smartass by nature, he couldn't keep his mouth shut.

"Father?" Sam spoke for the first time, in an incredulous tone as he wondered if he had even heard the man correctly. "I sure know what you did is nothing a father would." Sam wanted to beat the bastard to hell for all the times he had done the same thing to his younger teammate, both as a child and in the present, but he didn't want to compromise the case and risk Brandel never paying for his crimes.

"And what do you know about that, super-secret agent?" Brandel asked in his familiar sing-song voice. "Are you even a father? Do you know what it feels to want to give your own boy the world and see every action you take misunderstood and thrown later in your face? Life's not easy… jobs are lost, and money doesn't grow on trees, but my ungrateful brat never understood that." Unlike the previous time the three men had met, this time Brandel's voice carried more than just hate, but a deep-rooted sadness and disappointment that was noticeable as he spoke.

"As a matter of fact, I am." Sam's tone was proud, as he thought back to Aiden, and Kamran and how he had always tried giving them everything they could possibly need. "And I know parenthood's not easy…" Looking up at the sky, the ex-Navy seal remembered his late wife, and blinked his eyes quickly before any tear managed to escape. "But children don't need only money, they need love… and understanding. You could have given Deeks that, but you failed miserably at both."

Gordon Brandel swallowed tightly as the agents remarks filtered into his mind, and he again remembered the past and when times had been better. But then came the recurring memories of jail, the pain, and loneliness, and the all-familiar hate took control once more. "Thank you for the lessons, agent. Anything else you want to share." Brandel then turned towards Callen as he continued his speech. "Or you, agent? Any good stories of how perfect a father you are?" Seeing the blank look on Callen's face, he took another path. "Oh, not a father, I see. Maybe stories of how great your father was then?" At the slight twitch the agent displayed, Brandel smirked as he continued trying to rattle the experienced federal agents. "Oh I see, I hit a sore spot, no father, eh?"

Neither Callen nor Sam could understand how Brandel was so good at reading them, but as they continued to listen to his words, they realized, for better or worse, Deeks was really his father's son. And they both shared the same ability to read a situation and respond accordingly with smartass remarks. Both agents also wondered, what Brandel could have become if he had decided to take his life in a different direction… But also, what Deeks life could be if he had decided to follow his father's footsteps.

"Going to arrest me anytime soon or should I continue my monologue?" Brandel had thought to take the agents' evident surprise as a possible opportunity to escape, but not wanting a bullet in his head, he decided to just keep using his only mechanism of defense.

Feeling sick and still surprised at the similarities between this hateful man and his cheery teammate, Callen moved to handcuff Brandel, before Sam choked the man with said handcuffs. "To answer your question, I never had the pleasure of growing up with a father, but seeing what that did to Deeks, maybe I was better off without one…" Callen wasn't sure if he really believed his own words, but having learned of Deeks' story and with a still stranded relationship with his own father, he wondered if maybe they were the truth.

"The boy did trick you well, agent. He always did have a knack for lying." Brandel muttered as he was roughly pushed towards the main doors and the waiting LAPD patrol cars. "When he was born I loved him, and dreamed of all the moments I would share with my _tough little guy,_ and he grew up with everything he needed, but he was weak… still is. And I only tried to make him stronger, help him survive. He has it in him, he just needs to embrace our true nature."

"He survived. He survived you. But he's nothing like you." Callen voice was monotone, not waiting no indulge the man in his delusions, but also not willing to stay completely silent.

"He's just as me, agents. My boy is a Brandel, he just wants to fight it. I have seen his darkness, it is present in his eyes… I'm sure you have to, he just needs to accept it."

Sam couldn't take it anymore, and in a momentary loss of control, took hold of Brandel and pushed him onto one of the columns that supported the building. "You don't know anything about your son… We do. You wrecked his childhood, and missed his adulthood, so don't pretend you know him now." Breathing heavily as his mind was assaulted by old memories, Sam closed his eyes for a second as he tried to reign in his emotions. "We have worked alongside Deeks for eight years… We have seen the way he works, the way he lives... _I_ have seen the way he sacrifices for others, to help people, to make everyone's lives better… even over his own. He might have some part of you inside of him, but he uses it for good… He's not weak and he will never be like you." The senior agent emphasized his words by pressing Brandel's chest further against the post, but quickly stopped as he felt his partner's hand resting on his trembling shoulder.

"Let go, Sam. It's not worth it." Callen spoke evenly as he tried to push through the fog he was sure clouded his partner's thoughts at the moment, as he himself felt the same way. Both wishing they could share some of the things they had seen Deeks do, but it all being classified, knew they couldn't say much more.

Shaking his head, and breathing in a sigh of relief as he turned to both sides and saw no agent or detective witnessing what he had done, Sam pulled Brandel from the column and started walking back towards the main door.

After a couple of silent minutes the agents and now prisoner exited the dusty warehouse into a sunny and breezy typical LA day. "You don't know what you have missed, man. I only wish you could know some of the things your son has done. I'm sure you have never allowed yourself to know pride like that." Breathing in deeply, Sam turned one more time towards Brandel as he handed the man to the waiting LAPD detectives. "Now, I will enjoy my day, and go visit my friend, and the son you lost… You enjoy the years in jail. I'm sure you could use the time, you have a lot to think about… Just know your son had saved our lives countless of times, and we will fight to save his any day and any time."

Not waiting for a response the senior partners moved away from the patrol car as they went to talk to the lead LAPD detective assigned to the case from now. As much as they had wanted to follow it through, they understood it wasn't really NCIS jurisdiction and given their personal relationship with the _victim_ they didn't want to jeopardize the case and risk any of the men avoiding the harsher possible sentence they deserved to get. The partners then did a quick search of the warehouse, not liking what they saw, and then, at Sam's insistence, promptly exited the building towards the waiting ambulances so Callen could get checked out. It only took a few minutes, some stitches and a fresh bandage where the bullet had grazed him, for the partners to be ready to leave the scene.

"Doing okay, big guy?" Callen asked his partner a few minutes later as they walked together back to the Challenger parked a few blocks from the warehouse. "Deeks is going to need us right now… And we need to have a straight mind to help him."

"I know, G, I know. It's just… You saw that place… What... happened… in there..?" Sam trailed off as he couldn't find the right words.

"I get it, man. I do. But it's over now. And we can't stay fixated on Brandel or we won't be able to help Deeks move on."

Sam nodded his acceptance as they reached the Challenger and he moved into the driver's side of the car. "Ready?"

"Yeah… Let's go see our boy." Callen confirmed, as Sam put the car in motion and started driving in the direction of the hospital.

-x-x-x-

Gordon Brandel saw the agents walk away and felt jealousy, not only at their freedom, but the fact they now were going to visit the son he will most likely never see again. He also felt shame. At himself. And his actions. Realizing that he had been given a second chance, and instead of trying to rekindle his family, had decided to take a misguided revenge on his own kin.

Maybe Martin wasn't the ungrateful brat, but he was… Having forfeited the love of his family and instead chosen his own personal darkness…

Maybe Martin was not a Brandel after all… And he could only hope that was the truth, as the agents' words had just made him realize that the best thing he had ever done was bring to life a son that had managed to grow past himself and up to be the man he couldn't become.

Still Gordon Brandel was full of hate, and he again realized he had needed saving long ago. The agent words danced on his head… _Your son had saved our lives countless of times…_ He wished someone had tried to save him, but maybe he, himself, had closed that door long ago… the first time he ever landed a hand on his defenseless wife and son.

As the patrol car drove away, and the warehouse disappeared in the distance, Gordon John Brandel wondered if he would ever see Martin again. And what sentiment, regret or hate, would rule him if that day ever came…

-x-x-x-

The ambulance ride was a blur. Deeks had never regained consciousness but the paramedics had assured her, his life was not in real danger, so Kensi was able to feel calm enough as she stood alone in the waiting room, hoping the doctor would come soon with definite news on her boyfriend's condition. But even more wanting to be close to him again and take him home. Something she had not managed to do for a long time, given he had only been "back" from Mexico for less than a day when he had been abducted.

As time continued to tick by, her mind flashed back to the previous times the partners had been forced to wait behind the familiar double doors of a hospital's emergency room.

The first time was after the convenience store shooting, and when they had barely been partners… Two people marching to the beat of their own drums and whose jagged pieces constantly bumped against the other.

The second time had been two years later, after an unfortunate encounter with a Russian, and when their partnership had already become a major thing… Two friends whose own symphonies had managed to merge into the perfect tune and whose still jagged pieces had converged to form the perfect picture.

The third time had flipped the experience, and it had been Deeks waiting for her to wake up after the helicopter crash… No longer two separate people, but a couple… A double partnership, at work and home, which had become the greatest thing any of them had been able to experience, and that provided the peace and happiness neither of them had thought they deserved.

The fourth time was now, and Kensi again waited… This time not worrying as much for the physical wellbeing of her not only partner or friend, but now also boyfriend and fiancé, as the paramedics had assured her his injuries were not life threatening. She was now more concerned about his mental state, and whether she would be able to help him.

Kensi was not yet sure what exactly had happened in the days Deeks had been held prisoner by his father but seeing the state he was in and knowing what the bastard had done in the past, the agent could form her own terrifying picture. She hoped the doctor prognosis would give her a frame of reference, but she knew she would need her boyfriend to open up if she was to really know the truth… and, she was sure, that wouldn't be an easy task.

Deeks was a private man, adept at hiding himself behind a mask of humor, and always doing his best to focus the attention on others and never on himself. Always caring and loving, but never believing he, himself, deserved to be loved or cared for. She was determined to change that now, and work as hard to break his barriers and insecurities as he had done when he demolished her walls when they first met.

The sound of the double doors opening and footsteps getting closer, drew the waiting agent away from her own introspections and into the reality she now faced. Lifting her head, she saw a doctor and nurse walking towards her and she steeled her resolve for whatever words she would soon hear.

"Agent Blye?" The doctor asked as he reached the woman that he had been told came with the man he had just treated. Now seeing her silently nod, he drew in a breath and continued. "I was told you're Mr. Deeks partner? Any family member we should wait for?"

"Partner and girlfriend." Kensi responded and was not surprised at the slightly raised eyebrows of both doctor and nurse… She was already used to not everyone approving workplace relationships, especially in law enforcement. Scratching her throat and feeling slightly uncomfortable, the usually composed agent eventually continued. "His mother is on the way, as is the rest of our team. But I'm his official next of kin."

"Oh, okay. I'm sorry, I was just not informed of this before." The doctor apologized and looked genuinely embarrassed for his short lack of control. "First of, as I'm sure you want to hear, Mr. Deeks is out of danger and is expected to make a full recovery, given some time off work and as much rest as possible." The doctor smiled at the relief he saw in the woman in front of him, and at that moment realized the extent of the love her and his patient truly shared. "The bullet was a through and through and caused no internal damage…"

Kensi's thoughts blurred as the doctor began his recount of the injuries and she started wondering how each had occurred and how had that affected Deeks' psyche… _Stab wound on his left shoulder, went into the muscle and luckily missed tendons, veins, arteries and nerves. Two broken ribs, multiple contusions around his torso, stitches in his forehead_ … As the explanation continued, she inhaled a sharp breathe as the horror her boyfriend had been forced to live became clear for her to see. Up to this point she had foolishly hoped her mind had imagined everything worse than it actually was, but the doctor's description all but destroyed that hope now.

"…And there's one more thing." The doctor spoke in an even voice, knowing what would follow would only add more to the anguish evident in the agent's face. "Through a chest x-ray for the multiple contusions on his torso, we discovered evidence of water on his lungs… Indicative of drowning, as no other medical reason could be found… But from the information I was told he wasn't involved in an accident in the water…" Letting the implication of his words hang in the air, the doctor now waited.

"No, he was not… He was abducted by a man from his past… So, you're saying he was…" Kensi couldn't even finish the sentence as she again pictured Deeks alone in that warehouse suffering at the hands of his own father.

"Waterboarded, yes…" The doctor provided. "His oxygen levels were low when he first arrived, but after placing a nasal cannula his stats started improving, thus we decided to avoid further procedures for now. We will follow up with another x-ray and ultrasound tomorrow and keep moving from there. He's stable now and his stats are almost back to normal ranges, so we feel it's safe to move him to a private room, and given… what we think he went through… the privacy might help his mind heal, too. You will be able to stay with him. Any questions?" The doctor asked as he finished recounting all the injuries and wounds he had needed to treat.

Recalling all that had been shared and choosing to feel grateful that Deeks was alive even if highly banged up, Kensi focused on the next most important thing. "How long until Deeks can be discharged?"

The doctor and nurse both smirked at the question, having fully expected it sooner rather than later, and both knowing law enforcement personnel rarely wanted to stay in the hospital. "It shouldn't be too long. We will continue to monitor his stats closely and perform a new CT scan and chest x-ray tomorrow. If everything continues to be okay, we can release him in a few days, providing he will rest and take the time his body will need to recover… No chasing suspects, gunfights, or anything of the sort."

Kensi nodded honestly, as the least she wanted now was any of the things the doctor had just mentioned… she just wanted to be home, snuggled in bed with Deeks, and helping him recover.

"I will take my leave then… A nurse will come look for you in the next half hour. Considering what Mr. Deeks went through, it would do him good to have you there when he's transferred to a private room… Just try not to overwhelm him right now, both his body and mind need some rest."

Waving goodbye, doctor and nurse, walked back inside the double doors of the emergency room. Leaving the female agent to ponder everything she had just heard and start preparing for the fight that would follow; again determined not to abandon or be pushed by Deeks this time, and ready to help him every step of the way.

-x-x-x-

Eric and Nell had watched the whole rescue play out in the big screen in ops thanks to the cameras the agents had worn. They had held each other's hands at the first sounds of gunfire and when the bullets had started flying in every direction. They had stopped breathing simultaneously as soon as they saw Deeks go down and noticed the stillness in his body. And they had eventually hugged and found comfort in the other when Kensi's camera had focused on Deeks' slightly broken, but alive, body.

Now, having nothing else to do, and wanting to see their shaggy friend in person, they found themselves driving together to pick up Mrs. Deeks from her safe house so they could all join their family in the hospital. The drive took longer than expected in the usually chaotic LA traffic but the dynamic duo was still able to reach their destination in under an hour.

"Is my boy okay? Is he alive? Is he awake? Is Kensi with him?" Roberta Deeks asked the questions in quick succession as soon as she got inside the car, prompting the analyst and tech operator to chuckle at the similar rambles of mother and son.

"Yes, Mrs. Deeks, he is okay and last time we heard, Kensi was waiting for a nurse to take her to his room." Nell replied quickly, trying to placate the worried mother and set her nerves at ease.

Roberta was then finally able to breathe a sigh of relief at the news that her boy was really okay, at least physically, as her concerns for his mental wellbeing ran deeper than that. "Thank you. And it's Roberta… Or Bertie… No need for formalities, we're all family here." Giving the younger couple a sincere smile, Roberta accommodated herself in her seat and turned to stare out the window at the passing city.

Silence followed the next miles and minutes as Nell and Eric kept exchanging quick glances at each other, and turning to look at the rear-view mirror every once in a while.

"You two know I can see you, right?" Roberta eventually asked with a laugh.

Eric and Nell blushed at being caught and simultaneously decided to stay silent instead of embarrassing themselves further.

"You two also make a great couple… Remind me of Martin and Kensi when I first saw them together…"

Eric choked at the words as Nell's blush deepened and stretched around her neck. Both scratched their throats and turned to look at each other with shy smile on their faces. "We are… We're not a couple." Nell eventually responded, even as the grin never left her face.

"Keep telling yourself that, kids… I've lived enough and I know love when I see it." Roberta spoke in her typical mother's voice as she again smirked at the younger partners.

Following the small moment, silence again took charge of the situation as the operator and analyst tried to avoid another similar moment, and Roberta became lost in her old memories and fears.

"He will be okay, you know, right?" Nell asked eventually, echoing Roberta's previous sentence.

"That's what we believe… But hospitals are still unpredictable, and we all know things can always go wrong… I don't like to see my boy in them… never did, even when he was a kid." A sigh followed the confession as Roberta's mind was invaded by old memories of injuries caused by Brandel, subsequent hospital visits, and lies to hide the truths of how the wounds had occurred.

"It's not the first time… And he always pulls through." Eric spoke confidently in an effort to reinforce the still worried mother, but at Roberta's panicked look and wide eyes, quickly realized the mistake he had just inadvertently made.

"What he means to say, if that we all have been here before, and everything always ends okay." Nell quickly moved to try to cover her partner's evident slip, as it was obvious Roberta had no knowledge of Deeks' previous hospital adventures.

"Again, I've live enough, and I also know a lie when I see it. What happened and what did Martin never tell me about?"

Nell and Eric turned to look at each other at a loss of what to do. They had already messed up, or Eric had done so, but they were a team, in good and bad times. "This is not the first time Deeks has been injured in the job, but he always pulls through." Nell ultimately explained, wanting to help Eric and prevent him from saying the wrong thing again.

"And..?" Roberta raised her eyebrows, showing her displeasure at the limited information. "I'm his mother, I deserve to know."

"It's classified." Eric quickly replied, trying to save the near disaster he had caused.

"Don't give me that crap now. Either you tell me or I'll confront him myself…" Not one to back down from a challenge, Roberta only kept pushing forward.

"It really is, Mrs. Dee… Bertie…" Nell corrected while she kept thinking of how to finish this discussion as soon as possible, eventually deciding that a partial truth would be the only way to placate the unrelenting mother in the back seat. "Deeks was shot in his first year working with us, but it was never serious… Then he was… taken, and it was similar to this time. On both occasions he pulled through." Nell smiled her best grin and hoped Roberta would let go.

Having lived countless lies and having told many near-truths herself, Roberta knew what the analyst was doing, but still decided to nod and let it go for now. She was at least grateful the information had slipped from the operator as she now could question her son about it. She was especially concerned about that second time, having felt the change in the car's atmosphere when the analyst had mentioned it, and being almost certain it had not been as simple as Nell had tried to make it look.

The rest of the drive occurred in complete silence. No one wanting to be caught in another embarrassing situation or revealing something they shouldn't have. The LA traffic was again chaotic and the journey took longer than expected, all three people in the car being distracted only by the music playing in the speakers and the thoughts in their own minds.

-x-x-x-

After the nurse had come looking for her, Kensi spent the next hour dozing in Deeks' room, while she waited for the man himself to be brought to his new home for the next few days. She was only woken up by the sound of the door being opened and her boyfriend wheeled into the room.

Allowing the nurses enough space to work, Kensi moved to the side, and waited silently as the medical professional worked to settle Deeks in the bed. She shifted uncomfortably and sighed sadly as his hospital gown was partially removed so the electrodes of the heart monitor could be attached, revealing deep, multi-colored bruising in his chest and torso that she hadn't seen before.

"All set, Mr. Deeks. Doctor should be back with your results soon… Now I just need to reattach your IV and we can leave you alone so you can rest." The friendly nurse said with a smile as she helped her patient close the gown again and settle comfortably in the bed.

"Thanks you… But it's Deeks, or Marty, no need for anything else." Deeks informed the nurse in a voice that sounded too serious for him and with his familiar spark missing from his eyes.

"Got it, Deeks. Now let me reattach this and I'll leave you on your own." The nurse moved closer to her patient as she took hold of the IV tube, but noticing swelling in the area where the needle was inserted, stopped while she further inspected her patient's hand.

"Something wrong?" Deeks hesitantly inquired when the nurse didn't instantly reattach the IV line.

Ignoring the question for now, the nurse continued to prod the area as she turned around to grab a new IV kit and started opening it and preparing everything for application.

"What… what are you doing?" Deeks asked again, this time, with evident fear on his voice.

"I'm changing the setting of your IV… Paramedics usually act fast and they must have not noticed the damage around your hand… The raw skin, combined with the needle is causing more swelling and I'm concerned the veins in your hand could become affected. I'm moving it to the crook of your elbow instead…" The nurse explained absently as she continued to prepare her equipment. "No worries, will be done in a second." She added after she saw the scared blue eyes that stared back at her.

"Is it… Is it really necessary?" The question against laced with evident nervousness.

"Yes, Marty. I will be done in a second. First let me take this one out." The nurse quickly but carefully took the needle out and applied antibiotic cream and a fresh bandage, around the raw skin of Deeks' hand. But when she moved to insert the new needle, Deeks pulled his arm away and closer to his body. "Come on, Marty. It will only take a minute." The nurse tried to persuade.

Kensi who had been watching from a distance, decided to interfere and walked towards the bed, sitting on the empty side next to Deeks' arm and running her fingers soothingly through his shaggy curls. "Do it for me, baby. Then we will be left alone and we can enjoy some time together." She said with a wink, as she moved her other hand to stroke his arm and kissed his forehead sweetly.

Deeks wavered but seeing the love present in Kensi's eyes and comforted by the familiar feeling of her touch, shakily nodded and nervously stretched his arm towards the nurse. He then turned his face towards the other side of the room and closed his eyes tightly as he fought the memories that tried to overtake him. As soon as he felt the pinch on his arm, he couldn't stop his body from flinching as he was mentally back on the floor of the warehouse and the feeling of the needle and thread moving inside his flesh assaulted his mind.

Both Kensi and the nurse, noticed the movement of his body at the slight pinch of the needle and the way his breathing had started coming in small gasps, making both of then wonder what could be causing such a reaction. But deciding this was not the moment to ask, neither stopped what they were doing and just saved the information for later.

"All done, Deeks. See, it wasn't too bad." The nurse said in a cheery voice as she discarded the used equipment and started walking towards the door. "Doctor will be back later with your results. If everything looks okay, you can expect to be discharge in a few days. Good night." The nurse smiled as she exited the room and silently closed the door behind her.

"Feeling okay, baby?" Kensi eventually asked after a few minutes had passed, and not having moved from Deeks' side. "I missed you…" She admitted as a lone tear streamed down her face.

"Yeah… I'm fine, just tired." He responded as way of a diversion, but the following sigh revealing that he was anything but. "I missed you, too…" He echoed as a lone tear mirrored the one she had also allowed to fall. "Thanks for finding me."

"I will always find you, Deeks… All in, remember?" Kensi breathed out, as she grabbed Deeks' hand and squeezed tightly. "But… What was that about? I know you don't like needles, but it's not the first time you are placed on an IV…" Aware this might not be the best time to ask, Kensi almost let it go but needing answers, she thought the sooner they started sharing, the quicker Deeks could really begin to heal.

"Not now, Kens. Please… And you should go home and rest." Deeks' mumbled as he fought the pull of sleep and snuggled further into Kensi's side. His words saying one thing, but his actions making it clear his heart was set in the opposite direction. Luckily for both of them, Kensi had no intention of leaving him now, or ever.

Sighing contently and enjoying her favorite presence next to her, Kensi leaned her head into Deeks' uninjured shoulder and closed her eyes as another lone tear escaped her mismatched eyes. She knew even though Deeks had been rescued, the battle was not won yet, and she was ready to be her partner's sword and shield until the day he was ready to stand again and fight on his own.

* * *

 _Next two chapters are written but need editing, I can only promise to do my best to take less time than I did this last week. Thanks "Phnxgirl" for all the talks and help with the timeline for these chapters, I would be taking a lot longer to update without your help ;D_

 _And, thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing, your comments always make my day and I hope you all continue to enjoy._


	23. Chapter 23: The Devil's Spawn

_I didn't wake up certain posting this chapter was the plan for today. But then my soundtrack song for this story played on an episode I was watching and it totally got me in the mood to reread it and post. Sorry for the long wait between chapters, this one is long so I hope that makes up for the delay. Enjoy!_

 _*Shameless self-promotion: I posted a post-ep to last week's episode, consider checking it out if that sounds interesting.*_

* * *

 **Chapter 23: The Devil's Spawn**

After Deeks had drifted off to sleep, Kensi spent her time silently watching over her injured boyfriend, while rehearsing in her mind all the things she wanted to tell him when he woke up. Unfortunately, in his tired and wounded state, that moment never came and her perfectly practiced lines were forced to remain unsaid.

Kensi's peaceful silence was broken a couple of hours later when the doctor and nurse entered the room, intent in doing another check-up of their patient. Predictably, Deeks remained asleep through the whole thing, and after a quick conversation with the female agent, the medical personnel left the room leaving Kensi alone to her thoughts once again. Deciding there was no point in everyone coming to the hospital at the moment, she quickly called her teammates and soon to be mother-in-law to inform them of the doctor's prognosis and assure them Deeks was not expected to wake up until at least tomorrow. Reluctantly, all members of the makeshift family agreed to visit the next morning instead, but not before making Kensi promise to call if either of them needed anything at all.

The following morning, agents, analyst, operator, and mother, converged in the hospital as soon as visiting hours started, each of them quietly stepping into Deeks' room to the surprise of not being the only ones there. While Deeks continued sleeping, Kensi had woken up after one of the times the door opened, her sudden panic quickly diminishing when she recognized Sam's familiar form. Eyes closing, the female agent smiled as the former SEAL tried not to disturb those already in the room, carefully lowering himself onto the ground, replicating his teammate's sleeping positions around the bed.

Soon after, Deeks' doctor arrived to inform his patient of the results of the various exams and scans they had performed the night before upon admission. However, the man stopped suddenly and silenced himself as he took in the stillness of the room and the number of people already present just after the beginning of visiting hours. His patient was soundly asleep on the bed, with the woman he now knew was his partner and girlfriend, on the bed next to him, snuggled on his less-injured side, and with her hand sprawled protectively over his chest. Another, older looking woman sat on the chair next to the bed, her hand on his patient's leg, clearly drawing comfort from the contact. Four other people were also sleeping in the room, all sitting on the ground and using the bed, wall, and bathroom door for support. Two men rested on opposites sides of the room, both sleeping profoundly but with their hands tightly holding what the doctor assumed were their service weapons at their backs. And, a younger looking woman and man, cuddled close to each other, discarded tablets on the floor next to them, and fingers intertwined together.

Taking in the sight before him, and noticing how tired everyone looked, the doctor turned around and left the room as silently as he had entered, deciding to ignore all the ways this group of special agents were breaking hospital protocol. And secretly wishing all his patients had such a supporting group of friends and family, but happy this patient in particular had them, as luckily, not everyone was forced to endure what this man had gone through.

A couple of hours later, and not wanting to get himself, or his patient in trouble, the doctor walked back into the room, and with a loud cough woke up all the agents, analyst, operator and mother sleeping protectively around his patient. After many sheepish apologies by the NCIS family, they all spoke thoroughly with the doctor that had been treating Deeks, asking questions and receiving reassurances that their shaggy detective was really okay.

At noon, after much insistence by the medical personnel, and guarantees that with the combination of his injuries and pain killers being given, Deeks was expected to sleep for long periods of time, everyone half-heartedly left the room with promises to be back the next morning. Kensi staying behind, because there was no way anyone would rip her apart from Deeks after she, again, had finally gotten him back.

The female agent then spent the rest of a boring day looking over her injured and sleeping partner, missing his voice and wishing he was awake but appreciating that he was there and doing better than could be expected. After the team had left, Deeks' second day in the hospital had been full of tests, and procedures, leaving Kensi alone in the room for extended lengths of time. That night, Deeks had briefly woken up, but after a quick fight over his jello cup, which he easily won as he was still stuck on a liquid diet, the couple had drifted off to sleep, with limbs tangled together and breaths converging in their joined space.

-x-x-x-

 _The first thing he noticed was the cold steel of the handcuffs that surrounded both his wrists. Then the sound of the bars closing and leaving him captive in a vacant prison cell. Turning around and calling for help, he felt the ground shake and then he was falling…_

 _He was now in the middle of a courtroom, the judge sat in front of him and the sound of the gavel reverberated all around him, along with the word_ guilty _, which kept echoing on his mind._

 _Doing a 180 turn, he was now facing his senior teammates. Both looking pissed, but over anything, utterly disappointed._

" _Why?" Sam asked._

" _We thought you were different." Callen accused._

 _Then Kensi was next to them. Wearing a blue dress smeared with blood. And next to her stood a blonde boy, with pale blue eyes. He had a black eye, and a sling on his left arm._

" _Why, daddy? You promised to be different than grandad." The boy asked with a sad smile that mirrored his own familiar smirk. "You promised…"_

-x-x-x-

Deeks opened his eyes as he gasped for air and his hands instantly moved to hold his hurting side. Closing his eyes quickly once again, he focused on breathing slowly in and out, while also trying to slow his heartbeat in the process. The calming technique allowed his mind to focus on the world around him… first came the steady beep of the monitor, then the smell of antiseptic, and lastly the soft snort-snores that would usually make his heart flutter.

Waiting a few seconds for the pain to subside, Deeks eventually opened his eyes again, as his left hand caressed the raw skin of his right wrist, the one that had been chained to the wall during his time as Brandel's captive. He could feel the same burning sensation on his right ankle… another reminder of what the last three days has forced him to endure.

Turning around carefully, he took notice of where the sounds were coming from, as his eyes landed on Kensi fast asleep on the empty space of the bed next to him. She was wearing what he knew as her work clothes and was only covered in a thin hospital blanket. One hand was tucked under her head, acting as a pillow, the other rested on the small space between them, having most likely at one point been holding his own, but probably sliding away in the unpredictability of sleep.

He stared at his princess for a few silent minutes and his eyes misted with tears, not really having expected to ever set sights on her again. He had been ready for death, and he still couldn't understand how or why, had he managed to cheat it again. Thinking of his dream and his own father, he realized he was truly a Brandel. And just like the man, he was no angel, just the spawn of the devil himself, and he had truly deserved to pay.

-x-x-x-

 _A loud sob could be heard from the distance and the man gingerly walked towards the room where the noise was coming from. Then came the sound of a limb striking a foreign body, accompanied by a scream and another sob._

 _He opened the door and his breathing caught in his throat at the sight that welcomed him. It was a mirror image of himself, same shaggy blonde hair and blue eyes, standing on top of a shaking Kensi as a young and equally blonde boy hid behind the nightstand._

 _At the sound of the door opening, the Deeks inside the room stopped his movement mid-air, hand stopping a few inches away from Kensi's already bruised cheek._

 _Taking advantage of the distraction, the young boy lifted himself from the ground and silently moved towards the closet. Exiting a few minutes later holding a gun in his small and shaking hand. Pointing it as best as he could, the boy fired as tears streamed down his darkened blue eyes and blood flowed from his busted lip._

 _The gunshot sound drew the man's attention back to the scene in from of him, and Marty Deeks saw his own cloned body crumbling to the floor and his otherwise light blue shirt turning a crimson shade of red._

 _The boy turned around to stare not at the replicated imagine lying bleeding on the floor, but at the man still lingering at the door. "Why? We could have been such a great family. We had so much love… We could have been so happy …" The boy questioned in a sad voice. "You promised you were not a Brandel…"_

-x-x-x-

The sounds of the heart monitor becoming wild, eventually woke the trembling Deeks from his newest nightmare and he quickly opened his eyes with a gasp to the realization that it was already morning.

"Deeks, you are okay. Everything is okay. I'm here. We're okay." Kensi repeated the words like a mantra, her voice soft and calming. She had been sleeping but her boyfriend's trashing quickly rouse her and prompted her to jump into action. Continuing to run her fingers through the detective's shaggy hair in a soothing manner, she never stopped repeating her message, hoping it would filter through the remains of whatever nightmare had sent Deeks into his current state.

After a few minutes the heart monitor returned to normal and the doctors that had come rushing in decided their attention wasn't required as the brunette woman was everything the blonde man needed. Alone once more, Kensi moved to kiss Deeks in the forehead and she whispered a sweet _I love you_ , for only him to hear. Not getting a response, she backed away in surprise and lifted her eyebrows questionably.

"Why are you here, Kens?" Deeks eventually asked in a broken and defeated voice, pale blue eyes looking darker than ever, and moisture evident on his cheeks.

Kensi's eyebrows returned to their regular spot, as her eyes softened and misted with tears at not only the question but the tone it had been spoken in. "Why wouldn't I be here, Deeks? We're a team, remember? Partners, fiancé… all in?" Deciding to ignore the reasons for his question, at least for now, Kensi focused on reminding Deeks of who they were, or at least, who they had been before this newest disaster happened.

"Go home…" Deeks responded in a voice that was so devoid of life that it didn't sound like him at all.

"I'm not going anywhere, Deeks." Kensi spoke in a harder tone this time, still wanting to be the reassuring presence her boyfriend needed, but not willing to be pushed around again. "And this is home, wherever _you_ are, that's home."

"Please, Kensi. Just leave. You don't need to be here." He pleaded this time, his emotions close to overtaking him. "I don't deserve you here… A Brandel doesn't deserve love or compassion and… It's only a matter of time, before I turn into my father." The tears he had managed to hold back, finally streamed down at his admission and he turned around to look back at the empty wall in the other side of the room. Closing his eyes and willing his mind to go back into unconsciousness.

Deciding that Deeks needed time to come to terms with what had happened and who he really was, Kensi accepted his words for now, but made no intention to leave the room, setting herself down on the couch this time and preparing her arguments for when the topic came again.

-x-x-x-

A few hours had passed when Kensi woke up again and the first thing she noticed was the pair of sad, blue eyes staring at her from the bed. She wasn't sure when she had fallen asleep again, but as it seemed, her body had needed the rest and she felt better now to deal with Deeks and the insecurities she was set in erasing, once and for all.

"How are you feeling?" Kensi eventually asked, ignoring his previous comment and hoping they could start with a blank slate.

"Why?" Deeks asked in a tone that sounded uncharacteristically bitter for such a usually cheery man.

"Why what, Deeks?"

"Why are you still here, Kens? You must have something better to do than babysit me."

"I said I'm not leaving you, not now, not ever." Kensi never lifted her voice, just kept it cool and collected, but also unshakable in her resolve.

"Why?" Deeks asked in an echo of his first question, his voice no longer bitter, just full of longing and grief.

"Because I love you, Deeks. And whatever your father did to you doesn't change that or the man you are, whom I fell in love with." Still concerned at how Deeks' emotions seems to be jumping from one to the next, Kensi focused on what was more important now.

"I'm just like him, Kens. And it's only a matter of time before the darkness claims me whole. I almost shot him in that warehouse." Deeks' voice cracked at the end, as a new bout of tears started flowing down his face, making each cut sting and reminding him once more of what his father had done to him.

"But, did you?"

"No, but…"

"But nothing, Deeks… You could have if you had wanted, no one stopped you… that was your choice. You're not your father and you could never be." Kensi moved to caress his cheek as her other hand grab his and started tracing soothing circles in the raw skin of his wrist.

"Are you sure you still want me?" The question which was almost too low to hear, was followed by a tired yawn, and served to remind, both woman and man, of Deeks' deep-rooted doubts about himself.

"I never stopped, Deeks. I said once you're my world, and that will never change. We never stopped looking for you, and we're sorry it took so long for us to find you. But everyone is eager to see you and help any way they can. They were all here yesterday and they're coming again today, and are all expecting to see you awake this time." Kensi had wanted both to fill in the blanks of what had happened after the rescue but also remind him that his team loved him and would never stop doing so, much less for an event in which he had been the victim of his delusional father.

"Thanks, Kens…" Deeks said just before closing his eyes and once again turning to look at the empty side of the room, wanting to believe the words but still not understanding how any of them could love a weak and worthless man like him. "For whatever it's worth… I never really stopped believing you were all looking for me… and I'm glad you got me away from there… from _him_. And… I love you, too, princess." A lone tear punctuated his statement this time, as the pull of sleep finally won, taking his mind from the present and into the land of nothingness one more time.

-x-x-x-

That morning, Sam woke up a little later than usual, content to feel the familiar rocking motion of his boat but not having time to enjoy the moment, and instead quickly taking a shower and getting to the Challenger and driving to his partner's house. After enjoying a short lunch with Callen, they had driven to Mrs. Deeks house, wanting to help the hurting mother any way they could and make the situation easier to handle.

They all arrived together to the hospital a few minutes later to find Kensi pacing in front of the door to Deeks' room.

"Kens? What's going on? Did something happen?" Callen was the first to recover from the surprise and ask the question that was in all their minds.

Shaking her head quickly, Kensi blinked her eyes a few times as she took noticed of her teammates and soon to be mother-in-law staring at her in concern. "No, sorry. I just went to grab a cup coffee…" She eventually offered as an explanation.

"And?" Sam asked when it became clear the female agent wasn't volunteering anything else on her own.

"What?"

"What do you mean what, Kensi? You have the coffee in your hand, why are you out here and not inside with Deeks? What's going on?" Sam didn't want to appear exasperated but he didn't want any more surprises and just wanted things to go back to normal again, or as close to normal as they all were able to get.

"Sorry…" Kensi managed to say as she looked at her hand and the cop of coffee getting colder by the second. "I just needed a moment…" She admitted and then looked down at the floor.

Roberta moved towards her soon to be daughter-in-law and embraced her in a warm hug. "What happened, Kensi?" She asked after a few seconds, with the concern that only a mother could show.

"I don't know how to help him…" Kensi admitted again, as a silent tear flowed down her mismatched eyes. "He thinks he's like his father… and I tried… but he doesn't believe me…"

Tightening the embrace and drawing soothing circles in Kensi's back, Roberta took a deep breath before speaking again. "Our boy's stubborn and his father has always been his weak spot… Growing up he had nightmares of turning into Gordon, and it took me a long time to convince him otherwise… I can only imagine what lies Gordon got into his head now. But, we will set it straight again." Roberta smiled and moved her hand to brush the tears from Kensi's face, knowing how much this woman meant to her son, and wanting to do anything in her power to reassure them both and help them get back to their regular lives.

"How can we help?" Having waited for Roberta to release Kensi, Sam eventually asked pointing to himself and his partner. He didn't want to interrupt the moment between the two women who were united by the love towards his shaggy friend, but he did want to remind everyone Deeks could also count on them.

Roberta turned to look at the senior agent with a soft and grateful look in her eyes, appreciating all the support this family was willing to give to her boy. "For now, let me try to handle this… Maybe Martin just needs his mama. Take Kensi to lunch and then home. I will hold down the fort for now."

"But…" Kensi started but stopped at the look Bertie was giving her.

"No buts… Go with your friends and rest, come back tomorrow morning and hopefully our boy will be doing better then. I will try talking some sense into him." Using the authoritative voice only a mother could, Roberta Deeks motioned to the elevators at the end of the hall and waited until the three reprimanded agents had left before allowing her own tears to fall.

-x-x-x-

Bertie opened the door carefully and silently sneaked into the hospital room her son was currently occupying. Sighing sadly, she moved closer to the bed and tried to calm her nerves by convincing herself that the constant beep and strong vitals displayed in the heart monitor were all the proof she needed to know her Martin was really okay. Stretching her hand so she could run her fingers through his messy, blonde curls, her eyes misted with years as she noticed the bruises on his face, split lip and cut on his forehead.

Her memories were instantly transported to the past, and she remembered all the times he had sported those same injuries. Her breathing then started coming in small gasps as her anger increased, not at the injuries themselves, but the fact they had been caused by the same man she had decided to bring into her life. That thought quickly sobered her, as she realized that without Gordon, Martin wouldn't exist, and however bad her ex-husband had turned out to be, having her boy in her life made it all worth it.

After a few minutes in the same position, Roberta lifted her hand from her son's shaggy head and moved to sit in the empty sofa beside the bed. One which was only empty thanks to her having won the argument with Kensi and convincing her soon to be daughter-in-law to go home and come back the next day. Remembering what she knew of her son's injuries, she felt extreme sadness overtake her at the thought that what she was able to see, accounted to only a fragment of his wounds. She brushed the tears from her eyes as she thanked the universe for the thin hospital sheet that covered those damages, not needing any more reminders or reasons to feel guilty for the pain her son had been forced to endure for her own past mistakes. If only she had been brave enough to leave Gordon when it all started, Martin would never had been required to shoot him, and maybe none of this would be happening now.

The constant beep of the heart monitor, and the lack of any other sounds in the room, eventually lulled Roberta Deeks into a restless sleep, as her mind decided instead of giving her the rest she needed, it was best to take her through a journey down memory lane.

-x-x-x-

 _A lovely cry is the first thing she remembered, then the bright blue eyes that stared back at her, and the short blonde hair already present on her newborn's tiny head._

 _It was January 8th, 1979. Roberta Deeks and Gordon Brandel had just become parents… And Martin Brandel had just arrived to this world in the middle of his parents loving embrace._

 _-0-0-0-_

 _Marty was three years old and he currently sat sobbing on the stretcher at the doctor's office as the man tended to his broken ankle. He had been playing with some friends when someone had tackled him and his foot ended up stretching beyond its normal range of motion._

 _Roberta hated seeing her baby boy in pain but it had been an accident and as a mother, she needed to learn to live with those, while still trying as best to avoid them in the future._

 _-0-0-0-_

 _It was 1987 and Martin Brandel was again at the doctor's office. Roberta waited for her son to come back from x-rays as she thought of possible ways to explain this visit. A busted lip was present on her face, and she also tried finding an excuse for that one._

 _After a few minutes her boy finally returned, walking gingerly and holding the side of his injured ribs, but with a smile that lighted his whole face, and somehow managed to lighten the purple bruise around his pale blue eyes._

 _The previous night Gordon had hurt both mother and son, but innocent Roberta had explained to her son it was a one-time thing, an outlier, and just a single, moment of rage._

 _-0-0-0-_

 _1989 and another hospital visit. What started as an outlier had turned into the norm, and this was the fifth visit since that first night, and that only counting the injuries that had required a hospital trip._

 _Martin Brandel sat again on the doctor's office, this time it was a fractured wrist, a couple more bruised ribs and strange, red marks around his neck. As the doctor spoke and asked the boy some questions, Roberta wondered how one could explain that her husband had woken up his son by squeezing his throat and throwing him against a wall…_

 _Luckily for the mom, Martin had it all under control… and the resilient and witty boy explained how he had believed he was a superhero, running and flying around the house, when Superman's cape had gotten stuck in some furniture and he had fallen down on his wrist, the tightening of the cape leaving the marks the doctor now saw on his neck._

 _-0-0-0-_

 _Thanksgiving, 1990. And another hospital visit. A shotgun graze on his arm, more bruises on his torso, and this time, also a psyche evaluation… The boy had just shot his father and both, doctor and child services needed to know if both, mother and son, were fit to remain together._

 _More questions followed and newer lies came out the boy. More x-rays and scans accompanied mother and son, until finally being allowed release from, both, the hospital treatment, and the torment at home…_

-x-x-x-

After the last of her dreamed memories, the echo of a shotgun startled Roberta awake, making the worried mother jump and almost knock down the bedside table. She silently cursed herself as her son started to move and stir awake and then a groan followed from the bed as his hands instantly went to his side, reminding Bertie that he had also been shot. Which in time reminded her of the newfound knowledge of his previous hospital trips and more tears came to her eyes at having been absent during those times. As Marty's eyes began to flutter open, she quickly wiped the tears away, knowing now was her turn to be strong for both of them.

"Mama… What are you doing here?" Deeks croaked as soon as his eyes opened and focused on his worried-looking mother on the bed next to him. "Where's Kensi?" He asked as soon as he realized she wasn't in the room, fear overtaking him as he wondered if she had finally decided to leave him.

"What silly questions are those, Martin?" Roberta questioned with a chuckle as she raised from the sofa and moved closer to her son. "You're in the hospital, of course I will be here… As I should have during your previous visits." Not able to hide the information she now knew, Bertie let it out in an attempt to get her son away from his own self-deprecating thoughts. "And I sent Kensi home… She was reluctant but no one can say no to Bertie."

Deeks' face blanched and he laughed nervously, while running his fingers slowly through his messy curls, trying not to hurt his injured side, even though at the moment, he couldn't feel much of anything thanks to the strong pain killers he's being given. "What… what are you talking about, mama?" Content in knowing Kensi hadn't left voluntarily, he decided to focus instead on the other part of the statement.

"I'm not joking Martin… And you sure know what I'm talking about… I'm your mother, do you think it's fair for me to learn about your past hospital trips from your friend?" Roberta scolded, even as her eyes were still full of concern.

"I'm sorry Mama…" Deeks hesitated, having the decency to look ashamed. "Our relationship was… a bit… stranded at the time and I didn't want to cause you more worries." He eventually continued, referencing his high school years when he had cause her mama his fair share of problems, before deciding to set straight and pursue a college education. While at the same time wondering which of his friend had spilled the information, and somehow suspecting it must have been Beale.

"You're my son, Martin… You will always be my little boy. And I will always worry… Especially for as long as you keep being a cop." Roberta admitted as her eyes glazed with unshed tears, but still not being able to avoid throwing a barb at what had prompted their relationship to become stranded in the first place.

"I really am sorry, but… this, had nothing to do with being a cop." Deeks didn't mean to sound insensitive, he just wanted to point out the truth.

Roberta looked down, again feeling sad and guilty at having failed to protect her son from the monster of his father. "I'm the one that should be sorry, Martin…" She knew no more words were needed, their history speaking for itself.

"No need for that mama, I've never regretted anything that happened… or that I did. All that we lived… survived… made us who we are. And I'm proud of that, of who we both turned out to be." Deeks admitted sincerely, in a similar way to how he spoke to her from jail a few years back.

Roberta smiled with tears now streaming down her face, as she wondered how she had managed to raise such a good man, even with the horror he had been forced to live at such a young age. "Distracting your mother with an emotional statement, are you, Martin? I haven't forgotten you hide your past injuries from me." Roberta continued to scold but it was obvious her words carried no weight, as the familiar laughter of mother and son could easily be heard from outside the hospital room.

After a few minutes of silence, and thinking Martin had fallen asleep, Roberta sat back down on the couch and closed her eyes, thinking of ways to get Marty to open up so she could help her boy heal.

"Mama?" Martin's pained and tired voice sounded from the bed, prompting Roberta to get back up and move to his side quickly.

"You okay? Something wrong? Should I call the doctor?" The words rushed out of her mouth without a single breath in between, making Marty laugh as he assured her he was alright.

"Then what is it, baby? You should get some rest, you sound tired and in pain. Should we get the nurses to increase your pain killers?" The concern never left Bertie as she was determined to help her boy now and make up for all the missed opportunities of the past.

"I'm okay, mama. Sit with me?" Martin asked, patting the empty space in the bed next to him.

Bertie sat down as carefully as possible, not wanting to cause her boy any further harm. "What is it, baby?" She eventually enquired as she looked down into his familiar blue eyes and started running her fingers through his hair once more.

Martin hesitated for some minutes, until he drew in a deep breath, gaining the courage to finally voice his thoughts. "What if… What if I turn into Brandel?" He asked in a voice that reminded Roberta of the 11 year old boy he had been the night he shot her ex-husband and not the 39 year old grown up he was now.

Sighing sadly, Roberta, first thanked the heavens because he had brought up the conversation on his own, and secondly, prepared to use her best motherly words. "Baby… you have never been like Gordon. Yes, he is your father, and a part of him will always be inside of you… But, also, a part of me. But neither of them determines who you are or how you act. You're not Gordon or Roberta, you're Martin… the sweetest boy, and now a brave detective that's always fighting for the good side."

"But, I haven't always chosen the good side, mama… I have chosen his darkness before, what if I do it again?" He had his eye closed now, as if scared to see disgust or disappointment in his mother's eyes, not believing that the only sentiment Bertie held for her boy was an infinite love and pride.

"We all struggle with making the right choices, Martin. And we don't always make the right ones. Gordon didn't when he first started drinking and taking it out on us… I didn't when I decided to stay with him instead of running before it was too late. But you did… when you shot him to save both our lives, and the day you decided to use your time to give other people the life and peace we couldn't have… To _fight the system_." Admitting for the first time that he had made the right choice, and using his own past words against him, Bertie hoped she could make him understand he was not alone and more importantly, that no one believed him to be anything like Gordon Brandel.

"But…"

"No buts, baby…" Roberta replied in an echo to her previous remark to Kensi. "Gordon did a lot of mistakes, none of them our fault, and we don't deserve to pay for them. Not by his own violence, but neither by mentally torturing ourselves. I'm not sure how Gordon was treated by his father, I know he was tough but I never met the man. I do know how he treated you… And I know the man you are and the father you will be. And I can assure you that cycle ends now. It ends with you." Kissing her son on his blonde curls and brushing the tears that silently ran down his face, Roberta lifted herself from the bed and went back to the couch. "And now sleep, your body needs the rest… Mama will be here when you wake up."

A few minutes later, the even breathing coming from the bed told Bertie that her boy was finally asleep again. She could only hope her words had reached him, if not, she was determined to keep trying to help him heal, not only from what had happened in the last week, but for what he had lived as a young boy and forced to do at 11… Everyone that knew him could see the amazing man Martin Deeks had always been, and it was finally time for him to realize it too.

* * *

 _Thanks to my awesome friend "Phnxgirl" for all the help and encouragement in getting this chapter ready. And speaking of which, have I ever mentioned she's a great writer and has a story called "The Nightmares We Live" that's perfect for Deeks and Bertie fans? If you love our favorite detective and his mama, check it out, I'm sure you won't regret it._

 _*Thanks a lot to everyone that continues to read and review, even with my brief disappearances, just know I will always be back until this story is completed. Hope to hear your thoughts about this one.*_


	24. Chapter 24: The Nature of Oneself

_Not sure how many still here, but thanks to everyone that's still with me. I'm sorry for the slow updates, writing has been going up and down lately, and I've been struggling to get back to it fully. For the first time, I'm updating without having the next chapter ready so it might come in the next week or the next year lol. Let's hope I can keep it closer to a week. I'm trying._

* * *

 **Chapter 24: The Nature of Oneself**

After falling asleep under the watchful eye of his mother, the wounded detective was able to enjoy a peaceful night, and only the smell of food woke him up the next morning. Marty Deeks opened his eyes to the sight of his team and mama sitting or standing around his hospital room, and not knowing how the doctor had already found this same people before, he blinked his eyes in surprise as he took in the takeout bags and cups occupying every flat surface in the room.

"Finally awake, brother… Food was beginning to get cold." Sam joked as soon as he saw open blue eyes staring groggily at all of them, and quickly moved to pass a glass of fresh juice and takeout bag to his friend. "Doc checked you out while you were pass out, said the bullet didn't affect any organs, and after a few days of liquid diet, you're good to eat with us today."

Shaking his head to rid it from the last remnants of sleep, Deeks moved to grab the bag as he muttered a doubtful thank you. Not feeling particularly hungry, or in the mood for company, but not wanting to be a jerk to the friends that had never given up on him and were now trying to make his hospital stay better.

"I'm glad to have you back, shaggy." Nell exclaimed cheerily, having sensed her friend's discomfort and wanting to help Deeks heal and get back to his cheeky self.

"Me too, Velma. And that's only thanks to all of you. Thank you." The honest admission making Deeks feel choke up.

"You were the one that held strong. We just did the searching." Callen spoke for the first time, not wanting his friend to take from the strength he had again displayed under circumstances no one should be forced to experience in the first place. "But, we can talk about that later. Let's eat now, I'm sure we're all hungry here."

Deeks nodded and proceeded to take an uncertain bite from his waffles, but quickly found himself relishing the first taste of real food he had been able to enjoy in days. "This is so good." He mumbled after a few minutes, and with his mouth full of the delicious bacon the team had also brought.

"I'm glad you're enjoying it. I need to fatten you up again." Kensi said with a laugh as she softly poked Deeks less-injured side. The comment however, sobered everyone, as they all remembered why they were even there and what had happened to Deeks.

Silence followed the female agent's comment, as everyone became lost inside their own heads, and the only sounds in the room, other than the beep of the monitor, were the content sighs of the NCIS team enjoying their food and each other's company.

-x-x-x-

Friendly conversation followed the team's breakfast, and was only stopped a few hours later, by the slight knock on the door and the doctor coming into the room with a nurse. "What's going on here?" The man in the white coat exclaimed surprised as soon as he took notice of the mess in the room. "Agent Hanna, I thought you meant a quiet breakfast with my patient, not turning his room into a full welcome home party." The doctor however, punctuated his comment with a laugh, letting everyone know he was really okay with it, and having already expected something like this after what he had witnessed before.

"Sorry…" Sam apologized with a smile on his face. "We're just excited to be together again."

"Understood, agent. We're happy, too. Now I'm gonna need this party to wrap up quickly so my patient can get the rest he still needs. This afternoon we will do final scans and a through checkup and if everything's okay, we're confident we can set discharge for some time tomorrow, provided Mr. Deeks will rest and take time for his injuries to heal."

Deeks' eyes shined brighter than any day since he had been rescued and his familiar smirk made the first appearance back on his face at the prospect of going home the following day. He hadn't wanted to complain but he was already sick of the place and he had only spent a few days there, but he had never been a fan of hospitals, as they only brought back bad memories that had started back in childhood.

"Is that understood, Mr. Deeks?" The doctor asked, making sure his terms were accepted and would be followed without complaint.

"You got it, doc… Anything to get away from here." Deeks blurted out before covering his mouth with his hand not in a sling, and chuckling shyly. "Not that I don't enjoy your fine company and magnificent care but…"

"I get it, Mr. Deeks. Not the first law enforcement officer I've tried to keep here. For you people, it feels like it's the worst possible fate." The man interrupted, not needing an apology and already having expected his patient's joy at being able to leave soon. "Now enjoy the rest of your meal, and then I want you resting."

After the doctor left the room, the team finished their dessert and continued talking until a nurse came back to remind them what they had been told. Understanding Deeks' need for rest, the team and Roberta said their goodbyes and went their separate ways. The senior partners in the direction of LAPD to check on what was now their case, and Roberta to the grocery store, wanting to make sure her son and future daughter-in-law had a full fridge awaiting their return home. The junior partners staying behind, content to spend the day together, and grateful for the help and support their family was happily giving them.

-x-x-x-

After a good breakfast and even better company, the fourth day in the hospital went better than the previous ones, Kensi and Deeks again snuggling together, enjoying small talk and watching whatever was available on TV. No serious conversations occurred, Kensi wanting to give her partner time to heal before bringing it up and Deeks just wanting to avoid talking about it all. At noon, the nurse had brought a small lunch for Deeks, who had only ate it reluctantly at Kensi's insistence, before quickly falling asleep after the nurse had returned to pick up the discarded tray. Kensi had spent the early afternoon watching over her sleeping boyfriend, and absently staring at the TV, until she inadvertently also fell asleep while drawing soothing circles on her boyfriend's hair.

-x-x-x-

Deeks had woken up later that afternoon to find his princess sleeping snuggled onto his side and with her fingers still tangled on his messier than usual curls. A good start to his day had allowed him a few hours of sleep with no nightmares, and now, not wanting to wake up Kensi, he stayed as silent as possible, while mentally going over what had happened the days before and debating how to move forward. His doubts were not gone completely, but his talk with mama, and breakfast with the team had definitely helped. Now he knew he had the strength in him to get past this experience and back to his type of normal. And for that, he needed to keep his Kensi, his reason to fight, close to him, so he promised to himself to be better and make a real effort to let her in.

"Good morning, princess." Deeks welcomed sarcastically when Kensi began to steer and her mismatched eyes began to flicker open.

Kensi smiled sincerely before trying to stifle a yawn, and then moved to kiss her boyfriend on the lips before muttering a sleepy _good afternoon_ , feeling happy that he seemed to be in a better mood, and hoping soon he would began to open up. "Feeling better after your nap?" She asked sheepishly, ignoring the fact she had fallen asleep too.

"I'm fine…" Deeks answered in his usual avoiding way, but then sighed and closed his eyes as he remembered the promise he had just made to himself. "I'm okay… I'm better." He eventually corrected, trying to be as honest as possible, and continuing to gather strength from his girlfriend's love and support.

Kensi smiled in appreciation, his noticeable effort to include her not going undetected and the way her eyes shined brighter saying everything her words couldn't. Both agent and detective, being reminded in that moment that his struggles were also hers, just as hers had been his after the helicopter crash. Silently, Kensi and Deeks moved closer and pressed their lips together, in an unspoken promise that everything would be alright. Both knowing that they only needed to remain together and continue to be honest with each other, even if honesty sometimes took time.

A knock on the door broke the moment as a nurse came into the room carrying a wheelchair. She smiled as she saw the couple in front of her, glad to know her patient would eventually be alright. "Good afternoon, Mr. Deeks. Ready for your last exams so we can decide when you can get out of here?" She asked and after receiving a nod in return, moved closer to detach the IV and other equipment.

"I will be back, soon." Deeks promised, after he was situated in the wheelchair. He then grabbed Kensi's hand for a final, reassuring squeeze, as the nurse began to push him out of the room.

"And I will be here." Kensi responded with a smile, while her mismatched eyes never left the blonde mop that kept getting farther into the hall.

After the door closed behind detective and nurse, Kensi quickly moved into action. Intent in taking advantage of the couple of hours she had available, she left the hospital and went home, wanting to take a quick shower and make sure the house was ready for what she hoped would be Deeks' discharge the next day.

-x-x-x-

By the time Deeks got back to his room, feeling exhausted from the many exams and scans he had gone through, Kensi was back sitting in the couch beside the bed. Her still damp hair and fresh clothes the only indication that she had even left the hospital.

"Welcome back." She said adoringly as she moved to help the nurse get Deeks back into bed.

"Glad to have you to welcome me back." Deeks responded with eyes full of love, and a look that said the comment was not only meant for this moment, but for the current situation as a whole.

After getting her patient safely in the bed, the nurse left the room without saying a single word, feeling she had already interrupted enough and wanting to leave the couple alone.

Kensi and Deeks then spent the next few minutes silently nestled together in bed, both appreciating that the air around them was less tense today, but also knowing there was a lot that needed to be discussed. And not only about the recent encounter with Brandel, but going back to Deeks' escapade to Mexico, which they hadn't been able to address before he had been taken.

"I love you." Deeks eventually said, as he rested his head on Kensi's shoulder and she ran her fingers along his injured arm. "Thank you for staying here, even if I can't totally understand why." He admitted, letting his inner insecurities slip past the cracks in his armor.

Kensi stopped what she was doing and sighed, before carefully pushing Deeks' face up so they could look at each other. "I will always be here Deeks, and you shouldn't question why. We're a team, we're partners, and we're going to spend the rest of our lives together." She responded, not quite sounding angry, but still allowing for some frustration to show.

Deeks lowered his gaze and closed his eyes, wanting to believe her words, but still hearing the echo of Brandel's words on his head, and wondering if he could ever truly turn out like his father. He knew he had inherited some of the man's darkness, and even though he had spent most of his life fighting back, he had seen it escape before. In a hotel room. In Afghanistan. In undercover ops. And he was scared those shadows would one day win and obscure his inner light forever.

"I mean it Deeks, I'm here for the long run, and I know the man I fell in love with." Kensi continued as if reading his mind, full knowing where it was at, and wanting to be let inside, so she could help scare his demons away.

"Thank you…" Deeks started but was interrupted by the door of his room being opened, and his doctor walking inside accompanied by one of the nurses.

"Good news, Mr. Deeks." The doctor began talking as soon as he was inside the room, oblivious to the moment he had just broken and the conversation he had interrupted. "Scans are clear. Let's keep monitoring everything today, and if nothing changes, I'm comfortable releasing you tomorrow. Once you're home, bed rest is important but I also want you to slowly start walking again and getting some sunlight and fresh air. I want to see you again next week, and we can start talking about rehab for your shoulder." After giving his instructions, and receiving double nods, the doctor exited the room as quickly as he had entered, leaving a surprise couple in his wake. Deeks just nodded to everything the doctor had said, his mind still in the conversation with Kensi, and now overwhelmed at the prospect of returning home, where he would no longer be able to escape the discussions that needed to happen.

After a busy day, and neither feeling up to starting their conversation again, Kensi and Deeks spent the afternoon watching TV and whispering comforting nothings to each other, both wanting to reinforce the most important person in their lives that everything would really be okay. That night they enjoyed a quiet dinner together, and watched some more TV before Deeks fell asleep almost as soon as his head touched the pillow.

Unfortunately, after what felt like a good day, that night the nightmares returned. This time, in a mixture of the heartbreaking past, uncertain present, and a future that might never come. With images of needles, infinite water, dark spaces, and fears of losing the people that meant the world to him.

-x-x-x-

Night had not been easy and Deeks had woken up in a cold sweat more times than he cared to admit, each time trying to muffle his ragged breathing in an attempt not to startle Kensi awake. And each time, also managing to bring himself back from the edge, but also selfishly wanting for his girlfriend to wake up and reach a hand to help pull him up.

Deeks' restless night led to a morning that came too soon for his still injured body and tired mind. A night of fighting his own demons, leaving the injured detective feeling more tired than when he had gone to sleep the night before. Still, determined to finally go home that day, Deeks took advantage of his UC skills to put in place the best of his masks.

When Kensi had woken up, good mornings, kisses, and hugs, had been exchanged, before the couple enjoyed what they hoped would be their last hospital breakfast together. They had then spent the next few hours watching TV, both having reached the unspoken agreement to wait until they were home before having the serious talks they knew they needed to share.

It had been a few hours of absently staring at the TV, while snuggled together in bed, when a knock on the door brought the partners attention back to the room. "Good morning, Mr. Deeks. I'm happy to say that your discharge is set for today after lunch." The doctor spoke rapidly as soon as he was inside the room, as usual not even letting the couple prepare for what he had to say. "A nurse will come soon to help get you ready and will bring some paperwork for you to complete and to take home. I'm confident you will follow all the instructions specified in those." The doctor completed sternly, making it obvious there was no room for argument.

"We will. Promise." Deeks and Kensi responded at the same time, making each other smile shyly, and prompting doctor and nurse to laugh along with them.

After the doctor finished explaining his terms for the release, and Kensi and Deeks had agreed to all of them, he left the room as the nurse came into the room. She proceeded to remove the IV and all monitors attached to the detective, who sighed in content when the needle was removed, and knowing this time another didn't need to go in.

"You're free to get dressed now, Marty. Will be back in a little bit with your paperwork." The nurse said, before exiting the room to get all the necessary documentation.

Kensi stared at Deeks for a few minutes before getting up from the bed and walking to the attached bathroom to get his change of clothes. She had wanted to know more of what Brandel had done to him before leaving the hospital, but they both wanted to go home, and it would be better to ask there.

A few unsuccessfully stopped groans and whimpers accompanied the process, but 15 minutes later Deeks was out of the hospital gown and dressed in comfortable sweatpants and a light blue t-shirt that made Kensi blush at the way it accentuated his eyes and highlighted his muscles. And an hour later, he was seated in a wheelchair as Kensi, Sam and Callen pushed him out of the room. His senior teammates having arrived shortly after all paperwork had been signed, both eager to help and enjoy this moment with their family.

"Ready to go home?" Sam asked as he looked Deeks right in the eyes, trying to judge his state of mind. Seeing his younger teammate in the hospital again had reminded him of the last time they had been together in a room like this and the conversation they had shared then. Things were much different now, but the words he had said back then, still as true as the first time they had been spoken.

"You bet I am. As much as I enjoyed the nicer accommodations, this room doesn't allow much privacy and the bed is not as comfortable… if you know what I mean." Deeks said with sparkling eyes and a breathless laugh, causing his teammates to lift their eyebrows in silent questions. They all knew the man was known to be cheery, but lately they hadn't heard him laugh a lot.

"Laughing's good." Deeks responded simply to the unspoken inquiry, as Sam nodded understandably and Callen began to push Deeks out of the room. Kensi walking next to her teammates and carrying her and Deeks' bags, and all four relishing the moment and the fact they were still four.

-x-x-x-

The four teammates walked together to the lobby of the hospital, saying many goodbyes along the way, to all the doctors, nurses and other personnel that had dealt with the injured man and had taken a liking and admiration to the NCIS family.

"We will go get the car and meet you at the entrance in a little bit." Sam directed, motioning to himself and Callen, when the team had reached the hospital front doors.

"Wait." Deeks stopped any movement as he shifted uncomfortably in the wheelchair. "Kens, could you go with Sam, instead? I want to talk to Callen for a second."

All three agents stopped what they were doing, and turned to look at the sitting man with confusion in their eyes.

Deeks' expression however, didn't change, and he continued speaking words that sounded more confident than he felt. "It will only be a moment, go with him, and we will all go home together, soon."

Reluctantly, Kensi nodded and followed Sam out of the hospital, not happy about being asked to leave and wondering what could Deeks possibly want to talk to Callen about. But knowing if it was something that could help him heal, she was just glad he was asking for help, even if it wasn't from her.

Callen waited anxiously, and as confused as his two fellow agents, while he silently questioned what the younger man would want to talk about. "You want to talk to _me_? You do realize, we don't usually talk, right?" He eventually asked, as Deeks never spoke and just kept staring at him, evidently lost inside his own mind.

Breathing in deeply, and releasing the air slowly, Deeks gathered his courage, telling himself this had been a good idea. "How do you not lose yourself?" He asked in a voice so low that it was barely audible. "…In our covers, the many ops, in the darkness… In the past?" He continued as his tone increased as he was able to draw strength from his own words.

"Why are you asking me that?" Callen felt the need to ask, not having expected the question. "Why, _me_?"

"Because you're not gonna feed me the bullshit they all think I need or want to hear… I don't want the optimistic answer just… the truth." Deeks admitted honestly, remembering why he had decided to talk to Callen in the first place.

Getting a better understanding of why this conversation was even happening, Callen thought back to his previous experiences undercover, and how his past had managed to shape those moments and the man he was today. "I can't tell you that, man. There's no formula, no easy way out, and no way to make sure it doesn't happen…"

"That's exactly why I'm asking you." Deeks started as he took in Callen's words. "You understand." He finished, knowing no more words were needed.

"I do." Callen said seriously, as he continued to ponder Deeks' questions. "We just keep fighting, man. Every hour, and every day… I've been close to losing myself while undercover, but I just remembered the people that I'm coming back to, and when it was just me… I just imagined better times and fought to get to live them." The senior agent had never shared these parts of himself with anyone else, always choosing to be the lone wolf, but NCIS had given him a family, and today he decided to open up, in order to help a member of that family. "But… we're not talking about undercover, so what's on your mind, brother?"

Deeks took in a sharp breath at the question, silently cursing Callen's intuition, and not sure of how much he wanted to open up with the leader of his team. "I created Max Gentry for my third undercover op with LAPD… He's based on Brandel, and some days I don't know where Max ends and Deeks begins." Deeks spoke shakily, both nervous and excited, at finally sharing this part of himself with someone else who might be able to understand. "What if I'm just like Brandel… like Max?" He asked and turned his gaze down as his fingers started to play with the hem of his shirt.

"I can't say that you aren't, if that's what you want to hear… Or that you would ever be. But if you're asking me, that's not the answer you're expecting." Callen concluded on his own, as he gathered his thoughts. "But I know you, I've worked and fought alongside you for 8 years, I see the man you are, and I see Brandel, and I know they're not the same man… We all carry something from our parents, but we're not them, and we don't have to fall the same way they did. I know you have darkness in you, I do too, but… it's what we choose to do with it that matters. You shot your father to save yourself and your mom, and you shot your ex… Every other time you let the darkness out it was with a purpose. To protect, and that's not a bad thing." Callen covered his near slip as well as he could, and wished his younger teammate wouldn't press him further.

Raising his eyebrows in a silent question, Deeks eventually nodded to himself as he honestly didn't want to know what his team leader was about to say, even as a part of his brain told him Callen somehow knew of the other times he had allowed the darkness to win… Both the events with Boyle and Afghanistan present on his mind. "Thanks, man." Deeks responded simply, still surprised that Callen had just been about to mention his shooting of his ex-partner, and wondering if it was just agent intuition or he had another way of knowing the truth.

"Anytime, brother." Callen responded honestly, while he shared a knowing look with his younger teammate. Both talking the same unspoken language, and certain they were on the same page, both on what had just almost been said, and on the fact neither wanted to bring it up. "Just remember we are the only ones that choose what we do with our pasts and how we use what we inherited from them. We're not prisoners of it, but we use them to our advantage. You're not Brandel now, and as long as you always fight, you will never be. We both have darkness inside ourselves… so we need to surround ourselves with light. We have the team. I have Sam, and you have Kensi. It's just a matter of letting them in, and they will always keep us this side of the ledge."

Deeks nodded, the appreciation evident in his pale blue eyes, and no words needing to be spoken for Callen to know what his words had meant to the younger man.

A few minutes of silence later, the SUV parked outside the hospital front doors and both Sam and Kensi stepped out of the car and, along with Callen, helped get Deeks inside the car as painlessly as possible. A few grunts were still let out, but being outside the hospital, with his team, and on his way home, Deeks honestly couldn't care less.

After everyone was back inside the car, Sam turned on the ignition and started the drive home, Callen sitting next to him, and Kensi on the backset, absently stroking Deeks' hair as she wondered what the near future would bring. Deeks' mind still on his conversation with Callen, and glad he had a constant source of light next to him, one that had agreed to spend the rest of her life with him, and the one thing he needed to never turn into Brandel. Thinking of his team, the inner light he had inherited from his mother, and the sunshine Kensi provided, Deeks smiled to himself, knowing he would, eventually, be alright.

* * *

 _Huge thanks to everyone that continues to read, review and show support for this story. It's the reason why I'm still here, even when my doubts tell me it's easier to quit. As I said in the last chapter, I'll always be back until this story is completed._


	25. Chapter 25: Drifting

_Hi, again. I'm really sorry it's been a while. Back in June I said I was back but then I wasn't. This time I won't do the same mistake again, and just say it feels good to be back for however long it lasts. I have been working on this chapter for around 3 months, as well as a continuation to the season 9 finale, but life has been complicated lately, and an immediate family member was diagnosed with something nobody wants to be diagnosed with. I'm trying to make writing my safe haven again but it's just hard to focus and I mostly feel insecure about it now. Anyhow, if anyone is still here with me, thank you, know that it means the world._

* * *

 **Chapter 25: Drifting**

Gordon John Brandel's first week back in prison was not what he remembered or even expected. With no hate to fuel his mind and body anymore, he found himself struggling to get through each day. His brain still trapped in the last two weeks, and what he had willingly done to his own son.

Growing up the way he did, with the tough love of his father, and the violence from the outside world, he had thought he had forfeited his conscience long ago. But now he found out that part of himself was pretty much alive. And, in the last three days, it had evolved from the occasionally resurfacing, weak voice at the back of his head, into the governing voice on his mind. It couldn't be silenced anymore and it just kept repeating that it was too late now, and the irreparable damage had been done.

Sitting alone in the thin cushion of his new home, staring out the metal bars of his cell, Gordon Brandel sighed as he wished he had decided to make a run for it, prompting the agents to end his life. He couldn't do this anymore, and with no hate or desire for revenge to channel his thoughts, his mind had turned into a nostalgic mess of guilt, sorrow, and regret.

" _Daddy, can we go to the playground?" Martin blue eyes shined as the little boy walked towards his father, sitting on the couch watching his afternoon shows._

 _Sighing tiredly, Gordon stood up and took his son's small hand, carefully lifting him up the ground and into his arms. He then turn off the TV and started walking towards the door._

 _The little boy snuggled further into his father's embrace and giggled. "Are we going, daddy?" He asked excitedly, never able to keep his mouth shut._

" _Yeah, we're going Martin, go put on some shoes and meet me outside." Gordon Brandel lowered his son back to the ground and smiled lovingly at the way his blonde curls bounced up and down as he ran back inside and up the stairs. How could he ever say no to this boy who had stolen his heart since the day he had been born?_

A lone tear rolled down Brandel's face at the long lost memory and he wished he had never ended those days. Thinking back to the sweet boy Martin had been, he felt pride at the man he had turned out to be. But pain at the thought it wasn't thanks to him. Or at least not in a good way, as everything Brandel had done in the past had still shaped the adult his boy had grown up to be.

 _Gordon Brandel stumbled home after a hard day at work and angrily shouted his son's name. After calling for a third time and getting no response, he threw his bag to the side and started up the stairs. Swinging the door to Martin's room open and not finding him anywhere, not even under the bed or inside the closet, he walked back downstairs and left the house in a rage._

 _Reaching the playground near the house, he was able to spot his son's blonde curls flowing out from the spinning merry-go-round and he drew in a deep, angry breath at the sight. The boy knew he was grounded and was meant to go straight home after school. Apparently the lesson he had taught him last night hadn't been enough, and Martin was in need of a reminder._

" _Martin." Brandel screamed loudly and angrily as he stopped near the merry-go-round, with arms crossed and a scowl on his face. Recalling his day at his new part-time job, the way he had been unjustly fired from his previous job and thinking back to his night at the bar, he felt his own rage increase and he zeroed his sight on the only available target. The young, blonde boy that was pressed against the metal bars of the toy, staring at him with fear in his pale blue eyes and his lip beginning to quiver._

A fist connected with the wall behind the bed, as Brandel couldn't control his emotions at the last memory that came to him. Recalling what had preceded and followed that day, he felt more tears spring to his eyes at how he had not been able to control himself, hurting his own son as a result. The realization that he had needed help then, coming too late, and making the memories of the past hurt even more.

A part of him was inclined to blame it on the alcohol that was in his system at the time, but thinking back to the last two weeks, he knew that was the coward's way out. He had to accept what he had done and move past it. He had been given a second chance, which he also blew, and he knew people rarely got a third, but he was alive and while he still had life flowing down his veins, he knew he could make something better off himself.

Maybe no one had cared enough to save him then, but he cared enough to ask for help now. Thinking back to what he knew of prison and the resources it offered, he started planning ways in which he could make up for his past mistakes. Maybe someday he would see Martin again, and his son would be proud of him, the same way he had today recognized for the first time how proud he was of his boy.

And, one day he would apologize to Marty, but, he knew he first needed to forgive himself.

-x-x-x-

Marty Deeks first week back at home had not been what he remembered or even expected.

To anyone looking from the outside it appeared a normal American household and a couple madly in love. Man and woman going to bed and waking up together. Frittatas cooked for breakfast, a grill started for lunch, and dinner spent in front of the TV enjoying their favorite shows. The dog walked, and park visited.

But for those who lived it in the inside, however, it was only a shadow of what it used to be. Agent and detective no longer on the same page, no longer communicating. Shoulders that used to bump into each other, turning into bodies that went out of their ways to avoid the other. Surfing days barely becoming walks, and joined meals turning quiet, and a sad reflection of their new, stranded relationship.

Monday had been the better day, Kensi and Deeks enjoying dinner with the team after Deeks' hospital discharge, then small talk until Callen and Sam had decided it was time to leave the couple alone. That night agent and detective had gone to bed full of hope and happy they were finally home. But the following morning, the arguments began.

On Tuesday it was Deeks' reluctance to open up and talk about his days with Brandel. On Wednesday his similar reaction to Kensi bringing up his Mexican escapade. Both times he was too tired to talk, so he just turned around and went to sit with Monty in the patio. And Thursday it was Kensi's proposition of visiting the mission or at least going out to have lunch with Roberta.

Arguments became the norm for a couple used to bantering and laughing together. And neither blonde man nor brunette woman were certain of how to bridge the gap they both felt stretching in between them. The LAPD detective more often than not lost inside his own head, visited by nightmares every night, and left feeling exhausted every morning. The NCIS agent wanting to crawl out of her own skin, noticing the way her other half was struggling, but not being allowed to help or interfere.

Every time she tried to bring it up, he shot her down. Every time she wanted to discuss the latest weeks and how to move forward, he was too tired to talk. Every time she reached a hand, he turned around. And every time he tried to share, to open up, and let her in, his old demons resurfaced, his deep-rooted insecurities made a reappearance, and the voice of his father repeated that everyone would be better off if he wasn't around.

Friday went like every other day of the week since his team had brought Marty Deeks home. Couple walking up together, each stepping out of the bed from a different side, and continuing to walk their day in different directions. This time the daily argument had been about spending the day at the beach, woman wanting to help reconnect the man with his safe haven, and man blowing up as he felt unable to explain how that safe haven had also been destroyed by his so called father. When night came, the couple went to bed in a room encased in silence, each trapped inside their own mind, and silently missing what once had been.

-x-x-x-

 _He opened his eyes only to see water all around him. Its density pushing the air out of his lungs and its coldness making his body begin to shiver. He tried to swim up, but felt no strength in his body._

 _Lungs aching, and chest burning, he wanted to scream. Head throbbing, and eyes stinging, he wanted to cry. Darkness closing around him, and air becoming scarce, he wanted to die._

 _In his struggle against the infinite body of water that kept closing on him, the blonde man failed to notice the echoes that came from its shadows. But little by little, letter by letter, and word by word, the sounds started making sense._

M…MA…MAR...MARTIN… Martin… Martin.

Your fault.

 _Then came the clear voice of his father, and the sobs from his mother. And his eyes began to close, as the air kept disappearing from a body that also continued to shut down. Not able to keep his desperate feelings inside any longer, Marty Deeks opened his mouth to let it all out, but instead it was the dreaded liquid that came rushing in a forcible stream._

-x-x-x-

Kensi woke up to Deeks gasping for air on the bed next to her. His eyes were still closed and his hands were shaking as they held desperately to his throat.

Turning on the nightstand's lamp, Kensi went into concerned girlfriend mode and instantly started whispering comforting promises as she soothingly caressed Deeks' hair. It took a few seconds for the struggling man to start to calm down, as the air began to make its way back into his lungs and his breathing continued to even out.

-x-x-x-

 _The echoed screams and sobs, unexpectedly turned into whispered words that the struggling man couldn't at first understand. But the voice sounded familiar…_

Deeks… Deeks, it's Kensi… You're okay, we're okay… Come back. Please. Come back.

 _A beam of light suddenly penetrated the darkness that enclosed him, and it began to expand making the water evaporate and for the much needed air to rush back into his lungs. The panic that had torn through him, began to dissipate, and he slowly gained the courage to open his eyes once again._

-x-x-x-

As if coming back from a real drowning experience, Marty Deeks woke up sputtering. Struggling to regain his senses, while he tried to take in long, deep breaths. As he hesitantly opened his eyes, Kensi never stopped stroking his hair and whispering comforting words in an attempt to calm him down.

"Are you okay?" Kensi eventually asked when Deeks' breathing had fully evened out and only sighed in practiced composure at his predictable _I'm fine_. "Come on, baby. Please, let me in. I just want to help."

Drawing in another deep breath, and releasing it slowly, Deeks just shook his head and lowered himself down onto the bed, turning around to stare at the empty side of the room. A lone, silent tear escaping his pale, blue eyes. Those which were usually so full of life, but that now kept losing color with each passing day.

Kensi, who had already taken notice of Deeks' quick showers, aversion of the water and avoidance of the beach, remembered the doctor's words about the waterboarding. Getting a new image of what Deeks had probably been dreaming about, she got back down on the bed and moved closer to Deeks, embracing her boyfriend from behind and pulling him close.

Kensi had to fight the urge to say something when she noticed the way Deeks' shoulders shook, and when a few stray tears reached the hand that held tightly to his chest. Understanding that sometimes silent support is what was needed, she closed her eyes and, never taking her arms off him, eventually fell asleep. The closeness to his sunshine providing the peace Deeks needed, and Kensi's soft snort-snores finally lulling the struggling detective into a peaceful rest, with no new nightmares or dreamed memories of his history with Gordon Brandel.

-x-x-x-

Saturday continued like the week that preceded it. The morning after Deeks' nightmare, Kensi waking up to an empty bed and Deeks already sitting in the yard with Monty next to him. Same thing he had been doing all week to counteract Kensi's propositions of going to the beach so he could get sunlight and fresh air as his doctor had ordered. And the rest of the day again lived by a couple just going through the motions, and finding no joy in any of it.

On Sunday morning, Kensi again woke up to cold sheets and an empty bed but unlike the day before, she instantly smelled the sweetness in the air. Energized by the smell of pancakes, but even more by the prospect of Deeks' having a better day, she swung her legs off the bed and rushed out of the room.

-x-x-x-

Flipping one pancake with one hand, and awkwardly stirring bacon with the other which was still on a sling, Marty Deeks focused on the moment and not the voices on his head. Not the one of Brandel mocking him, or Kensi's promising everything would be alright. Remembering the last time he had gone through a similar situation, the way his thoughts had jumbled, and the inability to sleep that had ended up in him requiring to see Nate, he continued to slow down. He just concentrated on his breathing, and the even beating of his own heart, until the bedroom door being opened, and silent feet on the wooden floor, brought his thoughts out of his own head.

Long arms embraced him from behind, as Kensi nuzzled into his neck. "Good morning, baby."

"Good morning, princess. Ready for breakfast?" Deeks took in an inaudible deep breath, before responding, taking advantage of the extra second to silently rehearse his plan for the morning.

Kensi just nodded as she grabbed Deeks' hand and pulled until he turned around and was now facing her. His eyes looking clearer than before, but the dark circles around them, still worrying her. "Did you sleep, alright?" She inquired, still trying to keep the moment light, but wanting to check where his head was at.

"Yes, Kens. Now let's eat." Deeks responded semi-honestly, as he placed the pancakes and bacon on their plates, while Kensi moved to the fridge to get them some juice and fresh fruits. The couple feeling comfortable around each other, and moving in their small kitchen in perfectly synchronized and practiced motions.

Breakfast was better than the week before. Kensi and Deeks enjoying small talk, the delicious food and lightness of the moment. Deeks every once in a while, mentally rehearsing his words, and Kensi secretly wondering if this was real life or just an illusion.

After breakfast, the couple cleaned the kitchen before calling to Monty and leaving the house for a short walk. Wanting to keep the newfound peace, Kensi didn't propose a trip to the beach and just followed Deeks around their neighborhood.

"So…" Deeks started after they had gotten back home and were snuggled together in the lounge chair in the yard. "How are you feeling about going back to work tomorrow?" He eventually finished, and winced at the glare Kensi sent his way.

Drawing in a sharp breath, and now understanding Deeks' attitude this morning, Kensi closed her eyes as she tried to control her emotions. "And who said I'm going back to work tomorrow?" Her practiced composure, slipping through the cracks, as her tone was coated with annoyance.

"I just thought it's… it's been a week… And we don't want trou… trouble, with Mosley." Deeks tried to explain, as he fumbled with the words, and his rehearsed lines began losing sense.

Thinking back to her phone calls with Callen and Sam during the last week, Kensi was certain that was just an excuse, as the team was just worried for their detective, and wanted them both back when he was healed and back to normal. No one particularly caring for Mosley's opinion and just prepared to defy her if need be. "Everyone said I can stay here for as long as you need me."

Biting his tongue to stop his first instinctual lie of _I don't need you_ , Deeks stood up and went to the kitchen to grab them some cold water, using the heat as an excuse and just needing to buy himself some time. "But, I'm doing better, baby. And we need to slowly get back to normal. The boys need you, and we don't want to get back to Mosley having replaced us with two new agents." Deeks then laughed as he ran his fingers through his hair, an always obvious tale that he was nervous.

"Stop using Mosley as an excuse, Deeks. We're in this together and I want to help you get back to that normal you just mentioned." Choosing to avoid the fact that he wasn't doing better, just maybe becoming better at hiding the truth and faking his way through each day, Kensi took a sip of water as she tried to channel her thoughts. She knew he was struggling, but she wasn't sure how to make him admit it.

"It is okay, Kens. Just go back, Monty will take good care of me while you're gone." Joke falling flat, Deeks moved to stand up and started walking towards the house. "I'm gonna take a quick shower and then start preparing dinner."

Words spoken from the threshold of the door, Deeks tried to get away as quickly as possible but Kensi was quicker this time, standing up to follow and taking a page from his own book. "A shower sounds lovely after this heat, I will join you, baby."

Deeks stopped as soon as Kensi's words reached his ears and his mind went into overdrive trying to look for an excuse. "I'm really hungry, Kens, and I'm sure you are too. And we both know how my ladybird gets when her stomach starts rumbling." A laugh, a ghost of his familiar smile, and another lie leaving his mouth.

Kensi again taking notice of his aversion to the water, just groaned silently, as she saw his blonde curls banish behind the corner, Deeks never having even waited for her response.

Deciding that she really was hungry, Kensi started working on dinner, and was not surprised when Deeks was back before she'd even finished peeling and cutting the vegetables she had just gotten out of the fridge. Again, in and out of the shower in less than 5 minutes, where before he used to take time on his _styled by pillow hair_ and taken every chance to coerce her into joining him under the water.

Copying her motion from that morning, Deeks moved to hug Kensi from behind, but didn't get as far as nuzzling her neck, Kensi squirming out of his touch and leaving for their bedroom without muttering a single word. Deeks sighed but didn't follow, knowing he couldn't give Kensi what she wanted and not feeling ready to fully open up to her yet. Silently, he grabbed the discarded knife and continued to cut the vegetables so he could cook the rest of a dinner that again would be consumed in silence, and by a couple that only continued to drift further apart.

-x-x-x-

Monday morning, Kensi woke up before Deeks and not wanting to stay in bed any longer than necessary, moved to the living room and signaled Monty so they could take a quick walk. More needing to clear her head and decide on what path to follow than actually take Monty out.

Getting back home, the house was still silent, and it was only a few minutes later that she heard shuffling in the room and figured Deeks had finally woken up. Deciding to give him another chance, she went to the kitchen to prepare coffee and breakfast. Sighing again as she heard the water on, Kensi tried counting the minutes, and was actually surprised when Deeks turned off the water before she had even finished pulling the breakfast ingredients out of the fridge. _New record_ , she thought as her worry for Deeks only continued to increase.

-x-x-x-

A few minutes later, Deeks hesitantly walked into the kitchen. Their almost fight of the previous night still present on his mind, and still not sure he was ready to give Kensi the honesty he knew they both needed.

"Morning." Surprising Deeks, and still willing to give him another chance, Kensi was the first to speak, while she worked on setting their scrambled eggs and toast on the table.

Bottle of juice in one hand, Deeks intercepted Kensi with the other, as he pulled her close and kissed the side of her head. "Morning, princess." Mouth gaped open, he almost apologized, but stopped himself trying not to set a whole new conversation in motion. One which he wasn't ready to have just yet.

Food and juice were consumed in silence, neither Kensi nor Deeks wanting to address what felt like an elephant that perpetually lived in their room. But when everything was cleared out, and the clock signaled that it was time to leave for work, Kensi had no choice but to ask the dreaded question. "Are you sure you still want me to go to work today? I can stay with you." Voice dropping at the end, and a sad smile appearing on her face.

Kensi's mismatched eyes losing the spark he loved so much, was almost Deeks' undoing but keeping his resolve and needing some time alone, he just nodded and moved to wordlessly hug his girlfriend, hoping the gesture would say what his words couldn't.

Ignoring her first instinct to wriggle away from his touch and run out of the house, Kensi allowed her shoulders to drop and hugged Deeks in return. She felt pushed out the door, but remembering where she had been a year before, she took a deep breath and made her best attempt at understanding how Deeks was feeling now.

The couple remained in the embrace until the clock's needles signaled that Kensi was already late. After a goodbye kiss, and promise to call if either needed anything, Kensi doubtfully left the house and got to her car. The drive feeling wrong, and the car uncomfortably bathed in an unfamiliar silence, but if this is what Deeks needed, she just had to suck it up.

-x-x-x-

Back at the house, Deeks breathed out in relief as soon as the door closed behind Kensi. A few minutes after she was gone, he already missed her, but he also needed time to think, so he could hopefully begin to clear his messy thoughts.

Deeks spent the morning between the couch and yard, and felt his uneasiness growing as time continued to pass and he just felt physically confined in his home, and mentally trapped inside his own mind. Grabbing Monty's leash and calling to his faithful companion, the LAPD detective eventually left the house, but quickly realized he was just aimlessly walking with no purposeful direction whatsoever.

To no one's surprise, Deeks quickly found himself at the beach. Shakily standing on the curb, just before the spot where the sand began, and eyes inadvertently sparkling as they reflected the blue Pacific in front of him. The sounds of the waves coming like music to his ears, but quickly pushed away by the voice of his father and memories of gasping from air as the water continued to drown him.

Shaking his head fervently, and feeling a few tears roll down his still bruised cheek, Deeks pulled Monty behind him as they together walked away from the beach. That safe haven a sign of his past, and no longer viable, as the lost man was forced to walk past it and into a future that every day felt more uncertain and unknown.

After walking away from the beach, Deeks quickly found himself reaching a playground that looked disturbingly familiar. From the area he was in, he knew it couldn't be the same one he had visited as a kid, but the set up was the same, and the merry-go-round and swings moved in the same welcoming motion.

Releasing Monty's leash so the mutt could run around freely, Deeks gingerly walked towards the playground and sat down on the swing that was too small for his adult frame. Seeing his fateful companion chasing around some birds, Deeks laughed sadly at the familiarity of it all. The outside world still the same, even when inside he felt disconnected with his true self. A person he wasn't sure still existed and fear gripping his heart as he tried to figure out what was left.

Closing his eyes and concentrating on the wind that whistled by, he tried to clear his mind off every negative thought, insecurity or fear and quickly found himself mentally transported back to his young self, one which at the time had still been innocent and only able to see the world through joyful and hopeful eyes.

 _The small five year old swayed in the swing and he felt as he was flying. His blue eyes sparkled as he went up towards the sky and then back down again, only to go up and down again. His chuckles growing father apart and back close as he kept swinging with increasing speed._

" _Be careful Martin, you're going too fast and you can fall. Are you not scared of hurting yourself?"_

 _The blonde boy laughed again as he said with a confidence uncommon for a five year old. "I'm not gonna fall daddy, and if I do, I'm not scared… You're gonna be there to catch me."_

 _The tall and equally blonde man smiled at his son and nodded. "Yes boy, I'm always gonna be there to catch you. But now let's go, we're meeting mama for dinner and we don't want to keep her waiting." He motioned for his son to follow as he started walking towards the parking lot next to the playground._

 _Little Marty swung one last time and with a big jump landed on the ground and instantly started running towards his dad. "Wait for me daddy." The boys' giggles echoing behind him as he took Gordon's hand and together, father and son, made their way towards their car and to dinner with the last member of their little, but always loving family…_

When Deeks opened his eyes again, they were full of tears. Not only for the father that Brandel had been, but for a child that was lost forever. Thinking as far back as his mind allowed, he smiled sadly at the little boy he had once been, always full of giggles and not yet needing humor as a defense against the cruelties of life.

Feeling the tears coming in more rapidly, he wondered why those days had needed to end. Why had his family needed to become just another domestic abuse statistic? He remembered researching the numbers. Of the families who had ended in a hell similar to his, and those much smaller of those who had managed to become normal again. And not for the first time, he wondered if his family might have been salvageable if he hadn't shot his own father, if he had just been able to be strong a little while longer…

 _The little boy was spinning as he stared at the heavens and the birds flying freely above him. His eyes reflecting the blue of the sky and his blonde hair flowing as he kept spinning in the merry-go-round._

 _He was nine years old now and he had been walking home from school when a desolate playground caught his attention and he had decided to stop. He saw the swings he used to love so much when he was younger but shock his head sadly at the memories they evoked, deciding instead for the rotary motion of the other children's toy._

 _As the young boy kept spinning he laughed drily at the similarity of the motion and the feeling of his life. He wished he could have a fix axis like the merry-go-round… maybe that way he wouldn't feel so out of control._

 _Time passed and the young boy didn't stop, wanting to delay as much as possible the moment in which he would need to walk home. His thoughts darkening as he remembered the previous night. A painful reminder also echoing in his ribs, and bruises still visible on his arms._

" _Martin." The loud and angry scream drew the boy's thoughts away from his own messed up existence and towards the man who now stood next to the merry-go-round with arms crossed and a scowl on his face. He stopped moving and tried to move away from his father, but the metal bars of the toy made it impossible. "I've been waiting for you to get home, what are you doing here?"_

 _The adult man with blonde hair and blue eyes similar to the younger boy moved closer and tried to grab him by the arm, but little Marty was faster and he jumped out of the merry-go-round and backed away from his approaching father. "I'm sorry… I just… stopped… for a second, I was just going home." The hesitance and fear was evident in the boy's voice as he looked to his sides searching for an escape._

" _And who told you to stop here instead of walking straight home boy, we were not finished last night and I said you were grounded." In a quick motion Gordon Brandel closed the space between them and grabbed the boy painfully by his already bruised arm. "Now let's go." He ordered as he started pulling his son after him._

 _Little Marty started shaking as his mind flashed back to the previous night. His father beating him because he had accidentally dropped some glasses in the kitchen when he had tried to climb the cupboards to get a snack, waking up his drunk father from a nap and throwing the man into a violent rage._

 _Man and boy left the park, not hand in hand like in the past, but with the father forcibly pulling his trembling son towards their house, and their still little family, but one which wasn't loving anymore… only wrecked and miserable for a defenseless mother and son._

As his mind returned to the present from his latest memory, Deeks tears had turned angry instead of sad. A burning rage that, for once, wasn't directed at himself. Neither to his father. Just anger that flowed in his body without course. Anger, and pain. For what had been and would never be again.

Thinking back through his life, to the before and after that fateful night when he had been 11 years old, Deeks cried at the realization that he had needed a father. To catch him when he fell off his bike, to comfort him when he had failed a subject at school, to give him advice the first time he wanted to ask a girl out, and ultimately, to remain the man who would always be there to catch him. Marty and Roberta had always been each other's savior, but life would have been better with their family still whole.

Going back through both memories, Deeks failed to comprehend how could that perfect father who had taken him to the playground, even when he was tired after work, could have turned into a woman and child beater. Feeling his hands shake, he wondered if he could turn out to be the same as Brandel. A good boyfriend, fiancé, and maybe even husband through the first few years, a great father for a short while, but end up a drunk abuser. No one could guarantee that wouldn't happen, and he wondered if Kensi's safety and future was worth risking just for himself to have a shot at happiness at last.

* * *

 _The original idea for these playground scenes came many months ago while chatting with "Phnxgirl". Well, honestly it came as her joke, my crazy mind just decided to turn them into reality. Thanks friend, for putting up with me, and never giving up that this chapter would come someday. And thanks to everyone for reading, and hopefully, letting me know what you think of this._


	26. Chapter 26: It's a Matter of Love

_Today it's a year since I started this story. I'm not sure if anybody still remembers it ever existed but it just felt fitting to update it today. I know I haven't posted regularly in a long time, so I can only say thank you if you're still here and wanting to accompany me towards the end, which will probably come in two more chapters._

 _Last time I updated I hinted at a situation going on with my family. Today, I want to expand on that. My father was diagnosed with advanced lung cancer, and it's a situation we're still dealing with. I also started Graduate school last August, and even though it's an escape from the situation at home, it also takes a lot of my time now. I care very deeply and appreciate everyone that has followed this story and I wanted to give some background on why it's been hard to write consistently again. But I'm hoping to start the year better than it ended, and get back to this outlet that I love so much. Thank you for reading, and Happy New Year._

* * *

 **Chapter 26: It's a Matter of Love**

Getting into the Mission, Kensi was welcomed by an excited team and many questions about Deeks. Apparently he had been ignoring their messages and had everyone more than a little bit on edge, but Kensi covered for him and used her undercover skills to come up with some believable excuse. Callen's and Sam's faces, however, making their suspicions obvious and revealing her lie hadn't been totally believed.

No new case meant the team had a slow morning, with lots of paperwork and the occasional follow up of a cold case or new lead. At noon, Callen had decided to go for a lunch run, needing to get out of the building and escape the dreaded paperwork. Kensi and Sam had continued silently working on their forms, with the ex-Navy seal regularly stealing quick glances into the junior agent's direction.

-x-x-x

It had been a few minutes since Kensi had stood up with the excuse of getting some coffee, and Sam was beginning to get worried. Deciding to check up on her, he got up from his chair and walked to the small lounge area behind their desks.

Kensi was standing in front of the coffee machine, an empty mug dangling from her hand, and her eyes seeing past Sam and anything in particular, mind evidently elsewhere and not on this present moment.

"Kensi, are you okay?" Sam asked in concern as he got close enough to take the mug from her hand and proceeded to fill it with the recently brewed coffee. Passing the mug to his teammate, and grabbing one for himself, he ignored her nod, and signaled for her to follow to the couch.

After blowing on the hot liquid for a few seconds, Kensi took a shaky swig and felt her muscles unclench as the coffee burned down her throat. Warming up her chilled body, and forcing the clouds to retreat from her mind. "Thanks, Sam."

Noticing her sad smile, and already suspecting that things at home were not as good as Kensi had tried to make it seem, Sam blew off her apology and just continued to stare at her deeply. Willing her to open up and already preparing himself to ask if she failed to do so.

"How are things at home, Kens?" He inquired eventually, when it became obvious that Kensi wouldn't volunteer anything on her own.

"They're okay. Deeks is getting stronger each day and is looking forward to coming back to work." As in the morning, the well-practiced lie came out, and Kensi just hoped Sam would accept the response and let it go, but she should have known better.

"Good… really, good." Sam began, his words betraying the frown and worry present on his face. "If that were true, I mean. But why were you staring out to nowhere with an empty coffee mug in hand?"

Knowing Sam wouldn't let it go, and would just drag Callen into it too, Kensi blew out a breath as she tried deciding how much to share. To her surprise, what followed had been the complete truth, from their arguments, to Deeks' quick showers, and his insistence on Kensi getting back to work. Saying one thing had broken the whole dam, and Kensi hadn't left anything unsaid.

Sam heard intently, not surprised at the words, just sorry and concerned at the proof of what he already suspected. He knew his team well, and that included the detective he hadn't been able to stand at first. But who he now probably knew as much as his own partner after their joined traumatic experience years prior and the way they had grown closer after that.

Thinking back to his talk with Deeks in the shooting range during the year before, when Kensi had been recuperating from the helicopter crash, he gave similar advice to his teammate. Keeping in mind that unlike Kensi, Deeks was an expert at joking his way out of most situations, but his humorous mechanism of defense was replaced by avoidance and closing up when he felt cornered or when anything really serious was touched on.

-x-x-x-

After finishing his conversation with Kensi, and seeing the female agent silently walk back to her desk, Sam left the bullpen in the direction of ops. Intent in using the twins' technological prowess to locate the man he needed to see.

Leaving the mission a few minutes later, the ex-Seal turned on the ignition and started his drive towards the address Eric had found, reaching the playground a half hour later. After parking in one of the available empty spots, Sam started slowly walking towards the swings, while mentally going over old conversations.

"Deeks." Sam asked in a low whisper, not wanting to alarm his friend and recognizing the tension in his posture. "Deeks." He tried a little louder this time.

After getting no answer after a third try, the senior agent walked closer to his teammate, and moved his hand to squeeze his shoulder lightly as he called his name one more time.

So lost inside his own thoughts, Deeks had never heard his senior teammate approach. The hand on his shoulder startling him as he jumped out of the swing and landed hard on the rough terrain. An audible groan leaving his lips when his injured shoulder had touched the ground.

"Please no. Not again." Eyes unfocused, and left arm cradled on his lap, Deeks backed away from the approaching figure, eventually bumping against the slide and not able to move farther away.

Using all the knowledge imparted to him by the US Navy and experience as both a Seal and NCIS agent, Sam quickly stopped his progress and allowed Deeks space and time to continue his retreat. Only moving again when his friend was stopped by the bright, yellow slide.

Taking small strides, Sam reached Deeks and slowly lowered himself until he was kneeling next to him. Trying to get close to the man without startling him again. "Deeks, it is Sam. Are you okay?"

Shaking his head rapidly, Deeks tried backing away again but still couldn't move farther back. He then closed his eyes, trying to escape the moment at least mentally, if not physically.

"Deeks. Please, open your eyes. It's me, Sam." Fighting the urge to touch him again, Sam sat crossed legged and continued to stare at his friend. "Sam, from NCIS, remember? We work with Kensi and Callen. And Eric and Nell."

Names filtering through the darkness that clouded his thoughts, Deeks lowered his hand and opened his eyes. "Sam?" He asked incredulously while his arm moved to embrace his midsection. Ribs aching and a dull pain spreading through his body after the unexpected fall.

"Yes, brother. Are you okay?"

Nodding doubtfully, while a slight red began to spread through his cheeks at the realization of what had happened, Deeks tried to get up. Feeling embarrassed of Sam seeing him this way and just wanting to run.

Recognizing Deeks' obvious need to escape, and certain the man was lucid enough not to be startled again, Sam keep him in place with his strong hands. "Stay."

Responding to Sam's commanding voice, Deeks stopped struggling and just sat down. Back resting on the slide and arms still enclosing his body. "Why are you here?"

"We need to talk. Feel like having lunch? My treat." Getting up, Sam stretched a hand to Deeks, but the detective rapidly shook his head and just lowered his eyes to stare sadly at the ground.

"There's nothing to feel embarrassed about, you do know that, right?" Preferring to avoid the situation altogether, but knowing Deeks was still affected by what had just happened, Sam had no choice but to address it now.

"Easy for you to say, man. You move past everything and you're still you." Not realizing how much a simple comment could reveal, Deeks spoke without paying much attention to his words and just kept focusing on the ground below. The little red ants carrying food into their colonies seemingly more interesting than the Navy Seal in front of him.

Closing his eyes for a second in an effort to suppress the resurfacing memories, Sam reminded himself that Deeks needed his help now. "That's what you think, Deeks. But, how do you think I felt when Michelle found me after having a panic attack when I hid in the garden shed for too long while playing hide & seek with the kids?" Recognizing the wonder in Deeks' eyes, and realizing he probably didn't know what he was referring to, Sam stopped the question before it came. "That's a story for another day, let's just say I carry with me a lot of memories from my early Seal days. And I have left a lot of myself in said memories. Now come on, I heard there's a good diner a few blocks away." Stretching his hand one more time, Sam was only partially surprised when Deeks took it instantly with a sure nod.

Calling to Monty, the two friends left the park and walked to a diner located near the beach but not yet at it. A nearby patio allowing the shaggy dog to lay down while his daddy and uncle talked.

Reaching the main doors, Sam signaled for Deeks to take a table nearing the outside area while he moved to the front to order their food and drinks. Sitting down, Deeks was a little surprised by his senior teammate taking charge and ordering for both of them, but not as surprised as he was a few minutes later when said food arrived. "Burgers and shakes, really?" He asked with raised eyebrows.

Passing on the provided straw and spoon, Sam nodded with a smile and enjoyed a big sip of his own milkshake. "Drink." He insisted before continuing on his own beverage. "You'll feel better."

"I'm not one of your kids, man." Deeks joked with a smile before giving in and also trying the shake that sat in front of him. "Kit-Kat?" He asked with newly raised eyebrows.

"Kam's favorite." Sam responded in a low whisper. "The original diner is located around the house the kids grew up in, Michelle always took them there when they were having a bad day. How not to smile while enjoying this little piece of sweat heaven?" A smile on his own face, as if to prove the point, Sam spare a quick look towards the window and the heavens above.

"What happened with your body is a temple? Do you know how many calories are in this?" Deeks kept on his current train of thought, anything to delay the inevitable talk that was coming.

Knowing what he was doing, but willing to entertain him for a few more moments, Sam took another sip before responding. "Even the healthiest temple sometimes needs some joy. Some color and some spice." After a teasing smile, then a wink and a hand motion towards the food, Sam was the first to take a bite, before both friends made quick work of their double cheeseburgers.

Food devoured and shakes on their last remains, Deeks sighed as he prepared himself for the questions that would soon follow. Certain that whatever had prompted Sam to want to talk to him in the first place had only been worsened by his reaction at the playground.

"How have you been doing?" Sam eventually asked, sensing Deeks uneasiness grow and trying to give his friend an opening to share on his own.

Knowing his usual reply of fine wouldn't cut it, Deeks shook his head, hoping Sam would understand that he was struggling.

Two men who had not previously gotten along, now able to stare at each other and, with a simple look, share all that words sometimes couldn't. Sam spotting in Deeks the same expression he had carried after the Sidorov incident 5 years prior, similarly as he had recognized in Kensi the same look Deeks had given him the year before.

The arrival of their dessert, a peach pie Sam had insisted had to be tried even after the shakes, stopping a conversation that had not yet begun and both men deciding to enjoy the moment while just sharing small talk. Sam, also talking advantage of the extra minutes to shot Callen a text requesting the afternoon off.

A half hour later, the two men and dog, left the diner and unconsciously turned left towards the beach, instead of right to their cars and playground. "So… will you openly share or do I need to start asking questions?" Sitting now on a bench on the beach's boardwalk, Sam tried again giving Deeks the freedom to share on his own terms.

"What do you want to me to say that you already don't know?" Deeks naturally tried deflecting, knowing he needed help, and Sam was offering it to him, but still not certain how to truly open up.

"Let's start with why is Kensi at work and you alone at a playground?" Taking advantage of Deeks' words, he tried asking one question that could set in motion the desired conversation.

Sighing sadly, and hating himself for continuing to lie to his friend, Deeks continued trying to avoid the real issue. "We just decided it's time for her to get back to work, I'm almost back to full health and will be joining her soon. Speaking of which why are you still here, Sam? Shouldn't you be at work?"

Giving Deeks credit for the way he had managed to spin the conversation back to him, but knowing from Kensi, his words were a lie, Sam just shook his head. "I requested the afternoon off, so no need to worry about being late."

"But if you're here, who's backing up Callen? Who's protecting Kensi? What if they have to go out into the field?" Tone raising with every word, Deeks tried to keep his composure as naturally all worry for himself flew out the window when it came to Kensi's wellbeing.

"That's not really my job. I have Callen's back and he has mine." Wincing at his own words, Sam kept following his new idea. "That's why we all have partners."

Not believing the words coming out of Sam's lips, and too fired up to think of the man's intention, Deeks fell right into the trap. "What are you saying man, your job is to keep the whole team safe, not just Callen."

"And that's what I'm doing, brother. Or are you not part of the team anymore?" A small smile on his face, Sam continued to move the conversation where he wanted while he enjoyed his small victory.

"Yes, I… am. But, but Kensi… You should be at work having her, and Callen's backs. That's… that's why we have partners." Fumbling with the words, Deeks eventually fell quiet as he realized he was talking himself into a corner.

"Exactly. And you're Kensi's partner. You should be at work taking care of each other, not here doing whatever you were doing."

"But I'm not clear for duty yet, I can't."

"And what are you doing to get there? What are you doing to get better?" Knowing he had him, Sam's smile turned into a full on smirk.

"I'm… I'm…" Deeks quickly stopped, not able to lie anymore. What came next was the complete truth, along with silent tears that finally managed to escape his eyes. He spoke about his fights with Kensi, the thoughts on his head every time he wanted to open up to her, and ultimately his recent memories and the fear that just as Brandel, he could turn into a monster.

Sam heard everything, the smirk replaced with a sad smile but a smile nonetheless because Deeks was finally opening up and now he could truly help his friend begin to heal. "Remember our talk last year in the shooting range? When Kensi was still out." The ex-Seal asked when his younger teammate had finished talking.

Nodding slowly, Deeks remembered how he had felt back then, and his tears came more rapidly at the realization that now he was making Kensi feel that same awful way.

"You wanted Kensi to open up to you. And you didn't care what she was going through, you just wanted to help. Now she just wants the same thing. And just as you were certain at the time, she won't turn her back on you. You're meant for each other, man. You just gotta let her in." Remembering his years as a Seal and agent, and the moments when he, himself had struggled with PTSD, he thought about Michelle, and shared with Deeks what he wished someone had told him back then.

"But what if I'm not good enough, what if I turn into Brandel?" Thinking of Callen's words the day he left the hospital, Deeks felt the certainty he had felt back then shatter as he thought back to his recently resurfacing memories. "What if she's better off not knowing and just walking away?"

"Would you have been better off if you had walked away last year? Decided to leave Kensi alone and find another person to spend your life with?" Sam asked what he thought was the obvious question, knowing in Deeks' state it was easy to miss the important things.

Shaking his head instantly, Deeks realized he would be asking Kensi to do something he would never do to her. Maybe their feelings were more similar than he thought, and he just had to do now what he had wanted her to do one year ago. "But, it is different man, Kensi comes from a strong family, military values and a father that only gave her valuable lessons. I come from… I come from Brandel."

"But we're not our history, brother. We're not our past. The violence doesn't course in your blood. You are not destined to become your father." Fighting his own angry tears, Sam again wished he had been able to beat into Brandel the pain and insecurities he had beat into Deeks from such a young age. "I can't begin to imagine what growing up with Brandel what's like. All I know, Deeks, is that, for better or worse, it made you the man you're today. Somebody we all trust with our lives. A friend we care about, and a piece of our team we are also missing now."

Sam's words able to carve a small stream of light in between the darkness that previously clouded Deeks' thoughts. But even in that brief moment of clarity, still one last doubt remained. "What if… what if, she gets tired of waiting?" Deeks asked shakily, question not really meant for Sam in particular, just an insecurity spoken out loud.

Laughing at the words that had popped up on his head, and feeling like the old therapist he and Michelle had one time visited after another near disaster in their law enforcement careers, Sam still decided to share for the benefit of his friend. "There's no timeline for love, man. You don't have to figure it all out in one go. You're young, you have all your life ahead of you. The problem is not Kensi waiting for you to heal, but you opening up so she can help you get there. You're meant for each other." Sam repeated words previously spoken to him. "Let her help, be a team. Then, she wouldn't be waiting, but being with you every step of the way." Just as Michelle did for me. Final words thought but remaining unsaid.

Nodding slowly, Deeks again felt a familiar certainty spread through his mind. Same as when he had talked with Callen, his friends always able to push his demons back. Maybe he could truly be better than his past? If his family believed it could happen, now he just had to fully believe it himself.

Seeing Deeks back lost inside his head, and hoping now he wasn't trapped in old memories but thinking of the things he had said, Sam pushed himself off the bench and signaled for his friend to follow. "Come on let's go, unless you've got something better to do in this fine playground, in this fine afternoon." He half-joked.

"Yeah, I've gotta get practicing my Ollies so I'm ready for skateboarding back in the Olympics. You know, gotta wow LA with my skills." Old demons fully gone for now, Deeks was able to smile and return to his jokester self. He then signaled to the nearby skating park just as a young rider jumped too high and ended up crashing to the ground, making both adult men wince in sympathy.

"Or you could just go back to the water. You know, surfing is also now part of the Olympics lineup. And well… that fall would have hurt less in the water." Accepting that a light moment was needed after the serious talk, Sam still took the opening to bring up Deeks' forgotten favorite pastime. "I've heard Tokyo is lovely in the summer. Also a possible nice destination for someone's honeymoon." Sam threw the last idea in there, hoping to remind Deeks of the bigger picture and what his future held for him.

"But that's in 2020, too soon, man, too soon." Deeks said distractedly. Not sure himself, what the two men were talking about anymore. But a dreamy smile on his face and his hand no longer cradling his midsection but absentmindedly caressing his ring finger.

Chuckling at Deeks' reaction, and having reached their cars, Sam opened the front door and got inside. "Well, at least the LA Olympics aren't til 2028 so you got time, man."

"Yeah, we've all the time in the world." Deeks answered simply, both men catching the double meaning behind his words. Idea having changed from just Deeks, to Kensi and Deeks, and the future that laid in wait for them. After a thankful nod, and shared look full of emotion, Deeks also got inside his car, as both men began their drives home. Both with minds lost in the subject of love, that which will never return but also never die, and that young and new that would soon fully evolve into what Sam and Michelle once had.


	27. Chapter 27: Full Circle

_Hard to believe that I started writing this chapter last summer on a plane traveling to visit my brother in San Francisco. During that trip I got a called from my father and I learned what you all already know. It was very hard to focus after that. But now, for the first time in months I'm truly enjoying this whole thing again, both writing my stories and reading other's fics. I hope some of you are still here to enjoy the end of Ghost. I've been working on the last chapter (plus possibly an epilogue), along with two one-shots of Deeks before NCIS, and I hope to post those soon enough. Thanks so much to everyone that has waited for me, and I apologize for having taken so long, I promise that was never my intention, life just got complicated along the way,_

 _Jess._

* * *

 **Chapter 27: Full Circle**

Arriving home after his talk with Sam, Deeks was inclined to walk straight to Kensi, apologize for everything he had made her feel and the way he had been acting and share everything right then and there. But deep down he knew in life there was a natural progression to things and some weren't meant to be rushed. So swallowing his words for another day, he walked to the kitchen and got started on dinner while he waited for Kensi to get back from work.

Monday night, dinner was enjoyed in comfortable silence, only small talk shared and both Kensi and Deeks just trying to avoid a new argument. Kensi clueless of the talk that had happened that afternoon and Deeks just thinking about everything Sam had said. Man and woman had gone to bed wishing for better days, Kensi not knowing how close they were and Deeks determined to give that, and the whole world, to her.

As the previous week, each of the next 7 days brought a new layer to a relationship that now began to rebuild itself. It was like peeling an onion, although this time, layers were not taken away but added on top of each other, until Marty and Kensi became one again.

On Tuesday, Deeks had opened up more about growing up with Brandel. After all, every story needs a strong foundation.

Wednesday, they had talked about their years after respectively losing their fathers. Empathy and sharing are important in any relationship, and shared experiences and feelings make for strong connections.

On Thursday, Deeks had explained how everything had started. From the first envelope, to the last. Because every ending has a beginning.

Friday, it had been about running to Mexico. Because every story needs a twist and a diversion.

On Saturday, Deeks in between tears had described his days with Brandel. Because men and women sometimes need dark days, so they can truly see the light in the others.

Sunday, it had been his recent memories and talk with Sam. Because in every story there is evil and there's good. And also a middle ground.

On Monday, bringing the story to full circle, they both talked about the future. Because every story deserves a happy ending.

A little each day, talk by talk, word by word, story by story, Deeks and Kensi had returned to common ground. The storm was finally passing, and calming airs breathed back in. Kensi and Deeks no longer walked on different sides of the same home, but together, side by side.

-x-x-x-

In the following weeks, Deeks decided that it was time to fully heal and move on. So, using all of the LAPD and NCIS resources he had available, and more importantly, his teammates and friends, he focused on setting all his affairs in order so he could put this experience behind him.

With the assistance of Bates and LAPD, he was able to exhume the remains that had previously been thought to be Brandel's and give the affected family a proper burial and commemoration for a fallen father, and husband. Now Marta and her kids had a proper site to visit and remember Carlos, Brandel's first cellmate that had become collateral damage in his twisted revenge plot.

Similarly, Franco was laid to rest at a nearby cemetery. A small service attended by the NCIS team and his son, the young man that had been given a second chance at life thanks to his father's love and the power of friendship. That death still hurt deep in Deeks' soul, even more so, when he had finally been brave enough to share the full story with his teammates, from their first encounter, to their last, which had only happened through the screen in which Deeks had seen the video of his death. Still, he had been able to find comfort in the knowledge that Franc had met Max Gentry, the lowlife thug with a volatile reputation, but had chosen to give up his life for Marty Deeks, the cheerful LAPD detective with a dark past but bright outlook on life.

Deeks had also searched for Bill, the old surfer that had been his first connection with the ocean, and one that ended up giving him more fatherly love than surfing advice. With the help of the wonder twins, Deeks had been able to find out that Bill had moved to Mexico, reason why he hadn't been able to find him when he had looked before. But the search had ended up in bad news, with the discovery that Bill had passed away from cancer a few years in the past. He had never married and left this world with no wife or children, but always surrounded by his family of surfers and bathed in the cold waters of their beloved Pacific Ocean.

Finally, on one early morning visit to the office, Deeks had managed to run away for a few minutes. Reaching the parking garage, he had located the car he had driven to Mexico, and carefully getting inside, he had made quick work of the screws that kept together the central console and recovered his letters. Pushing down his first instinctual desire to set them on fire, he decided to stash them in his messenger bag. Later that night, when Kensi had been in the shower, he had taken them out and hidden the three envelopes where he thought she would never find them. He sure hoped he wouldn't need them again, but in their line of work, there were no guarantees.

-x-x-x-

After Deeks had finally decided to open up to Kensi, and accept the help of his team in his quest to recover, things began to move more rapidly. Days turned into weeks, and months, and quickly approaching was the second month anniversary of Deeks' rescue.

Physically, the detective was almost back to full strength, his arm out of the sling and no repercussions to his father's actions other than a faint scar on his left shoulder. His lungs had fully healed from the water-boarding, and the skin around his wrists showed no vestige of where the ropes had burned through. Now it was just a matter of continuing to progressively increase his level of exercise, and attend his final two physical therapy sessions.

Mentally, his state wasn't as easy to describe. Labelling it as just healed or injured didn't paint the whole picture, as the detective lived in a perpetual state of gray mid-point after everything he had been forced to endure in his life. He would never be completely healed, but he was no longer broken.

-x-x-x-

On a quiet Saturday morning, a couple days after Deeks' final physical therapy session and when he had received the physical all clear, a light knock came to their door. Untangling their bodies and getting up from the couch, Kensi and Deeks had opened the door to find the wonder twins on the other side. Nell wearing a colorful dress, and holding a picnic basket on one hand. Eric hugging his surf board and wearing shorts and sandals.

Deeks' first reaction had been to panic. But Kensi's comforting hand on his shoulder had brought his raising heart back into a normal rhythm. Reluctantly agreeing he had picked up his board and joined his teammates for a Saturday at the beach.

The first hour had gone smoothly, the four friends enjoying small talk and munching on the fruit Nell had brought for them. Things had turned a little tense when Eric had suggested the boys go to the water, while the girls took advantage of the early morning sun.

Sitting on his surfboard a few minutes later, Deeks ran his fingers over the water. After months with no surfing the saltiness and cold felt foreign but equally familiar. Something you hadn't seen in a long time, but which was still comfortable and welcoming.

Noticing how Eric kept riding the waves on his own, and knowing enough of what Deeks had gone through, Nell had been the one to propose that they joined their boyfriends in the water. A sure, grateful nod revealing that Kensi understood and appreciated her friend's gesture. Wanting to give their friend's space, Nell had gone straight to Eric, knocking the unsuspecting tech off his board and chuckling as he had come up spluttering.

Kensi for her part, had announced her presence before getting closer and wrapping her arms around Deeks' back. The blonde cop instantly feeling a comforting warmth spread through his body upon her fiancé's touch. After a short pep talk, Deeks had decided it was finally time to regain his life back, and surfing was a vital part of his being that he needed to reconquer.

The first wave was a small one, Deeks riding it to the shore and smiling all the way through. He had gone directly for a second, then a third, and forth. All the while his three teammates smiled. Their plan having worked, and the image of Deeks enjoying surfing again one they never wanted to forget. His laugh the most beautiful sound to Kensi's ears, and his grin the one thing that proved that everything truly was back where it had started.

On his fifth wave, Deeks had stumbled and fallen head first into the water. The cold liquid rushing inside his mouth and nose transporting him back to that dreaded room with Brandel and his cronies. This time around, he had opened his eyes not to the hateful face of the older triplet but to the concerned, mismatched eyes of Kensi. She had helped him get up and out of the water and both had instantly collapsed onto the sand. Deeks didn't even have time to panic or process what had just happened, Kensi's lips over his, shutting up his mouth as well as his thoughts. And his mind going into its usual overdrive. He still couldn't believe this amazing woman was truly his.

Eric and Nell had followed worriedly, trying to help any way possible. But after Kensi's lips had converged with Deeks' and a quick kiss had somehow evolved into almost making out in the middle of the beach, tech and analyst had decided to keep walking back to their original spot. Following in their teammates they had also shared a kiss. The two more comfortable now with their relationship, and wanting to return to the double dates with Kensi and Deeks. But still not ready to share this new development with the senior members of their team. Even though they both suspected that they probably already knew.

The rest of the day had gone perfectly. Eric and Deeks having convinced the girls to join them in the water and Nell showing off her quickly improving skills, but still not quite at Kensi's level. They had then enjoyed some fish tacos for dinner before their drive back home. The four teammates promising to do it again next weekend, and maybe soon even try to get Sam and Callen to join in. The four of them would pay good money to see the boys up in a board, and Deeks not above using almost dying to his advantage.

-x-x-x-

Another two weeks had passed, and Deeks received the psychological all clear. Getting back into the water had been the last hurdle he needed to clear, and with Eric, Nell and Kensi's help he was back to his old self. For the last week he had already been working desk duty until noon, and every day now he was closer to field work.

One night, Kensi came home to find no one around. Monty was lying down in front of the door, his paws extended and his head resting on top. But Marty was nowhere to be found. Worry increasing by the second, Kensi had gotten Monty on his leash and walked to the nearby beach, then to his favorite food truck, the grocery store, and even driven to the mission, LAPD precinct and his mother's house. But Deeks was still nowhere around.

Calling Eric, knowing he would also be with Nell, she had explained what happened and asked them to track Deeks. The words _Mexico_ echoing on her mind, along with the memory of his previous escapade. But things were better now, they were back to normal, so why would he be in Mexico… There was no need to run anymore. But everyone left her. So maybe Deeks had too.

As she continued to hear typing on the other end of the phone, worst case scenarios continued to play on her mind. All her previous fears and insecurities drawn to the surface and her sanity slipping away. Her heart calmed down however, when the twins gave her an address that was just a few miles away from their house. After explaining that no, they didn't need to call Callen and Sam, she had it all under control, and promising to call back with news, Kensi got back inside the car and started driving towards the provided address.

A few minutes later, she reached a rundown bar with no name on the front. Parking the car and texting Nell to let her know she had arrived, she walked inside. The instant odor of alcohol assaulted her nostrils, along with that of sweat and other things she didn't want to consider. The bar was bigger than it looked on the outside, a simple bar table running along the back of the building, an old, broken down pool table to the left, and a few tables to the right. Quickly looking side-to-side she located the object of her worries sitting down alone on the end of the bar. A glass of water on his hand, and his finger absentmindedly playing with the straw.

"Deeks, what are you doing here? Didn't we agree on no more running?" Kensi asked as soon as she reached her boyfriend, who turned around wide-eyed. But his sight quickly lowered as his eyes regained a darkness and sadness she hadn't seen in more than a month. "Deeks?"

Reaching a hand to her, he pulled her close, and placed a kiss on her forehead. "I'm not running, I just needed to understand."

"Understand what, Deeks?" Confused by his words, Kensi sat down and began running her fingers through his hair. A motion that always succeeded in drawing a smile out of him.

"Why he chose this place over us." Deeks simply responded. The desired smile never making an appearance and his eyes never regaining their natural spark.

It took Kensi a few minutes to process his words but her heart broke as soon as realization came upon her. "Do you mean that we… We're at..?" She couldn't even finish voicing the thought.

"I grew up a few miles from here. This is the bar Brandel used to come to. This is the place that took my father away." _Father._ Not the usual way in which Deeks referred to Gordon John Brandel. But the truth nonetheless.

Moving closer, Kensi pulled Deeks towards her and hugged him close. "It didn't, baby. Misplaced frustration took your father away. This place was just an easy outlet. A way to not think, a way to run." As she spoke, she looked around. All the proof to her words was sitting around. Men and women drowning their sorrows in alcohol. Wishing to forget. Wishing to not feel. None of them knowing that the answers to their troubles were outside of this place.

"But what could this place give him that mama and I couldn't?" Voice breaking and a hitch as tears finally came.

"Nothing, Marty. But your father wasn't looking for that. He was just looking for an escape, not understanding, and not help. You couldn't have saved someone that didn't want to be saved." The couple then remained silent for a few minutes. Deeks' head resting on Kensi's chest and her arms wrapped tightly around him. Every sniffle bringing a new wave of hurt to a woman that couldn't stand watching the most important man in her life suffer.

After some more time of just looking around, at the patrons of the bar, the bar itself, and noticing again the odor around her, Kensi had no wonders anymore. This place had been standing for more than 30 years and it had housed a lot of broken people and probably also wrecked a lot of families along the way.

All the while Deeks and Kensi were at the bar, none of the patrons noticed anything that had just happened. All of them too busy and fixated on their drinks. As the door opened and closed, a fresh, cold air came rushing in. But again, no one noticed. A whole city full of life around, but everyone too enclosed on their own troubles and too proud to ask for help.

"Come here, baby." Getting up from the stool, and dragging Deeks behind her, Kensi directed her fiancé towards the door. Deeks moving on auto-pilot and his almost silent sniffles following them as they walked the length of the bar. "Let's go home. There's nothing for you here. Not now, not ever." As the door closed behind them, only the memories of Deeks' old nightmares and Brandel's many nights at the bar remained.

-x-x-x-

Getting home, Kensi led Deeks towards the couch and sat him down. He quickly borrowed into her embrace. No words leaving his mouth and his eyes still looking lost.

Not wanting to pressure him into talking just now, and understanding he needed to find his way on his own, Kensi just ran her fingers through his hair and back, and whispered an _I love you_ every once in a while. She also texted Nell to let them know that everyone was okay and that they were back home.

"Can… can I ask a question?" Deeks eventually inquired. His voice light and eyes closed.

"Always, baby." Kensi answered quickly. Happy that Deeks was not withdrawing into himself again.

Drawing in a deep breath, Deeks steeled his nerves before lifting himself off Kensi and looking at her straight into her mismatched eyes. "What would you say to your father if you could see him alive one last time?"

The unexpected question came as a punch to Kensi's gut, but not wanting to hurt Deeks or force him to shut down, she schooled her features, and took a second before answering. "I would say that I forgive him." She said simply.

"Why?"

"Because that's sometimes all a daughter needs to say, and all a father needs to hear."

"But _why?_ Don was the perfect father. Brandel… was not." Deeks was confused now. Every story he had ever heard of Donald Blye spoke of the strong, noble and loyal man that he was. Qualities that he had never seen in past, or present, Gordon John Brandel.

"No one is perfect, Deeks. It took me a long time to learn that." Kensi began. "I would say that I forgive him for leaving me. For not saying goodbye" Kensi continued, answering Deeks' question directly this time. "I would say I forgive him for not being here now to meet you. To walk me down the aisle." A sharp intake of breath from both Kensi and Deeks punctuated her last comment. "I would say I forgive him for lying about what he did. For keeping secrets. Violence is not the only thing that can wreak a family, baby. In your case, it was. But love broke mine. Love for his country, and for his family. And the misdirected feeling that he needed to protect us. He wasn't the only strong one, my mother and I could have taken the truth, and we could have been together until that last trip he took."

"Ok." Deeks answered softly, feeling nothing he said would live up to everything Kensi had just spoken.

"I was angry with him when he died. I was angry with my mom. I was angry with myself." Kensi continued to open up. "But anger got me nowhere. It just clouded my judgement and led me down a dark path. With time, I forgave him. My mom too. And eventually I was also able to pardon myself for my own shortcomings. So if he was alive today, I would tell him that."

That night, no more words were spoken. Kensi and Deeks walking to their room short after and door closing softly behind them. Kensi had fallen asleep quickly, the reassuring presence of Deeks' body next to hers able to push all her fears away and lull her into a peaceful feeling of normalcy. Deeks, on the other hand, had remained awake for a longer time. Fear beginning to settle comfortably within the blonde man at the realization of what he knew he needed to do now, the final step in his recovery road.


	28. Chapter 28: Sympathy for the Devil

_Today, two years ago I opened a word document that I titled "Crazy Idea" and began to write. That day I only wrote a quick first chapter and didn't touch it again until December when I started working on it consistently. That story grew up to become Ghost. I vividly remember spending that New Year's Eve obsessively typing, writing the chapter when Deeks goes to Mexico, even as my parents kept telling me to get away from my laptop. Few things have ever made me as happy as writing did back then, along with the surprise I felt every time I got positive comments about it. But then many things happened, and I lost my way with it. I'm sorry for all the time that passed between updates, I see now I probably took on more than I could handle, and I never expected this to get so long or complicated. But I haven't dedicated this much time to many things in my life, and today I just feel proud about my little, imperfect, crazy idea. Even if I also feel nervous about posting again._

 _Thank you to whoever is still there and thank you to everyone that read it in the past and supported it at any point. I'm sorry for the delays._

 _Jess._

* * *

 **Chapter 28: Sympathy for the Devil**

After their arrest on the day of Deeks' rescue, Huey, Dewey, and Louie had been taken to the California State Prison in Lancaster. Only about 60 miles from the City of Angels, but the triplets not able to hurt Deeks anymore. Bail had been undoubtedly denied so the men had remained in confinement until their trial day when the third triplet had been sentenced to more years in prison than his own body would last, for first degree murder for Franc's death, aggravated kidnapping, and assault of a police officer, among other offenses. While his younger-by-2-minutes brothers had been able to escape the homicide charge but not accessory to murder. Both men at high risk of spending the remainder of their lives in prison, depending on how nature decided to run its course, but both certain they would live out the prime of their lives in a cell.

During court proceedings, and upon NCIS's insistence, Gordon John Brandel had been sent to the Metropolitan Detention Center, a federal prison in downtown Los Angeles, while he awaited sentencing. After which he was to be transferred to a high security prison in the Eastern Coast of the country, far away from the triplets, and the city in which he caused so much damage, and more importantly, in a location where he would never be able to hurt Roberta and Marty Deeks ever again.

-x-x-x-

It had been a couple months since the whole ordeal with Brandel, almost a month since Deeks had been working desk duty, two weeks since his heartfelt conversation with Kensi, and one week since Brandel had been sentenced.

Surprising them all, the man had decided to plead guilty, the fight apparently gone from his body. Deeks had originally wanted to attend his sentencing hearing but his teammates had managed to convince him that they could be his surrogates during that day. The detective had originally complained, but his fight had been short-lived, the man secretly happy that he wouldn't have to see his father.

At Deeks insistence, his mother had agreed to skip the hearing too, but on the morning of, she had decided otherwise. When the judge had begun to talk, Roberta Deeks had been seating victoriously at the back, head held high and spine rigid, and, when the words had been spoken and Gordon had been finally sentenced, a lone tear had managed to escape her eyes. For the memories of the past, and the pain of what could have been.

30 years ago, she had been at the front row when Gordon had been sent to prison for the first time, but on that day, she was happy to be at the back. Knowing he had been asking to see her, and not wanting to give the man the satisfaction of knowing she was there. When the sentencing had ended, she had quietly slipped out the door before any of Marty's teammates had a chance to see her. A smile on her face, but sadness in her eyes.

-x-x-x-

The sound of his own scream woke Deeks up and he was disoriented for a second, his breathing coming in ragged as he tried to slow down his heartbeat. Looking down, his shirt was covered in sweat and his fingers still held tightly to his cornflower blue sheets, as if still trying to get away from whatever monster had been tormenting his dreams. Turning sideways, he was not surprised to meet Kensi's concerned gaze as she stared at him. Standing watch over him, one of her hands had been stroking his hair, while the other one laid over his shaking one, his fingers looking pale from the effort it took to hold onto the bed. Swiftly averting her mismatched eyes, he tried to turn towards the other side of the room but Kensi was quicker and grabbing hold of his shirt, she pulled him towards her body and hugged him tightly. Her hand had moved downward, as she quietly stroke his back, trying to help him calm down. No words were spoken for the next few minutes, Kensi just continuing to provide the silent comfort Deeks needed.

"Do you want me to go with you tomorrow?" Kensi eventually asked after Deeks' breathing had finally returned back to normal.

At first, he didn't respond, instantly missing the quiet that had finally managed to push back the remains of his nightmare and silence the buzzing in his ears. "Thank you, Kens. But who know this is something I must do alone."

The answer, spoken in a sad, dejected tone, only made Kensi hug Deeks harder, her mind quickly invaded by rushing memories of all the times she hadn't been alone because Deeks had been standing by her side. But this time, even though she wanted to fight it, down in her bones she knew he was right, and this was a battle that only he could fight. But neither of them certain that he would ever win.

"You're never alone, Deeks." She still said for good measure, echoing words she had spoken not so long ago when they had joked about breaking him out of prison, and living the rest of their lives on the lam.

The same idea that came to Deeks then, intruded his mind now, as he thought about the open road, eating street tacos and lots of ice cream, but not necessarily robbing banks as, at this moment, he wanted nothing more than to stay far away from jail.

Kensi frowned at the lack of response and missed the I love you with which that old conversation had ended but imagining the turmoil that must be raging in his mind, she decided to say nothing more. Instead she continued to hold him tight, fighting her own need for sleep until his gentle breathing told her that Deeks had finally fallen back asleep, Kensi following soon after.

-x-x-x-

The echo of a gunshot woke him up in a tangle of fists and screams. Sweat trickled down his neck, and onto the jumpsuit that he was forced to wear. Gordon John Brandel had been dreaming of Thanksgiving Day, 1990 and the memories of that day had shaken him. Lifting himself from the piece of mattress that could barely be considered a bed, he started pacing around his small cell. 6 feet in one direction, then 8. Not the first time he counted. Steel bars one on side, the outside world many layers of concrete away, and his mere existence reduced to a 6 by 8 feet room.

After exhausting himself, he finally decided to go back to bed, hoping his demons would decide to stay hidden this time. But the peace only lasted about an hour as the man again woke up in a haste, the image of his eleven-year old son holding a gun and pointing it at him shining vividly on his mind.

The third nightmare of the night landed him on the ground, as the echo of the gunshot made him jump this time, the long-remembered pain making his shoulder ache as he rubbed it trying to alleviate a physical discomfort that wasn't really there.

Wanting nothing more of that fateful day, Gordon Brandel decided to stay awake for the rest of the night. A difficult feat on itself as nights in prison seemed to pass even slower than in the outside world. Grabbing a book that he had managed to check out from the prison library, he decided to try to read instead, but his thoughts kept going back to 1990 and the obsessive compulsion of his subconscious honestly surprised him. He had always been prone to nightmares, but they usually took many shapes. Sometimes it was his own childhood, others the times when he had been jumped in prison, but nowadays, very rarely those night terrors took the picture of his son, much less the 11-year-old boy he had been then. So, he wondered if the universe might be trying to send a signal, and something special was about to happen on his last day in LA. He had tried to see Roberta again, asking his public defender and using every phone time he got trying to contact the woman, but it had all been in vain.

-x-x-x-

Morning eventually came, and Marty Deeks now stood in front of the mirror, chest bare and button-down shirt hanging over his shoulder. Heart beating steadily, his hand traced various scars around his body. Two over his chest from the shooting at the convenience store, one along his ribs from a knife when he had been undercover with LAPD, and a faint line, barely visible on his left shoulder.

Drawing in a deep breath, Deeks stopped the exploration of his many battle wounds and proceeded to put on his shirt. Tie and blazer feeling too constrictive, so they were quickly discarded to the side, as Deeks walked outside the room.

Breakfast was eaten silently, with Kensi stealing quick looks at the man sitting beside her. Wanting to make sure he was alright and ready to listen if he wanted to talk. Not surprisingly, Deeks had said nothing and had barely taken a bite off his frittata. A part of Kensi had wanted to tell Deeks to just stay home, they could spend all day in the couch, whispering sweet nothings to each other, ignoring the significance of this day. But she knew it wasn't wise, and Deeks needed this day to happen as much as she wanted to take his pain away.

-x-x-x-

Staring at his reflection on the puddle of water that laid on the shower's floor, Gordon Brandel noticed that he looked like hell. He had barely slept the night before, nightmare upon nightmare making it impossible for the man to sleep more than an hour straight. The dark circles under his eyes only dwarfed by the dark purple shading that encircled his right eye. The bruise dark over his pale skin and newly sowed stitches adding a rough exterior to a now soft core.

Silently he traced his fingers around the bruise as he remembered the attack. It had all happened quickly. One minute he had been reading a book at the library, the next he was being grabbed from behind and pulled back towards some shelves. The first hit had come to his gut, the next two to his face, and the one coming from a shiv had been stopped by an officer, who had stumbled into the room, looking doubtful as he ordered the men to back away from Brandel. His identity and offense widespread knowledge around the prison, both to the inmates' disgust, because everyone had a mother and many also a son, and a hit to the officers' pride, many whom knew Deeks and his teammates personally.

-x-x-x-

At Kensi's insistence Deeks had decided to ride an uber, his fiancé arguing that his mind was too distracted, and it was best not to get behind the wheel. Now, he has thankful for that as he just closed his eyes and tried to steal his nerves. Part of himself, wondered why he was so anxious, when he had technically just spent a week with his father. Today they would just be in a room together for a short time, and now he wasn't his prisoner, or his child son, he was an equal, and in reality, much more than that. The thought making him silently curse himself for having left the blazer and tie at home, as if an outfit would really make him feel bigger than the devil himself.

As the car got closer to their destination, Deeks felt as if he was going to be sick. Quickly rolling down the window, he took in a deep breath, relishing the familiar saltiness of the nearby Pacific Ocean that came with it. Taking slow, deep breaths, Deeks closed his eyes again and tried to think of Kensi. Even if she wasn't physically here, he was sure she still had the power to quiet his demons. He imagined her fingers on his hair, and that familiar feeling of calm began to overtake him just as it had the night before. However, it all abruptly ended when the car came to a stop in front of the Metropolitan Detention Center.

Sensing this was more than a friendly visit, his driver stayed quiet as Deeks again began to nearly hyperventilate. A few minutes passed until he managed to calm himself enough to exit the car, apologizing to the driver for the extra time he took, but only receiving an encouraging nod in return.

After fixing his hair, shirt and collar with the help of his reflection on the building's window, Deeks began taking tentative steps towards the entrance. With each new step came the thought of running but the echoed words of his father calling him a coward pushed him to keep moving forward.

Check-in had gone by quickly enough, Bates and Callen having already informed the center of his presence and asking them to please make his visit as comfortable as possible. He had then been asked to wait until a few minutes later an officer had come to get him, letting him know _the prisoner_ was ready to see him.

-x-x-x-

Brandel had not been informed at what time his transfer would take place, so when an officer came to get him, he naturally assumed that it was time for him to go. He had been honestly surprised when instead of leading him towards the outside, the man walked him to the visitor section, an area he had only seen when meeting his public defender, never having had the pleasure of a real visitor coming to see him. But even the public defender had stopped coming when he had decided to plead guilty, the man seeing no need to visit his client since he wasn't giving him a real fight to partake in.

For a brief moment he wondered if Roberta had opted to see him, but the thought was promptly discarded. If she hadn't felt the need to be at his sentencing, much less would she want to visit him today. Then he thought it could be one of his son's teammates, but after the murderous parting stares they had thrown his way as he had been led away after his hearing, he didn't think any of them would want to see him, unless it was to shot him in the head, and he doubted any of them would take it that far. Not out of sympathy for him, just a matter of self-preservation.

-x-x-x-

As Deeks began to walk deeper and deeper inside the prison, the rattling of metal and doors being opened and closed reminded him of when he, himself, had been on the other side of the law. The remembered feelings of regret and guilt that had anguished him them, quickly making a return, as Deeks vividly recalled the cell door being closed after he had been arrested for his ex-partner's murder.

As a child forced to shoot his own father in self-defense, he had promised himself that he would always stay on the right side of the law, having been sitting on a police cruiser as Brandel had been led to prison that fateful night 30 years ago, he recalled the cold feeling that had spread around his body as the imposing building had swallowed the monster that darkened his childhood. But as, an adult, being arrested for murder had put a damper to that memory, and he had wondered if he could possibly belong in prison. And now, as he walked deeper into the building, he questioned if maybe ending in a place like this had been his destiny all along.

There are a lot of ways to escape from monsters, and maybe happiness wasn't in the cards for little boys that shot their own fathers. Sooner or later, he thought, his past mistakes would surely catch up to him and he would be forced to pay. Maybe it would be better if he took a hint from Brandel and decided to confess to Boyle's murder. The thought, however, was quickly stopped by the memory of Kensi and the realization that now his decisions wouldn't only affect his life. They would be getting married soon, and deciding that he didn't deserve a happy ending, was also denying Kensi one, and he would never willingly do that. Regardless of how much remorse and shame he would need to carry as a result.

The intrusive thoughts made him stumble and he took a second to breath slowly in and out, and after running a shaky hand through his hair, he quickly regained his composure and continued with strong strides. Before reaching the visitors room, Deeks stopped to take a final calming breath, before closing his hands in a fist and taking the final steps with determination.

-x-x-x-

No moment in his life could have prepared Brandel from the shock of seeing his son led into the room. Even if for a second, he wondered if it could be Roberta coming to say goodbye, Martin was the last person he had expected to see on this day. But now his dreams made more sense, and the universe could have in fact been trying to prepare him for this moment. After all, their story had begun in Marty's childhood and its early climax had arrived on that Thanksgiving Day that continued to make a reappearance on his dreams.

-x-x-x-

Looking inside, the figure Deeks saw was a Ghost of the man that had tormented his childhood and recent past. Clean shaven, and with short hair, Gordon and Marty had never looked so different to each other. A thought that brought Deeks peace, because after all, he was really his own man, and having Brandel as a father didn't mean that he had to follow in his footsteps.

"What are you doing here, son?" Brandel asked from his chair, as soon as Deeks entered the room, taking a hesitant step closer and eventually sitting down on a chair in front of his father. "Came to gloat?" Unlike before, no hate was carried in his words, just genuine curiosity, and dare Deeks think, regret?

"You look like hell." Deeks simply responded, ignoring his father's question and focusing instead on the dark circles around his eyes, one evidently a bruise that hadn't yet begun to fade. "Rough night?"

"Just nightmares." Brandel answered honestly, not knowing the punch his words would carry, but noticing his son inadvertently flinch. Turning his head sideways, he silently studied his son and slowly came to the realization that he had probably inherited his unlucky nighttime habit. "And an unfortunate encounter with some of my fellow inmates." He concluded, purposely straying the conversation away from the subject of nightmares.

Deeks wasn't surprised by his admission as he had already been told his father had been jumped in prison. And his mind was still caught on his first admission. Like father, like son resonated on his head as for the first time in his life he learned that he had inherited his propensity to nightmares from his father.

"I see that's not news to you." Brandel stated, being a perceptive man, having noticed his son's reaction, or actually lack thereof. "Maybe even orchestrated the whole thing yourself, or one of those federal agent friends of yours."

Before Deeks started trying to defend himself from the accusation, he decided to stop and not fall into Brandel's bait. He hadn't come here to fight.

"Are you okay?" He eventually asked sincerely.

"Having the time of my life." Brandel answered flippantly. But quickly sobered up, recognizing the peaceful demeanor of his son. "As well as can be expected… When trapped on a cement block with criminals that want to kill me for having abused my wife and son, and officers that… want the same because that son happens to be a police officer." He said honestly.

If only he knew that half of the police force hated him, Deeks thought, but he still felt gratitude at the correctional officers for having his back.

"Why are you really here, son?" Brandel eventually inquired. "You ask questions and seem to expect a real answer, but then you just retreat back into that head of yours. I don't remember you ever being this quiet, not even when you were a kid and had just started talking." The memory bringing a ting of sadness to the man.

So lost in thought, the sound of his father's voice had surprised Deeks, who lifted his head to stare eye to eye with Brandel. "No." He simply responded. "Came to see you off... and to talk." The last words spoken not higher than a whisper.

"Then talk, son. We don't have much time."

"I know."

All the million thoughts that he had mulled over on the way here, had suddenly decided to leave him, and Deeks found no words. His mouth felt dry, as his hand began to tremble. Running it through his hair, he tried to steal his nerves. Knowing that today would be his last chance, his mind went back to his conversation with Kensi and to the subject of forgiveness, wondering if he was even capable of it.

"I'm being transferred today… East Coast, they say. I hope it's Florida, I don't really like the cold." Brandel said, pushing his son to say whatever he had come here to share, or anything for that matter. If today was the last time he would see Marty again, he wanted something more than his soon unnaturally quiet.

"I know." Marty answered softly, an echo of his previous answer, and apparently the only two words his brain remembered. "It was my idea." He eventually added.

"I thought so." Brandel said. "Want to get me as far away as possible, I see." A hint of bitterness in his voice.

"I knew you had been jumped in prison… They showed me the video. I know they could have killed you if that officer hadn't stumbled upon you." Deeks shared, with a twinge of sadness in his voice.

"Are you saying you're trying to protect me?" The words followed by Brandel's familiar mocking laugh.

"Just because you haven't been a father in a long time, it doesn't mean that I can't be a son. And… I don't want you dead." The sincerity of his words caught Deeks by surprise as he hadn't come here expecting to share that truth. In reality, the thought was even news to him.

"Could have fooled me." Brandel said with a laugh, knowing that it was all a tactic to stop him from ever hurting his family again.

"There's some of that too." Deeks began, as if reading his father's thoughts. "We can't risk you ever getting out again and trying to hurt… me again. Or…" Deeks suddenly stopped, not even wanting to voice the possibility that Brandel would ever lay a hand on his mother again. "But the fact still remains that I'm a cop, and there's a lot of people here that would relish the chance to hurt you. I assume not every criminal in LA knows our history."

For once, Brandel didn't have an answer at the ready. So, he decided to stay quiet, judging the sincerity in his son's words, and ultimately coming to the realization that he wasn't lying. He saw his son open his mouth, then close it, and open it again before he managed to speak, and even then, his voice was not higher than a whisper.

"If I had had the chance to learn you were alive before you… started this whole mess, I think I could have actually been happy." Deeks stated sadly, remembering the call that had started this ordeal and Franc's subsequent death. "I wondered for a long time what had happened to you. I thought about searching, but deep down, I questioned if I was better off not knowing. But then, one day I got shot." He stopped, noticing his father wince. "I'm a cop, remember? You're not the first person to get me shot." He interrupted before continuing. "One day I got shot… and they asked me who could want to hurt me, so I thought of you for the first time in months, since I had started working with this new team and my life had finally taken a turn for the better. But then I learned you were dead. And I was surprised to feel sad, more confused than anything but also sad."

Brandel tried to reach his son but the handcuffs he had forgotten he was wearing yanked his hand back towards the chain at his midsection.

"A part of me then continued to wonder if maybe things could have been different another time around, if you were actually alive." Deeks continued absentmindedly. "Now I see that was foolish of me, because you were in fact alive, but instead of wanting a new start decided to hurt me more than you ever did before." Surprised at the admission, Deeks wanted to escape the confines of this room. He had been telling himself that what he endured during that week, couldn't compare to his own childhood, but now he saw he had all hurt more than he had wanted to admit. As a child he hadn't understood many of the things that happened to him, but as an adult he now knew everything in life was a matter of choice. Which meant that back then, and again now, when he could have chosen to be better, his father had instead preferred to hurt him, and as he did as a kid, he wondered what had he done to deserve that?

"Do you believe in second chances, son?" Brandel asked gently, all of the man's hate now fully gone.

"If you had asked me a couple months ago, I would have said yes." Deeks simply responded, before lifting himself from the chair and turning to exit the room.

Brandel tried to get up from his chair and stop his son, but the chains again yanked him back down. "Wait, don't leave yet."

Ignoring his father, Deeks motioned for the officer to open the door. But not before turning around one last time. "Thank you, dad. Because for better or worse, I'm the man I'm today thanks to you." The confession helping Deeks' courage build up. "I became a lawyer, and a cop, because of what you did. Because other kids like me, needed someone to save them. Because other mothers like mama, needed someone to stand on their corners. And it all eventually led me to the place I'm at right now, and I'm not certain I would have ended up here on my own." Seeing Brandel's lips part, Deeks slowly lifted his hand to halt whatever he was going to say. "You have said enough already, not today, but all my life. Today is my turn to speak."

"I know now how to be happy because of you, because from a young age, you showed me the worst the world had to offer, so I learned to find brightness in all that remained." Each new truth that finally got out, making Deeks determination grow. "And even if some of your darkness will always be in me, I managed to find my light. And she's beautiful." Deeks' bright blue eyes sparkled as he thought of Kensi and imagined their upcoming wedding. "And thanks to you, I will know how to be the best husband, and one day an amazing father, because… I might not know what to do, but at least I know what not to."

Brandel's mouth open agape, and uncharacteristic pride beginning to shine in his eyes. Because parents might do everything wrong, but sons and daughters can still turn out alright.

Thinking of his conversation with Kensi a couple weeks ago, Deeks closed his eyes for a second as he again remembered her words. "And before I leave, I forgive you, dad. I just hope one day you're able to forgive yourself." Parting words spoken, Deeks turned around to walk back down the hall he had come through.

"Are those word for my sake or yours?" Brandel asked behind him.

"Does it really matter?" Deeks simply answered, without even turning back to give his father one, last look. He then exited the room and began to walk decisively towards the outside world.

"Wait!" Brandel's shouted from the room, as the sounds of his father struggling against the officers prompted Deeks to briefly stop, but he eventually just resumed his walk. "Martin, son, just hear me out. Please. I'm sorry." The empty words of his father echoing behind him, but no longer able to hold any power over him.

Temptation is a strong emotion, and as Deeks continued to walk away from the room, he still considered turning around and hearing what Brandel had to say. But years around the man had taught him how unpredictable he could be and as he had said before, he had already said enough. And Deeks had already heard enough. Today had been about setting his own peace, and putting his own demons to finally rest, so he kept walking and never looked back. Wanting also that small, still innocent part of his soul to entertain the possibility that Brandel was going to say something positive, and not wanting to feel any more hate from his own father. Because even if he hadn't admitted it, he still believed in second chances, and thirds, and fourths…

-x-x-x-

"Son, please. Come back" Brandel continued to scream and struggle against the officers holding him.

When it was evident that Marty was gone, and he would never see his boy again, Brandel sat back dejectedly on the chair. Arms slumped down, and sad tears glistening his eyes, even as the man tried to fight them back.

"Get up." The officer directed, grabbing his arm to pull him up, and ready for a bout if Brandel decided to give him one.

Not having any fight left in his body, Brandel silently got up and followed the officer towards his cell, knowing this would be the last time he would be making this walk and by this time tomorrow who knows in which state he would even be.

"I do believe in second chances." Brandel whispered but cursed himself as he remembered that he had already been given that and had blown it too. His only refuge now, the memory of his son. Marty having looked much better than the last two times they had parted ways and the knowledge that against all odds he had managed to find happiness in the form of an unlikely family given the father the only small comfort that he had left.

"I'm sorry, son. And I hope one day you're truly able to forgive me." Gordon John Brandel said to himself as his cell door was closed behind him.

-x-x-x-

The first thing Deeks did after exiting the prison, was take a long look at the sky as he drew in a deep breath. Releasing it slowly, Deeks felt the tension leave his body for the first time in a long time. His shoulders slumping down and his posture no longer that of a man that needed to confront his darkest shadow.

Walking towards the parking area that surrounded the facility, Deeks was not surprised to see a familiar SUV and Challenger parked on faraway spots, five familiar faces standing not too far away from them. And now he understood why Kensi had been so adamant he took an Uber.

"If I had known we had a day off today, I would have gone surfing instead." Deeks quipped as he got close enough to be heard by his teammates.

"No day off, Deeks." Callen answered with a questioning smile, trying to judge how the conversation had gone.

"Free taco day at the prison, then?" Deeks said with a smile. "I thought that was on Thursdays." He continued to joke, humor always his default.

"We came to support you, brother." Sam replied simply, a hand moving to rest on Deeks' shoulder. The LAPD detective nodding in understanding and his eyes softening in appreciation.

"They will call if there's anything that requires our attention." Beale added as an explanation, as Nell moved to hug him quickly, before Kensi took her rightful spot at his side, fingers intertwined together and shoulders bumping against each other as they walked towards the cars.

"What now?" Deeks eventually inquired. "Where to? Did bad guys decided to take a break for my sake?" He rambled as he walked to the passenger side of Kensi's SUV. Nell and Eric getting on the back, and Sam and Callen moving towards the Challenger parked on the next spot.

"We will pick up, Roberta, then we have reservations." Callen responded.

"What are we drinking to?"

"To Life." Callen started, because regardless of everything they have all gone through in their law enforcement careers, somehow, they were all still breathing.

"To the dead." Sam said sadly, thinking of Michelle but glad he had managed to keep his promise to Kensi, having found Deeks before it was also too late. The words prompting Deeks to share an understanding look with the agent, as he also thought of Franc and all that had been lost because of his father.

"To you." Kensi added, kissing Deeks on the cheek and prompting the wonder twins to follow suit.

"To the future." Nell and Eric said in unison, thinking of all the amazing things the next years of their lives would offer.

"And the ghosts of the past." Deeks said finally, thinking for one last time back to his father, a small part of him wondering if he would ever see the man again, and all of him hoping that now he could finally step out from under his shadow.

-x-x-x-

 _I always promised I would get to the end of this story and this is it. Just an epilogue to come, which I have halfway written and will post sometime after Saturday when I turn in a class project that's trying to take away my sanity this week…_

 _*Title of this chapter comes from the song by The Rolling Stones. I like to create playlists for my stories, and this has been the soundtrack for Ghost since it started. I have known for a long time that the final chapter would be called "Sympathy for the Devil", I just needed to actually get here._


	29. Epilogue: Dear Martin,

_And now we have truly reached the end… Thank you if you're still here._

 _To everyone that reviewed at any point during this story, know that you made my day every time you shared your thoughts with me, and special thanks to all guest reviewers I could never thank personally._

* * *

 **Epilogue: Dear Martin,**

It had been ten months since Marty Deeks' life had been turned upside down by the return of his long, lost father, and about five months since he had been back full time at NCIS. With the help of his team and mother, he had managed to put all that had happened behind him, now fully healed physically and finally back to truly enjoying the water and surfing. The detective glad he hadn't allowed his father or the triplets to take that away from him.

Waking up one morning, he silently walked to the kitchen to finish spicing the turkey before setting it in the oven. In just a few hours, his teammates would be arriving to celebrate Thanksgiving at his and Kensi's house.

Finishing in the kitchen, he decided to go out to get the mail. He wasn't sure if it was supposed to come today, but it had been a few days since they had checked, having worked the past 36 hours straight because bad guys don't take holidays off and apparently Thanksgiving is prime time for weapons trafficking and other matters of national security. Exiting his house, he breathed in the autumn air as he walked down the steps of his front porch, the leaves having already begun turning color and a chill having set in the air.

Mail in hand, Deeks began walking back towards the house as he began checking their correspondence. Most letters being bills or ads were discarded to the side. Until his blood went cold and his heart seemingly stopped beating. An envelope from a federal prison in Florida making his breathe catch in his throat as he slowly recalled the last time he had received a mysterious envelope. Memories of Mexico, the triplets, being his father's prisoner, and all the psychological and physical pain they had inflicted on him then rushed into his mind, making him stumble. Deeks put a hand on the wall as he tried to steady himself, but his ground had shifted, and he promptly slid to the floor. _This couldn't be happening again_ , echoing over and over again in his frantic mind.

For a brief moment, Deeks thought of running. It was still early, and he could easily walk back inside, grab some clothes and his car keys and be at the border before Kensi ever realized he was gone. But then, his thoughts stayed on Kensi and how she was always the light to his darkness, willing to sacrifice some of her own naivety to make sure his dark past didn't obscure his future. So, taking a few minutes to regain his composure, he put the envelope in his pocket and lifted himself from the ground. Stumbling shakily into his house as his hands began to tremble.

By the time Kensi woke up, Deeks had already showered and dressed, and now sat quietly in their yard with his eyes closed. Walking from behind, Kensi wrapped him in a hug and kissed his blonde curls, frowning at his lack of response. But before she had a time to ask what was wrong, he turned around, a trace of tears still evident on his face.

"What happened?" Kensi asked lowly, her own panic starting just by his reaction. She knew Thanksgiving was usually a bad time for him, many memories of his painful past making it hard for her fiancé to be grateful of everything he had been forced to endure in life. But since they have met and gotten together, he had managed to find many new reasons to be thankful for and they usually had a good day, especially when they celebrated with their family.

Deeks stayed quiet, just moved his hand to his pocket, pulling out a white envelope that he handed to Kensi. When she read the letters on the front, her own blood went cold as she realized where it was coming from.

Letting the envelope fall to the ground, Kensi instantly moved to hug Deeks, saying no words, just letting her actions show that she was here, and he had her full support.

"What did it say?" Kensi eventually inquired, as she pulled Deeks down with her until they were both sitting on the grass, with Monty by their side. Their own little family together and ready to deal with whatever life was throwing at them now.

Drawing in a deep breath, Deeks closed his eyes before answering. "I don't know, haven't opened it yet… waiting for you."

At the words, Kensi's heart fluttered on her chest. Thinking back to the last year, how Deeks had reacted the first time he had received such an envelope, and his escapade to Mexico, Kensi felt the need to just kiss him soundly as a thank you. Because now he had decided to wait for her, and nothing would ever show more growth from this man she loved more than life itself. From a subject that he rarely talked about, to a painful past he was now willing to revisit and share with her.

"Then let's open it." She answered solemnly.

"You do it." Deeks said, grabbing the discarded envelope, and pushing it back into her hands.

Kensi did as requested and gasped audibly as she saw a picture tucked away behind the folded letter that topped the envelope's contents. She sadly remembered the last images Deeks had received and wanted nothing more than to shield him from any more pain. But knowing from experience the best way to escape the past wasn't necessarily by running from it, she took in a calming breath and passed the envelope's contents into Deeks' shaking hands. Her hand, then moved to stand supportively on his shoulder, the other secretly closing in a tight fist. Monty's head now rested on Deeks' lap, his fateful companion also noticing that his human needed support, thus, providing comfort in the only way he knew how.

Closing his eyes once again, Deeks lifted his head towards the sky, relishing the heat of the sun on his skin, a reminder that he was alive and would again survive whatever words were contained on the papers on his hand. Released his breath slowly, Deeks' eyes opened again as he began to read.

-x-x-x-

 _Hello son,_

 _Happy Thanksgiving! I hope that new family of yours is giving you better memories to remember this day by. I know I have some of my own. You probably don't quite remember, but we had some good ones together as a family before everything happened. You should ask your mother to tell you about your first one. Roberta was already back at work, and tired all the time, and I didn't want anything to go wrong in the kitchen, so we ended up having dinner at a diner along the beach and then walking there together as we watched the sun go down. There were a lot of surfers that day, maybe that's why you like it so much… I remember your eyes sparkling with the blue of the ocean and feeling the luckiest man in the world._

 _I still wish I had taught you how to surf, not sure if you ever learned, but I think you would have been good at it. I remember you wanted a skateboard for Christmas when you were 5, we finally got you a used one the following year, and you were so good at it. Uncanny balance for such a young one. Makes me wonder what you could have looked in the water._

 _Anyhow, I'm straying from what I wanted to say, not that I know this letter will ever reach you, but I just had to try. I'm in a federal prison in Florida, thank you. On the day of my transfer, I was told I was supposed to be headed to the Northeast, but some last-minute change had me ending down here. I asked who had requested the change, but the officer just said it was above his pay grade. I know it was you, son. I still don't know why you feel compelled to help me, God knows I never gave you a reason to, but thank you._

 _I'm sorry about everything that happened, I truly am. I should have never allowed those men to hurt you, and I'm sorry I was so clouded by hate that I sided with people like that. I know you must think that there's a lot more that I should be apologizing for but letting the triplets waterboard you is at the top of that list. I wish I could take that part of our story away, but I know there's no do overs and I already messed enough. I'm sorry for all the pain that I have caused you, Martin._

 _That day back in LA, when you came to see me in prison, you said you could still be a son, even if I had never been a father to you. But I was, for some years we were happy. I'm not trying to make excuses now, just saying that I remember those days, and I wish you would too. Ask your mother for some stories, times weren't always so bleak, and you deserve to also know about that._

 _Tell Roberta I'm sorry. For ever hurting her and making her a single mother. She did a great job raising you, son. And you're better than I could have ever made you. You both should be proud of yourselves._

 _Back in LA, you also said some of my darkness will ever be in you. Don't know what you meant, don't know if I even want to know or what you have already done. But never let it take over, Marty. Never hurt the people you love. Regardless of how dark life gets, don't lose control and please, don't change. I like to believe in second chances, but also on sons and daughters turning out better than their parents. And you, Martin, are my greatest accomplishment and I want you to be better and happier than me._

 _I hope one day you feel compelled to come out and visit me again, I would like for us to talk. I know I don't deserve to be your father, but maybe we can talk as just acquaintances. Or you can even see me as just another scumbag you arrested. Anything, son, if it will get you here someday…_

 _I would really like to see you and Roberta again,_

 _Gordon._

-x-x-x-

Silent tears streaked Deeks' face as he finished reading his father's words. His eyes once again closed as he focused on the warmth of the mid-morning sun. His heart beat steadily on his chest and he tried remembering the days his father had mentioned on the letter. But all memories of his father started when he had already turned into a violent man, and Deeks silently cursed himself at not remembering, feeling an inexplicable need to go back, if only at least mentally, to those happier times his father had spoken about.

Turning around to look at Kensi, he was surprised to see tears on her face as well, her eyes staring back at him with a silent question he didn't have an answer to. So instead, he folded the letter and tuck it back into his pocket, turning his attention now to the pictures.

The first one must have been the Thanksgiving Day his father had just mentioned as it showed the 3-person family standing in the beach with smiles on their faces and the crashing waves behind them. A group of surfers was visible at their backs and Deeks again tried to remember that day. Roberta was wearing a flowery dress and his father was dressed much like he liked to dress now on weekends when they had no cases. Board shorts, and a long-sleeve shirt, making Deeks silently wonder if his father could have possibly been a surfer at some point. Making a mental note to ask his mother next time he saw her, Deeks flipped the photograph and saw the day and time written in what was clearly his father's handwriting, _Thanksgiving, 1980._

The second photo showed what looked like a 3-year-old Deeks, blonde curls hidden under a Santa hat, his eyes shining as he held a Thomas Tank Engine Plush Toy on his small hand. Gift paper laid discarded at his side as the young boy only focused on the colorful toy. The picture again angering Deeks as he couldn't remember ever receiving that gift and wondering if that train could have started his desire for a real model train that wasn't Thomas. The date on this one read _Christmas Day, 1983_.

The final picture, showed a very pregnant Roberta lying in bed next to a Brandel with an outstretched hand that caressed her belly, making Deeks consider who had taken the picture. The room was simple and Deeks remembered it as his parent's bedroom in the first house he had lived in. Flipping this one around, Deeks found his father's handwriting again, but this time they carried more than a timely reminder, the words _best day ever_ shinning through in blue marker. This one making Deeks long for his _best day ever_ , while silently imagining what his and Kensi's kids would look like.

Standing up shakily, Deeks was surprised when a previously unseen photograph dropped to the floor. Picking it up he took in an audible breath as he clearly remembered the day. It was his 8-year-old birthday and he stood blowing out the candles on a chocolate cake, his mother and father each with a hand on his shoulder as they smiled lovingly at their son. Turning the photograph, the date read _January, 1987_. The date making Deeks realize this was the first of the pictures he actually remembered, having been taken just months before his father had turned into the man he knew now. Deeks then silently wondered what had changed in those few months to turn his father into a violent bastard.

"You okay?" Kensi asked eventually when all that could he heard were Deeks' barely contained sniffles, among the sounds of the wind and the chirping birds.

'Yeah." He answered with a sad smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. Then he grabbed all the contents of the envelope and walked to their bedroom, where he put them on his nightstand's drawer before walking back towards the kitchen to check on the turkey, not wanting to ruin Thanksgiving because his father had decided to make another reappearance.

Wanting to allow his fiancé the time he needed to process everything he had just seen, Kensi decided to follow suit, walking to the kitchen and grabbing a bunch of vegetables to cut so she could help him speed up the cooking.

The next few hours passed in a tense silence, Kensi not sure if she should have cancelled their gathering, thinking that Deeks maybe wasn't up for visitors. And Deeks focusing completely on his cooking.

He now stood proudly looking at the turkey he had just taken out of the oven and looking at the time out of the corner of his eye, wanting to have everything ready when their family arrived. Turning to look at Kensi, a smile spread across his face as he caught sight of her. His mind going back to his father words and to the pictures he had seen. His heart flustered at the thought of having that sort of happy family with Kensi, one that unlike theirs wouldn't be matted by any spark of violence or lies. Walking behind her, he grabbed her hand and turned her around to look at him, a soft kiss following the gesture as he moved one hand to caress her cheek.

"Better?" She asked simply. Smiling back when Deeks nodded. "Thank you." She added a few minutes later.

"For what?" Deeks questioned, a frown developing on his face.

"Not running." She answered and Deeks smirked knowingly. "Thank you, for not going to Canada this time."

They both laughed at the thought, both of them wanting to keep the moment light but both of them aware of the growth that this day had meant for their relationship. Soon they would be getting married and this day was the perfect reassurance that a wedding was the right next step in their journey.

Deeks and Kensi then spent the next hour in between snuggling in the couch and checking the kitchen to make sure their food didn't burn because of their other activities. Both of them running to get re-dressed when the bell rang for the first time. Then walking hand in hand to open the door for whoever member of their family had arrived first.

"Will you ever visit him?" Kensi asked quickly before opening the door.

"I don't know, Kens. Part of me is curious of what he wants to say, but I don't know." Deeks answered sincerely.

"I can go with you, if you ever want to." Kensi said. Thinking that Deeks would never get a chance to meet her father, but she could have the chance to meet his. Even thought she knew it would be hard for her to keep an open mind and forget everything Gordon Brandel had put them through the last year. But throughout her life, she had learned that the only way to keep themselves still human after everything the job forced on them was to avoid clinging to a need for revenge and keeping an open mind. So, if Deeks ever decided to visit his father, and invited her to come along, she would do just that.

"Thank you." Deeks said, punctuating the words with a quick peck at her lips. The possibility of the visit to his father not discarded, but the detective knowing the time for that decision wasn't now. Today he would just enjoy another holiday with his family, and relish the gift of being alive, and free to finally do whatever he wanted.

Opening the door, he smiled at the wonder twins, a big pie that made Kensi's eye sparkled on Eric's hand, and a bottle of wine on Nell's. "Happy Thanksgiving." They both said in unison, moving in to hug their teammates, thanking them for hosting this gathering.

"Happy Thanksgiving." Callen and Sam replied as they came in from the driveway, Kam and Aiden snickering behind them, making Kensi and Deeks smile because they knew what it meant for Sam that his kids had managed to make it home. Deeks also secretly thinking to the future, as his deep-rooted desire to be better than his father again made him yearned for his hypothetical kids. One day he would give them everything he didn't have, and he would do everything in his power to preserve their innocence until he couldn't hold anymore. After all, that was the only reason why he still did this job.

Moving to close the door, Deeks stopped as his mother's SUV parked in front of their house and was not surprised when not only Bertie, but Julia exited the car. After all, the two women had bonded after Kensi's injury a few years ago and they had found new common ground in the last year as they helped them plan their wedding.

Hugging Julia and directing her to where the other's waited, Deeks moved in to hug his mother tightly. His mind again going back to his father.

"Are you okay?" Roberta asked knowingly as her son stepped away, the inquisitive mother searching his face for any sign of turmoil, both knowing what Thanksgiving meant to their family.

"Yeah, mama. Happy Thanksgiving." Deeks said honestly, knowing they would need to talk at some other time, but not wanting another of this holiday to turn into a family disaster.

Shaking her head, Roberta just handed Deeks her signature salad as she made her way into the house. Sensing that something was off about Marty but just attributing whatever it was to the significance of this day.

One hand holding his mother's salad, and the other moving to close the door behind him, Deeks took a second to stop at the door and take notice of his family inside his and Kensi's house. Roberta was now hugging Kensi as both women chatted with Julia, Nell and Eric worked on their audio system trying to set up some music, Callen and Sam served drinks for everyone, and Aiden and Kam played with Monty. The past might not have always been kind to Marty Deeks, but he had somehow managed to survive everything that life at thrown at him, and now he smiled, feeling more grateful that he had ever felt in his life and looking forward to the future with anticipation…

 _The End._

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 _Thank you to everyone that has followed, favorited, reviewed, or just overall accompanied me through this journey, I hope you enjoyed it. I will never be able to put into words how much it has meant to me, just know that I will always be infinitely grateful. I never believed I could write, so I could never have done this without all your support and encouragement and I truly mean that._

 _Happy Thanksgiving to everyone that celebrates!_

 _Jess._


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